#redpost

You have no idea how ill he makes me. It's so dire, okay.

Sylvain isn't even his name. He's not sure how his clone got memories tangled up in one of his first few false identities, but it's not his name. It never has been, just like the hundreds of other fake names he's used over the years. His clone just mistakenly thought it to be his real name, and thus made it a name of his own. It's as real to Sylvain as it needs to be, so it doesn't matter to him if it is or not. RED Spy knows it's not real.

RED Spy doesn't let himself have a "true" name. Whatever name that child in France had all those years ago has been long since burned with the rest of his familial attachments. Having an identity is a childish need. He can be René, Louis, Raphael, or Jacques. It doesn't matter to him.

He's nameless, and often faceless. Even who his teammates think he is, is just another facade. 'Spy' is another false identity, a bitter and cruel man who enjoys killing, enjoys what he does to others. Laughs about it as he stabs them in the back.

When he takes off his mask and looks in the mirror he doesn't know who is he anymore, and he hates the face that looks back at him. He would never let himself be so vulnerable and needy like his clone. He would never let people hurt him like that. Why is he so jealous seeing his clone's relationships? The trust that he can't let himself have?

Spy hates the fact that he has a clone. That thing, running around with the face he despises so much, showing it to others. Sharing parts of his memories with others. Even... Being a better father than he let himself ever be.

Mob and reigan as hunter and blake from power rangers (drew by nika san for a discord moot of mine) thanks man :)

link to her blog

That time The Magicians dragged @buzzfeed​

Bonus:

ohhh rubs my hands together. so red engineer was the first merc I ever wrote a one shot for, before I had even developed my canon at all. Some parts of Repetitive Strain still hold up well and others... Not so well. I was imitating how I saw other people write Pyro and it came off as very childlike because I didn't understand their character at all, and I don't like that very much. Regardless, the main content of that one shot is still canon to my interpretation!

RED Engineer has a lot to live up to. He's the Dell Conagher after all. The Conagher family legacy is relying on him to be great. So as soon as there's a part of him with a weakness, and a part of his grandfather's legacy in his grasp, he takes it. Engineer cut his own hand off because he couldn't stand the idea of not being good enough.

Engineer doesn't talk to his father. His mother had been out of the picture since he was a kid. His grandfather, Radigan, raised him more than his own father did. His grandfather is dead now. So he put everything into his studies, his PHDs and...

Why doesn't he remember more about his family? Was he just that absorbed into his studies? Somehow he barely remembers enough about his grandfather, or even his years of studies. All the technical knowledge is still there but the actual memories of how he gained the knowledge are empty.

There's a whole gap in his knowledge of when he started working with Mann Co. to today. Was he just that overworked? It's not like there's anything wrong with him. He's not like those clones. He's a member of the RED team. None of them are clones or anything like that. He's Dell Conagher. Who else would he be?

Engineer is used to being on the sidelines. Even to his lab partner, his confidant, Medic. Medic scolded him gently and carefully took care of his injured arm after what Engineer had done to himself. Engineer thought that maybe... He could feel a certain way about the endearingly strange doctor. But Medic was never interested in him, and Medic's sudden romance with Heavy cemented that. They're still friends, of course they are. But Engineer can't help but feel a certain way about it.

Spy. RED Spy. He couldn't explain the man's sudden interest in him. He liked his attention. Engineer let the man seduce him with his charms. He wanted to feel loved.

Engineer's fling with Spy was like crashing into a wall. Spy's flirtation ended in one specific intimate night. When Engineer woke up that morning the man had left him alone. Spy didn't want to talk about it with him again. Spy didn't want to be anything near vulnerable, have that connection with him anymore once it went far enough. Spy did it because he was jealous of his counterpart, and ran away as he always did from everything.

Engineer couldn't help but feel used. Spy couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly guilty.