HEV MK.IV'S NUMBER ONE FAN

repeat after me. humans are not inherently evil humans are not like a virus on this earth humans do not “deserve” to go extinct or anything like that. we are living breathing animals that deserve space just like every other creature on this planet. there’s just a tiny amount of us that have a fuck ton of money and power and they really suck

ecofascist rhetoric getting popular again and i don’t like it one bit

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside

now, pecker means penis. and wood means boner. so of course you would make assumptions about the term woodpecker. but no. the bird

i think every publisher should have to institute a ban on books that fail what i’m calling the “little life” and “what else?” tests

i can hear through the screen when someone says “yall” because they absorbed it online and not because theyve ever said that shit irl

with enough meditation one can achieve a sufficiently attuned level of conciousness, where you may also learn to differentiate between the monoanglophones who just picked that up for unknown reasons, and the people who hate how most common vernacular english doesn't have a second-person plural, and would rather go with that one than go naked.

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

crazy to me that you always have to say "ethical non monogamy" instead of just "non monogamy" otherwise everyone thinks you're talking about cheating. from now on unless I hear people specify that they're ethically monogamous I'm going to assume they're against no fault divorce and think partners always have a right to go through each others' phones to check for flirty text messages.

You think robots can’t get pregnant? Well explain vending machines, you dumb ass.

I feel like a 3d printer is a better analogy because it actually builds the thing inside it but yeah

3d printers are viviparous, vending machines are hosts for parasitoid doctors pepper that oviposit their eggs inside them