#tf2post

This includes a lot of headcanons.

Note: He would actually not be canonically diagnosed with autism due to a lack of proper research during his time period, but in my fic canon I consider this to be true.

Also, this is true for RED Spy as well, but I'm chosing to talk about BLU Spy specifically because well, he's my favorite. But yes, as a clone of course it applies the other way.

You have no idea how ill he makes me. It's so dire, okay.

Sylvain isn't even his name. He's not sure how his clone got memories tangled up in one of his first few false identities, but it's not his name. It never has been, just like the hundreds of other fake names he's used over the years. His clone just mistakenly thought it to be his real name, and thus made it a name of his own. It's as real to Sylvain as it needs to be, so it doesn't matter to him if it is or not. RED Spy knows it's not real.

RED Spy doesn't let himself have a "true" name. Whatever name that child in France had all those years ago has been long since burned with the rest of his familial attachments. Having an identity is a childish need. He can be René, Louis, Raphael, or Jacques. It doesn't matter to him.

He's nameless, and often faceless. Even who his teammates think he is, is just another facade. 'Spy' is another false identity, a bitter and cruel man who enjoys killing, enjoys what he does to others. Laughs about it as he stabs them in the back.

When he takes off his mask and looks in the mirror he doesn't know who is he anymore, and he hates the face that looks back at him. He would never let himself be so vulnerable and needy like his clone. He would never let people hurt him like that. Why is he so jealous seeing his clone's relationships? The trust that he can't let himself have?

Spy hates the fact that he has a clone. That thing, running around with the face he despises so much, showing it to others. Sharing parts of his memories with others. Even... Being a better father than he let himself ever be.

I'm requesting this one myself hehe. Warning ahead for gore/blood mentions.

ooohhh so I've actually rambled about this before to someone on discord a little bit but i never got to make a post about it so I'm glad you asked!

BLU Team - Thoughts on their counterparts:

Scout: Scout is jealous. Incredibly jealous of RED Scout. Knowing that he's a clone, and that RED Scout will get to go home and see his family again, or talk to them on the phone and send them letters makes him so mad. Scout has such fond memories of his ma and brothers. But at the end of the day, Scout isn't Jeremy. RED Scout is. It's not fair. Everytime he sees that guy on the field he wants to cave his head in with his bat.

Soldier: An almost friendly rivalry! Soldier respects the RED Soldier for his combat and bravery. They regularly blow each other up and there are no hard feelings about it! War is war! In fact it's a little fun to have an enemy that's just like you. Soldier feels weird about being a clone, but he feels no animosity towards his counterpart for it.

Pyro: You're just like me, and I'm just like you. Pyro feels a strange connection with their counterpart. Knowing that they both share the same face, the same burn scars, it's strange. Nobody else knows what they look like but them. They're fascinated by the other, but they're enemies. They're not supposed to talk to each other.

Demo: Demo feels... bad for his counterpart. Almost a sense of pity. He understands what it's like to feel that guilt about his past, the crushing weight of family expectations. It's what led him to drink as much as he does. Demo feels a sense of freedom in knowing now that he's a clone but his counterpart? He doesn't get that freedom.

Heavy: Heavy is angry and bitter. What gives RED Heavy more right to be the real Mikhail than him? He remembers- to him, he was there. He fled with his family out of the hands of their oppressors back in Russia... At least... It feels like he did. Heavy just wants to see his family again, to know they're alright. But they aren't his. They aren't supposed to be.

Engineer: Engineer can't help but think the RED Engineer must be some sick son of a bitch. Spy had told him about how the RED Engineer sat by and helped the RED Medic with his experiments. He wouldn't trust him even if his life depended on it. His counterpart is loud, reckless, rude even. Engineer thinks he's more deserving of the name Dell Conagher than his counterpart ever was. Engineer tells himself he could never do something like that to someone like the RED team did to Spy. Not even to an enemy. Right?

Medic: She's fascinated by his work, but he disgusts her. She could NEVER let herself be like the RED Medic. Medic always finds herself in his shadow, unable to keep up with his accomplishments. The medigun, the übercharge... They're all things that are just an imitation of her counterpart's creations.

Is she unable to keep up with him because of her inability to do the things he does? Is she weaker, or does she just have a heart? Seeing the effects of the experiments done on Spy, she could never let herself hurt someone like that for her own gain. She still has that burning need for knowledge, to experiment. At least Medic has one always willing test subject to use, herself.

Sniper: Sniper doesn't know him at all. The RED Sniper is foreign to him. Sniper knows his name, Mick Mundy. He's from Australia. He wears a hat and sunglasses just like him, he lives in a van just like him, he even knows how to shoot and kill with a rifle. The rest? He's not sure. Sniper doesn't remember the rest. Mick might look like him, but Sniper isn't Mick. Sniper doesn't remember being Mick.

Sometimes Sniper stands at a broken payphone outside the base, knowing it holds some significance to him. But he doesn't even know who to call. Eventually, he might remember. Maybe if he holds the phone to his ear he might hear something. Maybe someday he could ask Mick himself. But he can't bring himself to. Not now.

It's long, slow pain that hurts them the most. If you want them to truly suffer, you have to draw it out. Slowly, painfully, not letting anything stop it.

It's why Spy was so badly hurt by what happened to him. The slow, agonizing pain of the machine keeping him alive tearing apart his nervous system, attached to his severed head, the severed remains of his neck. The release of death, so painfully denied despite his pleas for it. Truly, it was worse than dying, because for so long it never stopped.