#rantcore

So I’ve been debating for a while whether I should write this post about the BTS poly agenda and my thoughts on some baby Armies—SOME, calm down—not the cute ones who cry over Bangtan’s laughter. I’ve had this convo with my friends too many times, and since a few of y’all showed some interest in my unhinged opinion, here I am. I will be sending a bill after this post. PayPal info will be attached. 😌💸

Now listen. I know this whole “BTS are in a poly relationship” nonsense has been floating around for a while—like an expired balloon nobody asked for—but just like every other delulu thing, it got extra legs, a jetpack, and a Red Bull in recent years.

And OF COURSE, people always bring this mess up especially when it comes to Jikook. And we both know why. We ALL know why. Let’s not lie.

Now I’m not gonna sit here pretending I live in a cave. I know poly relationships exist. I know open relationships, queerplatonic partnerships, roommate soulmate situations—all that exists. And if that’s your thing? Cool. Live your truth. But don’t hand me a pamphlet claiming that 7 fully grown, emotionally complex men all have the exact same level of bond with each other. No. That’s ✨math that doesn’t math✨.

Ever heard “there’s always a duo in a trio”? Yup. There’s also always a bestie in a group chat. Someone you accidentally FaceTime at 2am. Someone you tell more secrets to. Someone who knows which meme will make you ugly laugh. That’s real life. So don’t come at me acting like BTS are just in a never-ending 7-way romantic circle when they can’t even group chat in peace without Yoongi disappearing and Jin sending blurry screenshots of alpacas.

I’m Jikook biased. Obviously. So if you ask ME, I’ll tell you straight-up that Jimin and Jungkook have the closest bond in the group. Not even putting on the tinfoil hat for that—this is just from using my two eyes and two ears and the one braincell that survived 2020. The members have told us. The staff have told us. The footage tells us. The atmosphere tells us. The magnetic field around them shifts when they breathe near each other.

But okay, let’s pretend I’m “neutral” for a second. Even then—you CANNOT tell me that Taejoon is the same as Namgi. That Minimoni is the same as 2Seok. That Hopeminkook gives the same energy as Jinjikook. Please be serious. You sound like an Instagram astrology reel.

Do you treat every single one of your friends exactly the same? You tell all of them the same secrets? Share the same inside jokes? Have the same connection? LIES. I see you. I see your best friend ranking list in your Notes app. You’re not slick.

So why do some ARMYs insist on flattening BTS’s relationships to some weird polyfication of emotional intimacy, as if they’re Sims on free will mode? No babes. They’re close. But they’re not a Google Doc that seven people are editing at once.

Also, can we talk about the logic here? Taehyung’s friendship with the Wooga Squad is WELL documented, right? He’s close with them. Deep bond. Does that mean he's in a poly relationship with Peakboy, Hyungshik, and the gang now too? No? Oh so now y’all go blind, deaf, and mute? Interesting.

Now onto the baby Armies. Again: some. Not all. I love baby Armies. Some of you are adorable little confused ducklings and I want to protect you. I saw someone ask on Twitter “have BTS always been this chaotic on live?” and it was honestly so sweet. Like, welcome. Here’s your starter pack. Get ready to cry over group hugs from 2015.

But some of y’all… OH. Some of y’all graduated from Tk University with honors and a minor in selective blindness.

You remember that Sophia? Sophie, whatever girl on Twitter? Homegirl watched a full OT7 live and came out of it with the revolutionary discovery that JK was touching Tae the whole time. That’s all she got. The whole group could’ve turned into Care Bears and formed a heart circle and she still would’ve been like “wait… was that a Tk wink?” People (rightfully) called her out for ignoring the existence of the other five members and what does she do? Cries. “Oh no people are being so mean to an innocent baby Army.”

BABY? She was born 5 business days ago and is already spewing delulu sh*t with the confidence of a 2018 stan war general. Innocent where? She’s writing fanfiction in her Twitter drafts and acting brand new.

And then there are the “loud and wrong” baby Armies. I saw one tweet saying that JK isn’t part of the “chronically offline” line because “he’s always been active.” Huh??? That’s because you showed up when he was lonely and waiting for his solo to drop, going live like a sleepy golden retriever who missed his pack. You don’t know the history. You don’t know the droughts. You didn’t live through Bon Voyage silence. Respect your elders.

And honestly, it’s okay to be new. You don’t have to know everything. But don’t walk into the fandom acting like a senior professor when you’ve only seen 3 TikToks and a Tk edit from TKlive channel on YouTube. Try watching actual BTS content first. Try watching Run BTS. Try Bon Voyage. In The Soop. Bangtan Bombs. Try that one awkward-ass 2013 interview where they looked like unpaid interns.

Learn about all 7 members. Not just the two that looked hot in your first fan edit. You might even end up with a bias that surprises you. But PLEASE, for the love of Namjoon’s patience, form your own opinions—not one made of recycled Twitter delusions and Tumblr tag wars from 2019.

Because if you don’t, you're just gonna end up being one of those baby ARMYs who graduate into solos, antis, and chaos goblins that make the fandom insufferable.

Whew. That was a lot of yappa yappa. But I had to say it. I feel cleansed.

So here’s the deal...

If you like horror, cosmic dread, themes of obsession, myth, or just hot mess characters fighting for their lives.

Then you’ll probably like my writing.

👉 Eldritch-Lorekeeper

You get early access to my stories + weird poems + writer brainrot.

You ever ask yourself, “Hey, whatever happened to THX?” Remember that? That giant earth-shaking sound logo that hit you like God clearing his throat? THX — the seal of approval from Lucasfilm telling you this theatre wasn’t screwing around.

If you saw that three-letter badge, you knew the projectionist was basically a Jedi Knight with a light meter.

Where’d all that go?

Why don’t you see THX anymore?

I’ll tell you exactly what happened:

Pulled pork on a brioche happened. 🍔✨

Cineplex looked at THX — the ultimate standard in image geometry, black levels, acoustics — and said:

“Eh… can it be served with fries?”

Because THX was about presentation.

It was about the MOVIE.

It was about making sure Darth Vader didn’t look like he was walking through a foggy basement because the bulb was half-dead.

And Cineplex VIP comes along like:

“Sir, welcome to your premium experience, would you like a $19 cocktail and a pork sandwich?”

Meanwhile the projector is so dim you could stare straight into it like it’s a Christmas ornament.

Black levels? Grey.

Not even subtle.

Just… grey.

Like wet cement. 🌫️

That’s the whole Garth Drabinsky concession-first philosophy becoming sentient.

In the ’80s, he starts pushing the idea that the money is in the food, not the film.

And over 40 years, that idea mutates like a virus into VIP — a restaurant disguised as a movie theatre, using a projector that couldn’t pass a TAP alignment test if you bribed it.

THX died the moment Cineplex realized pulled pork had a higher profit margin than proper foot-lamberts.

And now whenever a director tries to make cinema about presentation again, Cineplex folds like a cheap lawn chair.

Just look at the Oppenheimer debacle:

70mm screenings out of focus, canceled shows, people being kicked out of auditoriums — Cineplex scrambling to fix a projector like they’re googling “how to align 70mm” five minutes before showtime.

But hey! At least you got your brioche bun.

So yeah — THAT’S what happened to THX.

It didn’t fade away.

It didn’t become obsolete.

It got run over by a server carrying flatbread pizza during a dramatic silence.🍕🤦‍♂️

The legacy of premium cinema presentation didn’t die naturally.

It was smothered under a mountain of VIP menus.

And you know what the Oscars should do at this point?

Since Cineplex VIP has basically turned movies into background noise for chewing, the Academy might as well introduce a brand-new category:

🎬 Best Picture (to Eat a Pulled Pork Sandwich To) 🍔✨

Or:

Best Movie That Doesn’t Require You to Look at the Screen

Because THAT’S where we are.

THX used to be the standard.

Now the standard is: