#rant maybe

Oh no, but what about Hayt??

Movie fans don’t even know he exists yet, so yeah, I get why they elevate Paul and Alia’s relationship (or fine, maybe they just like their dynamic).

And this hyperfixation on the idea that Paul and Alia are spiritual twins, that sometimes he can be her and she can be him and it honestly makes me think people are just fantasizing and haven’t read the books. Because, uh, by that logic you could say the same about Alia and Jessica? Alia sometimes perceived Paul not as her brother but as her son, and her father as her husband.

Spiritual twins? It feels like movie fans are literally merging Paul and Alia into one being. For me, as a reader, they are two separate characters with their own roles in the story, even if they’re closely bound. Alia didn’t always agree with her brother’s decisions. She got angry. She argued with him. So where does this idea of her mad devotion even come from??

almost every time i write a rant or vent post, i never post it. i want to, and then i don't.

it's not a problem about self-acceptance, but i suppose i get afraid. afraid of potential backlash and the like.

not that it's like i'm not aware that this is the Internet and visible to the world, but… sometimes i feel like nowhere is safe. i can pretend that partial anonymity makes me safe, but that's hardly true anymore too.

i'm only wondering one thing. is it bad that i feel so excluded, even from online spaces? because, when it comes to your 18+ system resources or your Black-only posts, where do i, a minor and a non-Black POC system fit in?

i don't agree with what i saw was said. i don't agree with the idea that showing solidarity with a post concerning Black culture and oppressive views is erasure, all because the person expressing the “you aren't alone; in my culture they do the same thing.” sentiment is non-Black. i also don't agree with the sentiment that Black people are necessarily “the bottom rung”, because that viewpoint shifts between societies; the Internet is a means of connecting people from across the globe, and so in my experience i find Black people to be well-respected members of society and sinophobia to be the most prevalent – and it is just that. it is just my experience. but to suggest that one race is unequivocally “the bottom rung”; that you should necessarily be exclusive about your own experiences; that the “i get it” mentality is inherently harmful… that doesn't sit right with me.

as much as Black people are mistreated, being oppressed is not exclusive to being Black. as much as Black culture is erased, cultural erasure is not exclusive to being Black. same goes for the lack of representation, or for the unforgiving nature of POC communities in the real world, where mental health can be seen as taboo. as much as i agree with the sentiment of sitting with and discussing the inherent differences between race, i also think that we need to gatekeep discussions of culture and race less. the feeling of inclusion is great, don't get me wrong, but being excluded time and time again as a minority of a minority feels incredibly painful.

to the system in question (if they ever see this, but may this never reach their eyes, because i'm clearly deeping it more than was ever intended): what you said left a bad taste in my mouth. no matter how respectful you were trying to be, non-Black being supportive shouldn't “come across” as erasure. feeling seen and saying “i get it” to a post that doesn't 100% apply to them isn't necessarily erasure. of course, there are certainly ways to unintentionally erase the Blackness from your work by refusing to acknowledge it, but a short “i get it” or “i face the same struggles” comment doesn't quite do that (imho). while your feelings about Black erasure are dependent on you being Black, relating to it or feeling seen by recognising an equivalent sentiment is not. life is full of shades of grey, and though i will still continue to follow your work, i won't ever think about leaving a comment ever again. i had briefly thought about it, before deciding i felt too shy to do so, and now i find myself glad that i hadn't. reading that addendum in the tags made me feel unwelcome. as a non-Black, non-White POC system, we feel unwelcome. i do not know which country you hail from, but it is my experience that American discussions of race have almost always exclusively been about Black people and White people, and i find myself thinking about all of the other races in the world who are never included in those discussions. that is where, i suspect, this Black-exclusive sentiment stems from. this feeling is valid within its own right, but i disagree with the indiscriminate application of this Black exclusivity as a lens to view all non-Black supportive comments through. we don't have to be Black to “get it”. we don't have to be Black to relate to your feelings. hot take, but even non-POC can “get it”, because discrimination itself is a common occurrence that can be based on characteristics other than race itself.

what i'm trying to say is that non-Black people can conceptually understand, sympathise and empathise with the Black experience of oppression without being Black, because those feelings and that oppression are not exclusive to being Black. rather, that oppression and lack of recognition within a community is simply part of the human condition: these feelings are not exclusive to your race, so while i would not personally treat them as such, that choice is up to you.

is it bad or wrong to feel this way? i hope it isn't. i just wish there were more spaces for me, but there probably won't be. if anything, the fate of social media access is looking more precarious by the day, and governments around the globe are looking to ban social media for all under-18s, but that's besides the point. my point is that we divide things into groups when they should have never been divided in the first place. but who am i kidding? since when did nuance matter? since when did the viewpoint of a non-Black person on (apparently) Black-exclusive matters, matter? since never, probably. that's why i decided a vague vent was fitting. that's why i decided against leaving a comment or message. discussions of race are polarising and contentious, after all.

to anyone who sees this, i hope you have a nice rest of your day/night. it is quarter past 5 in the morning for me, i have been up since half 2 and i have school in the morning. i ought to sleep at least one more hour…

i might post my original rant. i also might not. (edit 21/06/26: yeahh… probably not.) i'm sure it matters very little in the grand scheme of things. if i end up posting it, i'll leave a little note at the top, just so nobody's confused. as long as i can exist in relative peace, i am happy.