#rambling.

scawy

Whereas women can affirm their gender socially with other women through having non-sexual male idols, the Bill Nye Girls, Jerma women, the Matt Mercer/Brennan women. Women will bond with other women over shared identity in male idolship. Men do not show the same deference. You don't see men bonding over "wanting to meet Aabria Iyengar" because it isn't an identity aspect for them. It doesn't socially pack bond them to other men in their niche.

And this is why women who are as good or better than men in their niche will never reach the same levels of ubiquity or popularity. Men do not masculinely identify through having women idols.

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Caveat to this, Gay men do socially bond with other gay men over women pop divas. It's a common-idol identity. Bonding over women idols affirms a shared gay identity.

This in mind, what does this say about men in nerd spaces?

imagine if we had articles coming out that said "human contact has potential to cause great harm, you need to be careful and limit your access to it for your mental health!" because people were lumping together "hanging out with your friends" with "getting telemarketer spam calls" and "going to war" and "getting bullied in class". what. someone being on the phone all day with their friend because they can't meet irl is so different from scrolling through memes or reading the news or drawing or playing video games. you really Can do anything on these things

Anyway. first of all

good lord they allowed her to be so gentle and caring. from what ive been told by friends and people that play/have her, the story of her is that shes purified the universe itself, reducing it back to the very beginning of it all. ESSENTIALLY she herself is the big bang set to create the universe.

the crystals are a physical manifestation of her own purified memories and hold such memories of the people she loves and cares about. shit really hits for me cause obviously if shes purified everything to Nothing, no moon, no capital, no chang'e, nothing to get Pissed at. but then like

puttin this in there makes me feel, goes on with the whole angle that she Enjoys what shes doing in a twisted kinda way. like the revenge thing is a really important part of who she is, its allowed her to meet people that are now incredibly dear to her in the form of heca and piece. it isnt ALL downsides..

LIKE these two are so important to her she is willing to go through so much insane shit just to see them again.

Theres also these. a heavy emphasis on This idea. part of it almost feels like a purposeful delusion upon herself just to cope with what shes lost. i wouldnt say that from these lines of dialogue alone but This next one.

like she knows when to cut it and be realistic. you arent bo feng. you arent one of her own, she lost that so long ago and it is not coming back. but she has to continue to live on and come to terms with it still. she is hurting as fuck and it is just. UUUGHHH FUCK MAN. not to mention, i cant really put is in here but towards the end of her intro monologue, when she called you her child. theres like some real strain in her voice she is Fr Hurting.