#pux

Dameron lands his X-Wing by the Great Tree, planted in his front yard from a fragment of an Uneti Tree his mother had helped recover, alongside Luke Skywalker himself. He used to tend to the branches and keep the force tree strong - after one time he accidentally crashed a speeder on it. Kes isn’t making as good a job on that, though.

Poe tries to visit as much as possible, but it’s war time and he’s doing his duty - how his family had before him - so it’s been quite some time since he last saw his father.

Kes is waiting for him by the threshold with a smile. Poe mimics his dad’s expression and they hug for several minutes before releasing one another.

The younger Dameron gazes back at the hangar and his father knows the reason for the visit. 

“Go on. I’ll entertain BB-8.” Kes knows his son far too well. He can see Poe’s troubled face a mile away and sometimes only Shara can help.

Poe nods as his astromech, who rolls inside the house beeping rapidly after Kes. His father knows BB-8 likes to listen about stories of Poe as a youngling.

He opens the hangar door with strength, it has a lot of resistance to it. There’s rust on the edges so he makes mental note to fix that before leaving. 

Poe’s old speeder bike is parked next to Kes’ landspeeder and, in the center, lies Shara’s RZ-1 A-Wing. It has been grounded since long before her death, but while she still flew, her son was right along with her, learning as much as he could, but mostly admiring the stars.

The strongest memories he has of her are inside that fighter, so, since she passed away, Poe uses it as a way to connect with her.

He’s not force sensitive but believes fully in the force and is certain his mother is a part of it now. 

In the most important moments of his life, Poe feels Shara with him, as if she’s blessing his path - like when he graduated the academy with flying colors or joined the Resistance to fight the First Order when the New Republic refused to.

Poe’s hoping to get her help on what could be the biggest decision of his life so far. Until now, he has always been sure of himself, whatever path he walked. This time he has doubts.  

He brushes his fingers over the cannons and feels the wrinkles on the durasteel from all the repairs. His eyes glance at the scorch marks from all the years of service. 

Only after paying it’s due respect does he enter and takes a sit on the pilot’s chair, his finger running over the dashboard, remembering everything he learned in that A-Wing. A grin curls his lips as simultaneously a single hot tear runs down his cheek.

“Hey, mom!” Poe’s not expecting an answer - he never does - but he believes it’s polite to talk as if she could, like she’s right there, next to him.

He starts the conversation by updating her on the war, his droid’s mischievous adventures and sharing a new flying trick he successfully delivered in battle. 

“But you probably know I’m not here for small talk.” Poe imagines her listening to him all that time, just patiently waiting for him to get to the point.

“I want to talk about Hugs... I mean, Armitage.” He leans back on the chair and instinctively reaches for his chain, closing his eyes so he can pretend Shara is just at arms reach.

“I didn’t mean to, but I kept a small piece of information regarding him.... He’s not JUST my boyfriend whom I brag about being incredibly foxy.” Poe chuckles, lightening up the mood before the conversation takes a serious tone. “He’s First Order, a General to be exact.”

Poe breathes in, wondering how Shara would react if he could see her, certain that it would be better than Kes did when he found out.

“I swear I’m not with him for shallow reasons, such as the thrill of sleeping with the enemy. My feelings for him are real.” Poe knows for sure after Finn. He thought that maybe developing a crush on the ex-trooper would help him get over the General, but all it did was make him want Hux even more. 

“Hugs...” He laughs at how silly that must sound to her. “That’s just a nickname I use to tease him. His actual last name is Hux, but between you and me, Hugs suits him better.” 

“Anyways, as I was saying. He’s not in the Order because he’s an Empire fanatic or a bad man. He’s with them by circumstance.” Hux might have done unspeakable things but most of the time he didn’t want to and only Poe knows how he feels remorse about it, even if he has to deny it in order to remain safe in his working environment.

Poe explains to his mother about Brendol Hux having him outside his marriage with a “kitchen woman” and how he killed Armitage’s mother and took him away from his home world. 

“He was raised in a dreadnaught in the unknown regions, suffering even more abuse than while at Arkanis. At least then his mother protected him.” Poe holds back tears, speaking about it brings him pain. 

“Hux grew up with a father who hated him, surrounded by people manipulating him to fit their regime. It was kill or be killed.” He sighs. “He was born Armitage and was shaped into General Hux. I see Armitage where everyone else only sees Hux.”

Poe opens his eyes again - a blind hope that somehow his mother might be standing in front of him. “Now that you know everything, I can tell you why I’m really here.” He removes the chain from around his neck and holds the wedding ring on his palm. “Dad trusted me with this. To give it to the person I choose to spend my life with.” 

The little boy in Poe used to dream about the perfect man he would marry, childish, but it brought him comfort many nights he missed his mother. To know that someday someone he loves deeply would wear her ring.

“I choose Armitage Hux.” He lets silence take over the tight little fighter that’s more like an armed cockpit for a few seconds. 

“I know dad will hate me, kriff, the whole galaxy will. But there’s no other man for me, mom.” Poe almost sobs, he could really use a hug right now. He still remembers the warm feeling of Shara’s arms around him. His father also has an incredibly tender embrace and Poe will certainly take advantage of it later. 

He’s not even sure Hux will accept his proposal. They’ve had countless discussions about switching sides or running away, ran through endless possibilities but never one they are willing to follow. 

“I don’t know what the future holds for us. I do know that if we keep going like this, the only future for us is death and I won’t accept that.” There’s simply no future without Armitage Hux.

“Should I risk losing him for the possibility of keeping him?” Poe will be the happiest man alive if Hux says yes. He smiles at the prospect.

“Thing is... I can’t propose if that would disappoint you.” He wouldn’t be able to give Shara’s ring to someone she doesn’t deem worthy.

“I need some kind of sign if this is the right choice.” Poe never asked for it before, but right now he’s begging. If the force really does exist, this is the moment he needs its help the most. All those years tending to the force tree must have earned him this one favor.

He waits, for what feels like forever, but it’s just a really long moment. Nothing, no sound, movement, not even a feeling. He usually senses his mother’s presence - right now, nothing. 

Poe sighs in defeat, getting up to leave the ship when, out of nowhere, it hums to life and the dashboard blinks on and off for a brief moment.