#psi vampire

Vampirism Story

Hello, my name on this account is Fang! I'm a 29 years old, intersex, androgyne vampire who's been in VC since I was 12. I don't identify as trans but I'm legally trans. I have always shown an interest in vampires, the supernatural in general, and the occult. My awakening happened when I was 10, I remember it well. Something in my brain lit up like a flame and told me I'm a vampire. I became nocturnal, developed photophobia, started drinking blood and eating raw meat, sleeping during the day, and sleeping with my entire body covered to simulate being in a coffin.

In middle school I befriended people like me, and we would drink blood from each other in between classes and during recess. In 6th grade I discovered vampire forums and made an account on Vampire Rave and Vampire Freaks, remember those forums? Do people still use Vampire Rave? I know the Vampire Freaks forum isn't around anymore.

I became interested in other alternative subculture when I was around this age, started dressing in goth, punk, and emo fashion depending on the day. I really got interested in emo music around this time period too, my mom got me into that genre actually when I was 10 lol. I also became really interested in neopagan religions and tried learning about Wicca. Me and a few other friends started a Wiccan coven in 7th grade, and we'd perform rituals together in between classes as well. I also developed a taste for human flesh in 7th grade.

In high school I started to lose interest in Wicca the more I learned about it, becoming more and more convinced it was just started as a misogynistic sex cult. It was around this time I started learning about Kemeticism, and I really really enjoyed learning about it, I still do. I've felt a calling towards Ancient Egypt religion since around age 11, from TV shows and learning about it in school. I'm from a desert as well, just one in North America. I also briefly tried Nichiren Buddhism (SGI) in my late teens while in high school. I didn't stick with it because I couldn't learn how to chant properly and felt like what I was being taught didn't make sense with Buddhism that I knew about. I still have sympathies to Nichiren Buddhism, and have interest in learning how to chant properly.

In my late teens I became more serious about the occult after befriending an insane man on the internet (now a Nazi) that introduced me to Sarah Wreck on Facebook. Her comics were so funny and taught me new stuff, and her private Facebook account taught me more. She also had a Tumblr account that I followed that I would use to message her anonymously things I was too shy to tell her on Facebook. The pamphlets she uploaded online were very helpful, and her suicide pamphlet in particularly saved my life when I was 20. I really miss her, but I don't blame her from disappearing from the internet. There were a lot of creeps from the internet who were stalking her irl and saying gross stuff in her Facebook comments. I also miss her music, she made really interesting noise!

In my early 20s I went through a breakup that just kinda wrecked my mind. I don't wanna go into the details too much, but I wasn't the most pleasant person back then. The relationship wasn't good for either of us, and the breakup was traumatic because I went from talking to someone 12 hours a day to not talking to her at all. This event went very poorly, I self harmed to the extent that my body is distinct in ways that make it hard to hide my identity online. This also made me become completely repulsed with the smell and taste of blood, and I became disgusted with the idea of ever drinking blood again.

Because of this and stuff I was reading that Sarah Wreck posted, I became more and more interested in empaths as a concept. The way she described being an empath spoke to me, she made it sound more like a disability than a superpower. That the thoughts, intentions, emotions of people who wanted to hurt her gave her PTSD, essentially. I've realized that I'm an empathic vampire, I mainly get energy from others emotions. I feel a bit different than other psychic vampires, because I enjoy sucking the "negative" emotions of others. I am 4w5, I love to feel all emotions, but intense, deep emotions are my favorite. I feel like the most extroverted introvert I know, being around others always makes me feel so much better.

Other Info!

Other information about me is that I'm intersex from CAH 3β-HSD and some form of mosaicism. I identify with a myriad of gender identities but the easiest way to describe it is that I'm an androgynous agender vampire clown, lol. I wouldn't call myself trans or cis, I hesitantly would call myself nonbinary and genderqueer. I like to be silly, I like to make jokes, I like to troll and ragebait people on Facebook. I've been told I have a very 4chan personality, despite never really using the website. I'm bi and gray-ace, too, and I'm in a relationship with someone who's also disabled and probably nonbinary in some way and we live together with two cats in low income disability housing.

I'm disabled mentally and physically in many ways, and I use mobility aids everyday. My main mental health diagnoses are autism, ADHD, schizoaffective disorder, X-linked intellectual disability, OSDD-1a, C-PTSD, BPD, ASPD, OCD, and GAD. I have mainly physical disabilities but the main diagnoses I have cEDS, grade 3 gastroparesis, PSVT, chronic migraines, and chronic muscle spasms. My spine and hips are trashed in multiple ways and I'm in pain everyday. My partner and my mother are both my caregivers in different ways. I am also an age dreamer (not age regressor) and have a lot of hobbies and interests. I'm anti psych and critical of the medical industry in general from mistreatment.

My favorite music genres are Midwest emo, metalcore, deathcore, post punk, new wave, shoegaze, dream pop, chamber pop, psychedelic pop, Christmas music, jazz, swing, big band, rockabilly, traditional country, freak folk, happy hardcore, mashcore, dancecore, breakcore, and gabber. My favorite video games are The Sims, Doki Doki Literature Club!, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon, Fallout, The Elder Scrolls, Zero Escape, Dead or Alive, Pokémon, Yume Nikki, and .flow.

You are invited to share the link to this survey between your friends within the community. We are looking for responses from all corners of the Online Vampire Community

Our purpose: Self-identified vampires, that is, people who choose to identify themselves as a vampire or as possessing vampiric traits, often come from vastly different philosophical and ideological backgrounds. This survey asks for historical accounts from individuals who identify as vampires (or vampire-adjacent, i.e. medsangs, vampirekin, etc.) which pertain to both their identity and social development. Responses, while anonymous, will assist us in finding trends in social history and identity narrative development that may exist between identity types, or further serve to individuate them.

This survey will take approximately 10-20 minutes to complete. Responses cannot be saved to come back to later, so please set aside appropriate time for yourself to complete the survey. Please provide as much or as little information as you are comfortable.

NOTE: SIGNING INTO A GOOGLE ACCOUNT IS REQUIRED TO PREVENT APPLICANTS FROM FILLING OUT THE SURVEY MULTIPLE TIMES. NO ACCOUNT DATA IS STORED OR RECORDED BY THE RESEARCHERS INVOLVED.

TAKE THE SURVEY

Interview with Researcher Luna Luv

BRS: What motivated you to conduct a survey?

Luna Luv: I’ve always had a lot of interest in why people do what they do, vamps included. I don’t think there’s ever going to be a concise answer to that question, but I do think that there are ways of getting a little bit closer to that understanding in some cases. Extending from that, I thought that this research area might be very valuable, especially since psychological perspectives have generally been considered distasteful within the community — and definitely not for no reason. Most articles in psych journals mentioning “real vampires” are often sensationalist or align us all with sexual deviancy and/or pica, which in my opinion displays a fundamental misunderstanding or perhaps disinterest in our psychology. I thought a survey like this would be a way of showing the community that a psychological approach isn’t intrinsically invalidating, and can actually serve to provide us with meaningful insight into what makes us align with the archetype “vampire.” I figured a survey would be a good way of obtaining some qualitative and quasi-quantitative data on the topic.

BRS: How have the responses been so far?

Luna Luv: I’ve really been surprised by how much interest this has gotten. The survey has only been out for around 3 months and we already have close to 60 responses. I definitely see us being able to hit our goal of 100 by the 1-year mark, and hopefully if this keeps up we’ll be able to greatly surpass it. I’m really humbled by how many people have reached out to me and expressed the potential value they see in the study, and I’m so excited to share what we find with the community.

BRS: Can you tell us about your background?

Luna Luv: I’ve got a Master’s degree in mental health counseling and am currently working out of the US, with hopes to pursue a doctoral degree in psychology in the future. Consider this survey practicing for my thesis, haha. As for my relationship to the vampire community, I’m a lifelong medsang who only discovered the word roughly 5 years ago. I’ve dabbled a bit in the offline scene but I’ve made my home in the online spaces, primarily Black Rose Society.

BRS: What are your goals for this survey?

Luna Luv: My primary goal is to identify if the existing relationships we’ve seen between one’s social development (how they learn where they belong) and identity development (how they learn who they are) can extend to the development of one’s vampiric identity, and if so, what the primary influential factors are. What lessons have we learned to tell ourselves, and when did we learn them? Or what other struggles may run parallel — perhaps our vampiric self-discovery coincided with other unique discoveries about ourselves, such as our gender identity or sexuality. I believe it would be worthwhile to see if we can find any significant correlations in these areas.

BRS: What is the timeline for obtaining the results?

Luna Luv: Initially, I wanted to run data collection from March 2024 to March 2025 and have the paper out by the end of the year. However, considering how much traction this survey has gotten thus far, and how we’ve only recently begun expanding to other social media sites, that deadline is likely to be pushed. I wish I could give a definitive answer — all I can say is that I’m going to try for December 2025, but this may not end up being feasible. 2026 at the latest! Haha

BRS: What challenges did you encounter while organizing this survey in the OVC?

Luna Luv: Honestly, and I should’ve expected this — mistrust. Which is entirely fair; the Vampire Community holds anonymity as something sacred, and in designing this survey it was my intention to preserve our respondents’ anonymity as much as possible. The purpose of utilizing Google Forms to host the survey, in addition to not having access to a more secure survey-hosting site at the time of development, is to prevent (or at least minimize) the submission of multiple responses. However, this requires a respondent to log into a Gmail account, which a few people were not thrilled by. This is why I make a point to emphasize that no account data is stored or recorded by any of the researchers involved in the study, and the email address utilized to access the study is not collected.

BRS: Are there any potential biases, either from your role as the survey organizer or among the participants?

Luna Luv: Oh, absolutely. The primary one being that the survey is being shared almost exclusively through social media, and as such the majority of the responses involve people who primarily participate in the online community. Unfortunately, I personally do not have much access to offline community spaces which may be able to blast this study to community members who may otherwise not see it. Regarding my own biases, I definitely have my own perspective on vampirism based in my personal experiences and knowledge-base. I do not intend on hiding this fact — rather, I simply wish to add my own perspective to the pool of discussions surrounding the nature of whatever it is we’re all going through. Perhaps we will find a more substantial relationship between the specific flavor of one’s vampiric identity and other common factors in their social development history, or even demographic information.

BRS: Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to our readership?

Luna Luv: I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to even look at my little project. I’m not trying to pretend that this is some extremely thorough and well-put-together study that’s going to have groundbreaking ramifications on the community… This is just something that I’m really interested in and passionate about, and I’m so humbled by how many people have expressed interest in what I’m doing. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for the support I’ve gotten. Thank you all so much for reading, and participating if you have!