#proposal gone wrong

He ignoresher, just like he’s trying to ignore most of his life right now. It’s probablynot the most mature way of coping with shit, but at the moment, Len doesn’tcare. All he wants is to wallow and scowl at the wall for the night, and thenmaybe go plan a heist. Something obnoxious and loud, something that would be agiant ‘fuck you’ in the face of a hero. Thehero.

Which is stupid,because Len is the one in the wrong, but he panicked and ran and now there’s noway back. Technically, Barry could probably take him back in time to the pointwhen Len hasn’t fucked up yet, but Barry would be right there with him, and hencelay the problem.

Lisa,unfortunately, doesn’t take the hint and keeps staring him down until Lenscowls at her, without much heat, because he’s reserving all he’s got for theburning self-hatred at the moment.

“What?”

“You tellme,” she shrugs and puts her legs up onto the table, crossing her ankles andwatching him like a hawk. “I haven’t seen you moping this badly for quite sometime. I think it was… oh yes, the first time Barry told you it was a mistake.”

He winces,unable to hold back the hurt at the sound of the kid’s name, and Lisa growsserious, zoning in on his pain with scary precision. Feet off the table in asecond, she leans forward, studying him like the answer’s written in his eyes.Maybe it is, the way he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the wholeordeal.

“Did he breakup with you? Is that it? I’m going to-“

“-donothing,” Len interrupts, before she can get explicit in her fantasies ofbodily harm inflicted upon the man he shouldn’t, but does, love.

And thereinlies the problem. Much as he likes Barry, they could never work long-term. Notwith Barry’s family, not with Len’s, not with the diverging paths their liveshave taken. Too bad Barry didn’t understand that fact, or dismissed it with hisendless optimism.

Lisa’sstill watching him, and Len’s beer is gone, sloshing warm and unpleasant in hismouth like it can’t quite wash away the taste of the harsh words he spoke. Hewishes he could forget, get drunk for real and stop thinking about the wholemess for a few hours, but his father has taken that from him forty years agoand Len’s not ready to become an even more screwed-up version of Lewis, noteven when he can’t think of any other way to cope.

“Lenny,”Lisa says, and he must look like shit for her to take that tone with him, softand empathetic and careful, “what happened?”

There’s nouse in putting it off or lying: Lisa has become friends with Iris during thewhirlwind of Len’s relationship with Barry, and bad news sure travel fast.

“Heproposed.”

“He what?!”

Len winces atthe memory of Barry’s bright eyes, his hopeful smile, the way his voice shook alittle as he fumbled with the words. He picks at the label on his empty bottle,because destruction is apparently his motto for the day, and sighs.

“You heardme.”

“Sure Iheard you, I just don’t get why you’re not somewhere celebra- you said no.”

Lisa sounds…shocked, and Len frowns. She was always quick to tell him that he should becareful, and that Barry was too young, too eager, too different from anythingthey’ve ever known, so it feels like betrayal that she’s not there for him rightnow, saying he did the right thing.

“You’re anidiot, Lenny. Why did you say no?! You’re obviously crazy about this guy, andmuch as it pains me to say, you’ve been good together, good for each other. Sure he’s a cop’s kid,and half a cop himself, and overall too much of a good guy if you ask me, but…the way you looked at him, Lenny, I haven’t seen you look that way at anyone,ever, and he’s been looking right back, so what’s the problem?”

Len pushesthe bottle away, almost wishing it would crash over the side of the table and shatter,but of course it doesn’t, because he can’t do anything right today.

“You’resupposed to talk me out of this. In fact, you’ve been talking me out of thisfor more than a year.”

“And youalways do the exact opposite of what I say, so don’t you dare blame it on me,chicken-shit.”

He whirlsaround to face her, anger rising in his chest like a tidal wave. “What did youjust-“

“You heardme,” Lisa scoffs, not budging an inch under the weight of his glare. “You knowwhat I think? You’re so scared of losing him, or hurting him, so you pushed himaway now rather than later. Great job. Because that’s going to make you bothfeel so much better.”

Len’sknuckles ache with the urge to punch something, a wall, or some asshole’s face –too bad he chose their private warehouse for his moping, instead of a bar wherehe could pick a fight or two. It makes sense, what Lisa’s saying, but the thingis, those words would sound better in some fucking romantic movie where theproblems magically disappear because of love.

“Wouldn’twork,” he shrugs, rolling his shoulders to release some of the tension that’s beengripping his muscles for hours now. “He’s too much of a good guy, you said it.Sees something in me that’s not there, I can’t live up to that. Eventually he’sgonna be disappointed, Lise, and it’ll be too damn hard for him to walk away ifthere’s a ring on his finger. That’s the kind of guy he is. I want to be withhim, but tonight… it changes things.”

“Have youtold him that?”

Lisa’squestion catches him off-balance and he blinks for a moment before the wordsactually make it to his brain in all their confusing glory.

“What?”

“Have youtold him how you feel, Lenny? I mean, really told him. That you’re worried you’renot good enough for him – that you want to be with him, without the rings andall that jazz. Doesn’t matter if that’s true a year or a decade from now, andit doesn’t matter if it changes for him, either. If all you can really promiseis right now, he should know. And you can’t decide for him if that’s enough ornot. Much as I like to tease you about cradle-robbing, he’s a grown man. Talkto him, Lenny. And listen.”

Len’sknee-jerk reaction is to shake his head and tell her she’s crazy… but her wordsmake a terrifying sort of sense in his mind all of a sudden, and he’s pushingaway from the table before he can think himself out of it again. He can’tpossibly screw things up any worse than they already are, and the thin sliverof hope that maybe, he could make things better,gives him the momentum to turn and walk away without a word, for the secondtime tonight.

Hopefullytowards a brighter future.

….

Lisa rollsher eyes at her brother’s retreating back: at forty-four, Lenny should reallylearn to talk about his feelings without grimacing like his teeth are beingpulled. But who better to teach him than a bright-eyed twenty-something withthe innate charm of an overgrown puppy?

Yeah, Lisacan’t say she’s a fan… but she would gladly give her brother to a sasquatch ifhe made Lenny’s eyes light up like Barry does.

Her phonebuzzes in her pocket and she pulls it out to find a very angry text messagefrom ‘TheHottestWest’.

WHAT HAS UR BROTHER DONE IM AT BARRYS HES DEVASTATED

Lisa smirksand fires off a quick reply, then reaches under the table for an unopenedbottle.

u should clear out lens on his way makeup sexto follow 4sure

An angryemoji, followed by a disgusted one, arrives in the next second.