#processing trauma

As is the case with all my mental health related posts, please do not ask for further details unless we are friends. Also, to my friends I'm sorry if I've been distant or quiet lately. It's hard for me to tell but I reckon I probably have been.

When I fall broken and ashamed

When I lay soaked in the world’s weight

Please Loptr help me rekindle the flame

You compel me to laugh

But my laugh is a lie

You compel me to shine

But it’s dark inside

You compel me to dance

But I’m frozen with fear

You’re the outcast one

So I know you are here

Here where the dead leaves

Are flung off the trees by wind

Where the forever shunned snake

Is stuck shedding its skin

Here in the aftermath

Of the forest fire

Where new life tries to grow

From a crisis that’s dire

On the days where I

Cannot stand without shaking

Cannot breath without gasping

Cannot speak without crying

And yet can’t find the words

Or tears

I feel you here

You make no rush

To pick me back up

For that’s something I must do

But you lay with me on the cold ground

In the darkness

Letting me know that it’s you

Loki, Outcast,

The earth shakes with your screams

Please stay with me as I lay

In my chains of trauma and shame

Until I can break me free

Okay, so this might be obvious to other people, but I had always been unclear on what "processing trauma" actually meant, but then this just hit me like a bolt of lightning

Processing trauma is literally just remembering the traumatic event and deciding how you want to react to it

Literally! That's it! It's not some unclear, amorphous thing. It's a step-by-step process that anyone can follow! Here, I'll type out how I do it, with an example from my past

HOW TO PROCESS TRAUMA:

1) Remember the traumatic event

(I was badly bullied by a kid named Kyle growing up)

2) Think about/analyze the traumatic event

(The bullying involved x, y, and z. Adults were aware of it, but didn't step in because it was not seen as a big deal. I became depressed and withdrawn, and gained a fear of being alone with boys my own age. Kyle had a very bad home life, and he probably started bullying as a way to regain agency in his life. The adults in our lives failed both of us in different ways)

3) Decide how you feel about it

(I am angry at a system that failed both me and Kyle, I am angry and sad at how adults reacted to the bullying and the messages that sent to both of us, but I do not want to continue being angry at the memory of a child who grew up a long time ago)

4) Decide what, if anything, you're going to do about it

(I am an advocate for anti-bullying campaigns and strong social safety nets. I do not tolerate bullies in my classes, and if someone is bullying I will try to figure out what the root cause of the behavior is. I hope Kyle has a happy life thousands of miles away from me and I never want to see him again, even if he has changed)

when we explore what happened in your childhood, it is not to blame your parents or have a biased judgement of them. it is to understand how events impacted you and what your experience was. so you don’t have to feel guilty about talking about it or as if you are betraying your family. 

trauma can be of various types and it does not only have to be induced due to one major event. there can also be trauma from situations of acute stress over a prolonged period of time. 

choosing the wrong or right people does not mean they are good or bad. it means understanding what is healthy for you and what you want. it’s not putting them into boxes, it’s simply knowing what is healthy for you.

why do you wait for a green light from others? what is your green light? why do your decisions have to be based on what others want? what do you want?

being a friendly person and being an open book does not mean that you cannot have boundaries.