Hi! any idea of how to deal with learning your source and/or source creator is a bad person?
its a sad thing weve had to go through a couple of times, but still arent quite sure what were supposed to do. its specifically something we take fairly hard as well, because the creator is often apart of a large comfort or hyperfixation or special interest. anyway, i was just wondering if you had any tips at all.
Hello. While we personally have not had much firsthand experience with having an alter whose source turned out to be a bad person, we do have some advice that might be beneficial for you during this difficult time.
First: it’s alright to mourn or grieve the loss of someone you and your system once looked up to. It’s alright to feel hurt or betrayed when someone you thought was a kindhearted person turns out to not have others’ best interests at heart. There are no wrong feelings. It’s alright to be sad or even distraught about this. We’d encourage you to feel your emotions and attempt to connect with them, sit with them, and ultimately, let them go. Letting go of emotions without allowing yourself to feel them can be difficult and challenging - it’s probably best to spend some time sitting with your negative emotions before attempting to dismiss them.
Second: It may be reassuring to remember that, as introjects, we are not literally our sources. Just because our sources made bad decisions or chose to take advantage of someone else does not mean we are doomed to repeat those mistakes. We are capable of learning from our sources, it’s true, and even acknowledging their mistakes as examples of how we can lead our lives a bit differently. And we can do this without repeating the actions of our sources or convincing ourselves that, because our source is/was harmful, we are harmful as well.
Third: If knowing your source is harmful/committed violence or bigotry greatly distresses you, and if you are struggling to distance yourself from your source and/or feel like YOU are responsible for your source’s actions, some degree of source separation may be necessary. I (Cecil) have written my thoughts on source separation in the past, and I will link this post here so you can learn more about our experience with source separation if you think it might be useful.
Source Separation for Introjects
Hello - it’s time for me to make a post here based on my own experience. We get asked occasionally how to
Please keep in mind that you do not have to completely and totally separate from your source in order to view them in a healthy, more distanced way. You can still identify as or strongly with your source while simultaneously acknowledging that you are your own person and are not responsible for the actions, thoughts, and decisions of your source.
Fourth: In general, not just with introjects, we do believe it is possible to separate a creator’s work from the creator themself. If we find out that an artist we admired was taking advantage of someone else or otherwise caused irreparable harm to others, we will stop engaging with their content in ways that benefit the artist, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up enjoying that artist’s work entirely. We may become more critical of their work. We may try to explore other creators who aren’t as… problematic. And we will certainly stop supporting that artist, be it through purchases, subscriptions, or views. But that doesn’t mean we have to cut their works out of our lives forever. So we firmly believe it is possible to continue enjoying or engaging with your system’s hyperfixations and special interests. You may just need to find ways to do so that do not support or benefit the harmful creator in question.
I do apologize that this post got a bit rambly and long-winded. Please let us know if there is anything more we can do to help you. Thank you for your time, and take care.
