#problematic relationships

This is a big one. We may find ourselves interacting with people in our lives who we continuously wish would take some level of accountability for their actions and responsibility in how they show up for others.

You can clearly see the things they do, point those things out to them the second they happen, only for this person to deny that any of it ever happened, even though you clearly observed it right then and there.

"Am I crazy", you may ask yourself. You know that the answer is no. However, the more you spend time around this person, you can't help but making excuses for everything that is happening in the relationship, thus enabling their behavior.

Swan queen was a huge disappointment.

We barely got Vauseman in the end.

I could go on forever.

But the worst of all was Supercorp and I just am so angry. Even months later. I watched the show from the first season, and I adored every second until they pulled this bullshit. The last season was so fucking tone deaf. Killing the only Indian character off right before diwali and the way they went about that. The whole thing.

And that’s not to even start to bring up what’s happening with season four of killing Eve. Jesus Christ.

Okay, let me, for one post, give in to my hope that's clinging to that 0.00001% chance, that The CW will let Supercorp happen. This is a long post - with an optional short-cut. You’ve been warned:

We've got (at this point, post-6x11) 9 episodes left, and the best estimate is, that Lena is back with the team (and Kara) from 6x14 on. So, maybe ...MAYBE... they've decided, to have Lena away and separate from Kara, to focus on all the other characters and build-up the plot(?) for half the season, so they can get all that out of the way and give Lena and Kara, and the 'epic' conclusion of the show enough screen-time and room to breathe in those last 7 episodes.

7 episodes is still a lot. Whole mini-series with proper character development and amazing plots and plot-twists exist. ...The CW shows are not known for such, but, with two-thirds of a season build-up, they may be able to pull off something really neat, still.

So, maybe there was a plan, after all. Maybe, picking up the hints and innuendos from previous seasons (Lena's mother, magic, Mxy's whole "this kind of magic [=love] can't be forced", Kara's previous dating life, etc) is going somewhere...

We had Kara now returning from the Phantom Zone, deeply traumatized (again). She needed time to deal with that. Heal and find her footing again. (I am not sure, the show did enough in that department yet, but... my expectations are low, so I take what we got.) There needed to be a moment to make clear William is not a love interest anymore, without Lena being a potential reason for that - so whatever develops now between Kara and Lena isn't tainted. Lena needed time to be with the team - and yes, without Kara's active support - to redeem herself on her own, to rekindle / make friendships on her own and for herself, and gain some confidence against her brother without relying on Kara.

Lena and Kara needed to become each their own woman outside any potential love interests - so whatever romantic relationship they will have moving forward (together) will be a healthy one.

IF that's what's happening here, I applaud the writers, because before, almost any and every relationship Kara and Lena had, was tainted / problematic, and SUPERCORP COULD BE THE EXCEPTION!

Now, you can skip/scroll to the next headline. The tl:dr for the next few paragraphs is: 

“All previous depictions of romantic relationships for Kara and Lena on the show were problematic.” 

If you want to read my current reasoning why, strap in and keep reading:

...still there? Okay, here we go...

Lena's (platonic) relationship with Jack started when she worked with him, partially in an attempt to get away from LuthorCorp and Lex. Canonically, Lena started working with Jack when she was 18/19 (!! - in 2012, in her own Prime-Earth memories / experiences), started dating him 2-3 years later when she was 21 and just after Lex had fired her... And in the show, she later sacrificed Jack for Supergirl's life... (SC may argue, that she only almost got back together with him, because Kara was with Mon-El and taken and that's why she was about to return to her previous comfort-relationship.)

Lena and James? *sigh* Well, we all agree, that Lena bought CatCo for Kara's sake, right? Yes, yes, it was a decently good business decision, too. Except for the part she had zero experience with guiding a media-empire. But neither did James really, who had been put in charge by Cat before - a photographer, who then clearly put his own vigilante business before his responsibility of hundreds if not thousands of employees... Lena and James did NOT get along. They were even fighting, bickering and clearly at odds two episodes before their kiss. Lena reached out an olive branch, to - we all know it - one of Kara's closest friends at the time. And then the writers decided that their clear tension (of mistrust and absolutely opposing opinions) were basis for an "enemies to lovers" trope and ran with it... But yeah, I get it. Both characters felt the charge between them, and with them both probably still thinking "we need to get along for Kara", their lingering feelz for the blue-eyed blonde got entangled with the tension they felt and... well, at least, that's my head-canon as of why Lames happened, and I feel reaffirmed by how their relationship proceeded and how they eventually broke up over their rudimentary differences and inability to trust another.

Kara and James... well, I have my opinions about James basically having been sent (or encouraged) by Clarke to move to National City to keep an eye on Kara. Or how the show picked up on other incarnations' depiction of a much younger Jimmy, idolizing his best buddy of steel, and then turned James into this guy whose only ambition in life was to be like their hero or at least be influential and as close as remotely possible to their hero....... Then had him desperately trying to date a hetero-normal carbon copy of his hero. (And yes, I stick with that gay subtext and if anyone wants to fight me on it, I point to Winn, who was CWSG’s ‘Jimmy’ and - there was no subtext when he gushed over Clark: Winn and Jimmy/James are gay for Superman.) ...All that while he still had unresolved issues with Lucy (arguably at least emotionally two-timing here)... Yeah... well, just too much tainting that relationship in my opinion. And just to make it abundantly clear: I am not blaming the actor nor the character himself, but the writers did James dirty on quite a many levels. And while I blame the writers on messing up James, I don’t think it’s a total coincidence Kara’s attraction to James fizzled out once Lucy was out of the picture... (Kara and jealousy - I sense, there’s a theme...) And on Kara’s end: She was young, doe-eyed and the buff looking guy knew her secret early on. She didn’t have to hide with him, which at that point was (on Earth-38) a rarity if not a novelty, AND he showed clear interest in her...  

Kara and Adam... oh, boy. Dating your boss' son!? Who is giddily shipping them and dropping hints and pressure that if Kara fails in that relationship, Adam will prematurely leave the city again? With Cat kind of putting her own failed relationship with her son and rekindling of the same on Kara's shoulders? Yikes. Let's move on...

Kara and Mon-El, the last member of a species that is as close to a fellow Kryptonian as it can get, that is not her cousin? There's an inherent dependency right there (on its own, could still have worked). Again, they didn't even get along on a basic level at first, and on too many levels they never did. No, I am not going to get into the whole "slaves" thing, as I personally think, he was just a victim of his own culture and mostly oblivious as the spoiled son - that's not inherently a character-trait of his. And Kara's own family played part in enough BS, so that's why I think their relationship (as friends or romantic) should not be viewed in that context. Or him. I evaluate him for his merits. However, Kara was his outspoken mentor and guardian. To the point he started looking up to her, idolizing her. He didn't grasp entirely what she (her whole stick as Supergirl) was about, and I'd argue, he didn't even do that, still, when he returned from the future with the Legion - had a better grasp on it, yes, was better at being a hero on his own, but still heavily relied on his image of Supergirl and some of his own moral compass was still somewhat out of whack - which in itself is not a problem for his character or a reason not to be in a healthy relationship, but him lying to Kara about Imra, basically two-timing, very much is. And then, there's the fact that Kara only initially started dating him - after earlier being relieved when he told her he was not interested in her, after making an effort to let him down gently when he did tell her he was interested in her - after she was pushed by Alex to give him a chance and after he started dating Eve... Being jealous over someone who a character wasn't really into before sounds cute on paper, sounds like hidden feelings, but I promise you, it's not. That's hurt ego and the idea of missing out on something, possessiveness. In some instances that could reveal deeper feelings, but the show made no effort to justify such. Drunk-Kara, uninhibited Kara sat right in front of Mon-El and still made fun of him, no gushing, no blushing, no flirting... Uninhibited Kara showed no signs of romantic (or sexual) interest in Mon-El. So, no: The writers gave us no good, gradual and certainly no healthy depiction of romance in the way Kara and Mon-El got together. ... And then they were a couple. Which had on one hand similar issues as Lena and James later had (opposing morals / opinions), STILL had Kara as a mentor to him, but also featured some nice and sweet moments of them being fluffy and Mon-El being attentive to Kara's needs - when they were alone and he didn't feel the need to be a reckless hero (over-compensating). If the writers had taken their time to write Mon-El and his platonic relationship with Kara before their romantic relationship any better, had shifted his character arc just the slightest bit, had made him and his evolution a little less dependent on Kara (her baby-sitting him, cleaning up after his messes), or had he returned without Imra (or w/o lying about her) and become his own person (with still lingering feelings for Kara, yes, but without him outright idolizing her), I would see no (or at least less) problems here. But, that's not what we got... Side-note: Do not hate one Karamel shippers. If you feel offended by them, ignore them. Do not offend them and start a war over fictional characters. They see merit in that relationship / his character / anything else you don’t agree with? Let them. You will not be able to change their perspective - the same way they will hardly change yours. We have one thing in common and that is our investment in the show and its characters. Be nice. Be better.

Kara and William was threatening to become a rinse and repeat of previously established (or attempted) "enemies/rivals to lovers" on the show. I still wonder what William's reason to come to CatCo undercover was, when Andrea never dated his buddy / got him involved nor ultimately killed (she wasn’t Acrata yet), and because Crisis changed the whole Leviathan timeline. I am glad he moved on...... in the about 2 weeks that passed on Earth while Kara was in the Phantom Zone. I truly hope it sticks. Good luck, William and Mary, the pediatrician. The actor seems to be a great guy, and whatever's left from William’s character that the writers didn't mess up in his earlier episodes, seems to be a truly nice guy (at least on Earth-Prime).

...

Now, where do I see the difference between Lena and Kara, when they both went through so much not-good personal drama and got quite the baggage themselves?

Lena never idolized Supergirl. She saw her as an opportunity, not just to elevate herself, but what she was already trying to do - good. ...She was trying to do good. (When she first saw SG on TV, she was already working with Jack on the nanobots to cure cancer!)

Sure, Lena said, she wanted to be in her own "small way to be more like Supergirl" - that's not per se idolizing the girl of steel, but agreeing with her morals and whatever else she stands for - again, for good, for hope, for caring about others. By buying CatCo Lena saved countless jobs, and a media outlet from becoming tainted by Morgan Edge's political agenda. If anything, Lena respected Supergirl. Respected her enough as a person to dare to challenge her. For herself and the Super. To be better, become better. To not fall for fallacies.

Lena bought CatCo (to save Kara's job), and I am soooo glad, that it now belongs to Andrea, because that power-dynamic would not have been good; has been addressed in the show itself to be a potential pitfall, even for their platonic relationship. And we've already moved past that!! There isn’t a potential power-imbalance between them anymore. Not on their day to day. (And the ‘supernatural-powered’ thing is also about to be taken care of.) Now, Andrea, Kara's boss, may still be a close friend of Lena's but we now witnessed Kara standing her own ground (albeit in a somewhat childish manner) around her. Kara and Andrea's dynamic is not defined by their respective relation to Lena.

Lena is friends with the Superfriends. She got time to bond with Nia and Brainy for her own merits, for their respective merits. They bonded over their own similarities and overlapping experiences. And not because they are Kara's friends and therefore she has to get along with them. She also bonded with Alex, but Alex will forever be Kara's sister first, yet one could argue that their bond is directly connected to their shared / respective love for Kara. Additionally, Lena had opportunities to gain Alex' respect for just being her smart self and person as a whole, and Alex got to see things from Lena's side, without Kara being Lena’s defender / spokesperson - Alex now acknowledges Lena as a good person, one she personally can relate to, all on her own. ...that also counts for J'onn. I don't think Lena ever has had a real one-on-one scene with Kelly yet and I don't even know where M'gann ran off to...

Lena rid herself of Lex. Without Kara backing her up. Even during a time she wasn't a 100% sure the Superfriends would really take her in. She did this for herself. On her own. Without Kara coaching her through it.

They are equals on many levels. They’ve saved each other, as Super, as CEO, as reporter, as scientist, as friends. From physical danger. From emotional distress. Helped and supported another. Countless times.

The two women understand each other. Lena was the one to inspire Kara to become a reporter. Planted the idea for Kara to follow her guts on the story and "blob" (okay, that sorta backfired on Kara career-wise, but it was the morally right thing to do at the time).

Yes, thanks to the writers deciding season five had to happen the way it did, Lena has quite a lot to redeem herself for. But you know, even when she wanted to hurt Kara, she did never strive to harm her.

She did trap Supergirl in the Fortress - using the Fortress' own defense systems - to get a head-start on her Non-Noncere plans. That wasn't a nice thing to do and she must have been aware how painful the exposure was to Kara... But how else was she, a mere human (at the time) to outrun a Kryptonian? On that note, how did Kara get out of it? Kallex? J'onn coming to check up on them? A timer? Either way, my bet is, Lena knew Kara would be able to escape relatively unharmed and rather quickly... Lex's lab aimed Kryptonite guns at Supergirl and Lena frantically rushed to disable them.

Need I bring up, that Lena even supported Supergirl, during a time she and SG were at odds? While Supergirl was angry with Lena for possessing Kryptonite, Lena used the information she got from it to build SG an anti-Kryptonite suit, and had it at the ready and saved our titular heroine's life when the Graves siblings radiated Earth's atmosphere with Kryptonite?

Lena learned from her mistakes. And, oh, the regret...

Kara forgave her. Tentative at first, before the Phantom Zone. But the hug™ pretty much made clear, that at least in Kara’s mind, there’s no lasting power held from Kara over Lena for her misdeeds or ongoing redemption. The trust is back, has been earned. Will be proven, without a doubt in Kara’s mind, from now on till forever. And Lena will not risk losing Kara again.  If Kara being lost to the Phantom Zone showed Lena anything, than that she cannot risk Kara again, will always fight for her, with her and at her side. (...uh, after she returned from her little self-discovery adventure. But that’s necessary, too.)

They inspire another, but for the most part and especially right now, they don't need to rely on another. They are both (well on their way back to being) independent women each in their own right.

Don’t get me wrong. Kara and Lena had their fair share of problems. Their (platonic) relationship had several problematic stages and backdrops. But as things are now, where they are headed right now, Kara and Lena each and in regards to another are / will be at a stage in their respective and common development, where for once starting a romantic relationship with another would not be out of the wrong or questionable reasons! There are no more destructive secrets between them (and no more “boxes”), they are on the same page, they both know and cherish what they’ve got in each other. They are both vulnerable and strong for another. If their feelings for another persevered this long / manifested despite (and not because) all of their shared hardships, that’s a positive depiction of a relationship! Or, to stick with the theme: There was sickness, but we’ve had time for recovery, there was and is effort put into getting and staying better, so the relationship can be healthy.

...I am not sure the show really needed to make Lena a witch. Lena is still a genius, in her ingenuity easily bypassing Brainy’s. But I guess, Brainy literally having the brain-part in his name, the writers needed another role for Lena to fulfill in the group, now she's not really the rich entrepreneur anymore. (Lex may have cut her off, but are we seriously to believe, Lena's "poor" now? Like, the woman had no savings? No endeavors under her own name? Well, okay, the post-Crisis Earth-Prime did have Lex controlling even the DEO, so maybe he had Lena on a tight leash in this world... which again has me wondering what Prime-Lena's past looked like...) So, okay, now Lena's going to be a witch. She will get magic. It’s not like the Kryptonians defying gravity (see what I did there) wasn't magic of sorts. And magic now is a separate thing from the laws of physics and can't get taken apart or understood by science. Ooookay. It does serve the purpose, though, that Lena is now / will be an irreplaceable individual in the Superfriends' line-up. This gives Lena a purpose. One she can (and will) use at Kara's side, but one that is not there because of Kara.

And all that.. and more... is a much much healthier basis for a relationship than any Kara or Lena had before.

Rationally, I am hesitant to give the writers that much credit.  However, for a little while, I got to indulge myself in hope, that it all makes sense, will make sense by the time the finale rolls around.

Because, IF Supercorp were to happen now, it has the potential to be the healthiest relationship either Kara or Lena ever had on the show.

Congratulations, you made it to the end of this essay!! Now, excuse me, while I now return to reality, where Supercorp is less likely to happen than running into leprechaun waving a rainbow flag while riding on a unicorn. 

Thoughts have come into my mind about how the Reylo fandom is worse than the TVD fandom.  And now I’m going to explain why and write out my thoughts.

First let me make this clear that all of the ships on TVD whether they’re canon or just fanon, are toxic and have their abusive elements/factors to them.  Every single male character on the show that the women characters are shipped with have a history of being violent, abusive, murderous and have their fair share of heinous, violent crimes against  other people.  

And they all have shown violence towards those they are shipped with or have has scenes where they have abused, physically hurt or even attempted to kill the women that they are shipped with.  One could say that they have committed  violent, heinous acts on the same level as Kylo Ren has.

And I’ll also make it clear that the TVD fandom is similar to the Reylo fandom or any other fandom with an abusive, violent, problematic male character (who has a history of murdering or abusing people).  In the way that the TVD fandom makes excuses for their fave problematic, white male character.  In how they woobify him, come up with metas and long explanations to absolve and exonerate their faves malicious actions and crimes.  Especially with the violent/abusive acts committed towards the woman that they ship him with.

How they all insist and say that their fave can just be changed through the love of woman, how all it takes is the woman that they ship him with coming along to “fix” him and to heal him, making him decide to never do another violent/abusive act for the rest of his life.  And that if the woman character would only accept him, embrace him and forgive him for all he has done wrong that he’ll just change into a better man.