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While rereading Eyeshield 21, something I noticed was how Agon seemed to be especially spiteful towards Hiruma and Kurita. He's a naturally spiteful person, sure, but with those two, it seemed really personal. And I've been wondering... Why is that?

And i think i have my answer

More than once through the series (and especially during the Shinryuu Nagas game), comparisons are drawn between Hiruma and Unsui

Even on the character intro pages in volume 23, and the credits page in volume 20, they're drawn in ways that directly parallel each other.

And i think this is meant to imply that, on some level, Hiruma reminded Agon of Unsui.

Except, at this point, Unsui had already given up. He stopped trying to reach for higher, accepting the fact that he's just not that talented, and began existing only to try and make Agon look better

And what i find interesting is, despite how arrogant and selfish he is, Agon doesn't seem to like Unsui's decision here.

If anything, he looks disappointed. Pensive. Maybe even a little frustrated.

When Unsui got the news about the scholarship and broke down, Agon went to see him. Not to gloat - and in fact, he doesn't even say anything until Unsui is finished.

Agon may have gone there to try and comfort his brother, but he's such a self centered person, that he didn't know how.

Agon and Hiruma started working together sometime around this. And when they were working together to build Hiruma's threat book, i wonder if... Well

Maybe Agon was using his relationship with Hiruma to fill the void that Unsui created?

Unsui gave up. He lost his ambition, and it seems like he stopped hanging out with his brother too. We see a lot of flashbacks of them together as kids, but we see very little of them interacting outside of a school setting once they're in highschool. Their relationship has effectively ended.

But Hiruma still had that drive. And, even if they were just using each other, it was still a relationship. It was still some kind of interaction where Agon was working together with someone again. Someone of average skill who was intelligent, driven, and on the same wavelength as him

And, given how the narrative pushes the idea that Usui and Hiruma are similar... I think Agon was subconsciously using Hiruma as a replacement.

But then Hiruma broke that illusion.

He refused to bow down and agree with everything Agon believed.

And then, even worse - the reason Hiruma was doing all this in the first place was for Kurita.

In the end, i think it all boils down to jealousy.

Agon didn't have Unsui anymore. Even if his brother wasn't as strong or as talented as him, he was still always there, and at least tried to compete despite always losing. But that was gone now.

So then he and Hiruma start working together. And it's a good enough replacement for a while- until it isn't, and Hiruma unintentionally reminds Agon that he isn't Unsui.

In the end, Kurita is more important to Hiruma. He's the reason the threat book exists, and the reason they're trying to get into Shinryuu in the first place.

Kurita - someone Agon considers significantly less than him. An untalented loser. Trash.

So Agon lashes out, and takes the scholarship.

(which, i will admit, the timeline here is a little bit confusing, bc Agon effectively stole the scholarship twice and at different points in times, bc in one flashback he had natural hair, and in the other he had dreadlocks

There were 2 scholarship slots open, and Ikkyu already had one. That's why Kurita was gunning for the other.

My understanding is that Usui sent in the scholarship request, and since they mistook him for Agon, the scholarship became null, and the spot was still open for Kurita to grab

So, bc Agon already knew he'd get in bc of the mixup with Unsui, he went in to formally request the scholarship and stole it from Kurita)

In addition to everything else - i think Agon was also envious bc Hiruma had the kind of relationship he'd been missing.

Hiruma , Kurita, and Musashi were a happy little trio, trying to live out their dreams together. And maybe, looking at them reminded Agon of what he didn't have - and honestly, never had - with Unsui. Something he subconsciously craved, that sort of connection.

Now, you know who else has been directly compared to Hiruma by a character in the series?

Habashira Rui.

By Rui himself.

And he's right. Hiruma and Rui are very similar in a lot of ways. The only real difference between them were circumstances beyond their control.

Rui largely stays out of the series up until the World Cup, to the point that he and Agon never even interact until then. But what's really interesting is that Rui reminds Agon of someone else.

He reminds Agon of Unsui.

And this particular comparison doesn't bother Agon in the way it did with Hiruma. And i think that's bc Agon has no history with Rui - none of that baggage that Hiruma's existence carries. He's effectively a blank slate.

It makes sense that Agon would make this connection too, since Unsui, Hiruma, and Rui have all been set up by the narrative to be parallels with each other.

We see Agon already thinking about Unsui during the World Cup, before Rui reveals himself.

He's actually considering his brother's situation and feelings. It's one of the few times he shows that kind of care for anyone else.

And he seems almost regretful about it all. Bc he knows he's the reason Unsui's self confidence got beaten down so badly. It doesn't matter if Agon intended to do it or not - the fact is Agon was born more naturally gifted, and that wore away at Unsui until there was no ambition left in him

But seeing Rui struggling reminds Agon of his brother. Of the times before, when Unsui did have that ambition to keep going.

And so, knowing Unsui is watching, Agon challenges him by playing the rest of the game without his wig - looking like Unsui.

Effectively telling Unsui "You could be here too. Why aren't you?"

And, i think it's important to note that Agon does this after getting MVP points for saving Rui. In other words, saving Rui made Agon look good.

Which, I'll remind you, was literally his goal from the start when joining Team Japan

But Agon doesn't look like he appreciated that at all. Bc he's already made the connection between Rui and Unsui.

Bc he actually wants his brother to be there with him. He isn't satisfied by Unsui giving up. He wants his brother to have that drive and ambition again.

He doesn't want Unsui to exist just to make Agon look good.

And it works. This finally ignites a fire under Unsui. He wants to play again, not just to make Agon look good - but for himself.

Agon helped Unsui regain his ambition, because of Habashira Rui.

And i wanna point out - despite Rui being exactly the kinda person Agon would have called a loser, trash, worthless, etc earlier in the series - Agon never once says those things about him.

Anyway uhhhh this post started with me trying to figure something out, and then it became a long analysis about Agon and his relationships. oops

Idk how to end this uhh bye

#long post #eyeshield 21 #kongo agon #kongo unsui #habashira rui #hiruma yoichi #meta #txt post #lookit me writing meta for a 20+ year old series with like 10 active fans on this platform #whoooo #i really just can't help myself #long meta

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911 and the Wizard of Oz!

So I’ve written a couple of times about the wizard of Oz connections that 911 has had in the past. Well after 8x03 and the trailer for 8x04 - everything has become much clearer to me and boy oh boy is Tim pulling a blinder with this one!

I need to start by saying he is playing on lore from both the original books as well as the film, so much of this wouldn’t be evident if you had little to no knowledge of the book series. I however do - because I loved the books as a child and I have also long been interested in the link between the books, the original film and the queer narrative that runs through them. Especially because of my yellow and blue and then blue and green colour theory and its use in telling queer narratives in cinema and television in the aftermath of the 1939 film.

For those who don’t know the background of it, you can read my post here about the wizard of oz and its queer narrative and the yellow/blue colour theme, but for a brief run down the wizard of oz and its themes have been a key part of the queer narrative since they first appeared in print and then on film. Yellow blue colour theory stems from Dorothys dress and the yellow brick road and became a film short hand for queer narratives in film, during the hays code era (1934-1968), and has continued on to this day. the most recent and most obvious use of the blue/yellow blue/green coding has been in heartsotopper - where it is very heavily and very cleverly used to help tell the queer narrative, but it is its use in films during the hays code where it was doing a lot of work to ‘secretly’ provide queer narrative in film. (this is a specialist subject of mine and I could write about it all day - I really would love to do a phd in it, but I do not have the money or time to do that so I write about it at any opportunity on tumblr!)

Many of the nods to the story are subtle, but they are there and I am going to go through a good number of them with you - especially the ones we’ve had in season 8 so far, the main thing to note right off the bat though is that they all connect in to Eddie and that is very telling to me - especially when we take 5x01 - 5x04 into account. the rest is below the cut becasue it's long!

#kym writes very long meta!#long meta #sorry this wasn't meant to be this many words!#911 does the wizard of oz #911 abc #911 meta #the wizard of oz #the wizard of oz and queer narrative #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard #911 spoilers

Richie as Actor and Director: A Mirror to Carmy’s Journey

Just a little fun episode guide, mostly for me and my Richie collection to see how Richie serves as both actor and director in season 4, and what it means for The Bear- both the restaurant and the show.

Richie Shifts Roles

In Season 4, Richie shifts roles. He's no longer just the surrogate director to himself and Carmy's emotional arc this season, he's the actor, stepping into environments Carmy once faced. But Richie responds with growth, an appreciation for Groundhog Day, a clearer understanding of his role, and confidence in letting go of the past.

Richie Mirrors Carmy — Episode 2

Richie’s actor’s journey begins in Episode 2, where we first see Carmy sitting alone, sulking over his mistakes. Richie asks if it's performative, almost like a director trying to guide an actor into emotional truth.

This is the last time we really see Richie as a surrogate director for a while. But before Richie steps into his own role as an “actor,” he delivers one last, uncanny piece of direction to Carmy:

“Today is tomorrow, cousin.”

He knows Carmy is stuck in groundhog day. Even Carmy, lost in his spiral, seems momentarily shaken out of his thoughts.

Richie is reminding him: you’re not stuck. You don’t have to keep sulking in guilt, shame, or mistakes. You can break the loop.

It’s a line that quietly offers Carmy a way out of his Groundhog Day. And as we learn later in the season, much of the shame Carmy carries stems from not being there for his family at Mikey’s funeral, a silence that haunts him still.

But Richie’s message is simple and grounded: Today is all we have.

Carmy can live stuck in yesterday’s pain and expect to live in that cycle the next day or he can choose to show up for today.

Richie always is keen director. But Richie as the actor, although observant, is stuck in his own story.

The episode continues similarly to Carmy’s 1x02 moment, with the same music playing. Richie, now in Carmy's role, ends the shift in solitude. He's just as lonely Carmy He watches 3:10 to Yuma and hears the line, “Squeezing the watch won’t stop time” — a mirror of Carmy’s struggle with today and the next day.

Later on his sofa, Richie watches Ridley Scott speak on directing and reflects on the importance of knowing the space. It's meta for Richie knowing and learning later on that the vibe will influence the guest and the bear. And if he can fix the environment, he can keep the restaurant going.

Another meta moment in this episode was Richie rehearsing his prep speech for the cast of The Bear. Sydney provides the advice that his direction or movie is too inteelligent, too lofty. Richie points out its elitist (maybe a referencee to the reviews about the show).

Richie's Evolution Through Environment: The Scallop Episode

In Episode 3 Richie is back as director in this episode. Richie realizes and applies what director Ridley Scott says- that when the atmosphere is right, people perform at their best. The Bear is perfect for a night.

Before service, he sets the tone for the show- as Marcus asks how many of these can we do (my opinion, this is Marcus asking about seasons of the show or restaurant), and Richie gives the right advice of living day by day.

What I love about Scallop is that it's an episode where everyone shines at Service as Richie returns as director. Sydney's scallop is the highlight of the episode, carrying hues and shining for the reviewer. As Jessie says, they’re on pace. The Bear, both the show and the restaurant, embodies what it means to take care of others, to make people happy, and by serving the Italian Beef the bear lets the guests and the viewers in on their family and shared history.

On the night of the service, the environment has a significant impact on Carmy's performance. Richie creates a space where Carmy isn’t overwhelmed by dysfunction, but instead is engaged, caring for the guests and supporting his family, rather than shouting or pushing. He's calm amongst the pressure and pace, taking care of others, creating memories for the family they're serving, making them happy.

It’s something Carmy once deeply wanted, but now believes he no longer has a spark for.

One of the most beautiful moments for me in Scallop- besides Sydney's gorgeous montage- Richie watching Carmy plate the italian beef beautifully and with surprise for a guest. Richie knows Carmy should be thriving here. As Dion’s “Only You Know” plays, Richie gives this little nod as he watches Carmy love what he's doing.

The lyrics, “I wanna see something that used to be in your eyes again… you know it’s only a question of when.” I could cry!

Richie sees at that moment, the light in Carmy’s eyes and believes it can exist in The Bear and for Carmy.

But he's still going to step back and let Carmy live his journey.

Episode 5 Replicants: As an actor, Richie is still struggling with attending the wedding, accepting Frank as stepdad, moving on from Tiffany, and coping with the harshness of loneliness.

Richie is still the actor, but the opposite of Carmy. He’s living in the loop, but showing up, he's working, building tentative intimacy with Jessie, and choosing presence.

Richie’s Dual Role in Later Episodes

In Episode 6, Richie shifts back to director, offering a psychological analysis of Carmy by reminding the audience that Carmy has a mother's complex

But at the end of Sophie, Richie sees Carmy in a different emotion

Richie ends the episode with his usual parting, but it holds a different meaning , and Happy Thursday is the possibility of Carmy being happy in the family in the restaurant, and out of The Groundhog Day Loop.

In Episode 7, Richie is an actor who initially feels nervous about his performance as a supportive ex-husband. Despite his sadness, he takes on the role of director once again for Frank and Eva, who are scheduled to perform at the wedding. Richie also guides Carmy to the kitchen, where Carmy accidentally connects with Lee. By the end of the episode, Richie embraces his role as the "sand", the director who brings others together.

In Episode 8,. he directs while writing in his notebook. After he writes his director notes, Carmy moves like an actor hitting his mark, turning to Sydney to connect.

Throughout the rest of the episode, he shifts into actor mode as he flirts with Jessie and tries to redirect what happened by saying, “There’s no ‘I love you’ in the workplace.”

Funny despite being a director, Richie still lacks some self-awareness of the story since he's also acting in it. The surprise that The Bear is a love story reflects this. He seems to be grappling with the ghost of loneliness, which clouds his perspective.

Does he even realize that he is the one who frequently says "I love you" in the workplace?

He'll know soon that love would make the restaurant and show perfect again.

In Episode 9, Richie does not direct until the end because Carmy is absent. When Carmy finally returns, Richie greets him like a director waiting for his lead, asking where he has been and expressing concern about their limited time. Carmy, the actor, communicates to Richie how emotionally "free" or unstuck he feels by talking to his mother.

This is a contrast to the last time Carmy and Richie sat at the table, which was filled with sorrow. But in episode 9- their very last shift, Carmy the actor experiences an emotional breakthrough and becomes more open.

Although Richie kept his distance while directing Carmy, he couldn't help but show a hint of a smile, proud that Carmy is moving forward.

At least with his mother and at least by the next episode with Richie? Sort of.

In Episode 10, Goodbye, the two actors, Sydney and Carmy, become so emotionally full in their scene that Richie has to disrupt the direction the story is taking. But he has little control over the twist these two actors pull.

The last season casts Richie in a new light: his role will be a partnership in the upcoming season. However, he will also, unwillingly, become the director of the chaos between Sydney and Carmy. As he puts it, he’ll be the ambassador of a St. Paddy’s Day and @turbulenthandholding, @moodyeucalyptus, and I know that any St Paddy's Day in Chicago is a shit show.

The last time we heard about St. Paddy's Day being described as a shit show was by Claire.

But he doesn’t realize that being the ambassador of this upcoming shitshow will actually be a good thing. As a holiday is represented by a color that repsents the good and being on time in the bear.

Richie is the sand. The one who connects.

And next season it’s St. Paddy’s Day and the clock has run out.

But Richie will direct a beautiful, loving mess of a story, right on time.

#sydcarmy #it's a love story #long meta #this took a while but it was fun #richie the director #season 5 is right on time

Let Him Sin, Let Her Speak: Why Accountability Is The Missing Piece In Jerza (Masterpost)

This is a post that has been building up in the back of my brain for a while now. It’s just I lacked the time to really sit down and think about how to make my thoughts cohesive outside of myself.

But, given the previous post that I made “The Real Flaws In Jellal’s Redemption Arc : A Breakdown”, I feel that this new post entails the natural development of that conversation.

Though before I get into it, I want to give a disclaimer:

This isn’t an anti-Jerza post.

Nor is it an attack on Erza, Jellal or those who love them.

I love both Jellal and Erza, and respect their characters deeply. However in the same breath, I also think their bond could have been elevated significantly if the writing had allowed for emotional honesty, narrative integrity, and character agency.

This is first and foremost a structured critique that promises to try and be as objective as possible.

This is not a personal attack.

It’s about delving into what could have made both of their respective arcs stronger and more satisfying.

And it starts with the one missing piece: Accountability.

✦ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ✦

To begin this, let’s start with defining what Jerza is and what makes it so beloved in the hearts of many:

Jerza is without a doubt one of Fairy Tail’s most emotionally charged pairings.

Representing devotion, redemption and the power of forgiveness — it’s a relationship forged in trauma, distance and unspoken love. For this reason, it holds a special, near sacred, place in the hearts of countless fans.

But.

Because it carries that weight, it also carries responsibility.

If Jerza is meant to reflect healing and emotional endurance, then the writing needs to support that with clarity, accountability and growth.

Without these things, the dynamic risks becoming more symbolic as opposed to sincere.

Though, before I get into the whole breakdown of this, there is something I would like to mention:

Of all my time spent in the Fairy Tail/Jerza fandom, I always see one of two arguments surface in regards to critiquing Jerza/Jellal.

That being:

“Jellal is evil/abusive/cowardly (???) ” - Often a surface-level, Erza-centric view that ignores his context and inner conflict.

“Jerza is perfect, leave them alone” - A blind defence of the pairing that resists any narrative critique.

Why I bought this up is because the argument I bring today falls under neither extremes.

What I want to talk about is a perspective I rarely (if not ever) see being discussed. And it surprises me that it isn’t really addressed in spaces where Jellal, Erza, their past or their future is spoken about.

So I hope what’s defined in this post below will bring a new perspective to the table and invite new discussion too.

Once again though, before I get into the conversation, I would like to reiterate myself so that neither my intent nor words are misconstrued; to say that I’m not here to tear down Jerza.

But neither am I here to defend it blindly.

I’m here to explore what could have made it stronger. What could have made Jellal’s arc more coherent. And what could have made Erza’s emotional journey feel more whole.

Though before continuing, I want to clarify something important:

I'm not here to tell anyone how to enjoy or interpret Jerza, Erza or Jellal. Everything I discuss beneath is just a perspective I came to over time — something I needed to voice for my own understanding.

If this post disrupts your peace with the ship or the characters and you love them as they are, it’s completely okay to disengage. There’s no pressure to agree and no obligation to read further at all.

I simply wanted to put this out into the world and offer a different lens to think through — for those who might need or want it.

But, if even after this disclaimer you decide to read on, I hope my words give you something worthwhile to take away for all the time spent.

What I share today is a critique born from care, not condemnation.

With that all said, let’s get into it.

❖ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ❖

Below I've broken the long post into separate, hyperlinked sections so you can read at your own pace—hopefully making it feel less overwhelming.

Quick note: This meta was originally written in 10 parts (as in my Google Doc), so you’ll see me refer to Parts 1–10 throughout. For readability and Tumblr formatting, I’ve grouped them into 5 larger segments (Parts I–V). Nothing’s been cut—each post still includes all the content, just reorganized to make things easier to read without breaking the flow.

I just wanted to make mention of this because I know the numbering might be a little confusing at first glance—especially if you’re jumping between posts or comparing it to the original doc. Hopefully, this clears it up before diving in.

✦ ✦ ✦

❖ Part I: Jellal’s Accountability & Erza’s Emotional Cost (Covers Parts 1 & 2)

Jellal’s arc examined not just in isolation, but through how the absence of accountability ripples into Erza’s journey.

✦ ~3.9k words – ⧖ approx. 20 min read

❖ Part II: Victimhood, Idealization & Jerza’s Fracture (Covers Parts 3 & 4)

Unpacking the “Jellal as victim” lens and how it weakens Jerza’s foundation without meaningful self-confrontation.

✦ ~5.9k words – ⧖ approx. 30 min read

❖ Part III: The Lost Arc — What Could Have Been (Solo Part 5)

A look at the emotional and narrative potential for real growth — and how it was denied by skipping the hard parts.

✦ ~2.8k words – ⧖ approx. 15 min read

❖ Part IV: Romantic Tropes & Fandom Avoidance (Covers Parts 6 & 7)

Why accountability is often sidestepped in writing and fandom, and how the "love fixes everything" trope quietly unravels character work.

✦ ~3.6k words – ⧖ approx. 20 min read

❖ Part V: Possibility, Reflection & The Path Not Taken (Covers Parts 8, 9 & 10)

What the narrative becomes when accountability is erased, and a call for deeper storytelling — for Jellal, Erza, and the readers who see themselves in them.

✦ ~5.1k words – ⧖ approx. 25 min read

❖ ❖ ❖

Because of the length of this post and to preserve its essayic flow, this meta — though presented in five parts — is divided into two main sections for thematic clarity.

Section I – Foundations & Fallout Focuses on character accountability, emotional cost, and the narrative weight of what was left unresolved in Jellal, Erza, and Jerza.

✦ Part 1–5: Character Accountability & Narrative Potential This first segment focuses on:

Jellal’s personal arc (Parts 1–3)

Its emotional impact on Erza and the Jerza bond (Parts 2 & 4)

The missed opportunity for growth through accountability (Part 5)

Core themes include:

Emotional integrity

Missed growth

The damage caused by lacking resolution

What the story avoids addressing

Section II – Patterns & Possibility Shifts into broader territory: the narrative and fandom mechanisms that avoid accountability, idealize harmful tropes, and reduce emotional depth. It closes with reflection and a call for better storytelling.

✦ Part 6–10: Fandom Psychology, Narrative Design & Meta Reflection The second segment shifts focus toward:

Why the issue of accountability is avoided (Part 6)

How fandoms and stories enable or romanticize that avoidance (Part 7)

What happens when accountability is erased (Part 8)

A push for better narrative design and emotional depth (Part 9)

Closing thoughts and space for discussion (Part 10)

Core themes include:

Narrative avoidance

Toxic tropes and idealized love

Reader engagement and critical interpretation

A call for deeper, more honest storytelling

If any of these themes speak to you, please feel free to read on and explore the sections that follow—each one building on the last to unpack what accountability could have meant for these characters, and why its absence matters.

✦ Continue on to the beginning of Section I: → Part I – Jellal’s Accountability & Erza’s Emotional Cost

[ primavera, 03×02 - long analysis, script annotation, and character discussion below the cut ] || [ tags :: @lesbian-hannibal @shatteredlesbian @craqueluring ] || [ why are my scripts slowly losing quality :( ]

—————

the main-focus of this episode is the aftermath of mizumono { 02×13 }. it starts with will's nightmare of the ravenstag that we can now safely assume is how will's mind perceives the ripper — as he says, he can feel the ripper, but he can't put a face to the name. the ravenstag, which follows hannibal's (or the ripper's, if you want to get technical) kills, appears to will in his empathic vision, which is of antony dimmond and hannibal's broken heart. will was, partly, half a victim to the ripper, which might be why he sees the stag — and why he doesn't see hannibal, because though he knows the two are one and the same, subconsciously, he denies the connection.

as he later says to chiyoh, the ripper left him with a smile — a cut so precise, a gutting so clean, that it was easily repaired. hannibal didn't mean for will to die in that kitchen, just to bleed beside the body of their daughter. to watch his blood pool with hers as she embraces death - his punishment, to blur with abigail and carry her with him. abigail's voice, who we now know is really dead, pulls him out of it.

this is still part of his vision. he starts off by telling her he feels closer to hannibal here — not here, in the church, with the ripper's tableau to him in front of him, but here in his mind palace as he surveys the murder. in this scene in particular, he's defending himself to the memory of abigail - telling her that he feels close to him, despite what he'd done; telling her that he wouldn't know where he'd be without him. but that's the thing — she's only the memory will has of her. his subconscious. he's defending his feelings for hannibal to himself; here in his mind palace, it's the surface of will's mental curtains trying to appeal to the shadow beyond them.

abigail asks what will believes the tableau is about, what he believes hannibal is trying to tell them. he says it's his broken heart — his way of showing remorse for what he'd done, of showing how will's betrayal had affected him as well. the skepticism from abigail is a mirror of will's - but now, will knows better. hannibal knows him intimately, and will can recognize that, and he voices that to abigail. she tells him that hannibal misses them, but will, as portraying his surface level, doesn't agree.

instead, he tells abigail that hannibal has always had multiple motives for something — one of which always being his amusement. he's saying that maybe one of the factors is that hannibal misses them, and maybe a few more might be that he wanted to lure will in, or that he wanted to toy with will — that he was playing with him. it's something he can believe, both parts of him.

this is where i remind you that the abigail will is talking to you doesn't exist. she's nothing but a memory, a projection of himself that he's trying to appeal to.

he asks her if she still wants to leave with hannibal - which is a clue that he's talking to himself, because he knows abigail can't. he's asking himself if he honestly still wishes to run away with hannibal, and of course he does. trying to assuage that thought, to keep it out of mind, he tells abigail that hannibal took her from him. it took me a while to understand what he meant, if we're going off my idea that abigail is will trying to bargain with himself, but i may have an idea.

i think what abigail represents, like i said, is the shadow beyond the curtain. will's rare gift — he gave it to hannibal, and in mizumono, hannibal cut ties with him. he gave that rare gift back. he gave will the feeling of autonomy, of being in control of the shadow beyond his curtains — and by luring him to italy and taking up space in his mind palace again, he is taking will's gift once again and taking away his sense of normalcy. he's taking away will's comfort in his own skin, pushing him into his becoming.

will is beginning to feel guilty for what he'd done — the surface of the curtain is ruffling, just for a moment in sync with the shadow beyond it. he aches for what could have been, what should have been — what he could have had with them. he's looking for comfort in himself.

i think it's really interesting when will says hannibal made a place only for abigail — "a place was made for you, abigail. the only place i could make for you." if we're still going by my idea that abigail is will's shadow, this means that hannibal had made a place only for what lived behind the curtains; he'd been sure of tearing them down and disposing of them, and taking only the will behind the curtains into their new life.

this is where will begins to bleed into the shadow beyond the curtains. his resignation to the fact that hannibal had built only one place for him, his ache to run away with him regardless, has pushed him through the curtains to embrace himself.

the cut opens, and blood pours out. the image of her is dying — the divide between the surface and the shadow is disappearing, blurring into each other, and will doesn't try and stop it this time.

this is his becoming.

and, of course, who else is there to watch his becoming than hannibal? he's embraced the shadow, pulled those curtains aside and let the light in. his focus becomes less on himself and more on the man who drove him to it.

hannibal, projected by will's mind, allowing him to watch as his final push sends will off the (proverbial) cliff.

once will has mentally put abigail to rest, we're sent to a series of flashbacks. it shows will clinging to life and abigail succumbing to death; finalizing will's punishment from hannibal and setting the pace for the entanglement of will and abigail.

abigail's preparation and will's hospital visit are smashed together in intercut flashbacks, showing the differences between them.

will's is quick, rushed and rabid; a desperate bid to save a life. abigail's is slow, thorough — which is a mirror of their injuries, even; abigail's throat cut in a quick motion and will's abdomen gutted in slow, precise drags. she is taken apart while will is put back together — another mirror of the treatment they endured from hannibal, with abigail being made a place in the world and will's curtains being taken down.

their operations are performed in near reverse of each other, with will being sewn up and returned to normal, and abigail being deconstructed and laid to rest.

they finish on the same note — which, oddly, is the pluck of a cello string, which seems reminiscent of tobias and his methods of killing. maybe i'm reading too far into it, but ending abigail's life with a cut throat the way tobias played the orchestrator's vocal chords like a cello — while tobias was meant to be a mirror of will, and abigail was his daughter? i'll probably have to do a deeper analysis of that.

and then will comes to his senses in the church.

what makes me further believe that the conversation with subconscious-abigail was will's becoming is how will responds here. the lines between he and hannibal have blurred — he doesn't know where he ends and hannibal begins. he's stepped into the ripper's mindset for this tableau, and he can't step out, because that's where he's meant to be.

he even looks, again, in the murals for hannibal. even after the betrayal from both men, the urge to be seen by him — no matter the reason, but especially as he's profiling — is still there.

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Actually, let's talk about the Baba Yaga storyline

...And how much I fucking loathed it.

(A discussion of tropes, narrative choices, and how goddamn dirty The Witcher Netflix did Yennefer in S2.)

#witcher shit #long meta #twn critical #twn season 2

Actual real genuine question from someone who has shipped Buddie since the nanosecond Buck turned around to look at the new guy… but I’m wondering what makes you feel that canon Buddie is inevitable? Sorry if you’ve addressed this before but I just watched the season 5 finale and have pretty much lost all hope at this point so I’m really interested in your side of it.

Hey anon! No worries, I'd be happy to go into my thought process a little. Apologies if this gets long!

So, I should preface by saying I didn't actually start seeing Buck and Eddie as a possible romantic pairing until the back half of s3. And I wasn't set in stone about it until s4. And s5 has just been a rollercoaster ride.

The way I view their relationship I try to view through the lens of every other canon couple I've been a proponent of over the years. Admittedly there is a certain trepidation and hesitancy around Buck and Eddie, just because of what them being together would entail, and the fact that a story like theirs really hasn't been shown on television before. But I think it helps to get down to the foundation of it all, bypassing all of the ready reasons why it "can't" happen or "won't" happen or "will never" happen. I've said before that there is what the script is saying, and there is what the scripts is saying. Foreshadowing and story arcs are represented through scene transitions, music choice, wardrobe, and thematic parallels. Things don't just pop up out of nowhere. There is usually always established precedence for something occurring on the show. I try to think along the lines of what we are being told vs. what we are being shown. For example:

During Eddie's awkward af relationship storyline with Ana, we were being told that he was finally moving on and doing something for himself and had found the perfect addition to his family. We were being shown that there was something dishonest about his approach to dating her and that it wasn't explicitly for himself.

From the minute Buck and Taylor reconnected, we were told that they were both in a similar state of stagnancy regarding relationships and that they had grown and would likely slot together in a more compatible way. We were shown that their core identities had not actually changed and they were careening toward this inevitable dissolution of their relationship.

(putting the rest under a cut to save y'all's dashboards)

#kitkat answers asks #buddie #911 spoilers #i guess #long meta

Buddie 611 Meta - The Sun & The World

*aka the cosmos/universe theme strikes again*

Buck has been accused of being self-centered several times in the show, especially in past season. Basically every main character at one point or another has made this claim about him. That criticism became lodged in Buck’s mind over the years. How could it not?! The people around him saw his attention-loving daredevil behavior among other things as self-centered (affectionate, because “Buck’s gonna Buck”). With Eddie, we saw him make this claim to Buck specifically about their relationship and the strain it caused several times during the lawsuit arc in s3. I think through the previous seasons, Eddie was the most vocal with this criticism and was pretty much the only one to ground this criticism in his PERSONAL relationship with Buck.

In 305 Rage, the infamous grocery store argument:

Buck: Look, man, why can’t you see my side of this?

Eddie: ‘Cause that’s all you see!

And in 306 Monsters during their reconciliation at the firehouse:

Eddie: Lotta “I”s in there. Your actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That’s what it means to be part of a team.

And in 309 Fallout during THE Kitchen Scene:

Eddie: Seriously? You’re gonna make it about you, again?

Basically, Buck took that past criticism to heart, like you do when you care about the people around you and you care about what they think of you to a healthy degree. That brain weasel surfaces in an interesting way in 611 via the coma dream.

But that old criticism takes on a different flavor in coma land, because the dialogue in the episode evokes the idea of a planet circling its star, which lifts it out of the realm of just Buck’s ego and places it firmly in the Cosmos/Universe symbolism that’s so interwoven with the Buckley Diaz Family!

In 611, Buck is talking to Hen and Chim about Bobby and then Buck’s mind takes and interesting turn:

Buck: My not being at the 118 is what pushed him over the edge.

Hen: Or maybe it was just some random butterfly effect and the entire world doesn’t revolve around you.

Buck: Eddie Diaz.

Hen is Buck’s “reality” check. In the coma dream, as an echo of Buck’s own thought process, she tries to humble him. But somewhere in Buck’s mind he also knows that he is deeply loved and that he matters. The whole episode was about him starting to consciously realize and accept that fact so that he could return to his real life and thrive. He’s working to replace his bravado (ultimately a performance on some level) with an understanding that he actually does matter. So, in Buck’s coma dream, when Hen evokes the idea of Buck as the sun and everyone else as the world revolving around him, she both echoes old ego wounds AND she creates space in Buck’s head for him to figure out that he’s not the center of the universe in any grand sense but that he does bring light and love to his loved ones just by being himself, a bright sun. He doesn’t fully get it in terms of Bobby until the end of the ep, but dream!Hen’s criticism initiates the workshop process of Buck truly seeing his influence in other people’s lives.

After the Bobby realization starts to percolate, Buck immediately asks about Eddie. It matters that it is immediately after Hen’s comment about the world not revolving around Buck. I’ll come back to that.

Hen: They said that Diaz was unfit. That he couldn’t be a firefighter and a single dad. He tried to bring him to the firehouse a few times, but Captain Righetti said no.

Buck: [flashback and then] Carla. He never met Carla.

Buck eventually saw his role in Bobby’s life but he dropped the ball with Eddie! Buck thinks that Eddie would have lost Christopher if he never met Carla. Our guy removes himself from that equation entirely. Despite the fact that up to the flashback point in the coma dream, Buck was the one who introduced Eddie and Carla in the queerest way possible! Buck was the one who assuaged Eddie’s fears about Chris during the earthquake and took Eddie to pick up Chris after the earthquake and went to the hospital with Eddie when Abuela broke her hip!!! Buck, it wasn’t Carla who changed Eddie’s life; you did that, my guy!! But Buck can’t see it. Not yet.

Back to my point about Buck immediately thinking of Eddie after Hen tells him the world doesn’t revolve around him. So, this is Buck’s deep dark subconscious. I took that whole exchange to mean that Buck’s world does in fact revolve around Eddie and Chris. In reality, Buck has centered Eddie and Chris since he and Eddie took vows to have each others’ backs in 201. Buck has been doing The Most since that day. He faltered in the lawsuit arc but came back strong and hasn’t wavered even a little since then, dropping everything when needed to be there for his family. The Diazes are the center of Buck’s world and some part of him knows that but that part isn’t conscious yet, hence the Chris of it all asking him to help him find his dad plus Chris’ words to him being the signal to his coma brain that he needed to get back to the hospital in order to wake up.

It’s also super important that Buck’s thought process while talking to Hen in the coma dream is about Eddie as a single dad in particular. He didn’t think of it as Eddie being without resources/support. No. He framed it as him being a single dad. That means that Buck was aware on some level that he was stepping up and stepping into a co-parenting role for Chris with Eddie!! Some part of Buck knows that he buffered Eddie against the fallout of being a single dad. Abuela had health issues and then moved back to Texas. Tia Pepa had circumstances that limited her involvement with her nephew and Chris. Carla is a paid professional (echoed in her distraction technique with the nurse!) but Buck is Eddie’s actual partner in every way. He is the one who’s keeping Eddie from truly being a single dad. Based on Buck’s coma dream, I repeat: some part of his beautiful brain knows that!!

Going back to the fandom read that “Buck is the sun” - Eddie and Chris love Buck and he’s their light especially in dark times. We’ve seen it repeatedly. It was featured in the scene where Chris and Eddie visit Buck in his room. He’s illuminated by the lamp above the bed while Eddie weeps in the dark. Even in a coma, that man is lighting up their life! But in that particular scene, Buck is a distant sun and Eddie is struggling to feel the light. Chris isn’t though. He’s right there next to the sun drawing him back out. Stars and planets, baby! Between Buck showing up for them in every way and the constant interplay of light and shadow in their scenes, Buck as the sun is pronounced in this episode. I would argue that the reverse is true as well but Buck hasn’t had the full realization that the Diazes are his sun and his family yet. *sigh*

Buck is working out his issues in 611 so that he can show up for himself AND for his family in a fully conscious way. If Chris is the Universe that energizes and holds all things in the Buckley Diaz Family, then Eddie and Buck are worlds, circling each others’ star. I may be taking the metaphor too far but I don’t care lol. Buck is moving from the subconscious awareness that Eddie and Chris are his family to a conscious awareness. It’s so damn beautiful it makes me weep.

#buddie #buckley diaz family #911 meta #long meta #911 6x11 #911 fox