#practical application

@space-aspi there are a lot of reasons to not have a professional diagnosis

i’m in the states where there are no free exams for adults, at least there aren’t in my state, just seeing a psychiatrist for an entry visit would cost $200 out of pocket because most don’t take medicaid and the ones that do in my area are very much recommended to not go to, evaluations are even more expensive

i’m self dx, not because i decided autism seemed like a cool thing or i fit a few trait presentations, but because i literally studied it for years, reading every new article on how traits present different in afabs than amabs, how different minority statuses effected it, how it can effect mental health for it to never be acknowledged, etc etc etc

i also actually read the diagnostic criteria (which is something every self dxxer i’ve ever met has done)

you know why i wouldn’t trust a self dx in the hands of some counsel of family and friends? because the world is an ableist shitshow

my sister is in a peripheral psychology related field (social work) and has decided, as such, she knows more about mental health than anyone in her family not in such a field - this includes her telling me i’m not autistic because it “doesn’t really seem to fit” especially after meeting “real autistic people”

i’ve literally been studying and learning everything i could about autism for approx. 11-12 years and also? i’m autistic, so yes, i’m pretty sure i know more about it than her

and i personally have gone in for an eval, back when my mother’s insurance still covered me, and got back bad results

i’ve spoken extensively on this before, but i knew upon the completion of the eval they wouldn’t diagnose me, and you know why? because i actually knew what the diagnosis would require and they didn’t even ask for that information

there was no interview, no history, no asking to discuss my childhood with a parent, no questioning about sensory issues - i essentially had a standard eval and not one that could determine autism, because you know what’s required in america to diagnose autism? a diagnostic interview

i left that eval and called my therapist, telling her they weren’t going to diagnose me because they didn’t even try to get the info they needed

and part of that was institutional ableism as when i got the results back, i was told “you’re not autistic, you’re just so intelligent you can’t connect with people socially”

this is an oft used sentiment to deny people an autism diagnosis and it’s ableist af; being “too smart” doesn’t preclude autism

they also obviously didn’t know the diagnostic criteria either because they told me the auditory processing disorder they diagnosed didn’t contribute to an autism diagnosis, instead i should come back for more testing to see if i’m adhd - part B.4 of the criteria states hypo or hyper sensory issues directly contribute to diagnosis

i never even met the man that did the evaluation, i had a registration worker (not a nurse) that proctored half the test and then left me alone for the other half (against regulations, you’re never to leave a patient alone doing eval for a number of reasons and one of them is the results can be skewed by them doing something wrong which is highly preventable by being their during the eval) and a colleague of the elevator is who gave me the results

so yea sometimes professionals know better and sometimes? they don’t do their fucking job

and there are plenty of reasons to not seek prof diagnosis

did you know in a lot of places, professional diagnosis can prevent you from adopting? or that it can be used to label you an unfit parent in court? there are real instances of autistic parents losing custody, not just to their ex partner, but single autistic parents and autistic couples that have their kids taken by the state because they’re deemed unfit on the basis of being autistic

did you know that a diagnosis (in the states) can lead to your parent/guardian being able to retain power of attorney over you? regardless of whether or not their child is actually unable to care for themselves or make their own decisions about their life

did you know that a diagnosis can be used in institutional discrimination? it’s technically legal to pay mentally disabled people pennies on the dollar because they’re “less productive workers.” and that many employers, if informed of an autism diagnosis, simply won’t hire someone or may figure out how to fire them without hitting the ada (americans with disabilities act)?

did you know that a huge reason people self dx isn’t to label themselves with something trendy but so they can better know themselves, connect with a community that can better understand them, feel less like a “freak” or “broken,” and make their own accommodations as necessary? i personally remember sitting at my table in kindergarten, five years old, having what i now understand to be a panic attack because i was so focused on not being noticed, not standing out, not doing anything wrong because i already realized i was different and different was bad and nobody could know

that was the entirety of my childhood. within a month of routinely interacting with a random group of 20 or so other 5 year olds, i had learned that weirdness, difference, wasn’t tolerated by the populace, and came to believe that if i were to prosper, i’d need to not be different

i’ve rarely come across a self dxxer that hasn’t put a considerable portion of their lifetime towards looking for answers, towards suspecting but not year declaring, towards tentative steps in the direction of autism. i knew i was autistic when i was 15 and my sister came home from her senior psych class and said “sarah, i figured out what’s wrong with you” and showed me the definition for autism in the back of the book

excusing the ableism and that she has since decided i’m not autistic, i learned enough that day to self dx, but didn’t for over a decade. and a lot of us court self dxing for a long time, speak to other autistic individuals about their experiences, and become slowly more and more sure

if you’re going to insist on counsel diagnosis, don’t insist it needs to be by friends and family, who you have no guarantee would even accept a prof dx - i’ve seen enough asks come into @autism-asks to know that a lot of family members and friends will just as easily brush aside a prof dx, claim the doctors got that wrong, etc

rather let self dxxers do what they typically do anyway and speak to the autistic community - i’m pretty sure we, the community, understand it better than anyone else

Have you ever started reading into “signs and portents” during times of distress that could be translated into some sort of “transformation” symbol? In my experience, these symbols will start to suddenly cross your path during a pivotal time in your life. If you are like me, you probably looked at those signs and went “what the fuck am I supposed to become?”

As a Tarot reader, I often have people come to me for guidance when life becomes a bit confusing. One of the most feared cards is The Tower because people see it as a disruption. The Tower shows up when there is an awakening, a revelation, or in many cases the very foundation of something we believe in will be shattered. To transform, we often have to challenge those beliefs so that we can become a better person. Which is a scary process.

What if we could take the idea of transformation and input it in our life with a purpose instead of wildly grabbing for whatever came our way? Would you be able to forge your way with a purpose, rather than just taking the steps to blindly walk through our life?

So how do we go about taking the steps to take ownership of our transformation process? First, we have to look at who we are. Second, we have to look at who we want to be. Third, we have to figure out what we need to do to become the person that we want to be.

Looking at Who We Are

To look at who we are, there are multiple paths you can take. You can journal, make an inventory of your life. You can meditate, take the time to go into a meditative trance and speak to your Shadow Self. Ask yourself questions. Please note that it can be dangerous to spend too much time Journeying. There are multiple sources available for Journey techniques, please use them and Journey responsibly. I highly recommend Lora O’Brien’s work.

Take a hard look at everything, especially those parts of yourself you wish to avoid. Those parts that we look to avoid are parts of our Shadow Self. For this process to work, we have to embrace those parts, accept any damage you’ve done, and make amends. We are unable to become a better and different person if we are unwilling to acknowledge those darker parts of ourself.

How do you react to certain situations? What did you find when you go to the root of a situation? This process can be ongoing, as you may find an aspect you want to change about yourself and focus on that for awhile before choosing something else to work on. Remember, Shadow Work is a lifetime process because we always have things buried within ourselves.

Looking at Who You Want to Be

Is there someone you admire? What do you admire about them? This can give you a good clue about where you want to work towards being. Do you have dreams that have been sitting on the back burner? Have you made an inspiration board? Allow yourself to dream, if you had no obstacles in your way, who would you be? What would you do? Choose one to work on, as time goes on you can add more to your list.

Becoming Our New Selves

Have you figured out where you want to go? Good. Now comes the work, pick one small thing that you can do tomorrow to work towards that new goal. It can be something small, something that will only take 5 minutes. Major change doesn’t happen in a day.

If you want to be more creative, pick up the tool that allows you to create. The more you create, the easier it becomes. If you want to become a more physically fit person, you start small, but you start moving. If you want to become a more compassionate person, start with random acts of kindness.

The words of Matthew 5:13, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot,” are often interpreted within Christian contexts. However, to fully grasp their meaning, we must view them as the first-century listeners of Jesus did. Jesus drew upon Torah and Jewish…

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