#shadowwork101

I went into this project with a grit and determination to learn how to approach our Shadow Selves in a way that was educated and informed. If I was going to do this work, I wanted to do it right. I wanted to get my head out of my ass so that I could find ways to actually help people, to make an actual difference. To remove my ego from the process, because at one point my ego drove the work I would do as a “healer”.

As a baby Pagan, I jumped into the deep end of spiritual healers who lacked an understanding of trauma and how to deal with it. I saw people who never took the time to understand even the basics of Psychology touted their ability to be the only person who was able to get through to an addict. I was on the receiving end of ridicule and emotional abuse because someone decided they knew what was best for me. Then there was the time I was told my energetic field would hold irreparable damage because of the actions of another. When I felt broken, I was told there was no way to put myself back together. Do I need to mention the time I was told I had burned through a years worth of healing energy in a matter of months? I was told that because of my actions, I had derailed this person’s plan to chain me to their spiritual cluster. A tethering I had not consented to.

In the times that I wore the badge of healer, I would tell someone who needed to talk all the things they had to do so that they could get their life back on track. I took what had been aimlessly spouted off at me and I basically shouted it at anyone who would listen. Any time someone came to me with a problem, I would give them unsolicited advice. I would then gloss over their struggles with my own, because if I could leave it in the past, so could they. There was a problem with this though, these actions were all to feed my ego. They had nothing to do with helping another human being and everything to do with feeding my own desire to be something more. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I realized I knew a whole lot of nothing and I no longer needed to feed my ego with my own grandstanding.

Working as an Auditor I’ve learned some very important lessons. One of those is that when things go unquestioned, they get done incorrectly indefinitely. I like asking questions, I like looking for the holes, it is part of what makes me a good Auditor. It is also part of why I ended up with a spiritual sword at my back pushing me to do this project; all of the healing practices that I had been taught and had encountered over the years needed to be audited, I needed to look for and fill those holes so that I could help myself become a better and more empathetic person.

We are a community of healers. Everyone has a specialty, everyone has a willingness and a need to help. I’ve seen people who excel at the practice do a tremendous amount of good. I have also seen the title used as a narcissistic badge of approval, where the person could do no wrong because they are a born and natural healer. In the instances where the person wore the title as a narcissistic badge of approval, I’ve seen entire communities crumble.

The trouble with healers is that the term implies another person can come in and fix you. While a healer with years of training can come in and perform miracles for physical ailments, a spiritual healer is never going to be able to put the emotional pieces back together for you. You have to take the tools you are given and you have to implement them. No one is going to be able to face your Shadow aspects but you. You are the one that has to confront those fears and insecurities. You are the one that has to make reparations for any harm you’ve caused. You are the one that has to live with your inner demons. When dealing with trauma, you are the one that has to keep living despite the inner torment you feel.

I am giving up the badge of healer, because when I focus on fixing everyone that crosses my path I forget about myself. Instead, I call myself friend. I am a supportive friend who is willing to listen and share tools when asked. Instead of holding the belief that I am the one doing the healing, I know that I am just on of many catalysts to help people find their own healing. I act as a cheerleader while my friends write their own success stories.

Have you ever started reading into “signs and portents” during times of distress that could be translated into some sort of “transformation” symbol? In my experience, these symbols will start to suddenly cross your path during a pivotal time in your life. If you are like me, you probably looked at those signs and went “what the fuck am I supposed to become?”

As a Tarot reader, I often have people come to me for guidance when life becomes a bit confusing. One of the most feared cards is The Tower because people see it as a disruption. The Tower shows up when there is an awakening, a revelation, or in many cases the very foundation of something we believe in will be shattered. To transform, we often have to challenge those beliefs so that we can become a better person. Which is a scary process.

What if we could take the idea of transformation and input it in our life with a purpose instead of wildly grabbing for whatever came our way? Would you be able to forge your way with a purpose, rather than just taking the steps to blindly walk through our life?

So how do we go about taking the steps to take ownership of our transformation process? First, we have to look at who we are. Second, we have to look at who we want to be. Third, we have to figure out what we need to do to become the person that we want to be.

Looking at Who We Are

To look at who we are, there are multiple paths you can take. You can journal, make an inventory of your life. You can meditate, take the time to go into a meditative trance and speak to your Shadow Self. Ask yourself questions. Please note that it can be dangerous to spend too much time Journeying. There are multiple sources available for Journey techniques, please use them and Journey responsibly. I highly recommend Lora O’Brien’s work.

Take a hard look at everything, especially those parts of yourself you wish to avoid. Those parts that we look to avoid are parts of our Shadow Self. For this process to work, we have to embrace those parts, accept any damage you’ve done, and make amends. We are unable to become a better and different person if we are unwilling to acknowledge those darker parts of ourself.

How do you react to certain situations? What did you find when you go to the root of a situation? This process can be ongoing, as you may find an aspect you want to change about yourself and focus on that for awhile before choosing something else to work on. Remember, Shadow Work is a lifetime process because we always have things buried within ourselves.

Looking at Who You Want to Be

Is there someone you admire? What do you admire about them? This can give you a good clue about where you want to work towards being. Do you have dreams that have been sitting on the back burner? Have you made an inspiration board? Allow yourself to dream, if you had no obstacles in your way, who would you be? What would you do? Choose one to work on, as time goes on you can add more to your list.

Becoming Our New Selves

Have you figured out where you want to go? Good. Now comes the work, pick one small thing that you can do tomorrow to work towards that new goal. It can be something small, something that will only take 5 minutes. Major change doesn’t happen in a day.

If you want to be more creative, pick up the tool that allows you to create. The more you create, the easier it becomes. If you want to become a more physically fit person, you start small, but you start moving. If you want to become a more compassionate person, start with random acts of kindness.

Have you ever had a conversation with a curious kid? One where they constantly ask why? To be on the other side of that conversation where you have to explain the inner workings of the world in a way a 6 year old can understand can be a bit nerve wracking. Perhaps you were that kid that kept asking questions. We have a lot to learn from these curious minds that never stop asking why.

“Emotions are instinctive, involuntary reactions that upset the rational order of their elementary outbursts. Emotions are not ‘made’ or willfully produced in and by consciousness. Instead they appear suddenly, leaping up from an unconscious region.” ~Carl Jung

When we have an emotion, it is our subconscious leaping up and saying “Hey, you! Yeah, you! Look at this thing!It means something!” Depending on the emotion, it may be obvious, or it may be a mystery. So how do we get to the point of understanding what is really going on? We ask why.

Why am I feeling this way? What is going on in my life that is making me feel this way? So we discover the thing that triggers our emotions, but do we know why the thing triggered our emotions? If you ask yourself and reflect, I’m pretty sure you will figure it out. Was it something a person did that hurt us now? Or was it something that reminded us of a time gone past? Is there a pattern of behavior that is making the emotion more intense? Keep asking yourself questions, you’ll know when to stop. That “aha” moment will come and it will make sense.

This process allows us to get to the root. Sometimes just the knowing will help us find some peace, sometimes it won’t. Sometimes we have control over how we can react or take actions to better ourselves, sometimes we don’t. By getting to the root we are allowing ourselves to dig up the weeds in our garden. If we half ass our gardening and leave the roots of the weed, they grow back.

This post is the start of a blog series that I will be doing on Shadow Work. It is an introduction to my journey and will lead into a series of posts that talk about ways you can start on your own journey. It is my effort to get more information out there about a hard to find subject. Please keep in mind that this work is not something to start doing on a whim. It is delving into the parts of yourself you may avoid. Also, this work is not a replacement for Professional Mental Health treatment. I am not a Mental Health professional, I am sharing my experiences for informational purposes only and it is not a substitute for professional help.

When I first encountered the term “Shadow Work” I was drawn like a moth to flame. I wanted to know more but I wasn’t able to find a whole lot of information. It wasn’t something that was readily available. I was able to find some general information about Carl Jung’s theory of the Shadow and our subconscious, but it still felt like I was grasping at darkness for something that I didn’t fully understand.

So I started delving into myself. Around this time I had also started building my relationship with the Morrigan. Many consider Her a dark Goddess, but I found her to be the light guiding my way out of the darkness that I found myself in. Yes, She is blunt. Yes, She can be brutal, but She lives in a place where we confront the parts of ourself that we would rather not admit are there. She has to be fierce. She has to be bold, because She is unwavering in Her protection of Sovereignty. She is also the driving force behind me, pushing me to share what I have learned.

In this journey, one of first things I found within my Shadow Self was that I wouldn’t allow myself to feel anger. I always made excuses for the other person’s actions and dismissed the anger I should have felt. There was a fear of hurting another the way that I had been hurt that caused me to close off that part of myself. The thing is, anger is an emotion that every person has. It is often used without thought and people often hurt others with it. However, it can also be used to help others. You can use the anger you feel to constructively fuel change. Once I realized this I was able to integrate that part of myself that I had pushed aside and now I get angry. I use that anger to fuel the motivation I need to find ways for change, to speak up for others, to feel empathy for another. I was able to realize that an important part of Shadow Work is learning how to turn our destructive behaviors into something constructive. We all have the capability within ourselves to create or destroy. To turn a blind eye to the parts of ourselves that are destructive is to turn a blind eye to the destruction we will all inevitably cause at some point in our lives.

Throughout history, religions, and the multitude cultures that area available in our world, we see different ways that we can ignore, integrate, or correct those unwanted aspects. We can either choose to face the fact that we are human and that not one of us is perfect, or we can live in ignorance. If we choose to live in ignorance we need to accept the fact that we may be unknowingly causing harm, whether it be harm to ourselves or harm to another. Ignorance also breeds hate, because there is a natural fear of the unknown. How do we fight ignorance? With knowledge. Knowledge gives us the ability to look past our glass house expectations to begin to understand what we don’t know. These are all things that I have spent time researching in my quest to understand Shadow.