#shadow work 101

I need to start this off with my usual disclaimer that I am not a therapist and really underline it here. I speaking on this based purely on my own experience and a little bit of reading I've done on the subject. It in no way constitutes a expert opinion. (Also it’s 3 in the morning here, so even if I was an expert, this would not exactly be optimal material here)

However, it's important enough that I want to at least bring this part of shadow work up because I realized recently that I've not addressed it very explicitly.

When you're working with difficult memories and even trauma in your shadow work, it is incredibly important to evaluate whether you're reprocessing the memory when you bring it up to explore it and sit with it.

What I mean is usually in going through old memories there's this discovery process, where you suddenly see your past experiences in a new light. But it's important to then move to the next part which is reintegrating that memory in a way so that remembering it isn't painful or causing dysfunction. There are a ton of ways to do that. Therapists have a ton of tools at their disposal to help with this so if you can see one, I highly recommend it. But tarot is also a good way to begin to reexamine and reintegrate these difficult memories. Spreads can help you see those memories in new lights and help balance out the intensity of our negative thinking.

However, there's something I've seen with some folks where they'll almost obsessively recall memories and do not reprocess them. Or they'll bring up more memories than they can possibly do any sort of reintegration work at a time. This can be overwhelming and even damaging in my experience. It can lead to folks freezing and shutting down. It can wind up being used to justify poor behaviors that might have sparked the exploration in the first place, keeping the person locked in their dysfunctional patterns.

That sort of obsession without reprocessing is called rumination. Where you feel as if you can't stop thinking about a difficult memory or that you have to in order to prevent something bad from happening again. Rumination can almost become a form of self harm depending on how it manifests in a person's life. If when someone messes up they then recall a bunch of times they've messed up and they don't follow that up with any sort of reframing, it's essentially like yelling and humiliating yourself. Rumination, even in it's milder forms, is highly correlated to depression and, at least in my experience, can totally stall the shadow integration/healing process.

So when trying to figure out if you're ruminating or reprocessing a memory, here are some questions:

When you recall the memory, do you see it in a new more compassionate light (reprocessing) or do you feel as if that's the end of line, there's nothing more to do (rumination)?

Afterward, do you feel lighter and more relieved (reprocessing) or do you feel heavy and shameful (rumination)?

When you're thinking about the memory, do you account for the complexity of the situation (reprocessing) or do you find yourself believing you or another person was all good or all bad (rumination)?

While these aren't perfect in their wording, they're at least a start. If you find yourself ruminating a lot, there are a host of strategies you can use to cut down on it. One option, is just not doing memory work until you're better able to manage that rumination. Sometimes we push ourselves too far too fast and we just need a chance to recoup in order to get back to reprocessing. There's plenty of other shadow work skills to work on in that time - keeping small daily promises, describing things neutrally, breathwork - that don't require you to bring up memories in order to be helpful.

If you're really in a rut, I recommend TMS journaling - stream of consciousness journaling for 20 minutes with the focus on writing down things we're afraid to admit to other people and then deleting or destroying it - twice a day. It's been incredibly helpful for me to break the habit of rumination. Another option is talking for 20 minutes into a camera if journaling that much is too difficult. My question and answer method I wrote about can also be helpful here.

But maybe you're like some folks I've talked to and you're realizing you don't really know how to reprocess a memory. While I definitely recommend a therapist above all else, one way can be to select a card as a signifier for the memory, shuffle you deck, find the card, and the cards on either side will offer a different framing for how to think about it. You can also check out some of the spreads I've posted under shadow working in my free resources. Working with stuck points if you're in a good enough place can also be one way to shift the needle forward.

Hi! I certainly do. This is something that would fall more into the realm of Shadow Work- I’ll reblog a couple helpful posts for you after this. I would suggest exploring some different shadow work exercises and see what works well for you!

This is something I have struggled with myself, and this spell was particularly helpful for me.

🖤Smoke and Mirrors🖤

A Shadow Work Spell for Self Forgiveness

Note: Shadow Work is highly personalized! Feel free to modify this spell for what feels best for you.

You will need: 🖤a mirror (any size) 🖤herbs or incense or your choice 🖤a quiet room 🖤a small candle

Optional:🖤a moonless (new moon) night 🖤a small, smooth stone🖤a marker

1. On the night of the new moon, sit in a quiet place and gather your thoughts.

2. Light your single candle, and place it between yourself and your mirror. Make sure that you can see yourself in the mirror, and that your candle is the only light around you.

3. Light your incense or herbs of choice, being sure to practice proper fire safety techniques.

4. Stare at the smoke rising. Be sure you can see your reflection behind the smoke, but keep your attention on the swirls and shapes the smoke makes.

5. Relax and unfocus your eyes until everything seems a bit blurry. It may help to focus on your breathing during this time- try and feel your heart beat all throughout your body.

6. Think about what it is you’re trying to forgive yourself for. Think about how the situation came to be, and the choices you made. Do not think about how your choices affected other people! Think about how your choices affected yourself, and if they have shaped who you are today.

**It is important to note here that this is not an exercise to beat yourself up over your past choices. Take this opportunity to think objectively about what you did, and the reasons why you did it.**

7. Focus on your reflection now. Meet your eyes and speak aloud what you were thinking about. Do not look away, do not flinch. Recount the whole story to your reflection! Afterwards- hold your gaze and say:

”The choices I have made, bad and good, have shaped me into who I am. I am not the same person today that I was before, and I will not be the same person tomorrow that I am today. I forgive myself for (the subject of the spell), and I will learn from my mistakes and grow as a person.”

8. Say the words as many times as you need to, all while looking yourself in the eyes. When you feel you have said it enough, and you can feel yourself starting to forgive, extinguish your candle. Repeat this spell as often as needed until you have truly forgiven yourself.

🖤Optional step: each time you complete the spell, write “I am forgiven” on a small stone. Bury each stone outside, or in a flower pot.

Have you ever started reading into “signs and portents” during times of distress that could be translated into some sort of “transformation” symbol? In my experience, these symbols will start to suddenly cross your path during a pivotal time in your life. If you are like me, you probably looked at those signs and went “what the fuck am I supposed to become?”

As a Tarot reader, I often have people come to me for guidance when life becomes a bit confusing. One of the most feared cards is The Tower because people see it as a disruption. The Tower shows up when there is an awakening, a revelation, or in many cases the very foundation of something we believe in will be shattered. To transform, we often have to challenge those beliefs so that we can become a better person. Which is a scary process.

What if we could take the idea of transformation and input it in our life with a purpose instead of wildly grabbing for whatever came our way? Would you be able to forge your way with a purpose, rather than just taking the steps to blindly walk through our life?

So how do we go about taking the steps to take ownership of our transformation process? First, we have to look at who we are. Second, we have to look at who we want to be. Third, we have to figure out what we need to do to become the person that we want to be.

Looking at Who We Are

To look at who we are, there are multiple paths you can take. You can journal, make an inventory of your life. You can meditate, take the time to go into a meditative trance and speak to your Shadow Self. Ask yourself questions. Please note that it can be dangerous to spend too much time Journeying. There are multiple sources available for Journey techniques, please use them and Journey responsibly. I highly recommend Lora O’Brien’s work.

Take a hard look at everything, especially those parts of yourself you wish to avoid. Those parts that we look to avoid are parts of our Shadow Self. For this process to work, we have to embrace those parts, accept any damage you’ve done, and make amends. We are unable to become a better and different person if we are unwilling to acknowledge those darker parts of ourself.

How do you react to certain situations? What did you find when you go to the root of a situation? This process can be ongoing, as you may find an aspect you want to change about yourself and focus on that for awhile before choosing something else to work on. Remember, Shadow Work is a lifetime process because we always have things buried within ourselves.

Looking at Who You Want to Be

Is there someone you admire? What do you admire about them? This can give you a good clue about where you want to work towards being. Do you have dreams that have been sitting on the back burner? Have you made an inspiration board? Allow yourself to dream, if you had no obstacles in your way, who would you be? What would you do? Choose one to work on, as time goes on you can add more to your list.

Becoming Our New Selves

Have you figured out where you want to go? Good. Now comes the work, pick one small thing that you can do tomorrow to work towards that new goal. It can be something small, something that will only take 5 minutes. Major change doesn’t happen in a day.

If you want to be more creative, pick up the tool that allows you to create. The more you create, the easier it becomes. If you want to become a more physically fit person, you start small, but you start moving. If you want to become a more compassionate person, start with random acts of kindness.

This is a great question! And I’m really glad you asked because I think a lot of folks don’t take the time to consider the differences. 

First of all - there is admittedly a lot of overlap, especially in the methods folks use. Where they tend to differ is in their aims. 

Mental Health professionals are usually aiming to help you function better in your daily life, in your relationships, at work, general daily emotional management. I’m not well versed in mental health specifically as I’m not a therapist and I’ve only ever had intermittent access to therapy. From what I can tell recovering mental health depends a lot on the school of therapy your therapist ascribes to. Some therapists lean behavioral and will focus more on skills and practice. Some therapists lean biological and might want to work on retraining your nervous system. Some lean old school want to get you to talk as freely as you can so they can make note of things and assist with reintegrating memories. So it’s wildly varied from what I can tell. 

And when you’re recovering your mental health on your own, it’s even more varied. It can depend a lot on what strategies work well for you. What guides my mental health recovery is whether I can treat myself and others better given whatever tools I’m using. 

But when it comes to spiritual health the aims are usually different. General Spiritual Health, the kind you’d work on with a chaplain, a priestex, or other lay leaders, tends to be focus how you answer big questions - what’s the point of doing anything? what happens after we die? what makes a good life and a good death? - things like that. There’s also usually some tradition specific theological and skills training involved as well. But at their core spiritual health comes down to meaning making. What meaning you ascribe to negative and positive events, why you’re here to begin with, and whether you’re doing a good job while you’re here.  Recovering spiritual health in my experience often involves a lot of exploring how other people have answered those big questions and seeing what does and doesn’t resonate with you. Like for LGBT folks a really important part of spiritual healing is understanding where their queerness factors in to their spirituality. Some folks see it as a blessing, some folks don’t see any meaning in it at all - both are valid. It’s more about the process and I think that’s true for most types of recovery related to spiritual health. Your comfort and ability to talk about the complexities of those questions and answers is a sign of spiritual health. At least, in my opinion. 

The main aims of shadow work can be mundane functioning, as it is with mental health, but they’re usually more inline with spiritual health. It really does lay at the intersection though. A lot of folks come to shadow work as a way to improve their magical abilities. Many magical systems rely on the unconscious as a sort of magical engine and when we’ve pushed a lot of things in the shadow, and we’re trying to perform magic, a lot of troubling things can get at the very least highlighted. Other systems use it because it helps practitioners fully step into their own power. When you work through your doubts and fears it’s much easier to step into a circle and command a spirit, if that’s your jam. 

So shadow work is really in the inbetween. It can have positive mental health effects for sure but for me when I’m doing shadow work my guiding question is whether the practice allows me to more effectively perform magic, energy work, or divination. A lot of folks do it with the aim of being better spirit worker or deity devotees (the latter is where I started). While a lot of the practices I’ve talked about on my blog are taken from mental health writers, I write about them and use them toward that aim. 

So I’m not quite sure if this answers your question, I can try to go into more detail if you like. But this is the gist of my personal understanding at the moment. 

New Podcast Episode up now! 

It took me years to realise that I wasn’t blocked from abundance because of my routines or rituals. I was blocked because of the quiet beliefs I carried deep down. The ones that whispered I didn’t deserve it, or that I’d mess it all up anyway. I could visualise and script and chant all day long, but until I faced those hidden beliefs, nothing stuck. Shadow work changed that. It’s not about…