#pompeius

Marcus Tullius Cicero

you just can't shut the fuck up

that's lucky you're a silver tongue devil, though

always bringing up old merits

you love poetry, poetry just doesn't love you

somehow you always choose the worst side in any argument

you have a very unique way to tell a story- the way in which you look like the hero

I'm not saying you have a victimistic attitude, but-

Titus Pomponius Atticus

you may be pretty smart, and pretty kind, and very pretty, but you're constantly overshadowed by your more popular friends

you're the Benvolio of the group

can't you just, for once, pick a side in your life? Would it kill you?

I don't know what to tell you, bestie, there would be lots of things to tell, you're just not popular enough that people would actually know what I'm talking about

also stop giving your money away to your friends, I get it- you're a nice person, but they're going to drain you in the end

Cato Maior (Cato The Elder)

the grandpa friend

you just realized you're old and now you spend all your time hating on kids like 2 years younger than you saying stuff like all the new generations suck

Congratulations, you're a boomer on the inside

You didn't download tik tok because it's a matter of principle

🌌salty🌌

you complain about everything CAN YOU STOP COMPLAINING FOR FIVE MINUTES

People just turn off their attention when you talk for more than 5 minutes about how influencers ruined the world

Julius Caesar

you're a slut, both in a metaphorical and literal sense

you're competitive in a toxic way

you kin Regina George

you walk around like everybody wants to fuck you, both in a metaphorical and a literal sense

Main Character Syndrome alert

you think Patrick Bateman is a role model

Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (or Pompey The Great)

if Julius Caesar is Regina George, you're Gretchen Wieners

No, no, no, better: you're Heather Duke

walking second place medal

you're rich, you're clever, you're ambitious, just not enough

honestly I'm so sorry, you're great, you're just severely underrated

you're into pirates? Historically speaking, you should be

Marcus Licinius Crassus

who needs a personality when you're rich?

that's all you're ever going to be to people: rich and privileged, and therefore hated with the fiery of a thousand suns

you post Instagram stories with bags with Chanel/Louis Vuitton/Gucci logo

you drink Starbucks. In 2022.

it doesn't matter whether you say you support or you don't support Bezos and Musk: wake up, honey, your entire lifestyle is a hymn to capitalism

Gaius Valerius Catullus

ah! simp

they're never going to call you back, you need to understand this

you can passive aggressive vague post about them as much as you want, they're never going to care and you're just making yourself a laughingstock to anybody else

you loooooved the tumblr girl culture

Roman civil war - Pompeius Magnus portrayed as Janus  (45 BCE)

The coin was issued in Hispania by Sextus Pompeius who - unlike his brother - managed to evade Caesar’s armies after the battle of Munda.

https://smb.museum-digital.de/index.php?t=objekt&oges=151116&cachesLoaded=true

*Pompeia

In that first option bloody autocorrect hates me