Bleargh

we need to find the beating heart of The Job Market and we need to plunge a holy gleaming blade into it. its the only way to be free

"you seem like you hate everything" I absolutely do we are living in utterly undignified times this shit is embarrassing at an existential level

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

woke deadbeat father: i'm just going to get some oat milk

I’m like the opposite of a catholic. all sex is fine except sex for reproduction

“which could mean nothing” is my favorite sentence ever bc on the surface it describes something that COULD indeed mean nothing. but we use it to emphasize the other side of that coin i.e. that it could also mean something. it keeps us grounded bc we are technically focusing on the liklihood that the information given doesn’t necessarily imply gay sex is happening, while still silently acknowledging the possibility that it might.

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

christian pitcher throws a christian baby

IDENTITY EMERGES ORGANICALLY FROM ACTION

IF YOU DONT DO ANYTHING YOU ARENT ANYONE. SORRY

tu LANCES félicette ? tu lances son corps comme la fusée ? oh ! oh ! prison pour les scientifiques ! prison pour les scientifiques pendant Un Mille Ans !