#polieury

Odysseus: Oh yeah. We went to a bar, had a good time, got into a fight, so we left and uh... *looks at Polites*

Polites: *mouths* Escape room

Odysseus: ...we went to an escape room

Eurylochus: WHO THE FUCK GOES TO AN ESCAPE ROOM AFTER A BAR FIGH-

Eurylochus:

Eurylochus: You're in jail, aren't you?

When they both match eachothers freak

It's my favorite thing . I love it so much

Eurylochus: Pros and cons of dating me. Eurylochus: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Eurylochus: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Polites: I would never say that my boyfriend is a bitch and I don’t like him. That’s not true… My boyfriend is a bitch and I like him so much!

Odysseus: Ooh, somebody has a crush Eurylochus: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Polites, I just think he's cool. It’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Eurylochus, very much awake: Uh oh.

Polites: If you want my advice- Odysseus: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Polites: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me. Eurylochus: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Eurylochus: I didn't drink that much last night. Odysseus: You were flirting with Polites. Eurylochus: So what? He's my partner. Odysseus: You asked if they were single. Odysseus: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Polites: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Eurylochus, blushing: Okay. Odysseus: It's fucking summer.

Odysseus: How the hell did you crash the car?! Polites: So I was just driving today, right? And my navigation told me to go straight. Polites: I was like "woah, that's homophobic". Instead, I went gay. And, THAT'S when I got into an accident. Odysseus: ... Eurylochus, with a proud smile: And THAT'S who I'm in love with, ladies and gentlemen.

Odysseus: So, what is Polites to you? Eurylochus: The reason I wake up every morning. Odysseus: ...That’s adorable. Polites earlier that morning, barging into Eurylochus′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Polites: Why doesn’t Eurylochus find me sexy when I bite my lip? Odysseus: What do you look like when you bite your lip? Polites: *bites lip* Odysseus: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

Polites: I think I'm falling for you. Eurylochus: Then get up.

Polites: Relationships should be 50/50. Eurylochus cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Eurylochus: Did it hurt when you fell- Polites: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Eurylochus: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Polites: ... Eurylochus: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Eurylochus: Ugh, crushes are so dumb. Polites: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid. Eurylochus: But you’re always acting stupid? Polites: ... Polites: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Polites: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Eurylochus: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Eurylochus: Bro- Polites: No, no, hold up, rewind. Polites: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

Eurylochus: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Polites: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Polites: This date is boring! Eurylochus: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Polites: Then why did you invite me? Eurylochus: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Eurylochus I'll do what I want!

Eurylochus: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Polites: Wow. They sound stupid. Eurylochus: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Polites: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Eurylochus: I guess you’re right. Hey Polites, I love you. Polites: See! Just say that! Eurylochus: Holy fucking shit. Polites: If that flies over their head then, sorry Eurylochus, but they're too dumb for you. Eurylochus: Polites.

Polites, throwing their head into Eurylochus's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Eurylochus, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Polites: I think we should kiss. Eurylochus: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

Eurylochus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Polites: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Eurylochus: ... Eurylochus: You mean ring bearER, right? Polites: ... Eurylochus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Eurylochus: I love you. Polites, not paying attention: What was that? Eurylochus: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Polites: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing. Eurylochus: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Polites: We have a problem. Eurylochus: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Polites: That was so hot, Eurylochus. Eurylochus: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Polites: I'm so in love with you.

Eurylochus: How do I tell Polites that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

Polites: Eurylochus is playing hard to get. Polites: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Eurylochus: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Polites: That's great, Eurylochus. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Eurylochus: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Polites: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* Eurylochus: That one. I want that one.

Polites, to Eurylochus: We had a date! Polites: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book*

Polites: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Eurylochus: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Eurylochus: I want to kiss you. Polites, not paying attention: What? Eurylochus: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Polites: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out? Eurylochus: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

Polites: I have feelings for you. Eurylochus: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Polites: What are you in the mood for? Eurylochus: World domination. Polites: That's a bit ambitious. Eurylochus: You are my world. Polites: Aww... Eurylochus: Polites: Eurylochus: Polites: OH.

Polites: Do you want to know your gay name? Eurylochus: My... my gay name? Polites: Yeah, it's your first name- Eurylochus: Haha. Very funny Polites- Polites: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Eurylochus: Oh- oh my god.

Polites: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Eurylochus is? Because Eurylochus is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Polites: Eurylochus, you love me, right? Eurylochus: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Polites: Go fuck yourself. Eurylochus, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

Eurylochus: We both look very handsome tonight. Polites: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you." Eurylochus: I couldn't take that chance.

Eurylochus walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Polites, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. Polites, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

Polites: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Eurylochus: This is a lie. Eurylochus: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Eurylochus: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Eurylochus: Is something burning? Polites, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Eurylochus: Polites, the toaster is literally on fire.

Eurylochus: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Polites: I wrote you a poem. Eurylochus, already crying: You did?

Polites: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Eurylochus: Oh. We're going out? Polites: Wh...

*Eurylochus and Polites are in Paris.* Eurylochus: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny? Polites: But... Eurylochus: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and... Polites: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception? Eurylochus: Yeah. Polites: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe. Eurylochus: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION. Polites: Okay, alright.

Polites: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Eurylochus: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Polites: Seize the dick.

Polites: Are we fighting or flirting? Eurylochus: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Polites: Your point?

Polites: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? Eurylochus: Peonies, why? Polites: Eurylochus: Were you going to get me flowers? Polites: Eurylochus: Polites: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Polites: So you like cats? Eurylochus: Yeah. Polites: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*