#poets network

To have loved you,

with a dwindling fire behind the eye,

know that it doesn’t hurt me anymore.

To miss you,

as I still do, with thunder in my soul

and a soft smile etched on my face.

To see you,

in my flurry of unbridled longing, as I did,

know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.

To see me,

as you did, with a watchful eye,

tearing me apart on an act of faith,

I wish we met before this ugly world 

Convinced me that life is nothing but war. 

Blood flows from my invisible bullet wounds 

As I collapse in a heap onto your bedroom floor. 

Because I used to be painted golden - 

I was the sunshine on a bright spring afternoon 

And cherry blossoms drifting in the autumn air 

Instead of a shaky pair of hands and heart. 

Now I'm caffeine and poorly suppressed anger, 

Traded my toy sword for a sawed off shotgun 

And a mean left hook. I may burn like the sun

But my shine is more like a Californian forest fire.   

and being married hasn't changed that

and my bones fusing hasn't changed that

and nothing that I goddamn do can change that

and I'm not sure I want to change myself at all

though sometimes I can do without the longing

and the deep seated love of misery

and the body that doesn't work sometimes

but if any of that went away I would not be who I've always been

and god knows I can't change that

Come away from the world

just escape your reality.

Bring your mind to a halt dear

and now let’s go silently.

Tell me all that you want,

what you need, where you want to be.

I will be your way out

if in doubt, just remember me.

Hold my head in your hands

lay me down,

please take care of me.

Say my name in your voice

take me now,

will you still see me?

Love, this life is a stage

turn the page while you’re burning bright.

Talk the talk all you want

In your dreams when you sleep at night.

Different ways to be us,

different times and you know we’d be free.

So take that chip on the chin,

don’t be fooled and I know you’ll see.

Take my hand in the waves

keep me close,

don’t let go of me.

Take my heart in your hands

hold it close,

Oh star-child; your eyes might be sad and hurting,

But at least the fire behind them burns white-hot 

Despite the fact they look like the deep green sea. 

Is it really a wonder why no one understands you? 

Oh star-child; you long for someone to call home. 

Went from guarded cynisism to heart-on-sleeve,

Thinking that would make you more loveable but

You're venom to romance and good intentions.

Oh star-child; you really do torture yourself most.

But that is how I built you after all - tears of blood

And veins made of stardust. Gunshots for fists,

Razor for a tongue and a rose for a wilting heart. 

Oh star-child;

When everyone else leaves you (and they will)

We'll dance under the pale moonlight together, 

 And you'll know that I love you truly. 

And it made me realise quite jarringly

That the only times I've felt any kind of real 

Was with your hands brushing my hair, 

And your lips pressed gently to mine. 

I'm sorry I'm so far from good, 

And I know you don't want perfect, just stable 

But some nights I can feel the demons 

Ripping at my skin - trying to ruin me. 

But I do love you. Your softness. 

Candid laughs shared in intimate moments. 

The feeling of your teeth on my skin.  

The way your presence keeps me calm. 

And at the end of the day, I think the bruises on 

Your neck look almost beautiful and all I can do 

Is hope you think my scarred arms look kinda nice.