when one of your headmates triggers your partner system: ???
We've been having a problem regarding a headmate of ours who reminds our wifes system of an abusive family member. The headmate in question is a prosecutor in our system and has caused some issues in the past due to this, but it has gotten to the point where said headmate can't even front or be in the cofront at all without our partner having to leave the house and be insanely triggered.
Our initial resolution to this was to not allow this headmate to front at all, but she has been repeatedly having breakdowns in headspace over us denying her autonomy. she (and others in our system, including me) think that its not fair to deny her a life in the outerworld and she particularly feels punished for crimes she did not commit, but to most of us the health of our partner far outweighs any internal issues that could arise from this, even though we recognize our headmates as fully fleshed people who exist and deserve to live.
we're writing this post because we wonder if any systems in relationships with other systems experience something like this. We're trying to hear other perspectives and try to formulate a plan of action so that we can keep our partner safe while letting this headmate have some semblance of a life if possible. We've had an internal vote but it ended up being 50/50 on whether to let her front or not.
Personally as another prosecutor in the system i dont feel good about not letting this headmate exist, i feel like if the tables were turned id be pretty fucked up about it too. shes also someone i consider a friend to some degree more than my other headmates and the way they gang up on her because of this makes me pissed as hell but i really dont have a real choice in the matter so. has anyone else had this issue ?
important to note our partners health is obviously the priority here, we dont resent them for this or anything like. we get it
