If we get any more people on this earth, we should start teaching our kids how to eat their siblings. At least that’ll save up some space.

and while we’re at it, why not kill the more unluckier children? Im not talking about the ones in the war zones. Or the third world places. They’re fine. Mostly.

I'm talking about the ones that are born into this world already knowing pain. The ones that were genetically mutilated into nightmarish caricatures of the human body that would trigger your instinct to grab the nearest improvised killing implement from just one look. The ones that’ll spend almost all of their hypothetical lives craving death to take them and save them from this genetic hell they were cursed with.

seriously. Some unlucky kids that are born with a genetic structure that hates them don’t deserve to die; they NEED to die. As long as they can die as fast as possible, their newly formed souls will leave their shitty excuses for a baby’s body and go back to the Great Before to get dealt another hand of HOPEFULLY NON-DETRIMENTAL GENETICS.

Placenta Services Myths BUSTED: Part TWO

by Andrea

Last week we discussed the first 5 common myths that surround the practice of placentophagy, the act of consuming one’s placenta. If you missed it, you can view it here! Today we will uncover and debunk the next 5! Let’s continue the conversation! Connect with us and leave comments or questions about placenta services.

MYTH #6: It’s a FAD Although it has been suggested that placenta capsules were made popular by Kourtney Kardashian (yes, I was actually told this by a nurse when picking up a client’s placenta!) the sacred practice of Placentophagy has a long history of offering benefits to mothers around the world. BUSTED: For many years new mothers around the world have benefitted from Placentophagy. The human practice itself finds its deepest roots in Traditional Chinese Medicine where it is considered a sacred medicine for balancing and restoring Qi, ones ‘life energy’ or ‘life force’. Although it is difficult to identify when the practice of giving back to ones body and being began in humans, we have enough evidence, both anecdotal and research based, to say with confidence that it is not a fad.

MYTH #7: It is NOT an option with Cesarean Birth

If you are wondering whether or not your planned (or unplanned) Cesarean Birth has eliminated your opportunity to enjoy the benefits of Placenta Services I am excited to tell you that it has not! BUSTED: Cesarean Birth, put simply, is birth! Birthing your baby(ies) in this way does not change the fact that your amazing placenta is still your amazing placenta! I always encourage my clients to inform their care providers (both medical and non-medical) of their wishes to utilize placenta services and this is especially important should you have a planned or unplanned Cesarean. Regardless of how your baby enters this world, most hospitals require you to sign a placenta release form either prior to or post delivery and it is often best to inform the nursing staff on duty of your intentions to have your placenta released to you upon arrival. This allows for your wishes to be clearly communicated and gets any paperwork out of the way giving you the opportunity to all the sweet new moments with your baby.

MYTH #8: Placenta Encapsulation is something you can DIY I am all for a good DIY and a quick search on Pinterest will offer you some options on what you need to encapsulate your own placenta however processing your placenta is one DIY attempt that is best left to a professional. BUSTED: There are a number of reasons why it’s best to leave your placenta processing and services to a professional. One main reason is because they are trained and experienced in what a healthy (and unsafe for that matter) placenta looks, feels and…smells like. They are skilled and aware of all the strict parameters of proper sanitization, cleaning, dehydrating and encapsulating and know what to look for to ensure that your capsules and services are safe for your consumption. The equipment required to process your placenta safely (please no oven dehydrating!) is extensive and costly and will likely cost you more than the investment you make to work with a specialist. And most importantly, processing your placenta properly from start to finish requires a significant time investment, time that you will likely rather spend relaxing and bonding with your new baby.  

 MYTH #9: Placenta Services are supported by Midwives only, not by Obstetricians (OBs) Under the care of a Midwife? You are bound to be informed of the amazing benefits of Placenta services! Under the care of an OB, better luck next time! BUSTED: Although it is more common for Midwives to be more open and supportive of their client’s choices, especially when they deviate from what is considered ‘the norm’ in the medical community, there is no hard line drawn in the sand on placenta services. I have come across several Midwives who are in complete support and have informed their clients of the benefits of placenta services and some who are more weary and encourage their clients to conduct their own research. I have also come across very supportive OBs who feel it is their patient’s choice and see the value in what holds a degree of medical reasoning: that the nutrients, vitamins and hormones that pass through the placenta must also, to a certain degree, remain in the placental tissues themselves. It is important to inform your care provider of your wishes and equally important to be prepared that they may or may not be informed or supportive. Starting the dialogue with them and bringing any concerns forward to a trained Placenta Specialist is the best way to ensure that you are well informed and confident in your decision.

MYTH #10: If you are Vegetarian or Vegan you cannot benefit from Placenta Capsules You might be surprised how often this question is raised by concerned Moms-to-be who want to ensure that they would not be bending any of their ethical or lifestyle choices by exploring the option of consuming their placenta. Rest assured, no animals were harmed in the making of your placenta, in fact the cutest little baby just so happened to be the result! BUSTED: Most people choose to adopt a Vegetarian or Vegan lifestyle for a number of different reasons and most often to prevent the exploitation and commodification of animals, for their health and for environmental purposes. Because your placenta is an organ created by you to sustain the life of your baby and is naturally discarded no humans or animals are harmed in the process. In fact, by choosing placenta services you are closing the life circle of your pregnancy and honouring the life sustaining organ that was the womb buddy to your baby while he or she grew healthy and strong. There is no better way to honour this important part of your pregnancy by giving back its nourishing benefits to yourself postpartum.