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Pidge's Five Foolproof Steps to Winning the Person of Your Dreams
Summary: Hunk comes to Pidge for some advice on how to get closer to his secret crush. Pidge instantly decides that this "secret" crush must be Lance. While acting as wingman to Hunk's completely ineffectual advances, Pidge slowly develops feelings for Hunk. But Hunk is in love with Lance! ...isn't he?
Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender
Category: romance, h/c
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Hunk, Pidge|Katie Holt, Lance
Relationships: Hunk/Pidge|Katie Holt, Hunk&Lance(friendship)
Chapter: 1/?
part 1 | part 2
read it on AO3
“Hey Pidge?” Hunk was doing that thing again, the thing he did when he was nervous, where he held his hands close together at chest-height and lightly tapped the ends of his fingers together, like two hand puppets exchanging swift kisses. “I need your help with something.”
“Sure thing,” Pidge said amiably, scooting away from their programming to give Hunk their full attention.
“Well, actually, you might not want to agree until you hear what I have to say first,” Hunk said nervously, voice coming out louder than he'd intended due to nerves. He covered his mouth lightly with the fingertips of his right hand, a small “eep” escaping as he did so.
“I'm sure it's fine, just tell me,” Pidge said.
“Okay, well, you remember that time I had a crush on Kevin and Lance told me to send him anonymous love notes and you said that was ridiculous and you had a foolproof five-step method and Lance kind of laughed about it then asked what the steps were and you said your secret was too good for the likes of him?” Hunk took a big breath, he'd said the whole thing all at once and was feeling a little lightheaded from lack of oxygen. Also he was breathing really hard. Nerves.
Pidge was slowly nodding, putting the pieces together. “Why do you bring this up now?” Pidge asked, already 90% certain of the answer.
“Well,” Hunk said awkwardly, then paused, flushing. “I kind of realized recently I have a crush on someone, and I don't know how to, y’know, communicate that in a way that would possibly improve my odds,” Hunk scratched at the back of his neck, unable to meet Pidge’s gaze in his discomfort.
"Is it Shay?" Pidge asked blandly.
Hunk's face twisted in an expression of dismay. "No, she's a friend, a very good friend. But not... I don't think of her like that!" Hunk said defensively, "And honestly I'm tired of you all asking me that every time someone brings up her, or the balmera, or..." Hunk huffed.
Pidge raised their hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay, forget I said anything about that," they said. "In that case... well, before I go over the steps, I usually ask how well you know the person."
Hunk blanched slightly. "But-"
"But," Pidge interrupted, "in terms of actual people that you've been interacting with recently, as you put it, there aren't all that many options. Especially now that Shay's off the table," Pidge added in an undertone.
Hunk scowled. "I heard that."
Pidge waved aside his complaint, already mentally tallying the possible targets of Hunk’s crush. Shiro? Allura? Keith? Lance? ...Coran?! “Anyway, I can teach you my foolproof method - as long as you promise not to tell Lance the steps, that is.”
Hunk nodded quickly. "It's not my information to share," he said sincerely. "I wouldn't want to betray your trust."
Pidge felt a small blossom of warmth at that, Hunk always seemed to know exactly how to say things in a way that made other people feel better about themselves. Hunk valued their trust. That felt nice, knowing they were valued...
With a small smile, Pidge turned back to the computer. Several rapid keystrokes, swipes, and taps later, Pidge brought up a holographic display with a presentation. In big block letters the title read, “PIDGE’S FIVE FOOLPROOF STEPS TO WINNING THE PERSON OF YOUR DREAMS”.
Hunk's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. “Wow, it looks so professional!” he said, staring unblinkingly at the projection.
Pidge preened a little at the praise, before bringing the first step onto the screen.
“STEP 1:” it read, “EXPRESS AN INTEREST IN THEM AND THEIR INTERESTS.” Pidge turned to Hunk to see what he thought of the first step.
Hunk was staring at Pidge like they were a wizard. “When did you have time to make this presentation?” he asked, completely missing the point of the first step in his hang-up over a minor detail. “Did you do all this right now?”
Pidge wished the answer could have been yes, but actually they’d put the presentation together out of sheer boredom and petty amusement several weeks previous. “I made it a few weeks ago in the occasion that something like this might happen,” Pidge fudged, liking this explanation rather better than the real reason.
Hunk’s eyes seemed to sparkle with admiration. “That's great!” he said, before his eyes refocused, taking in the words themselves. His lips moved slightly as he silently read it over once or twice. He glanced up at Pidge, a question in his gaze. “What exactly does ‘express an interest in them and their interests’ mean?" He asked Pidge, worrying that he might somehow screw up something as simple as showing interest. "Do I just go up to them and be like ‘hey I'm interested in you’?” Hunk looked at Pidge helplessly.
“Well obviously there's a bit more to it than that,” Pidge said.
“Maybe not obvious to everyone,” Hunk muttered softly under his breath.
Pidge leveled a look in his direction, golden eyes snapping dangerously. “What was that?”
Hunk flinched. “Oh, nothing…” he said faintly.
Pidge continued. “You want to invest in them. Spend time with them, find out what they enjoy doing and try to join in.”
“So, okay, that makes sense and all but,” Hunk puffed air between slightly pouted lips, looking worried. “How much attention is too much attention, you know? I mean, what if you already spend a lot of time with them?”
Pidge didn't want to breach Hunk’s trust, really, they didn't. But there was only really one paladin that Hunk seemed intentional about making extra time for. “Oh my god, it's Lance? ” Pidge sputtered.
Hunk’s face paled as he protested, “No, that's not, I never said-!”
Oh, denial. That was adorable. As if Pidge couldn't tell when the rule of "methinks the lady doth protest too much" was at play... “It is Lance!” Pidge wasn't sure whether to cackle or facepalm. “I mean sure, he's somewhat conventionally attractive, I guess, and you two are pretty close…” Pidge grinned at the thought. Hunk and Lance. It worked, somehow. “Don't worry, Hunk! Your secret is safe with me!” Pidge laid a hand on one of Hunk’s drooping shoulders. “And you can focus on Lance’s other interests. So don't stress about trying to show an interest in flying!”
“Oh, great,” Hunk said, still sounding displeased, bordering on miserable.
“I have an idea!” Pidge said. “I'll be your wingman!”
“You'll what?” Hunk squeaked.
“I'll help you win Lance’s heart!” Pidge explained. “Trust me, with me on your side, the two of you will be together in no time.”
“Oh, wow, thanks Pidge, I, uh, really appreciate the help,” Hunk said weakly.
“Just you wait,” Pidge promised excitedly. “Five steps. Five days, and he’s yours.”
“It’s a shame you’ll never know just how soft your own lips are.” He brings his thumb up to stroke said lips. He learned a lot about what not to do from Lance.
Hunk wrapped his arms around Pidge and pulled the other close to him. “Just don’t ask me to talk dirty to you, I’m terrible at that.” He moved a hand up to cup Pidge’s cheek and placed a kiss to Pidge’s lips. His other hand traveled down and cupped dat booty.
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Hunk’s eyes went wide. They had just finished going over some data and were each about to retire for the night when Pidge’s face became weird. And then Pidge’s face, all of Pidge, was on him.
But just as quickly as it had happened, it stopped happening. Pidge was walking away now, without offering Hunk even a single word. He didn’t like that. Seeing Pidge’s retreating back filled him with anxiety, and he quickly reached out to pull Pidge back towards him. “You- what? Why?” Though he knew he needed to act, he didn’t know what to do beyond stop Pidge. His mind was still wrapping itself around the... that was definitely a kiss. Whoa.
