#pidap

...

nine years ago

paige didn’t know much, but she did know that girls were amazing. like, substantially more perfect than boys. she’d pretend that she liked to gossip with girls about their boy drama, but really, it just made her feel uncomfortable. she feels out of place, like a goddamn poser dressed up in an ill-fitting skirt and a polo. sure, they were true to size, but she never felt like she could relax while wearing them.

she didn’t like how she felt when hailey smiled at her. the way her hands got clammy and her face grew hot. it was embarrassing. it was humiliating. it was weird. she was so weird and there’s no way anyone could think of her differently.

she wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept of homosexuality. it didn’t make her uncomfortable when other people talked about it, but the thought of not marrying a man one day made the bile crawl up her throat. her mom had never talked to her about it, but when she spoke of her future, she’d always speak with a certainty that paige would marry a man.

so naturally, paige complied. she did a good job of pushing down any possible strong feelings she might’ve had towards other girls, and it was usually simple. but with hailey, it felt impossible. she was around girls — by beautiful, perfect girls — nearly all day every day, but there was something different about hailey.

maybe it was the way she welcomed paige when the blonde felt out of place in a school where she didn’t know anyone. hailey treated her with a sense of welcoming and kindness, instead of writing her off as the weird quiet girl. when the other girls would send mean looks at paige, hailey would always offer a smile.

paige and hailey had officially met in science class. paige spent most of her days pretending to solidify material that she already understood, and one day, hailey sat next to her. they didn’t talk much at first, but hailey did her best to initiate conversations. one day, after a particularly long conversation (that may or may not have gotten them in trouble with their teacher), hailey spontaneously invited her over, to which paige agreed.

they started having study sessions nearly every day after that. it was calm and easy at first, but then paige realized how her heart rate would speed up and how her face warmed at the mere thought of hailey. she had beautiful dark green eyes and light brown curly hair, and she had the sweetest smile paige had ever seen.

the studying would turn into talking about everything except school, and then the talking turned into sleepovers. paige never liked sleepovers because she always preferred to have her own space to sleep, but she made an exception for hailey.

but then, sleepovers turned into talking through the night, and paige found herself becoming vulnerable with a girl for the first time ever. she told hailey all about her parents divorce and how she’d always feel a bit guilty about it, and hailey genuinely listened. paige found that she could trust her.

one night, at an ungodly hour, paige really felt like there had been some sort of shift. hailey had been trying to prod information out of paige all night, mostly about boys, but paige gave her nothing.

“so,” hailey said, propped up on her elbow as she looked down at paige. “have you ever kissed anyone before?”

“uh,” paige murmured stupidly. “no.”

hailey giggled. “i have,” she replied, shrugging. “a lot.”

paige nodded, shifting to stare at the ceiling. “cool,” she muttered, doing her best to mask the ugly feeling forming in her stomach. of course hailey had kissed people before. she was pretty, and smart, and popular.

“just cool?” hailey repeated, mimicking paige’s tone. she paused before speaking again. “do you wanna practice?” she asked.

paige froze. was she seriously suggesting that they’d kiss? she couldn’t find her words, so she just shrugged and whispered, “i dunno.”

when she turned back towards hailey, their faces were suddenly inches apart. “do you,” hailey started, eyes flitting down to paige's lips before meeting her eyes, “or do you not?”

paige nodded like an idiot, thanking god that it was too dark for hailey to see the bright pink color in her cheeks. hailey smiled, leaning in before gently pressing their lips together once. “there,” she said, before lying back down as if it meant nothing.

paige didn’t rest that night, her brain too wired to sleep.

a couple days later, hailey had come to her house again to study. they’d finished working, and paige took it as her opportunity. she was sure hailey would respond positively.

hailey was sketching something when paige spoke. “hailey,” she stumbled out. “can i tell you something?

hailey paused her movements for a moment, before nodding and resuming her drawing.

“i think — “ paige paused, taking a deep breath. “i think i like girls.”

hailey paused again, that time setting her pencil down. “you what?” she asked, except she looked puzzled as if she hadn’t expected anything of the sort.

“i think i like girls,” paige said, eyes searching hailey’s as she wrung out her clammy hands.

hailey sat up and looked around the room. “you don’t, paige,” she spat out. “you’re confused.”

paige’s eyes had widened at the denial. how was hailey going to sit there after kissing paige, and then tell her that she was confused? “you kissed me,” paige choked out, holding back tears.

“friends do that,” hailey said, as if it was ridiculous that paige could’ve read into it. “wouldn’t have done it if i knew you were in love with me,” she added, packing up her stuff.

paige’s face was bright red, shame, sadness, and complete confusion clear in her features. she couldn’t speak. all she could do was stare at the floor. if she looked at hailey again she knew she’d cry.

finally, as hailey got to her door, she spoke once again. “i can’t believe this,” she all but spits out. “you really thought—“ she paused, scoffing before she slammed paige’s door, causing paige to flinch.

she listened to hailey’s footsteps retreat down her staircase and heard the front door slam before watching out the window for her mom to pick her up. when the car door shut, the door to her room opened.

her dad’s voice made her flinch out of her daze. “everything okay, pumpkin?” he asked, concerned.

paige wiped at the tears threatening to fall before turning around and shook her head. “no,” she said honestly. she was happy to know that there was at least one person in the universe who’d love her unconditionally. she’d accepted that god probably couldn’t. not like this, at least.

her dad outstretched his arms as he walked towards paige, inviting her into a hug. paige fell into his arms, letting out a loud sob as he kissed the crown of her head. “tell me about it, sweetheart,” he mumbled into her hair.

paige pulled away before sitting on her bed and took a deep exhale. “okay,” she whispers. “promise you won’t get mad.”

bob took a seat next to her, grabbing her hand. “promise i won’t, paige.”

paige took a few moments to gather her thoughts as she tried to steady her breathing enough to utter a full sentence. shakily, she mutters out, “i’m gay, dad.”

“i know, pumpkin,” her father smiles. “and i don’t love you any less,” he whispers, a tear trailing down his cheek before he tugs paige into another hug.

…

present day

paige wakes up in the early morning cold and naked. she can already tell azzi is gone by how quiet her apartment is. she’d expected this to happen as soon as azzi had left the room, but a bit of hope lingered that maybe she’d come back.

she didn’t leave super abrubtly, or anything. after all, she did say she was only going to grab a glass of water for paige. it had been sweet of her to be putting paige first.

paige wishes she’d been the one to leave. she’s been in similar situations an embarrassing amount of times, but this level of heartbreak is shameful, especially for a girl she’d properly met less than a week ago.

as paige’s eyes well up with tears, she searches around for her clothes on the floor. they’re all rumpled from the way she’d rushed to take them off, but she doesn’t have the energy to care about that.

she sits back down on the bed before getting dressed, wiping her eyes until the tears stop falling.

she cringes thinking about last night. the crying was so fucking embarrassing. she can’t even believe she’d told azzi all of that shit. made herself vulnerable. she probably sounded like a whiny baby talking about her mom.

but azzi truly made her feel safe. she’d been so open and kind, and she’d insisted on cooking dinner even when paige had tried her hardest to help. she was an angel. she was looking at paige with genuine care, and paige felt like she could trust her with anything.

so, yeah, she did tell the girl she’d only been friends with for a week about her childhood and her mother’s death. took her almost a year to tell kate, but azzi made it so easy.

she wipes the last of her tears away, taking a few deep breaths before making azzi’s bed for her. really, it’s the least she can do. she tidies up the floor, and even takes some time organzing her desk. it doesn’t take her long, since azzi is a neat and organized person.

finally, she pulls her hair up into a messy bun as she walks out of the bedroom. on the kitchen counter, there’s a full glass of water. paige’s phone sits on the table from last night’s dinner. no note, but it’s not like paige was really expecting one either.

maybe the boyfriend had texted and called her. maybe she just couldn’t bear to see paige. whatever it was, it was probably valid.

and as much as she wants to curse azzi for the rest of her life, paige shares just as much blame. azzi had a fucking boyfriend. no matter how much of an cornball loser he was, that was a taken woman.

azzi must have been so scared. cheating was bad, but it has to suck, like, a million times worse when you’re unsure about your sexuality. even if azzi was straight, she must have felt an unimaginable amount of shame and confusion.

so it'll be their little secret. most people didn’t notice paige, anyways, so it’s not like it’ll be a problem. if kate asks, she’ll tell her. but for now, she’ll do her very best to pretend everything is fine. she’s good at that.

sort of.

she grabs her keys from the entry table, doing her best to ignore the photo of azzi kissing her fuckass boyfriend’s cheek. paige had never hated a man (lie), but she really wants to strangle him right about now.

the thought makes her feel guilty. she has no right being possessive over azzi, especially since the brunette clearly doesn’t want anything to do with her after last night, but she can’t help it. there was no way in hell that any mediocre man could be better than a woman. paige isn’t cocky, but she knows that, based on the noises azzi was letting out last night, it’d been a while since someone had made her feel good.

she groans and runs her hands down her face before finally opening the door and walking out. she trudges down the hallway as quietly as she can, not wanting to wake the other people sleeping on the floor. when she makes it to the elevator, she lets out an exaggerated groan as it descends at a painfully slow rate.

she finally checks her phone as she walks to her car. kate has called her about a million times, and has texted her a million times more, but she’s going back to their apartment, so she decides not to respond. hopefully kate hasn’t filed a missing person report or some shit.

her phone’s bluetooth connects and immediately starts playing love by keyshia cole. ironic, considering she felt everything but loved at the moment. she felt like a sad middle schooler who just broke up with her first girlfriend. although, even more ironically, her and azzi weren’t dating. at this point, they weren’t anything.

paige groans, banging her head into the steering wheel as the chorus plays. she throws her head back in frustration as it blares through the speakers, and she scrambles around to shut it off before putting her car in reverse.

her whole body is stiff and her car is freezing cold, and azzi lives really out of the way. if it weren’t for the streetlamps lining the empty ass roads, paige probably would’ve fallen asleep by now. she kind of wishes she does. dying in a car accident wouldn’t be that bad. plus, it’s not like it’d be on purpose — it’d just be destiny. a sign from the universe, if you will.

but the universe is cruel and unforgiving. so of course, all she can think about on the entire ride home is azzi. azzi’s eyes, azzi’s hair, azzi’s beautiful, perfect body. the way azzi sounded when she came. the way she held paige tightly when she opened up about her mom. the way she refused help with dinner even though it was being offered to her so openly.

she was so fucking selfless. it’s the reason paige can’t bring herself to feel angry or bitter at anyone but herself. she knows azzi didn’t mean to hurt her feelings by walking out. she knows azzi was probably in shock, or scared, and the thought of azzi ever feeling that way blows every other feeling involved out of the water.

she does contemplate texting azzi a few times. she wants to check in, maybe see how she’s doing, but she knows it’s better to not talk about it at all.

she reaches her apartment complex, putting her car in park before sitting silence for a few minutes. she enjoys it, since she knows kate will probably be bombarding her with questions as soon as she walks in.

people tell paige she’s the smartest person in the room all the time. they talk about how they wish they had her brain, how they can only imagine having the ability to do the things she does. but honestly, paige doesn’t think she’s all that special.

at the end of the day, she’s literally just a stupid loser lesbian who happens to be crazy good at math. she feels the same things everyone else does, gets hurt and frustrated and confused and so fucking lost in the same way anyone else would.

and sure, she’d slept with enough women to know she was decent at it, but that was fucking useless when feelings became invovled. it’s partly why she stopped casually having sex after her mom died. she couldn’t do it, couldn’t fathom how people fucked and then acted normal about it, because paige hadn’t been normal about a single thing in her life.

she’d never slept with the same person more than once, mainly because she’d feel sick for days afterwards. it made her feel like an asshole, and maybe she was, a bit. but she knew relationships didn’t tend to end well in her family. her dad had been divorced twice, and she had a tendency to follow in his footsteps. so instead of ever commititing to falling in love in college, she would commit to studying instead.

and then a girl with curly brown hair and the prettiest eyes paige had ever seen came into play. paige felt herself falling quickly, and instead of distancing herself, she slept with her. whatever.

she slams her head against the steering wheel, squeezing her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from falling. there’s no use, though, since they rush down her face anyways, hot and angry.

she exhales shakily before finally forcing herself to step out of her car. it’s freezing outside, but she allows the cold wind to hit her face as she takes her time walking into the apartment complex. she deserves it anyways. stupid, stupid girl, she was.

she ignores the elevator once she makes it inside, settling for walking up the stairs. she needs the leg work anyways. once she makes it to her floor, she tries to compose herself. there’s no use, since she can’t seem to force the tears away.

she fumbles with her keys, trying to open the door a few times before failing and giving up once she grows frustrated with herself. a tear falls onto her shoe, and then and she knows she looks like a fucking mess as she bites her lip to choke the sobs back.

she slides down her door and slumps against it, exhaustion pulling her to sleep after a few minutes.

she doesn’t know how long she’s out for, but she’s awoken by kate’s voice blasting through the hallway. “jesus fucking christ,” she yells, a bit frightened. “why the hell are you out here?”

paige flinches at the volume, scrambling to stand up before walking past kate and attempting to beeline for her bedroom. this doesn’t work out, since kate wraps her arm around paige’s wrist and guides her to the couch. “talk to me,” she demands.

“i’m tired, kate,” paige mutters, trying to stand up but failing once kate pulls her back down to the couch.

“me too, paige,” kate huffs out angrily. “but you didn’t respond to any of my calls after disappearing last night, and then i wake up to you slumped against the door looking like shit.”

paige sighs. “gee, thanks for the words of encouragement,” she mutters out before feeling a sharp slap across her face. “jesus fuck, kate! what was that for?”

kate scoffs. “you think i’m joking. i was worried sick and you didn’t even call.”

paige shrugs. “’s embarrassing.”

kate rolls her eyes at the lame excuse. “nothing is embarrassing between us anymore, paige. i’ve known you since high school, for god’s sake.”

paige shrugs at the comment, since she can’t really argue with that. too tired to dance around the explanation for any longer, she lays it out plainly. “i had sex with azzi,” she admits quietly before resting her head on her hand that sits on the armresr. she feels the tears fall and doesn’t attempt to make them stay back this time.

all paige hears is a “shit” before kate wraps her arms around her shoulders and brings her into a tight embrace. they don’t say anything, the only sound being paiges quiet sobs.

“that good, huh?” kate attempts to joke, but when paige doesn’t laugh, she just sends her a sympathetic look. “too soon?” paige nods. “sorry. d’you wanna get some breakfast and talk about it?” paige shakes her head. “okay,” kate agrees before prodding paige to stand up.

she walks paige to her bedroom, tucking her in before bringing her a glass of water. paige finally allows herself to get good sleep.

…

she wakes up to the sound of her alarm blaring through her bedroom, a sharp reminder that, as much as she’d love to lay in her bed and sulk all day, she’s still a student with obligations. she groans before shutting it off, sipping the water kate kindly left out before checking her phone. as expected, there’s nothing from azzi, so she sets the phone back on her nightstand before staring at her ceiling.

a spaceship hangs from it, a necessary detail she always knew she wanted once she figured out what her dream career was. she watches as it swings back and forth from the light breeze blowing through the room.

as much as she loves her major and as excited as she is for her future, she also hates how lonely she feels at times as woman in engineering. in most of her classes, there’s only one or two other girls, and paige isn’t exactly social, so she doesn’t have any friends who really know what it’s like.

and jesus christ, some of the men could be exhausting. they’re so self-assured, so goddamn egotistical, always acting like they know more because they’re men. paige always thought that smarter men were slightly more refreshing, but her time in college has proven anything but.

kate always teases her about how much disdain she has for men, but they’re just such shallow creatures. they struggle to think about anything except their damn selves, and they think they’re so fucking worthy, when in reality, they’re anything but.

she’s annoyed when she thinks about azzi’s stupid boyfriend, who probably hasn’t had to work for a damn thing in his life. she’s sure that if she knocked on his skull she’d hear echoes. there was no way he had anything meaningful to offer, especially not to such a perfect girl like azzi. she groans into her pillow, smacking it into her face a few times in frustration before finally standing up to get ready for the day.

her shower goes smoothly enough, and it makes her feel just the tiniest bit less shitty.

today she decides on a worn vikings hoodie and a pair of sweatpants she’s probably owned since her freshman year of high school. they’re kind of short and sit like high waters, but she doesn’t have it in her to change. if she looks like shit, so fucking be it. she definitely fits the part.

kate is already in the kitchen cooking breakfast when she walks out of her bedroom. she’s making her usual: scrambled eggs with some toast and a side of avocado. paige wasn’t super fond of the avocado at first, but she’s grown to like it. plus, it’s good for her.

“morning,” she mumbles quietly, before clearing the rasp out of her throat.

kate smiles at the sound of her voice as she plates the food, sliding it across the counter while paige takes her seat at the island. “how’d you sleep, p?”

paige shrugs. no point in lying, so she just admits it. “like shit,” she sighs, self-depreciation all over her face as she shoves a bite of food into her mouth.

kate nods. “wanna talk about it now?” she asks, to which paige quickly declines with a firm head shake. “that’s okay. tell me anyways?”

paige groans at her nosy best friend’s insistence, but she speaks anyways. “she made dinner,” she starts, and when she looks up, kate is nodding along as if she wants her to tell the whole story. paige swallows, setting her fork down and rubbing her eyes with the bases of her palms. “told her about my mom.”

she doesn’t see kate, although she’s sure that there’s a look of surprise across her face. “shit,” she mumbles. “you didn’t tell me until six months after.”

paige nods. “yup,” she mutters. “and then we kissed, and then — yeah.”

kate looks puzzled. “so you had sex and then — and then what? you left at the asscrack of dawn?” when paige shakes her head, it seems to confuse kate more. “so then what happened, paige? seriously?”

paige shakes her head. “we had sex and then she said she was grabbing water. and then—" she pauses, frustrated at the recollection of events. “i dunno. guess she just never came back. wasn’t there when i woke up.”

kate nods along, satisfied enough with the explanation. “have you talked to her yet?”

paige stretches her arms above her head before dropping her hands back into her lap and shaking her head again. “don’t really know what i’d say. ‘hey azzi, i know we had mind blowing sex last night and you have a boyfriend, but i think i’m in love with you and i don’t really know what do do about it. also —‘“

“hold on,” kate cuts her off. “did you just say you’re in love with her?”

paige’s face burns up in surprise. she didn’t really mean for it to come out that way. or at all. “uh —“ she starts, but stops when she realizes she can’t really lie her way out of this one. “guess i did,” she says, toying at her lip with her teeth as she lets out a long sigh.

“damn…” kate huffs. “i understand it, though. respectfully, she’s hot as fuck,” when paige flips her off, she giggles. “and yeah. it seems like a good idea to me, she mumbles, and when paige sends her a look of confusion, she explains. “all i’m saying is that i’m not entirely against cheating if boring men are involved. you’re fucking hot, paige! worst thing that could happen is you don’t talk to her again.”

“no, kate, the worst thing that could happen is her boyfriend beating me the fuck up or something! are you insane?” paige looks at her as if she has two heads at the suggestion. the idea was nice and might work for other less socially-inept masc lesbians, but paige isn’t that forward and life doesn’t really tend to work out in her favor anyway.

“i mean — for what it’s worth, i bet you could take him,” kate mutters. “ow! stop slapping me, you bitch!”

“whatever, dude,” paige scoffs. “i’m going to class,” she says as she stands up from the rickety barstool. she rinses her dishes before taking a trip to the bathroom to wash her hands and brush her teeth. she hears kate shout out “you’re six feet tall and pretty damn strong, bueckers! it’s not that crazy!” causing paige to roll her eyes and send her a middle finger.

once she makes it to the bathroom, she looks at herself in the mirror. god, she’s a fucking mess. her eyes are all red and puffy and she feels pathetic. the last time she cried this much was probably when her mom died.

she wonders what her mom would think of her daughter. studying aerospace engineering, cool! being a sad loser lesbian who is probably going to die alone because she feels too deeply, not so cool.

at least maybe she’d be congratulating her for once.

for the engineering, she means. not the sad loser lesbian shit.

…

class goes by slowly as always, but paige is relieved when her professor lets them out a few minutes early. that is, until she checks her calendar and sees that she has a shift in less than an hour. wonderful. she’ll spend her already shitty day serving college students overpriced lattes and pastries.

when she gets to cafe, her coworker, nika, is already there making a drink for a customer. “hey, paige,” she says, looking over her shoulder right as she calls out the order. nika’s been working at the cafe a bit longer than paige, but she’s significantly more accustomed to the environment. they’re not close by any means, and to be completely honest, nika scares the ever living shit out of paige.

“hey, nika,” paige replies with the best smile she can muster as she ties her apron. nika flashes a quick smile before shouting out the order again. when no one shows up, she curses under her breath in Croatian and tosses the drink down the drain.

“fucking americans,” she mutters, rolling her eyes and motioning with her head for paige to take the next order as she goes to throw the cup in the trash can.

technically paige’s shift hasn’t started, but she’d never try to oppose nika, so she walks up to the counter. “hey! what can i get started for you today?” she asks, pushing her glasses up her face as she waits for the customer to order.

the customer side-eyes the girl next to her before scoffing. “give me a second, damn,” she mutters before sharing a laugh with the friend.

paige deals with a lot of unhappy customers, and this isn’t even close to the worst. she’s too irritated to give her the time of day, so she just backs up from the counter and waits until the girl is ready to order.

nika sidles up next to her after wiping a nonexistent stain from the counter. “why do you let people talk to you like that?”

paige shrugs. “maybe she’s having a bad day. don’t wanna make it worse.” just as she’s about to speak again, the girl waves her hand up to signal that she’s ready to order. she talks way too quickly for paige to process, which is unhelpful with how laggy paige had felt all day. “sorry, can you repeat that?” she asks meekly.

the girl rolls her eyes. “you work at a coffee shop and you can’t even process a basic order?” she complains, before repeating her order. “medium sugar-free iced vanilla latte with light ice and almond milk.”

just as she’s about to back up from the counter, nika walks up next to paige and stops her. “hold on,” she says to the girl. “you’re not getting shit until you apologize to her,” she spits, crossing her arms. “you know, you could be making your own skinny vanilla latte, bitch.”

the girl’s eyes widen and her jaw drops as she lets out a sound of surprise. “excuse me?”

nika tilts her head in mockery. “you heard me. apologize or leave,” she bites, causing the girl to flinch.

“jesus. i’m sorry,” she says, face turning beet red as she turns around and backs away from the counter.

nika turns back towards paige. “these people aren’t considerate of you, paige. sometimes you have to be a little mean.”

paige keeps her head down to hide how red her face probably is, shakily making the coffee. she’s really grateful that nika is so kind, but it’s so embarrassing knowing everyone feels an obligation to stick up for her all the time. she doesn’t know why she has such a problem standing up for herself, but she can’t fix it. so, she eventually just mutters a quiet thank you right after handing the customer her drink.

nika takes it upon herself to jot down the next few orders while paige prepares them, and eventually the cafe dies down for a while. nika laughs at something on her phone before pocketing it to playfully shoulder-check paige. “what’s up?” she asks, groaning when the taller girl shrugs. “you can’t do that. we’re work besties, so basically you gotta tell me everything. plus, you seem upset. like, more than usual. and that’s saying something.”

paige smiles internally at the comment. nika considers her a friend. nice. well, if they’re friends, paige supposes she can talk while being vague. “what would you do,” she starts, figuring out how to word her sentence to not sound so pathetic, “if you slept with a girl who has a boyfriend and then she left you in her bedroom in the middle of the night — well, technically this morning — and you haven’t spoken since?” she asks, realizing there’s no way to make her sound like less of a loser.

nika is stunned, eyebrows raised and jaw about two inches from the floor, and she looks like she’s about to question paige further, but a customer walks in. paige takes this one.

she finishes the order, and nika is still standing by the sink looking like she’s just seen a ghost. damn. it wasn’t that crazy. “nika?” paige calls, waving a hand in front of her face. “anyone home?” she questions as she wipes down the counter.

nika finally moves, but this time she just looks dumbfounded, almost like she can’t believe paige would do this. “bro, you’re not a virgin?” she questions, obviously doing some type of mental math in her head.

paige laughs at that, shaking her head as she wipes down some unoccupied tables. “nope,” she says, nika smiling at the admission from behind the counter.

“damn, p. and here i thought you were completely allergic to women,” she says, paige flipping her off at the comment. they both laugh, paige genuinely smiling for the first time that day. nika sits on the counter, the cafe now empty. “so who’s the lucky girl?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

paige throws the dirty rag back into the bucket before draining the water in the sink and washes her hands. “doesn’t matter,” she says.

nika hums at the response. “she pretty?” she asks, and paige nods immediately. “nice,” she replies, eyes studyinge paige like she wants to say something more.

“what?” paige asks, leaning against the counter.

“you gotta let me see her, bro,” nika asks. “please! promise it’ll be our little secret. i need some drama.”

paige shakes her head again. “nope, sorry” she refuses, and when nika gives her puppy eyes she explains. “look — it just wouldn’t be safe. i don’t even think she’s out. or if she’s even gay. but yeah, she’s beautiful.”

she hopes that nika won’t go on a wild goose chase trying to find azzi, but she’s already worried that she’s said too much. jesus. she probably shouldn’t have told nika anything at all. whatever. if this got out, she’d feel terrible.

"ah, that makes sense," nika sighs, a bit dissapointedly. it seems like nika can sense her thoughts, and she reassures paige. “thanks for telling me. promise this stays between us.” she smiles, holding her arms out for paige to hug her. when they step away, she speaks again. “hey — i know this is like super last-minute, but would you wanna come to ted’s tonight? promise it’ll be chill. just me and a couple of friends.”

damn, maybe nika is nicer than she thought. honestly, there’s been a few times where paige has been scared that nika would commit murder. right now, though, you wouldn’t know it. paige considers the invite. she doesn’t really go out, and she honest-to-god hates drinking, especially in public, but she's terrified nika might murder she declines. can't be that bad. plus, kate is probably gonna be with lucy anyways. she weighs her options, before deciding to accept the offer with a quiet “sure,” shrugging.

nika shrieks, causing paige to flinch, and then pulls her into a hug. “yay! if you hate it, i’ll totally call you an uber,” she offers. “but promise we don’t go too crazy.”

paige laughs, since she can’t really imagine nika being anything but crazy, and they plan out their night as the customers continue to file in every once in a while.

is drinking a good way to get a girl out of your head? definitely not. but it is fun! sometimes. and besides, maybe paige will work up the courage to, like, block azzi or something.

…

paige is wearing a white t-shirt and black cargo pants with her beat up white air force ones that she’s probably had since high school, and her hair is pulled back into a low bun.

nika whistles when she walks into the bar, clearly already a few drinks in based on how laid back she is. “damn, paige. you clean up nice,” she says, giving paige a side hug. there’s a taller girl next to her, probably the same height as paige, and she smiles as she holds her hand out to greet her. paige wipes her already sweaty hands on her shirt before meeting it.

“jordan,” the girl says, still smiling kindly as she wraps her arm around nika’s shoulder. “you work with nika, right?”

paige nods. “yup,” she confirms, rocking back and forth on her feet. jesus. she needs a drink immediately if she’s going to be here for more than two minutes. “’scuse me,” she mutters, motioning towards the bar before turning around and walking towards it.

when she gets to the bar, she orders a few shots of tequila and hesitates before downing them all. they fill her body with a burning sensation, and she probably shouldn’t have taken them so quickly, but it feels oddly nice. just as she’s about to order more, she hears a familiar voice on her left.

“going all in tonight, huh?” the voice says, and she turns to confirm her suspicions. of fucking course ariana’s here. this is where they met, after all.

ariana was one of the girls paige had slept with during freshman year, and they haven’t spoken since. she’s changed, her previously bleached blonde hair now toned down to a medium brown color, and her style seems more like her.

they didn’t end on bad terms or anything, but that’s just usually how it went with paige’s hookups. she isn’t super surprised that this is the way they meet again, but it’s ironic since neither of them are really drinkers. “funny seeing you here,” paige smiles, ordering another round.

“is it?” ariana questions, taking the seat next to paige.

paige shakes her head. “not really,” she says. “what have you been up to? it’s been a while.”

ariana shrugs, picking at her nail polish. “i’m fine. got broken up with a couple of days ago but i’m okay other than that.”

paige cringes at that. “damn. you might be worse than me.”

the brunette chuckles. “oh yeah? what happened to you?”

paige shrugs. “doesn’t really matter,” she says, downing the other two shots. they burn as they go down her throat, and the room is already spinning around her at this point. “wanna dance?” she asks, stumbling as she stands from the barstool.

ariana laughs. “why not?” she agrees, following paige to the dance floor.

they keep a respectable distance, laughing and jumping as the upbeat music plays. ariana actually seems cool as shit, and paige is kind of upset that they didn’t ever explore a platonic relationship, because even if they didn’t share many interests, paige is still having a fun time.

she wonders how many friendships she’s lost out on because of her anxiety. talking to new people, especially girls, scared the shit out of her. when ariana approached her that one night, they barely talked before heading to her place. paige, as always, was out of ariana's dorm by 2 am. she’s glad ariana didn’t take that personally. although, she wouldn’t blame her if she did. she knows how much of a dick she used to be when it came to girls, even if it was unintentional.

she doesn’t know how much time passes, but paige feels ridiculously out of place and honestly wants to go home. however, she knows that if she leaves, all she’ll be able to think about is azzi.

with azzi in mind, a tear starts to fall down her cheek, and concern takes over ariana’s face. “are you okay?” she asks, pulling paige into a hug.

in the back of paige’s mind, she knows that this is probably super weird, especially for ariana. they’d only slept together one time, and they hadn’t spoken in over two years. hell, they barely knew each other. still, paige is too sad and tired to care. she shakes her head and lets out a sob into ariana’s shoulder. “i miss her,” she mutters.

ariana hums. “you miss who?”

paige’s breath shudders. “i can’t tell you,” she sobs. after a moment, she pulls back, studying ariana’s face. ariana’s face is scrunched in confusion, but she nods. she’s really pretty.

paige misses azzi.

azzi is so pretty. she’s the prettiest girl to ever exist, paige thinks. maybe if paige kisses ariana she can forget about her. she slowly moves her hands to cradle either side of her face, leaning in and closing her eyes.

but just as she thinks she’s about to meet ariana’s lips, she meets a hand instead. ariana laughs. “absolutely not, paige,” she says, politely backing her away and removing her hands from her face. “i think you’re drunk. and confused. let me order you an uber.”

paige huffs out a sigh and finally looks around. her entire body feels like jello, and the room is really spinning now. she swears she sees azzi, but just as she’s about to walk towards her, she feels the bile rise in her throat.

she sprints to the bathroom, thankful her hair is tied back when she throws herself onto the dirty floor and hurls into the toilet. her forehead beads with sweat and the corners of her eyes fill up with tears as she empties her stomach.

there’s a knock on the other side of the stall, and she’s relieved to hear nika’s voice. “you good?” she asks.

paige hums an affirmative, letting out a strong grunt as she wills herself to stand up from the floor. she flushes the toilet and steps out of the stall, washing her hands and splashing water on her face.

she looks like a fucking mess. her face is red, her hair is all messed up because she forgot to use gel, and her eyes are somehow more puffier than they were this morning. “need to leave,” she says, looking at nika in the mirror.

nika gives her a look of sympathy before nodding in understanding. “already ordered one. want me to stand outside with you?”

paige shakes her head. “no thanks,” she mutters, making her way out of the bathroom.

she kind of wishes that throwing up made her less drunk, but her limbs still feel like jello and she can barely type on her phone.

today, 1:38 am

lil paigey: on my wau homw

k money: what

lil paigey: five minute

k money: see you soon drunkie!!

paige giggles at kate’s text just as the uber pulls up, and she opens the window as soon as she gets in. she makes sure not to go on her phone so she doesn’t get carsick, and before she knows it, the uber is outside her apartment building. she thanks the driver, stumbling out of the car towards the building doors.

she somehow manages to make it into her apartment safely, and kate is sitting with lucy on the couch when she gets there. they wave hello, and she forces a smile as she stumbles to her bedroom before stripping down into only her boxers. she finds an old t-shirt in her drawer, and pulls it over her head before flopping onto her matress.

she sees that azzi has posted a new story. she clicks on it, curiosity taking over. it’s a selfie, round cheeks poking out and her perfect smile on display. she looks beautiful. she looks so fucking beautiful and paige needs to die. paige moves her thumb to get a better look at the photo, but she realizes that she accidentally liked the story.

whatever. azzi should know that paige misses her. maybe she’ll take pity on her and then she’ll stop acting like paige doesn’t exist and then they’ll live happily ever after.

she opens her phone app, seeing azzi’s name near the top. her finger hovers over the button, and she goes back and forth for a few minutes, even turning her phone off at some point, but she eventually presses the call button. what's the worst that could happen? azzi probably won't pick up anyways.

it rings a few times and she almost hangs up, but right as she pulls the phone away from her ear, she hears a raspy voice on the other side. “paige?” azzi asks, clearly just asleep. paige doesn’t respond, and azzi speaks again. “are you okay, paige?” she asks, and paige swallows.

she feels sick again, but she doesn’t think she can throw up anything more at this point. she sobs quietly, and she really considers hanging up, but she just needs to hear azzi’s voice for a few minutes longer. “i miss you so fucking much,” she slurs out, “and i’m so sorry about last night.”

she hears azzi sigh on the other end, and it sounds like a door shuts behind her before she speaks. “are you drunk, paige?”

paige sobs. “who cares?”

“go to sleep, paige” azzi says, audibly exhausted.

“‘m not tired,” paige mumbles, clearly lying. her eyes are struggling to stay open and she can barely move.

“it’s almost two in the morning, paige. you’re probably fucking exhausted,” azzi says, annoyed.

“can’t sleep without brushing my teeth,” paige mumbles, fighting to stay awake so she can savor every last moment with azzi. she knows it’s stupid but this will probably be the last time they talk anyways.

azzi laughs at that. paige smiles, even though she knows azzi can’t see her. hearing her laugh is probably the best thing that will every happen to paige. she wishes she had a recording of it, just to hear it every time she needed some happiness in her life. “are you going to brush them?” azzi asks, and paige can almost hear her bunny teeth poking out of her beautiful, plush lips.

paige wishes she’d let herself indulge in the feeling of azzi more when she had the chance. she starts to cry at the memory again, forgetting azzi’s still on the line when she hears her speak again. “paige?”

she clears her throat. “you’re so pretty azzi. i’m so sorry,” she croaks out.

she hears azzi sigh again. “how much did you have to drink?”

god, how much did she have? it couldn’t have been that much, but paige has become a lightweight. “i dunno,” she replies honestly.

she hears azzi hum on the other side of the line. “okay. do you wanna brush your teeth before you go to sleep?”

paige thinks about it for a moment. she should brush her teeth, but does that mean azzi will hang up? “need your help.”

“you need my help?” azzi asks, confused.

“can you stay on the line, baby? please?” paige asks nervously, the pet name slipping out by accident.

she hears azzi sigh again, the phone going silent. paige wonders, for a brief instant, if azzi hung up the call. when she pulls it away from her ear, it’s still ongoing. she hears movement on the other line, and azzi sighs out a tired “okay” before instructing her to walk to the bathroom.

“i’m in the bathroom,” paige mumbles once she reaches the door.

“okay,” azzi giggles. “i believe you. now brush your teeth.”

paige stumbles toward the sink, head still fuzzy as she uncaps the toothpaste and drops some onto the counter as she tries to get it on the toothbrush. she runs it under the water, putting azzi on speaker while she lazily brushes her teeth. she forces her eyes to stay open, fighting against the bright light of the bathroom.

“y’know,” she says around her toothbrush. “there was this girl at the bar,” she continues, and azzi is silent on the other end. “i tried to kiss her so i could forget about you,”

“did you?” azzi says, tired.

“yeah. but she pushed me away. i was kinda happy, though, cause i don’ think any girl could kiss as good as you,” paige admits before spitting into the sink and rinsing her mouth out. azzi’s silent on the other end of the phone, so paige takes it as a cue to speak again. “azzi?”

azzi hums. “‘m still here, paige.”

paige smiles. “good, cause i was not ready to say good night,”

she hears azzi laugh exhaustedly on the other side of the phone. “oh yeah?”

“yeah,” paige admits, taking her hair out of her bun and brushing through the tangled bits. “will you call me tomorrow?” she asks nervously.

azzi audibly swallows. it almost sounds like she’s trying not to cry when she whispers, “it’s late, paige,”

paige feels her eyes well up with tears again. “i know, but — c’mon azzi, you gotta promise me.”

“go to sleep, paige,” azzi says, her end of the phone going completely silent this time. paige desperately tries to call out her name a few times to see if there’s any response, but she sees that azzi has hung up the call.

she spits into the sink, gums scrubbed so raw that there’s blood, and she turns on the shower. she finally looks in the mirror after doing her best to avoid it, and she barely recognizes the woman looking back at her.

her eye bags are somehow more prominent than they were this morning, and her lips are red from the salt of her tears. she wishes the sight of herself could be enough to stop crying, but instead it just makes her feel even more pitiful. she hates it. she hates feeling sorry for herself.

even more, she hates knowing that everything that happened was one hundred percent avoidable. if she had never entertained azzi, she wouldn’t be in this stupid fucking predicament. maybe she’d be getting drunk and having fun instead of thinking about every single thing she’s done wrong in her life.

she steps into the shower, the salty sting of her tears mixing with the heat of the water. she can’t really decipher which is which anymore.

…

paige’s alarm wakes her up at an ungodly hour, reminding her that hangovers don’t mean she can forget about her responsibilites. the winter sun filters through her curtains, immediately producing a sharp headache at the base of her skull.

she groans into her pillow before making the dumb decision to go on her phone. she lowers the brightness, annoyed when it immediately opens to her call log, and unfortunately, she remembers the previous night rather vividly. she remembers the moment she ignored her brain and called azzi. she remembers calling her baby. she remembers sobbing to her while azzi refused to make that promise.

paige doesn’t blame her. in fact, she thinks azzi has every right to be pissed off at her. honestly, last night gave her even more reason to never speak to paige again. still, the thought doesn’t make it hurt any less. she can’t help but think about what they would’ve said if azzi did make that promise. maybe they could agree to forgive and forget. it’d hurt, but paige hated leaving doors opened. closure is so much better than confusion, even if it killed her. it was probably meaningless to azzi, but it would’ve meant the world to paige.

she knows she shouldn’t get stuck in the hypotheticals. truthfully, she’s completely against them. when she was younger, her mom always told her to expect disappointment. if you allowed yourself to hope, even a small amount, you’d always end up dissatisfied in the end. it’s why so many people call paige a pessimist. it used to make her upset, but nowadays she likes to think it’s saved her from a lot of heartbreak.

why was it different with azzi, then? well, paige doesn’t have a clue, but it probably had something to do with her kind eyes and the way she never made paige feel out of place. she’s never had that, the sense of normalcy azzi gave her. it was nice.

paige knows that people find her odd and rather off-putting sometimes. she’s accepted it at this point, and she sometimes wishes she had the courage to change the way people constantly pitied her, but she doesn’t like herself enough to do that. it’s hard to change someone else’s opinion of her when she doesn’t even know how to change the opinon she has of herself.

she turns her phone off, plugging it into the outlet to try and charge it as much as possible before she has to leave for work. she lazily goes through her morning routine, eyes threatening to shut with every move, before walking out into the kitchen. kate isn’t awake yet, so she brews herself a coffee and does her best to make a nutritious breakfast. she settles on a random omelette recipe she had saved on instagram reels.

the eggs come out a little burnt, and the vegetables aren’t her favorite, but it’s good enough. the coffee is bitter, as always, but it does its job and wakes her up. she scrolls through instagram on her ipad as she works through her meal, catching herself smiling at the cute kitten videos that pop up. she cringes at some point when she realizes how much of a loser she seems like, and promptly shuts off her ipad and cleans up the table.

she washes off in the bathroom, doing her makeup to look at least a little bit more presentable. most days, she wouldn’t wear it for work, but she’d rather not explain why she looks like she’s seen satan himself at eight in the morning.

the cafe is more packed than she’d like, but at least she isn’t working alone. kk took the opening shift, and when she leaves, nika’s shift starts. kk greets her with a “hey, paige!” as she ties her apron around her waist. she seems awfully cheery, as always, and paige smiles at the positive tone in her voice. “morning, kk,” she replies.

everyone should be more like kk, she thinks.

(including herself).

the first part of her shift goes by pretty smoothly, only dealing with a couple of annoyed customers. she doesn’t let it bother her, especially since being more negative won’t help her case at all. just as she thinks she’s going to finally have a small break, though, another customer walks in. paige squints to get a better look, and dies internally when she realizes that it’s ariana.

shit. paige forgot about that detail when she was recounting the events of last night. she’d been so embarrassing, and of fucking course ariana shows up to her place of work. she clears her throat when ariana makes it to the counter, but her voice is still shaky when she speaks. “ari! hey — uh, let me know what i can get started for you.”

ariana smiles, nodding. “sure,” she replies, pretending to study the menu board. great. this isn’t awkward in the slightest. paige looks away, trying to hide her mortification until she accidentally makes eye contact. ariana is waiting expectantly. “i’ll just have a peppermint mocha, please,” she orders, tapping her phone to pay when paige presents the menu screen.

she leaves a generous tip, and paige nervously mouths a “thank you” as she turns to prepare the coffee. she hands it over, knowing it’s probably a good idea to apologize for last night. “hey, ari?” she calls out just as ariana turns around, fidgeting with her hands.

“yeah?” she responds, walking back up to the counter.

paige sighs. “i’m sorry about last night. seriously, got way too drunk and confused.”

ariana giggles. “you were really drunk,” she agrees. “but swear, you’re good. figured you were thinking about someone else anyways.”

paige tilts her head. “yeah?”

ariana nods. “you were talking about this girl. you wouldn’t tell me who, but you said you missed her,” she explains. “i hope it works out, paige. whoever she is.”

…

paige has been to every single one of the women’s basketball games. she’d always liked watching, even if she’d never played the sport. her parents did try to get her into basketball when she was younger because of her height, but she always seemed uninterested. eventually, they stopped trying.

she doesn’t know why she chose uconn. she probably could’ve went to any school she wanted, honestly, but she wanted something more mundane. storrs was in the middle of nowhere, connecticut, and it was kind of perfect for the college experience she wanted. sure, the dorms were a living hell, but she was a junior now and lived in an off campus apartment with her best (and only) friend, kate.

when she met kate, it was a rather unpleasant experience for her. she got made fun of a lot in high school due to her awkwardness and lanky body, and one of those times, kate happened to be assigned as her partner for a chemistry assignment. she heard a group of girls whispering about paige, and she defended her. “you guys seriously have nothing better to do? she’s not bothering you, so why don’t you shut up and focus on fixing your attitudes? you’re all fucking pathetic,” she’d said, and the other girls flushed in embarrassment.

at first, paige was humiliated. kate brought unwanted attention to her, and everyone was staring at them. she didn’t talk to kate for the rest of the day. they had other classes together, but paige did everything in her power to avoid her. see, kate was way more outgoing than paige. ironically, they could’ve looked like siblings, but they were truly polar opposites. until that day, all paige found in common with her was their sexualities. paige was very obviously gay, but being gay in high school was hard when you didn’t have any charisma or outgoingness. kate had all of that, and she was popular. and hot. plus, she was the captain of the soccer team.

truly, paige had no idea why kate stood up for her. so when the next day came and kate proposed that they exchanged phone numbers, paige accepted the offer. from that moment on, they were inseparable. kate would come to paige’s house almost every day, and paige found that they had way more in common than she’d originally thought. somehow, being associated with kate made her seem more approachable to girls, which she found a bit sad, but she’d never complain about pretty girls asking for her phone number.

by her senior year, she was still extremely quiet, but she found that girls loved her. she’d hooked up with a few of them, and she never told anyone about it, not even kate. it’s not like she was ashamed, or anything. she just didn’t think those girls would want to be mentioned in the same sentence with her, ever.

once she was in college, life was pretty easy for her. she still refused to go to parties, the first one being too overwhelming of an experience for her, but she did sleep with a lot of girls. like, probably an unhealthy amount. somehow, whenever they’d leave, they’d always agree that they’d never speak about paige. she was very smart in her selection, always choosing girls who she knew were as quiet as she was. they were pretty, and they were secretive. paige loved it.

about halfway through her freshman year, she started gaining more confidence with herself. she was still quiet, but she wasn’t as unsure as she was when she came in. she never chased, even if she found a girl extremely beautiful. if they never noticed her, then that was her loss. she didn’t like exerting herself.

in her sophomore year, she shut herself off from the world completely. even kate.

her mom had passed away that year from a heart attack in her sleep. paige was never super close with her, since she’d moved away when paige was super young, but she had only fond memories of the woman. besides, her parents’ divorce had been mutual, and even though it hurt like hell when she moved to montana, paige had no real reason to hate, or even dislike the woman.

so when the day came, paige was in absolute disdain. it was around christmas time, which she was going to spend with her mother. instead, she spent her break mourning the loss with her father. she didn’t tell kate why she went quiet, and when she’d lock herself in her room for hours at a time, only leaving to go to class or the library, kate wouldn’t push her to explain why.

eventually, when kate invited her to her family’s lake house in the summer, paige agreed. one night, she got a little too drunk and let it slip out. she started crying uncontrollably, both at the relief of finally saying it out loud, and also at the pain of remembering. kate had never seen her show so much emotion, and she just hugged her until paige physically couldn’t cry anymore.

but one day, kate suggested that they’d go to a game together. the basketball season was starting again, and paige went to all of the games. she always sat in the upper sections, not bothering to sit in the overwhelming student section. she’d never camped out for any of them, but kate was implying she wanted to do exactly that. it took some bribery (“paige, cmon! please? i’ll buy you a jersey”), but eventually paige caved. so, there she was, camping out at seven in the fucking morning.

paige was tired. she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten, and it was freezing. she definitely should’ve prepared better, but she’d been there since five am, so there was no backing out now. it was a saturday, so at least it was an earlier game and she’d get to sleep afterwards.

the hours ticked by slowly, and paige could tell kate was probably hungry. she doordashed some food for the two of them, paige practically inhaling hers once it arrived. her shift at the on campus café ran late last night, so she hadn’t really thought to eat, too exhausted to care about her upset stomach. the breakfast burrito from the cafe was perfect. plus, the employee discount didn’t hurt.

just as she’s about to cry from how fucking delicious the breakfast burrito is, kate nearly makes her choke on her food. “paige, when was the last time you had sex?”

paige’s eyes widened. she wasn’t super open about her sexual endeavors, but kate had caught onto the fact that she’d had at least some experience. she didn’t know how much, at least paige hoped she didn’t, so she just told her the honest answer. “uh —” she thought about it briefly. to be real, she had no clue. she kinda stopped doing it her freshman year? sophomore year was a blur, but that sounded more correct. “i think,” she said, inhaling deeply. “i think it was right before my mom died,” she exhaled. “so almost a year.”

reminders of the day still flashed in her mind, even though she’d tried her hardest to flush them out. she picked up a heavy drinking problem on her own, but she didn’t tell anyone about it except her dad. she’d stopped by the end of summer, so she didn’t think it was worth the trouble to scare kate.

she really doesn’t remember much of that time, even though a lot of it was less than a year ago. she never blacked out, at least not when she was on campus. she did black out at her dad’s a couple of times, but he didn’t know that she’d actually been struggling since december.

by mid-august, she was off alcohol completely. it wasn’t an easy experience for her, but she was happy it hadn’t gotten too uncontrollable.

kate interjects, stopping paige from thinking about her terrible sophomore year and how it was stolen from her. she looks at her sympathetically, blurting out a “damn.”

paige side eyes her. she knows she probably sounds pathetic. she knows she deserved to have more out of her college years. she knows she won’t be this young forever. stupid fucking death had to take all of it away from her.

and really, it’s a legitimate excuse. she probably should’ve taken a break from college, prioritizing her wellbeing instead. but there was nothing she could do about it now. she was slowly but surely getting better, and truly, grief was a process. she’d get back out into the world.

eventually. probably. hopefully.

“kate, i don’t want anything temporary anymore. i’m too old for that shit.”

kate scoffed. “you’re twenty one. not fifty,” she teased. “and even if you were, i bet you’d still be hot.”

all paige could do was scoff since she couldn’t really disagree on that claim. she’d grown into herself, now being six feet tall and, thanks to the gym, pretty muscular. she knew she was at least slightly attractive. plus, she was blonde. girls loved blonde mascs. six foot tall, muscular, blonde mascs? yeah, she probably could be getting some.

still, she liked to wear hoodies and sweatpants, so people probably didn’t notice how much discipline she poured into herself. plus, she was an aerospace engineering major, so she spent any extra time she had studying or working. the women’s basketball games were an exception she’d allowed herself. at this point, they were probably the most fun she had.

they ended up being allowed in around 11 am, and her and kate get front row seats. as people continue filing in and the student section fills, paige starts to acclimate herself. she might not be used to the environment but she’d do anything she could to enjoy it. kate deserved that.

…

game days at uconn are azzi’s favorite. especially the afternoon games. liam always buys her breakfast to wish her luck, and he always sits right in front of her, holding a huge poster of her face.

today, he’s not there. instead, there’s a tall blonde woman who azzi swears she recognizes from somewhere. she was wearing a navy blue uconn hoodie and gray sweatpants, and she looked almost out of place, like she didn’t know what her arms were supposed to be doing. purple glasses sat on her face, and she bites her lip anxiously as she stares at a spot on the floor.

she stands in liam’s spot, but azzi isn’t as upset as she probably should be. she’s sure her boyfriend will bother her about it later, saying his spot was stolen, but really, it’s not like he owns it. blondie won it fair and square. azzi can’t help but smile at the girl when they make eye contact. the girl quickly batted her eyes back down to the floor, and her pale face turned bright red. azzi giggled. she was cute.

azzi looked around the student section to see if she could spot liam. sure enough, he was still sitting front row, but he was on the complete opposite side of azzi. she sent him a wave, and he sent one back, a disappointed smile taking over his face.

…

paige knows exactly who that cheerleader is. honestly, she’d been staring at her from across their econ class since the beginning of the semester, with her beautiful light brown skin and kind eyes. azzi fudd. captain of the dance team, and liam grant’s girlfriend. god, his name was so stupid. he was stupid. admittedly, he wasn’t an ugly guy, so it made sense that azzi was dating him. they made sense. he was the captain of the soccer team. was it a little bit cliche? maybe. but really, they’d probably have good looking kids someday.

paige definitely doesn’t stand a chance with her. she doesn’t even know azzi likes girls, let alone knows she exists. well, she definitely knows paige exists now, but she’ll probably forget about her existence by tomorrow. whatever. paige would move on.

but still, call paige crazy, but that smile had to be directed at her. maybe she was just doing charity work, but still, paige didn’t mind at all. god, she was so stupid, immediately breaking eye contact from how nervous she got.

but she couldn’t help it. azzi was drop dead gorgeous. perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect dimples.

and not to sound like a freak or anything, but jesus christ, that woman’s body was something else. her legs went on for miles, and her abs were fully on display in that uniform. she was strong, and she was beautiful, and she definitely knew it.

which is why paige forced herself to stop dreaming about what it would be like to have her. she knew azzi would never spare her another look again, and she wasted the only one she’d ever get. fuck.

the game starts, and it’s not super intense. uconn has full control of the game, grabbing every rebound and turning nearly every single one of seton hall’s possessions into a steal and score. by halftime, the huskies are up by twenty points. kate suggests leaving to grab a drink, to which paige declines.

the cheerleading team performs a version of dcc’s thunderstruck dance, with azzi leading, and paige is going insane. she probably should’ve taken kate’s offer, but it’s too late now. her heart races as she watches azzi, and she’s sure she’s being extremely obvious with the way her cheeks are heating up, but she can’t pull her eyes away.

azzi’s mechanical, her muscles flexing with every movement, and she looks like she’s not even breaking a sweat despite all of the jumping she’s doing. they finish their dance, and azzi looks up at the crowd smiling. luckily, she’s looking up at the fans and not the student section, so paige lets herself stare a little longer before azzi turns to walk back towards the students.

the players rush back out to the court, starting their second half warmups, and paige pretends to scroll through her phone so azzi doesn’t catch her staring. unfortunately, her plan doesn’t work, since azzi does exactly that. she smiles at paige again, and this time, paige tries to muster a smile back at her. she’s sure she probably looks ridiculous, but when a pretty girl smiles at her, she has to return the favor. like, duh.

the third quarter passes quickly, with uconn having full control of the game midway through, and most of the starters are benched with three minutes left. by the fourth, it’s a blowout, and uconn wins by a calm 54 points.

paige and kate shuffle out with the rest of the students after the game, and they decide to grab lunch off campus. they settle on chipotle, and when they sit down kate looks extremely mischievous.

paige glares at her as she shoves chicken into her mouth, muttering a “what.”

kate giggles. “nothing.”

paige rolls her eyes. “kate, i can tell it’s not nothing. just say it.”

immediately, kate’s face lights up at the opportunity to be nosy, and paige can already sense where this is going as soon as she opens her mouth. “so. azzi fudd.”

paige lets out a deep sigh. “what about her?”

“don’t do that, p. i’m pretty sure everyone saw her staring you down tonight,” kate says, smiling.

“you’re crazy,” paige replies. “plus, she has a boyfriend.”

“okay? and?” kate asks, not seeing the blatant issue getting with someone in a relationship.

“and,” paige starts, “she probably doesn’t even like girls.”

“you don’t know that,” kate says with an eye roll.

“whatever, bro. you’re so nosy about my love life. when’s the last time you slept with someone?” she asks, playfully smacking kate’s arm from across the table.

“dude,” kate starts. “last week,” she answers promptly. “and i see you trying to dodge me. just know, this isn’t over.”

paige rolls her eyes as kate changes the subject.

…

paige remembers the day of her mom’s death like it was yesterday. she was just leaving class when she saw that she’d missed twenty calls from her dad, and immediately knew something was off.

the week it happened was so peaceful. it was almost as if the universe was trying to fuck with her before uprooting everything.

despite their distance, paige still had the classic mother-daughter connection with her mom. so when she finally called her father back, and he broke the news to her, she just went numb to the world.

her mom was the one who’d introduced the idea of aerospace engineering. she bought her model rocket ships every year for christmas, each one becoming more complex than the last. little paige loved rocket ships, always fascinated how a machine could take you all the way to space and back. amy noticed her interest immediately, and asked if paige wanted to be a rocket scientist some day. paige quickly nodded, and she remembered her mom laughing before encouraging her to do whatever she set her mind do.

paige was a smart young girl, and her parents could tell from an early age. neither of them were particularly gifted at math, so when they saw her unusual interest and ease in numbers, they knew she was different.

it started when paige was in kindergarten. her teachers immediately found that she was gifted, always finishing her math worksheets in seconds. they started giving her more complicated math, and when those became too easy, they recommended that paige skipped a couple of grades.

paige didn’t want that though. she thought of the attention it would bring if she skipped just to do harder math, and declined. by the time she was in the second grade, all students in her grade were required to take an iq test.

paige laughs a little at that thought. she remembers liking that test, since it was mostly just patterns and simple numbers.

that was the week her parents got divorced. yeah, the universe definitely loved fucking with her.

when her results came back and paige proved to be brilliant, her teachers met with her dad to figure out a plan. they proposed the idea of bumping her ahead again, but bob didn’t want to do that if paige didn’t want it. as an alternative, paige started leaving to do math with the fifth graders. the math was still easy, and she started getting harder worksheets made for seventh graders. those were easy too, and by the time paige was in the fifth grade, she was doing pre-calculus, learning by watching khan academy videos that her teacher would assign to her.

sometimes, she’d hear the kids laughing when she’d leave, since they’d apparently thought it was because she needed extra help.

paige wishes she was less humble then. those kids needed to know she’d never struggled with math a day in her life.

one day, a girl, lainey, defended her. after sitting next to her one day, before paige had started taking math with the fifth graders, she noticed how quickly paige would finish their tests.

lainey was her only friend in elementary school, and she reminded paige of kate. always kind to paige, never scared to step up for her. she also played soccer, and paige would go to a lot of her games with bob.

by middle school, her dad switched her to an all-girls catholic academy. it was prestigious, and paige remembers the stupid skirts she had to wear, always making her feel uncomfortable in her own skin.

paige recalls those days, remembering her first crush on a girl and how scary it was. her name was hailey, and she was paige’s only friend at the time. she’d come over to paige’s house nearly every week, and bob started wondering if it was more than friendship to her. he asked her one day, and her lack of response was enough of an answer to him.

he hugged her tightly that day, assuring her that he fully supported her. truly, he meant a lot to her.

she came out to hailey near the end of eighth grade, since she thought she could trust her. as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized that she’d entirely miscalculated how hailey would react.

instead of being met with love and acceptance, hailey screamed at her, telling her that god would never love her if she “chose” that path.

paige started becoming skeptical of god and religion from that day on. it didn’t make sense to her, because it’s not like she could control who she loved.

to make matters worse, hailey had made up a rumor that paige tried to kiss, her, which was completely false. the girls would whisper about her and call her names, and paige remembers crying every day until the school year ended. not only had hailey betrayed paige by outing her, but she’d also humiliated her by lying. her dad asked if she wanted to switch schools, but she insisted that she’d tough it out.

by high school, paige met kate. she no longer followed religion. at the time, other people weren’t as cruel to her about her sexuality, but instead it was her awkwardness. she’d always struggle to speak loud enough when they’d talk to her, and her face would heat up every time. sometimes, they’d just spit back a “huh?” as if they couldn’t hear her and then turn around to laugh with their friends.

there was a specific instance where one of her physics classmates, pretending to act interested, asked what paige’s dream career was. his name was kycen, and he sat right behind paige. people never asked paige that question, so she got excited and talked about her dreams of becoming an aerospace engineer. she’d never talked to someone other than kate for that long before, but when she finished talking, kycen was taking a video of her on snapchat. paige caught a glance of his screen, and the video was captioned “she thinks i give a fuck???”

paige never gave a legitimate answer when people would ask after that. she’d just shrug and say that she wanted to do business.

when paige looks back at her high school years, she wishes she could’ve gone back and told that girl she’d be okay.

paige considered taking a break from college to spend time with her dad when her mom passed. she brought up the possibility to bob, and though he was grateful to hear her willingness to put the most important thing in her life on pause to help him, he declined. to this day, paige is grateful. she was going to finish school for herself, and, more importantly, her mom.

paige had never seen her dad cry as much as he did during that christmas break. paige couldn’t even remember herself crying as much as she did during that period of time. eventually, when time came to leave, she’d promised to allow herself one hour a week to think about her mom. was it unfair to her? maybe. because truthfully, grief had no timeline. but if she spent too much time feeling sorry for herself, she’d lose focus of the good things she did have.

…

after spending a few hours studying, paige finally gets ready for bed. she hasn’t checked her phone all day, and she smiles when she sees that azzi has followed her instagram.

she’s sure azzi has pure intentions, but she’s not quite comfortable letting her guard down yet. she follows her back, immediately sending her a series of messages.

pbueckers5: hey this is probably super inconvenient

pbueckers5: but do you have a finsta or something? like kate

pbueckers5: if you do could you follow me on that instead lol

paige rarely uses instagram, and it took a lot of convincing from kate to get her to download it in the first place. paige agreed if kate made a burner account to follow her. she didn’t want to somehow get found in kate’s following, so kate agreed. the only people who follow it are her cousins and kate, and now, azzi. all the accounts (except for azzi’s) are burners.

a notification pops up at the top of a screen, and she sees an account that is, presumably, azzi’s burner. it has no profile picture, but it’s pretty hard to find paige’s instagram, and she’s never gotten a follow request from someone she didn’t know. she was very good at hiding.

paige follows the account back, and she doesn’t receive any texts for a few minutes. she gets worried that maybe she had let someone random into her account, but just as she’s about to block it, she’s relieved to have her suspicions proven wrong.

azjf35: is that your little brother?

paige smiles, before reminding herself to not let her guard down fully yet. azzi has a boyfriend, and, as far as paige knows, doesn’t like girls.

they text for about ten minutes, and paige tries to reciprocate the same energy. it’s kind of hard, especially because azzi seems to like fucking with her feelings. there was no reason for her to be acting so friendly with paige so early on in their friendship.

paige sends azzi one last set of texts before shutting her phone off and reaching under her bed.

it’s that time of the week when she spends time with her mom. she grabs the heart-shaped box, opening it to look through the stack of pictures of amy.

it’s hard, seeing her, and knowing that there’s nothing paige can do to bring her back. immediately, she feels her eyes start to pool up. she doesn’t blink back the tears, giving herself time to flip through the stack.

she kisses every photo, holding each one close to her chest for a few moments. once she gets back to the first photo, she puts the stack back in the box.

every time paige spends time with her mom, she writes her a letter. she knows amy will never see them, but she finds comfort in knowing that she’s not keeping everything she wants to say encapsulated in her brain. sometimes it’s only a couple of sentences, and sometimes, she runs out of paper.

she sighs, wiping her tears, and grabs the pen and paper off her desk. she has a lot to say, but she’s tired, so she does her best to keep it brief.

dear mom,

college is going well. i hope that, if it exists, heaven is the same. you deserve to be living the best life in the clouds.

this week was crazy, but also, good. dad won’t be able to spend thanksgiving with me, but kate says she’d love to have me.

speaking of kate, she’s doing good, too. she’s been talking to this girl, lucy. i haven’t met her yet, at least not formally, but kate seems to like her a lot. i’m happy for her. she deserves it.

she also got me to sit in the student section for the game. that was definitely an experience. it was kind of overwhelming. and terrifying, and we also had to wake up at four in the morning to get good seats, but it was pretty fun. i probably wouldn’t do it again, though.

i made a new friend! (i hope).

her name is azzi. she’s a cheerleader. very pretty. she asked for my instagram today, and we’ve been texting a little bit.

don’t worry, she has a boyfriend. he seems nice. plays soccer or something.

i need to print out some more photos of you. the ones i have now are great, but they’re practically all burned into my skull at this point.

she pauses before adding the last part.

if you’re with god, please send him my regards.

i love you, and i hope i see you again someday, whether it’s in heaven or in another lifetime.

with love,

p.

she sets the pen back down on her desk just as the one hour timer rings out, and moves back onto the floor to fold the paper into the box. she hears her phone buzz, but leaves it charging on her desk. whoever it was could wait until tomorrow. paige was too tired right now.

…

she wakes up early the next morning to go to the gym. it’s become somewhat of an escape for her. she’d started going after her mom’s death when she needed to take her mind off things.

she replies to azzi’s dm from last night before she forgets, and gets ready for the gym.

yesterday 10:58 pm

azjf35: you coming to the game tomorrow?

today 4:24 am

pbueckers5: if i’m not too tired after the gym, yeah

today, she wears a white t-shirt and a pair of black nike shorts, and because november is always cold in connecticut, she throws on a black sweat set. she finds a beanie to keep her ears warm, and puts it on after combing her hair back into a low ponytail.

when she gets to the gym, it’s mostly empty. early mornings always are, and paige is grateful. she always starts her workout on the treadmills, doing a quick 20-minute jog to warm up.

she takes off her shirt, not wanting to soak it with sweat, and starts the machine.

she doesn’t listen to music when she runs anymore. one time, she’d gotten too focused on the lyrics and ended up tripping and nearly falling off the treadmill. she doesn’t know if anyone actually saw her, but the experience was humiliating enough to never replicate again.

instead, she likes to try and watch whatever game is playing on the tv that sits in front of the machines. the lineup isn’t at all entertaining, and it never is, so she always just ends up looking around the gym. people watching was nice.

about ten minutes into her workout, she sees a familiar face checking in. it’s azzi. she’s wearing a light pink sweat set, and she’s walking directly towards paige.

no way. azzi was never at the gym at this time. had paige really never noticed her?

she seemingly spots paige, and waves in her direction. paige raises her hand to wave back, still in complete confusion. obviously, azzi went to the gym. it was obvious. her physique clearly required a lot of discipline and time.

but paige has been here at the same time, nearly every day, for the last year. she swears she’s never been here with azzi.

azzi walks towards the locker room, probably to put her stuff away, and when she walks out, paige nearly dies. she kind of hopes she trips on this treadmill, maybe falls on her face and sustains a concussion. at least then she’d have an escape.

and god fucking damn it. the gym was supposed to be the escape. right now, it didn’t feel that way at all. because azzi is wearing a pink workout set that accentuates the curve of her hips and reveals the toned muscle of her shoulders, and suddenly paige is seriously considering tripping on purpose.

she smiles at paige before getting on the treadmill closest to her, even though there’s a million other fucking treadmills she could’ve gotten on, and she starts jogging.

thankfully, paige only has five more minutes until she’s done with her warmup. she spends that time trying to look at anything other than azzi, but she slips up one time, right before she’s about to get off.

just as paige looks over at azzi, though, she notices azzi snapping her head back in front of her, almost as if she was looking at paige, too. neither of them acknowledge it, but paige files it in her mind to unpack later.

she turns her treadmill off, putting her shirt on before stepping away. she starts walking away, but azzi’s “wait for me!” stops her. azzi looks back at her once before turning her treadmill off, asking, “where are we going?”

her question catches paige off guard. had she really somehow figured out what time paige works out just to join her? her brain lags, the morning apparently making her mute, but mutters out a quiet, “uh — i was about to hit legs, if you wanna join.”

azzi nods and smiles, letting out an enthusiastic, “let’s go!” which is entirely too alert for how fucking early in the morning it is, but it’s also kind of cute, so paige allows it and smiles. maybe it was nice to have a friend to work out with. azzi teases, adding “bet i can leg press more than you,” pointedly flexing her quads.

paige catches a glimpse of azzi’s legs, and her smile drops. her cheeks turn red, and oh my fucking god, she thinks.

except she definitely says it out loud, and azzi definitely hears it. she also clearly saw paige staring at her legs, full body laughing now, and paige turns around to leave. not because she wants to be rude, but because she’s embarrassed to have made such a dumb comment around such a beautiful girl.

and paige really wishes she could tell azzi how gorgeous she is, but she doesn’t want to seem like she wants anything more then friendship, even if she so desperately does, because that would make things weird.

just as paige starts walking towards the locker room, azzi catches her arms from behind and turns her around.

“stop running from me, paige. i’m not laughing at you, swear,” she says, sincere look on her face. “that was just cute,” she says a soft smile on her face. “also, if you take off your shirt it’ll probably help,” she adds, turning around to sit on the machine.

paige taking her shirt off would help her leg press more? the logic didn’t make any sense, but whatever azzi wants, azzi gets. paige reached for the bottom of her shirt, hesitating before pulling it over her head. she feels exposed, but reminds herself there’s not that many people in the gym anyways.

azzi gets off the machine, and paige is pretty sure she’s being ogled. interesting. maybe azzi wasn’t as straight as paige thought. whatever. maybe she was just appreciating the blonde’s physique. she did work hard for it, after all.

paige adjusts the machine to her desired weight, and starts her second set. she feels azzi’s eyes on her, and tries to make conversation. she grunts out a “you usually come to the gym this early?” while looking up at azzi as she prepares for her second rep.

she pushes, and azzi chokes out a, “no, just got your notification and thought i’d join.”

paige hums. how thoughtful of her. paige really didn’t mind it. it was quite nice having someone to talk to for once. it gives something to listen to other than the terrible gym playlist. also, azzi’s voice was nice, so that didn’t hurt. as she goes in for her fourth rep, she grunts out, “you could start coming with me, if you’d like that.”

she looks up at azzi again, who’s staring directly at her exposed abs. noted. paige would never wear a shirt again. consider all of her shirts burned, actually. azzi coughs, muttering out a “would love to.”

paige nods, finishing up her last few reps. she stands up, a bit exasperated, and looks at azzi, pointedly looking her up and down before motioning for her to sit down. azzi coughs, again, before studying paige’s eyes. “you’re not wearing your glasses.”

paige smiles at that, getting flustered and shaking her head. she murmurs out, “you just noticed?”

now it’s azzi’s turn to shake her head. “no, just — you look good.”

jesus. her shirt, now her glasses. at this point, paige might just throw away all of her belongings and start over. still, she does her best attempt at teasing azzi. “you don’t think i look good with them?”

azzi scrambles to defend herself. “no. you look good all the time.” paige raises her eyebrows. “i just meant —” azzi pauses, “i’ve never seen you without them, is all,” she adds quietly.

paige nods, gracefully letting it go. she looks at azzi once more before motioning at the machine again with her head, and azzi seems to remember where she is.

paige can’t remember the last time she’s flirted with a girl, and she does feel a little bit guilty since azzi has an entire boyfriend, but the opportunity presented itself and paige just had to take it.

one thing about paige: yes, she was shy, but when she had an upper hand on a woman, she slipped into the role easily. in every other area of life, she couldn’t do it, feeling too awkward, but right now? it was coming to her naturally.

and seeing azzi in that workout set was making her imagine things she probably shouldn’t. added that to the faces azzi was making as her chest heaved through her set? yeah, paige was going insane. azzi stands up from the seat, stepping close enough for paige to count the freckles on her face, and breathes out a, “your turn,” before swallowing.

she doesn’t move, so paige nods and mutters out a “‘scuse me,” while grabbing azzi’s hips to move past her. azzi’s body tenses, feeling the change in paige’s demeanor, and she inhales deeply. paige only keeps her hands there for a brief moment after, but she can see azzi trying to recollect herself.

somehow, they get through their last sets without getting sidetracked again, and the majority of their workout is uneventful.

until they get to the squat rack. the first sets are easy, neither of them needing heavy spots since they were just warmups.

but when they got to their third set, azzi asks paige to stay close to her. paige knows how to do it, but just to mess with azzi, she asks for a demonstration. paige does one squat with azzi standing behind her, looking in the mirror and pretending to act clueless.

now, paige is standing directly behind azzi, and really, it shouldn’t be making her feel as insane as it does. she’d done this for kate a million times, and it wasn’t a hard task then. right now, though, paige’s pelvis is about two inches into azzi’s ass, and if she took just a couple steps forward, they’d be stepping into uncharted territory. she keeps a respectable distance, guiding azzi through the set, but on the last rep, azzi’s legs almost give out, and paige has to help her muscle the bar back onto the rack.

paige quickly drops her arms once it’s secured, but azzi immediately backs up into her from her fatigue. it’s not on purpose, and she mutters a “sorry,” but doesn’t move. paige genuinely might hang herself on the pull up bar. because now, that scenario she’d been imagining has come to fruition, and it’s ten times worse now that she really does have azzi’s plump ass against her. her mind flashes a terrible image, but she ignores it.

she coughs, grabbing azzi’s hips to steady her, tapping them with a “you good?”

when azzi lightly nods, still tense from paige’s touch, paige goes to adjust the rack again. she waits for azzi to gain control of her limbs before starting, and her set goes by smoothly, minus azzi basically carrying her through her last rep. paige may have pretended to struggle a little more than she actually did on that one, but nobody had to know.

they do a cooldown set, both of them drenched in sweat, and end their workout there, since it’s 6:30 am now, and azzi has to start getting ready for her morning practice.

they walk through the locker room together to grab their stuff, but just as paige begins her departure, azzi steps in front of her. “so. are you coming to the game tonight?” she asks, looking up with a hopeful gaze in her eyes.

“why? you gonna look for me?” paige asks. she’s truly exhausted, but if azzi wants her to be there, she won’t hesitate to show up.

azzi nods, searching paige’s eyes. and wow, paige definitely couldn’t say no now.

paige smiles, muttering a “maybe i’ll be there, then.” when azzi smiles back at her, she adds, “got work, first though.” she tries to hint that she needs to leave, but azzi’s feet stay planted in front of her, and she looks like she wants to ask paige something.

“where do you work?” azzi asks, trying to stall so paige won’t leave.

“a cafe,” paige says vaguely.

“which one?” azzi asks, needing a legitimate answer. “i wanna see you after practice.”

paige blushes at the thought of azzi visiting her after practice, and mutters out, “dunno.”

azzi squints suspiciously. “you don’t know what cafe you work at?”

paige shakes her head. “you’ll have to figure that out on your own,” she says, trying to maneuver around azzi so she can leave. at this rate, she’ll be late to her shift. it’s not a far drive, but azzi’s not moving, and paige really does have to go.

after a few seconds of azzi trying to gather her words, she pulls out her phone and hands it to page. “give me your number. please,” she politely demands, and paige hesitates before entering her number. she sets her name as “p” and hands the phone back to azzi. azzi looks at her phone for a moment, and then back at paige. she boxes paige in again, and paige raises her eyebrows at her. azzi raises her eyebrows, too, challenging her, and paige grabs her waist. azzi’s breath sharpens, and paige smirks at the reaction before moving her out of the way and tapping her on the waist as a goodbye.

she doesn’t look back as she walks out of the locker room. when she gets in her car and queues up her music, she sees a text from an unsaved number.

unknown: what section u sitting in

she saves the contact as “a” and sends back a quick reply.

p: going to work. talk later?

a: you’re annoying

paige smiles before switching her phone off to drive away.

…

every morning paige works at the cafe, she brews herself a black coffee. kate’s always called her a freak for it, but it keeps her alert. sure, it tastes bitter as shit, but it’s consistent, and paige appreciates it. sweet coffees are good, but somehow they never taste the same. when paige drinks black coffee, it gives her the same bite every time.

her shift is stressful today, because most of the customers are students getting ready to camp out outside of gampel. paige is used to it, though, and even with a couple of impatient customers, she doesn’t fold under the pressure. she’s only worked here for a couple of months, but she’s quickly learned that rude customers don’t care about new employees.

one particular makes her week, though. azzi walks in around 8:30 am, sweaty from her practice. she’s still wearing her pink sweatsuit, and paige wonders why she’d do that if she’s sweating, but then she remembers that azzi probably doesn’t want to be wearing a sports bra and tight shorts to an on-campus cafe in the morning.

paige is grateful, because she’s the only one besides azzi’s teammates who got to see that. well, also her stupid boyfriend. that makes her a bit jealous, internally, once she remembers that azzi’s going to be wearing that fucking cheer uniform later, and her abs will be on display for everyone in that arena to see, and then she’ll go home fucking liam.

paige doesn’t know why she feels so possessive over azzi all of a sudden. maybe it’s the way azzi approached her in the dining hall that way, as if she’d been waiting to pounce. paige noticed how azzi started showing up where she was on campus every day, and it did spark her interest, because their schedules didn’t really align except for the one class.

she really doesn’t like the way she feels so trusting of azzi, especially because they’ve really only been friends for less than twenty-four hours. paige has known who azzi is for much longer, but she’s not planning on vocalizing that, because it’d probably make it weird.

it’s really not weird, because azzi was a cheerleader, so obviously paige would notice her if she’s at nearly every single game. but still, how is she supposed to let azzi know that she’s had a tiny-little-maybe-slightly-insane obsession with her since the first time she saw the woman.

she remembers that day vividly. her and kate were sitting in the lower bowl that time, since it was a ranked matchup and they wanted a closer view. the tickets weren’t too terribly expensive, so paige bought them after seeing how excited kate was. originally, they were going to sit in their typical area, but paige really couldn’t resist.

she caught glimpses of azzi, but it was mostly her back. she didn’t really get a good look until halftime, and she was immediately entranced by azzi’s entire persona. it shone through the way she danced, and when she smiled at the end, it didn’t look forced like how most cheerleaders made it look. it was real, and it was genuine, and paige could truly see that azzi was meant for the spotlight.

after the game, she might have insta-stalked for the first time ever. she didn’t follow azzi, and if she accidentally liked one of her posts at 2 am, she was grateful that azzi seemingly never noticed.

she realizes she’s been daydreaming for way too long, blankly starting at azzi, when the brunette speaks. “paige,” she started, and adds “anyone home?” as paige shakes her head to blink back into the present.

“yeah, sorry,” she mutters. “what can i get for you?” she asks, looking at azzi.

azzi smiles, giggling out, “can i just get a small sugar-free iced vanilla latte?” paige nods, but then realizes she’s been logged out of the program, and groans.

she goes to make azzi’s coffee before she forgets it, and waits for the ipad to start back up. “small sugar-free iced vanilla latte,” she says, smiling at azzi as she slides it across the counter. “so how’d you find me?”

“asked kate,” azzi briefly explains. she takes a sip of the drink, smiling with delight. thank god. if she hated it, paige probably would’ve died on the spot. “this is really good, wow,” she practically moans, and paige giggles.

it takes a while to restart the ipad, and now there’s a line of angry customers behind azzi. she turns bright red as they start expressing their frustration, and azzi turns around, loudly speaking, “be patient. she’s clearly the only one working, and if you weren’t so lazy, you could be making the drinks on your own. be grateful,” she says, scoffing at the end. “god, people are such bitches,” she says in disgust. “take your time,” azzi says, offering a smile to paige.

paige smiles back at her, and the network finally turns back on. she puts azzi’s order into the system and just as azzi’s about to tap her card to pay, paige shakes her off. “‘s okay. this one’s on me,” she mutters. “thank you,” she says, “for being so nice.”

azzi tilts her head gratefully. “you sure? i was about to give you a huge tip.”

paige shakes her head insistently, not budging. “don’t worry about it,” she says, adding “these are overpriced as shit anyways,” under her breath, playfully looking around to make sure nobody is listening.

azzi laughs, taking her drink gratefully. she glances behind herself one more time, moving so the next person can order. “d’you mind if i stay here? you look like you need someone to talk to.”

paige pretends to consider it for a moment, and even though she’s definitely going to get yelled at by her boss for it, she nods. “please,” she says. “gets so boring around here.”

unexpectedly, azzi moves behind the counter, joining paige. she washes her hands, asking “how can i help?”

paige really would love to have someone to help her, but it’s quiet enough that she thinks she can manage on her own. “just talk to me,” she mutters, chuckling at me once she adds, “my boss might kill me for this, so i’m gonna try to at least keep you out of trouble.”

azzi giggles, and she tells paige about her practice. paige’s shift ends early, her coworker, kk, insisting that she can manage without her once she sees paige. as paige follows azzi out from behind the counter, kk stops her and says, “azzi fudd? damn, p,” she says nodding with respect.

paige shakes her head at the shorter girl, muttering a “chill, kk,” before walking out.

she walks azzi to her car, and azzi looks around before reaching up to hug paige, resting her face in the crook of her neck. paige doesn’t reciprocate for a moment, too stunned to believe that this is really her life, but she eventually hugs azzi back tightly, and once they separate, she immediately misses the feeling of how perfect azzi feels between her arms.

she feels her cheeks heat up as she goes, “see you at the game.”

azzi smiles, biting her lip to stifle it, and paige suddenly imagines how it would feel to dig her own teeth into azzi’s lip. azzi finally says a quiet, “see you,” as she turns around to get into her car.

paige closes the door behind her, and walks to her car smiling like an idiot.

…

when paige gets to her apartment, kate is sitting on the couch smiling at her phone. paige can’t help but smile, too, because she loves seeing kate happy. kate looks up, waving at paige. “gotta go, lucy. see you later?” she asks hopefully.

paige thinks she hears lucy respond with a muffled “yes,” and kate smiles. “see you before the game.”

kate walks over to dap paige up, walking towards the kitchen counter. paige follows, and they settle on the old barstools they’d found on facebook marketplace one day. kate was a little skeptical at first, suggesting that they get some cheap shit from ikea instead, but paige insisted on sustainability. she didn’t want to buy something that would end up in a dumpster someday, contributing to global warming.

“azzi dm’d me today,” kate starts, smiling. “that was different.”

paige blushes, but decides not to be vague today. “yup,” she sighs. “we worked out together.”

kate playfully backhands paige on the arm. “no way,” she says, jaw dropped. “tell me more.”

paige rolls her eyes, but tells her all the details anyways. “yeah, it was pretty good,” she starts, before rambling on about it. “she apparently got woken up by my message, because i was stupid enough to respond at four in the fucking morning. and then, she ended up being at the gym. i thought my eyes were deceiving me, or some shit, because i’ve never seen here there so early. thought she was going to start her own workout, but then she starts walking directly towards me.”

kate cuts her off, smiling. “no fucking way, dude.”

paige laughs at kate’s reaction. “she started jogging next to me, and then i hop off, like five minutes later, and she does too,” she says, smiling as she recalls the events of that morning. “and then — she asked to join me.”

she talks about the details of what happened on the leg press, and then at the squat rack, and by the time she tells her about what happens in the locker room, kate is speechless. “but yeah, it was whatever,” paige finishes, suddenly worried that she’s over shared.

kate looks around the room, before fixing her eyes back on paige. “it was whatever? paige, she totally wants you.”

paige shrugs, not wanting to get her hopes up. “she has a boyfriend, kate,” she explains. “and i’m not trying to make her cheat, or something.”

kate audibly groans. “paige, who fucking cares about cheating? i’ve done it before.”

paige is taken aback at the comment, but kate quickly moves to correct herself. “wait, chill. not like that, just like — i’ve definitely slept with a few girls with boyfriends before.”

and paige did know that detail, although she wasn’t really sure how morally correct it would be if she did the same. also, she doesn’t just want to sleep with azzi (although she wouldn’t complain if the opportunity presented itself), she wants to have her all to herself. “it just can’t happen, kate,” she says. “we’re friends, and that’s okay. at least i have someone else to bother now.”

kate looks at her sympathetically, frowning. “p, don’t give up so easily,” she encourages. “if it happens, let it,” she demands, “please. you deserve that much.”

and paige really doesn’t plan on letting it get further than friendship, so instead of mustering up an audible response, she just nods. “tell me about your day,” she offers. “how’s lucy?”

kate smiles at the mention of lucy, telling paige all about their conversation that day. when she finishes, she pauses before speaking nervously, wringing her hands out. “hey,” she starts. “is it okay if i bring lucy to the game with us?”

paige thinks about it for a second, before nodding and smiling. “of course,” she says. “i’m excited to meet the girl that’s making you all nervous,” she adds, poking kate playfully on her torso.

they move to the couch, and paige tells her all about azzi showing up to the cafe. they scroll through the tv before settling on their comfort movie, bottoms, and spend the afternoon giggling. when it’s over, paige excuses herself to get ready for the game.

paige wears the white sarah strong jersey that kate bought her over a black hoodie, and pairs it with a pair of light wash jeans and some clean white air force ones. she takes a mirror selfie, trying to figure out which pose makes her look the least awkward, before giving up and just posting the one that makes her cringe the least.

kate’s sitting on the couch ready for the game, and she nudges lucy, who’s next to her, to stand up and meet paige formally. they’ve greeted each other on facetime, but never in person. lucy’s short, but she has brown hair and friendly eyes, and she’s kind of perfect for kate. paige isn’t great with meeting new people, but she tries her best, hesitating before holding her hand up to shake lucy’s.

lucy’s hand meets hers, and she gives paige a friendly smile before dropping her hand. “nice to finally meet the bestie,” she says, and paige nods awkwardly.

she’s not trying to be rude, but this is always how it goes when she meets new people. she doesn’t know what to do with herself, because she’s just not completely comfortable, yet.

her hands get all clammy and her face heats up, but kate senses her anxiety and graciously picks up the conversation before it can get too awkward. “perfect, let’s go,” she says, smiling before grabbing lucy’s hand to walk out. paige follows behind them, and sees that azzi has liked her instagram story. score.

they get to the game and settle in their seats, and paige smiles when she sees azzi looking around the arena for her. when the brunette gives up after not finding her, paige smiles to herself. kate nudges her arm, leaning in to speak. “you’re down, bad, paige,” she says before laughing.

paige frowns and glares at kate, muttering “shut up,” ducking her face into her hands before lifting it to fix her eyes on anything other than azzi.

tonight is a ranked matchup against texas. both teams are undefeated, but this is uconn’s first real game of the season. they prepare themselves for tip off, uconn winning the jump as jana el alfy gets the ball to kayleigh heckel.

the game is a back-and-forth match all the way through the first quarter, but uconn pulls away with a steady 41-29 lead by the end of the second.

kate and lucy leave to use the restroom and grab some food, leaving paige alone in the arena.

the cheerleaders step out onto the floor, and azzi looks around now that she has a more clear of the entire arena. she smiles wider when she finally finds paige. they perform to “hot to go” by chappell roan, and paige smiles as she watches azzi dance to the music.

the routine ends, and the team stands in their ending poses for a moment before rallying off the court. applause rings throughout the arena, and paige claps just a little bit longer than everyone once it dies out, still thinking about how good azzi looked.

she smiles, and azzi looks up at her again, waving with her pom pom in her hand. paige waves back at her, but when she sees her face plastered on the jumbotron, she pulls it down, her face immediately turning bright red.

she feels her chest get tight, and she’s suddenly struggling to breathe. the arena starts closing in on her, and her breaths get shorter. there’s no water around her, but she feels herself drowning.

she’s never experienced death before, but she’s pretty sure this is it. she thinks about how maybe, she’ll meet her mom, and say the goodbye she never did when they were on earth.

she remembers azzi, and how she’d barely gotten any time with her. she hopes liam takes good care of her, giving her the life paige never could.

she tries to look for kate to say goodbye, her eyes filling with tears. her best friend, the first person she sees every morning and the last one she sees before going to sleep. the girl who’d begged her coach to let her get an off campus apartment to be with paige. she’s nowhere to be found, and paige is left to suffocate on her own. she hopes lucy takes good care of her.

finally, she thinks about herself. all of those times people had treated her so cruelly, and how she’d so desperately tried to prove them wrong. and maybe it was fate. as it turned out, they were all right, telling her she’d never get there.

…

azzi didn’t know what to do. she had just been smiling and waving at paige, and seconds later she watched her go unconscious, the people in her section rushing to her. she heard her teammates gasping, the entire moment (literally) blasted on the jumbotron for everyone to see.

she didn’t understand it. azzi knew paige was shy, had seen it in the way she’d initially reacted to her, but she didn’t know it was that serious to her. did she really fear being perceived by strangers that badly? paige is beautiful, and she has the cutest smile azzi has ever seen, so whoever told her otherwise should really fuck off. they didn’t deserve her.

all azzi wants to do is run to paige, to know that she’s okay. but all she can do was watch as panic ensues throughout paige’s section. her eyes started to fill with tears at the uncertainty, and she immediately moves to make her way up the stairs to her to her.

as soon as she moves away from her team, though, her coach approaches her. “excuse me? where do you think you’re going?” she asks, a stern look on her face. she’s pissed.

“my friend. she just — i don’t even know,” azzi stutters, struggling to breathe. “i have to get to her, please.”

her coach immediately shakes her head. “sorry azzi, but no,” she shrugs. “you need to stay here. you can check on her later.”

“okay.” azzi chokes back a sob, still unable to control her breathing. she’s so incredibly worried about paige, and she has no idea what’s going on. she’s sure she looks insane right now, the makeup she took hours perfecting gone in a matter of minutes, washed away from her tears. still, she couldn’t care less about her appearance at the moment.

azzi doesn’t know where this is coming from. it’s like she feels a need to protect paige, her heart telling her that she has to get to her no matter what. she walks back up to her coach. she’s never been one to challenge authority, but she needs to hear paige’s voice again. “i’m going, and i don’t care if you kick me off the team,” she demands, before rushing to the exit. she doesn’t care that she’s still wearing her uniform or that it’s freezing outside.

when she gets outside, she sees paige on a stretcher. she’s clearly breathing, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. azzi feels herself finally exhale. she sees kate and lucy standing on the curb, watching paige from a distance. kate’s on the phone, but azzi can’t make out what she’s saying. lucy’s arms are crossed, probably from both the anxiety and the bitter sting of the cold temperature.

and she’s never really talked to kate outside of a few parties, but she knows kate is paige’s best friend. if anyone knows what’s going on, it’s her. so, azzi decides she’ll brave the walk over to her.

just as she reaches kate and lucy, kate is putting her phone back into her pocket. she jumps a little when she feels azzi tap on her shoulder, but relaxes when she sees who it is.

azzi’s not sure what all paige has told kate, but she’s figured that she knows they’re friends at this point. before she can properly greet her, she immediately asks about paige instead. “is she gonna be okay? what happened?” she asks, her heart rate still not fully stable.

kate sighs tiredly, but she doesn’t seem to be panicked, which is a good sign. “she’ll be okay,” she pauses for a minute, before adding the next part. “but i don’t think i can tell you why. that’s something she’ll have to explain herself.”

azzi exhales, satisfied enough with the answer. “can i see her?” she asks, and kate nods, her hand lazily motioning in paige’s direction.

there’s still some paramedics around paige to monitor her, but her stretcher is in an upright position now, and she’s drinking water. she’s staring blankly and biting her lip, probably deep in thought, and azzi holds back a smile at the sight of her. azzi approaches her slowly, not wanting to scare her.

when paige sees azzi, she puts her head in her hands, groaning. “please don’t tell me you saw that,” she says, her voice muffled. “and why aren’t you cheering?”

azzi pulls paige’s hands away from her face, setting them back into her lap. “what happened, paige?” she asks, brushing a stray hair out of the blondes face. “and — don’t worry about me.”

paige fidgets with her hands and tries to talk, but she just inhales sharply, shrugging. “i don’t know. i just got scared, i guess. but i’m okay now.”

azzi nods, searching paige’s eyes for an answer. she can see that something isn’t being said — paige’s eyes looking everywhere but at azzi — but she doesn’t want to overstep. “okay. well, call me later.” she smiles, gently tapping paige’s shoulder.

paige nods, clearly holding something back, but she doesn’t vocalize it. “‘kay. i will,” she says, smiling.

azzi looks at her sympathetically one more time, hesitating before reaching down to hug her. paige relaxes into her immediately, and they both let out a sigh of relief. azzi sniffles into her shoulder, muttering out, “‘m so glad you’re okay. you scared me.”

paige whispers back, “i’m sorry,” before azzi pulls away.

azzi shakes her head at the response. “don’t apologize, paige,” she says sternly. “it’s not your fault.”

paige tilts her head at that, cheeks turning red. she looks like she’s about to apologize again, but instead she just says, “go back inside. your team’s probably looking for you, and i’ll be okay. promise.”

azzi nods at that, not wanting to leave, but feeling better about it now that she knows paige is better. “bye, paige,” she says, backing away.

paige mutters out a quiet, “by az,” waving her hand. azzi turns around, hiding her smile at the nickname.

she makes her way back into the building, her coach standing outside of the tunnel. she doesn’t look happy, but still, she has a soft spot for azzi, so she’s as gentle as possible. “hey — is she okay?” she asks, eyebrows raised in concern.

azzi nods. “yeah. she’ll be fine. sorry about —“

her coach waves off the apology. “don’t. just get your ass back onto that court right now. we look a mess without you,” she mutters.

azzi smiles before walking back to the other cheerleaders. she can see the curiosity on their faces, but she doesn’t care to talk about it right now, immediately getting back into formation and dancing with the rest of the team.

texas made a decent run in the third, and it’s now a three point game. the student cheers loudly, encouraging uconn to hold on and finish the game.

uconn immediately turns the engines back on, sarah strong scoring their first ten points. texas can’t make a bucket, and everyone can see uconn pulling away with the win.

by the end of the game, uconn wins by a steady twenty points with sarah leading the charge.

…

azzi’s watching a show when she hears a knock. she somehow hopes it’s paige, but knows it’s unlikely since the blonde doesn’t even know her address. she makes her way over to the door, forcing her best smile when she sees liam. he’s holding flowers and chinese takeout, and he leans in to kiss azzi. azzi meets his lips with a quick, closed-mouth peck, and he looks disappointed when she pulls away. “what’s that about?” he says, walking past azzi to set the food on the counter.

azzi does her best to stifle an eye roll, muttering “what?” with a shrug.

liam laughs humorlessly, shaking his head. “what’s up with you lately?”

azzi looks around the room, still not understanding where the negative attitude is coming from. usually, liam greets her with kindness and respect, not whatever this is. “i don’t know what you’re talking about, liam.”

he sighs, throwing his hands up as if he’s given up on the vagueness. “we haven’t hung out in, like, three days, az.”

now azzi really rolls her eyes at that. why was he so clingy all of a sudden? “so?”

liam looks like he’s going to say something again, but decides against it. “nothing. let’s watch a movie?”

azzi already has a headache, and she really just wants to take a nice nap, but she’d rather not deal with any more of liam’s confrontational attitude today. it’s out of the ordinary for him, so she just assumes he’s had a bad day and agrees.

…

they’re watching some dumb horror movie, and azzi notoriously hates horror movies, so she’s spent most of the movie checking her phone to see if paige texted. she notices liam looking over her phone at some point, but he quickly looks away when she catches him. “what’s up with you?” she asks, and liam shakes his head. “liam,” she tries again.

he looks upset, like he wants to say something but doesn’t feel like he can. azzi looks at him again, this time grabbing his chin so he can’t look away.

liam’s eyes meet hers, and he’s leaning in to kiss her. she really wishes they could just talk, but he’s never been very good at that, so she just climbs onto his lap.

they kiss messily, and it feels all wrong. his hands are digging into her ass, and azzi wants to pull away but she doesn’t want to upset him again.

just as azzi thinks he’s about to stand up from the couch and take her to her room, her phone buzzes.

he mutters out, “ignore it,” between kisses, but she really can’t.

because she looks over at the phone, and she sees paiges name flash across the screen as it vibrates on the couch. “can’t. it’s paige,” she says, moving off of liam to grab her phone.

liam sighs. “who even is she?” he asks, scoffing. “you seem to spend all your time with her lately,” he adds, crossing his arms and pouting like a little boy.

azzi would usually find that cute, but right now, all she can do is find herself to be annoyed at him. “she’s my friend, liam,” she says defensively. “and she just fainted earlier, not that it’s any of your business.”

liam stands up from the couch quickly, grabbing his phone and keys from the counter. jesus christ, azzi thinks, he’s so immature. can’t even talk. “whatever,” he huffs. “you can go fuck her or something.”

azzi scoffs at the comment. “excuse me? you’re acting like a dick right now. get out.”

“wait, baby, i’m sorry. didn’t mean it.” liam walks over to hug her, muttering out a half-assed apology, but azzi refuses to hear it, crossing her arms. “i said leave, you fucking asshole.” azzi didn’t use profanity often, but his comment was uncalled for.

liam scoffs at her tone, not expecting it from her. “whatever,” he says, before slamming the door shut. azzi flinches at the sound of if vibrating through her apartment.

she allows herself a few minutes to breathe before calling paige back. “sorry,” she mutters out. “liam was over.”

she hears silence on the other line, and checks to see if maybe the call disconnected. when she sees that it’s still going, she waits for a response. finally, paige’s voice comes through. “oh. sorry, i can call another —“

azzi promptly cuts her off. “he’s gone now,” she explains, but she’s not really sure why. it’s not like paige cares about liam’s whereabouts.

“oh,” is all paige says in response.

azzi hesitates before asking, “do you wanna —maybe come over?”

paige quickly replies to that. “are you sure?”

azzi smiles and nods, but she remembers paige obviously can’t see that over the phone, so she speaks again. “of course. here, i’ll text you my address,” she says, before typing it into their text thread. “none of my roommates are home,” she adds, knowing paige might get nervous around them.

paige giggles over the phone airily, like she hadn’t expected the invitation, and azzi smiles to herself. “okay. i’ll be there in fifteen,” paige mutters quietly.

“see you then,” azzi smiles, before ending the call. she tidies up her apartment, which isn’t even messy, before fidgeting with her hands since she has nothing to do. she pretends to care about whatever’s on tv so the time passes quicker, but when she checks her phone she sees that it’s only been five minutes.

she groans into a pillow, deciding to try and cook. paige is probably hungry, and it’s time for dinner anyways. she checks the fridge, which is mostly full of protein drinks and cottage cheese, but she finds some chicken breast. she looks in the pantry, and is delighted to find an unopened package of fettuccine. she looks up a recipe for the alfredo sauce online, but realizes that she’s missing almost all of the ingredients for the sauce. she groans, annoyed, before opening doordash to get the remaining items.

just as azzi places her order, she hears a steady knock at her door. her ears perk up at the sound, and she tries her best not to sprint towards the door. she takes a breath, opening it with a deep smile on her face.

paige smiles nervously, fidgeting with her hands behind the door. she mutters out a little, “hello,” before azzi pulls her into a hug. paige relaxes into it, and azzi feels her take a deep exhale once she does. when they pull away, paige stays glued to the floor as if she’s not sure where to go.

azzi giggles, grabbing her hand “come on,” she starts, “i was just about to cook dinner.”

paige’s eyes widen, her head tilting in surprise. “you don’t have to do that,” she says quietly. azzi can’t help but smile then.

to be fair, she doesn’t think she ever stops smiling around paige. there’s just something about her constant concern and care for other people that is so endearing to azzi. “already ordered the ingredients,” she shrugged. “can’t just not do it.”

paige’s eyebrows furrow now, somehow seeming upset that azzi wants to cook for her. “can i help you then?” she asks quietly, searching azzi’s eyes for approval.

azzi giggles out “no, paige. you’re a guest,” as she walks around the countertop to start prepping.

paige sighs and wipes her hands on her jeans, looking anxious to stand up as azzi moves around the kitchen. “you sure? i would love to help.”

just as she says that, azzi gets a notification on her phone. “okay. can you please get the door? it’s some of the ingredients i’ll need.”

paige quickly follows her instruction, walking to the door to grab the groceries. “you could’ve asked me to buy all of this,” she says, setting the bags gently on the counter.

azzi rolls her eyes at that. “you were already on the way over. it’s no problem.”

“would’ve turned back,” paige mutters. “i live close to target anyways.”

azzi reaches up to fluff her hair. it’s down tonight, which is different for her. all of the times azzi’s seen her, paige’s hair is slicked back into a tight ponytail or bun. “your hair’s so pretty,” she says, running her fingers through the blonde strands of hair. paige’s cheeks turn red, her blue eyes flitting around the room.

paige clears her throat, looking to the counter as azzi continues playing with her hair. “so. what are we cooking?” she asks.

azzi finally drops her hands, moving to wash them in the sink. “we,” she says, motioning between them, “are not cooking anything.”

paige looks almost devastated at the comment. “azziiiiiii,” she groans, stretching out her name. “let me help. i’ll do whatever you want,” she says, her lips pouting out very cutely.

“ugh,” azzi grumbles. “fine, you can try to make the alfredo sauce.”

paige’s eyebrows raise. “we’re making alfredo?” she asks hopefully.

azzi nods. “yes. chicken alfredo,” she confirms. “do you like that?”

paige nods swiftly, apples of her cheeks jutting out as she smiles. “that’s, like, my favorite.”

azzi sends paige the recipe, and they get to work, making good pace as they prepare dinner. as paige is mixing the sauce, azzi dips a finger in to try it. she groans at the taste, muttering out, “mm. so good, paige.”

paige’s cheeks turn bright red, probably not expecting azzi to like it so much, and azzi reaches into the sauce again, holding her finger up to paige’s mouth this time. paige’s eyes widen before she opens her mouth, sucking around azzi’s finger so she doesn’t miss any bit of it. her eyes close at the taste, and azzi feels feverish all of a sudden, an unfamiliar heat forming in her abdomen and shooting directly to her core.

azzi quickly pulls her finger back, focusing on grilling the chicken again. she doesn’t know what’s gotten into her. paige is a good friend, and there’s no reason she should be sticking her fucking fingers in her mouth.

against her will, a terrible, terrible thought flashes through her mind, and she turns away so paige can’t see her face heat up. she tries to compose herself, but she can’t stop thinking about the way paige’s mouth closed so easily around her finger. she let her mind wander to another instance, but she quickly shakes the thought out of her mind. you have a boyfriend, fudd. she’s your friend. pull it together.

she briefly considers walking out of her own apartment to get some fresh air and maybe, like, jump off a bridge while she’s at it, but paige breaks her out of her imagination, waving a hand in front of her face. “azzi? you still with me?”

azzi nods, still trying to figure out how words work. “yes, sorry. think the chicken’s ready.”

“cool,” paige mutters. azzi doesn’t move to do anything, still staring into space. when she finally comes back, the food is all mixed into the pot. “ready to eat?” paige asks, already plating food for the both of them.

“uh — yeah,” azzi mumbles. “you don’t have to do all that.”

paige smiles. “don’t worry about it. you basically did everything already.”

that was a lie. all azzi did was grill the chicken, paige getting to the pasta before she could object, and obviously cooking the alfredo sauce. she also set the table for the two of them. azzi felt useless, her plan of being a good host ruined by paige’s eagerness to help.

they sit down to eat, not saying anything for a few minutes, but it’s a comfortable silence. finally, though, azzi hesitates before speaking. “so,” she starts hesitantly, paige’s ears perking up at the sound. “can you tell me what happened earlier?”

paige’s eyes scrunch as if she’s holding back tears, but she controls it. “i just got scared. i dunno, it’s stupid.”

azzi nudges her calf soothingly underneath the table. “it’s not stupid, paige.”

paige shakes her head, refusing to accept it. her eyes start filling up with tears again, this time falling before she can catch them. “it is. i don’t know why i’m like this, azzi,” she shrugs.

azzi’s head tilts seeing the blonde so vulnerable. she grabs paige’s hand, trying to steady her. “has this happened before? is that why you got scared?”

paige opens her mouth to speak a few times, but words don’t come out for a moment. “nothing like that. it’s just —"she sighs. “people used to be really mean to me, azzi.”

azzi doesn’t speak, letting paige take her time to explain. paige chuckles, but there’s no sign of humor in it. “god. i thought i was over it,” she says rubbing her eyes tiredly. “i don’t even know why i freaked out. i just,” she pauses. “i get scared of people, like — perceiving me? i don’t know why, though.”

“you’ve never had a panic attack before?” azzi asks, and paige pauses before nodding her head.

“i have,” paige mutters. “but it was so long ago, azzi. i didn’t expect it to happen ever again.”

“tell me about it,” azzi asks sincerely. whoever’s hurt paige in her past deserves to feel unimaginable amounts of pain. such a sweet girl didn’t deserve any of this.

“well,” paige hesitates. “wasn’t that long ago, i guess. at least the last one wasn’t.”

azzi nods, coaxing paige to continue.

“um — ” she swallows. “my mom. she died last year,” she chokes out, sobbing on the last sentence. “and i just freaked. there was nobody around, though.”

azzi feels her own eyes start to form tears, not expecting anything of that weight. “oh my god, paige. i’m so fucking sorry,” she chokes out. “that must’ve been terrible.”

paige nods, not even attempting to sugarcoat it. “yeah. it was. didn’t even tell kate until, like, seven months later? i think,” she admits. “sorry, that’s probably a lot to drop on you.”

azzi shakes her head. “stop apologizing, paige. i’m glad you feel comfortable telling me.”

paige’s eyes, wet with tears, finally meet azzi’s. she looks so sad, but beautiful, and azzi stands up to walk around the table and hug her. paige stands up to meet her, letting out a choked sob. “you have no idea how much you mean to me,” she mumbles out, before pulling away and adding, “sorry, that’s probably weird.”

“it’s not weird, paige,” azzi smiles. “you mean a lot to me, too.”

they look at each other for a moment, and paige looks terribly soft, searching azzi’s eyes like they have all the answers in the world. azzi’s eyes flit down to her lips, which are puffy from the salt of her tears, before going back up to her face. without thinking, she leans in.

paige’s lips meet hers, her arms hesitating before wrapping tightly around azzi’s waist, and it feels like everything azzi’s ever needed in her life. it’s reverent at first, the click of their lips echoing steadily around the empty apartment. paige lets out a muffled sigh, which sends a spark of heat directly to azzi’s abdomen.

she pulls back, now looking at paige with a hunger. they’re kissing again, but this time it’s harsh, their mouths fighting for air. they’re both groaning, kissing messily and — god, azzi doesn’t think she’s ever felt this way in her life. whoever taught paige to kiss like this deserves to be in the hall of fame. she’s fucking perfect. azzi pulls away to catch her breath, and paige searches her eyes worriedly for a second. “everything okay?”

and, yes. everything is wonderful, actually. because paige is standing in front of her, cradling her face, and she looks beautiful. her lips are kiss bitten, her cheeks flushed, and azzi can’t help but tilt her head up to kiss her nose once. “everything is great, paige,” she whispers. “who taught you how to do that?”

paige is flustered, but she doesn’t look like running away for once. she strokes her thumbs across azzi’s cheek, shrugging once before speaking up quietly. “doesn’t matter,” she shakes her head, eyes going from worried to hungry before pulling azzi in again.

azzi starts walking backwards subconsciously, tripping as they make their way to her room. she shuts the door behind paige, keening as the blonde flips their positions and lifts her leg in between azzi’s.

azzi’s sensitive, whining as she grinds onto paige’s thigh. she pulls away from paige’s lips, the stimulation not enough for her. “please, paige,” she whispers, biting her lip as she continues grinding.

paige is attentive, nodding intently. “you sure?” she asks, toying with the waistband of azzi’s shorts. azzi nods, unable to find her words. paige apparently doesn’t like this, so she lifts her hands to cradle azzi’s neck. “need to hear it.”

azzi whimpers out, “yes, paige, please — need it now.”

and paige, the impeccable listener she is, immediately drops to her knees. she doesn’t waste time undoing the string around azzi’s shorts, but she pulls them downs as slowly as humanly possible. azzi whines as the air hits her center, her underwear already soaked through. she grabs paige’s head and tries to pull her down, but paige grabs both of her hands kisses them, pinning them to her stomach. “it’s okay, az. just be patient,” she mumbles, and azzi keens at the rasp in her voice.

they’re both desperate, but paige is clearly restraining herself not to rush. azzi doesn’t think she’s ever been this wet in her life, chest heaving as paige sucks a mark into her thigh. she lightly kisses the wet spot on azzi’s panties, and it sends a jolt up her spine. “so wet already,” she says, looking up at azzi smugly.

azzi has no idea where this is coming from, but she also knows that she likes the switch up. she’s so used to paige being reverent and gentle, and seeing her so confident — and almost cocky — while azzi is writhing underneath her might be the hottest thing azzis ever seen.

after what feels like years, paige finally pulls azzi’s underwear off, azzi’s hips jutting up at the feeling of being exposed to the air. she’s feels her arousal dribble down her thigh, paige cleaning it up before licking a stripe up azzi’s cunt, sending a vibration straight to her clit as she moans, “tastes so good — god azzi.”

paige closes her lips around the bundle of nerves, delving into azzi’s cunt before wrapping her mouth back around her clit. “you ever done this?” she asks, resting her chin on azzi’s pelvis as she looks up at her.

azzi shakes her head, because no, she’s never been eaten out before. sure, she’s had sex plenty of times, but she’s never let anyone go down on her, the concept of it always feeling too intimate. paige stands up, and azzi whimpers, desperate and achy. she’s really trying to be patient, but it’s killing her how long paige is taking. however, it is also extremely hot how paige is making this as good as possible for her, so she doesn’t verbalize her frustration.

paige studies her, blue eyes searching her face before she leans in to meet azzi’s lips. she starts walking backwards, flipping their positions, azzis knees hitting the edge of her bed before paige gently prods her to sit down. she gets back onto her knees, toying with the hem of azzi’s shirt, mumbling “off,” between kisses.

azzi scrambles as she pulls it over her head, along with her bra, leaning onto her back and pulling on paige’s to bring her closer. “you too,” she mumbles right as paige is about to kiss her again, and paige grins.

“yes ma’am,” she obeys. azzi suddenly feels possessive over her, wondering who the fuck taught her this. paige drops back onto her elbows, kissing azzi, and their bare chests touching. azzi feels paige’s nipples harden against her own, and she grins at how clearly desperate paige is. paige kisses her once more before starting her descent down azzi’s body, sucking a dark mark into her neck.

she gets to azzi’s nipples, one hand tugging at one as her mouth works on the other. it feels fucking phenomenal, but azzi’s literally hanging on by a thread at this point, so she says paige’s name.

of course, paige, clearly getting tunnel vision, doesn’t hear it, so azzi repeats her name again. paige snaps her head up, kissing azzi’s breast as she mutters, “mm?”

azzi chokes out, “please, paige,” and she’s relieved when paige doesn’t tease her this time. paige continues kissing down her torso, leaving hickeys in track, before finally putting her mouth on azzi’s clit.

she gets back into her rhythm, her tongue lapping azzi’s slick into her mouth. she grabs azzi’s hands, rubbing gentle circles into them with her thumbs as her head bobs in and out of azzi’s cunt, mumbling praises as she continues her ministrations. “so good, az.”

she works azzi up with her tongue, and when azzi keens out, “gonna come, paige. please — please let me,” she finally speeds up.

azzi’s head throws back with a loud gasp as she finally releases, paige working her through the aftershocks. she climbs back up azzi’s body, azzi moaning when paige reaches her mouth, tasting herself. it’s nothing like she’s ever felt before, and it takes a few minutes for her body to regulate itself again. when paige pulls back, she mutters “you’re so perfect,” cradling azzi’s face as she searches her eyes.

when she can finally think again, paige climbs off of her, pulling her shorts and boxers off. she sits back against the headrest, spreading her legs, her cunt glistening in the low lights. she motions for azzi to join her. azzi crawls toward her, their chests pressing together as she settles in paige’s lap. she subconsciously starts grinding down, but paige stops her, grabbing her hips. just as azzi’s about to beg again, paige looks at her, kissing her before mumbling, “want you to ride my fingers, az. can you do that?”

azzi quickly nods, excited and desperate to have paige’s hand between her legs. she settles back on paige’s thigh before settling onto paige’s fingers, her cunt stretching a bit, and —

“holy fucking shit,” she whines. “so good,”

paige works at her nipples with her mouth, the hand that’s not inside of azzi wrapping around her waist. it’s probably the hottest thing azzi’s experienced in her life, and she doesn’t know how she’ll touch herself without thinking of paige ever again.

azzi tries to move faster, but paige pulls her finger away. “don’t rush, mama,” and azzi nearly comes at the pet name. she doesn’t know how she went twenty years of her life without knowing this feeling, and she silently curses whoever made her wait this long. paige nudges her finger back between azzi’s waist, and azzi jolts at the sensation. she’s so fucking sensitive, her legs shaking as she tries her hardest to hold herself up.

thankfully, paige comes to the rescue, steadying azzi with an arm around her waist. just as azzi thinks she’s finally gonna let her come, though, she pauses, positioning azzi over her own clit. she quickly starts moving azzi back and forth, their centers clashing as they kiss messily, whining into each other’s mouths.

azzi’s orgasm comes like a surprise this time, her body unable to hold it any longer. there’s arousal all over paige’s stomach and her thighs, but paige continues to move her. azzi tries to move, her eyes watery from the strength of her release, but paige holds her down. “almost there, az,” paige breathes out, moaning as she kisses azzi.

azzi does her best to bring paige to her climax, paige hissing out, “fuck. fuck azzi — gonna come,” and when she finally does with a loud cry, azzi collapses onto her, chests heaving against each other.

azzi feels her exhaustion pulling her under as paige kisses her tangled mess of curls, whispering little praises. “did so good, az,” she exhales, pulling azzi’s face up to meet her lips.

they kiss lazily for a few minutes, paige adjusting their positions to lay down. azzi, curious, rasps out, “okay — genuinely. who the fuck taught you how to do all that?”

paige laughs underneath her, the sound going straight to azzi’s core. “bro,” she blushes. “doesn’t matter,” she mumbles out, her voice raspy with her fatigue. when azzi hears it, she tries to stand up to go grab water. paige keeps her hands tightly wrapped around the younger woman’s waist, and azzi giggles.

“just getting you water. don’t want you to die of dehydration,” she says.

paige groans, but azzi feels her arms start to loosen. “i’d be fine dying of dehydration, by the way,” she says as azzi walks out. azzi giggles at the thought.

just as she makes it to the kitchen, she sees her phone buzzing on the counter insistently. it stops, but then starts again after a few moments. worried that she missed something, she speed walks over to it, checking to see what’s going on. she has four missed calls, and when she sees who it is she immediately checks their texts.

today 9:34 pm

liam: hey, i’m sorry

liam: can we talk tomorrow?

today 10:36 pm

liam: ignoring me now?

she drops her phone, her eyes filling with tears. she just cheated on liam, and she hadn’t even thought about him a single time.

she goes to the bathroom, examining the marks paige left all over her body, crying at both the memory and her stupidity. she grabs a washcloth, cleaning the remnants of her and paige’s releases, before quietly padding back to her room.

and it kills her, seeing paige already curled up in her bed. she looks so fucking soft, completely naked and cuddling a pillow, but azzi can’t bear to be around her right now, so she does her best to dress herself silently before walking back out of her room.

she grabs her keys, not bothering to leave a note. she feels like a dick, but she needs to be anywhere but around paige right now. she pulls out her phone, texting caroline.

today 11:23 pm

azzi: omw over to ur apartment

caroline: okay

caroline: u good??

azzi: yeah

azzi: morgan’s boyfriend is over lol

…

after the game, azzi swears she sees the blonde everywhere she goes. unfortunately, blondie always sees her and leaves before azzi can say a word to her.

she knows she’s best friends with kate martin, who is on the soccer team. they’re practically inseparable, almost to the point where azzi considers if they’re dating. but that couldn’t be true, since she’s pretty sure kate has slept with half the campus. open relationship maybe? azzi didn’t judge. she could technically dm kate and ask about her, but they’re not really close like that. it’d probably sound weird.

she looked through kate’s following list the day after the game, but never found the woman. there was zero trace of her on kate’s page, too. she was a complete mystery, and azzi had to figure her out.

azzi found out that she’s had econ with the girl all semester, but they always sit on complete opposite sides of the room. today, azzi decides she’s going to stand outside the lecture hall thirty minutes early to not miss the blonde girl walking in.

but eventually, thirty minutes reduce to twenty, and twenty minutes reduce to ten. usually, she’s here before azzi, and azzi’s always here at least fifteen minutes early.

azzi doesn’t give up hope yet, staying outside for a few more minutes. when the blonde girl ends up not making an appearance at all, azzi starts to wonder if she’s the problem.

as class goes by (very slowly) she decides that she’s going to stop seeking her out, and instead will wait for her to magically appear somehow.

and it seems like fate is on her side, because just hours later, azzi sees her eating in the dining hall alone. perfect. she moves out of the way enough that blondie won’t see her, but enough to ensure she has a perfect view of her.

she stands behind a corner, almost stalkerish, and watches her every move.

azzi notices she’s not eating her food, just poking at it like a sad puppy. speaking of sad, blondie looks like she just got news that her dog got ran over. azzi wants to go and comfort her, but she stays back for a few more minutes, not wanting to seem like a stalker (even though she definitely fit the role.)

after a few moments, she glances down at the table, picking up her phone and sighing, like it took all of her energy to do so. as she listens to the person on the other line, she just mutters a few words back before hanging up. when she sets her phone back down, she looks like she’s going to cry. her head falls into her hands, and she grips her hair. azzi can’t tell if it’s frustration or her trying to keep her composure.

she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself, before picking at her food again. shit. this was making azzi sad.

everyone knew kate on campus. azzi has heard whispers about her best friend, but she’s never really gotten a close look at the woman. obviously, she liked her space. azzi never saw her at parties, and the first time she’d ever seen her doing something mildly entertaining was the basketball game.

and azzi didn’t really understand why. she was straight (at least, she thought), but anyone with eyes could see that blondie was an extremely attractive woman. so why did she seem so uninterested in everything besides school and kate?

shit, maybe they were dating. open relationship, maybe? azzi didn’t judge.

eventually, she decides she can’t watch blondie sulk any longer. she steps out from the corner she was standing behind, and blondie definitely spots her. this time, azzi’s too close for her to run away. score. blondie focuses on her plate, as if it will make her magically vanish, and azzi knows she’s won.

when she finally reaches the table, she sits in front of her and says, maybe a little bit too enthusiastically, “hi, i’m azzi,” as she puts her hand out.

blondie’s eyes widen and her face turns bright red, and azzi thinks it’s the sweetest thing in the world. she wonders if she gets this way with everyone. it’s so cute. she’s so cute. in a completely friendly, platonic way.

well, that’s if blondie wants to be friends with her.

she reaches her hand up to meet azzi’s, and finally replies. “uh — hi.” blondie stumbles, and she looks like she wants to leave, but it’s too late. azzi’s got her stuck. “paige. i’m paige.”

azzi smiles, but not in a condescending way. she doesn’t want to scare paige away again. “paige. that’s a pretty name,” azzi giggles, repeating it in her mind. “i saw you at the game on saturday.”

paige flushes, clearly surprised azzi remembered her. jesus, does this woman know how endearing she is? if paige was a boy, azzi’s like, 100 percent she’d fall in love with her. paige, still in her surprised state, mumbles out a stupid “really?”

and azzi giggles again. paige doesn’t seem to like it, and she looks down at her plate biting her lip. she’s clearly way too nice to leave despite how uncomfortable she is, so when azzi notices her body language, she tries again. “sorry, i’m not laughing at you. you’re just so cute, i can’t help it.”

and paige smiles. up close, azzi sees how adorably gummy it is, and she can’t help but smile too. azzi wants to take a picture of paige’s face and keep it in her pocket forever. paige, still smiling, mumbles out a quiet “thank you.”

“you weren’t in class today,” azzi says after a few moments of awkward silence.

“something came up,” paige explains vaguely.

azzi nods, and then realizes she approached paige with zero idea what she’d say to the woman. she blurts out a “i tried finding your instagram,” before realizing that was probably on the list of the worst things she possibly could’ve said.

paige’s eyebrows raise, and she giggles.

well, at least she’s laughing. that’s nice. her laugh is very nice. “um — i have one,” she starts, “but it’s kinda personal.”

azzi nods in understanding, accepting her defeat. she’d get it someday.

but paige speaks again. “you can totally follow it, though,” she offers. “‘s kinda stupid, don’t really post.”

azzi shakes her head. “no, please. i want it.”

she’s sure she sounds extremely desperate, but it’s the truth.

“okay, um. do you wanna give me your phone so i can type it in?”

azzi immediately grabs her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it before handing it to paige. as paige enters her instagram, azzi uses it as an opportunity to study her further. she’s still wearing those glasses, but azzi notices how blue her eyes are. she’s beautiful. everything about her is beautiful.

just as she’s about to comment on it, she realizes paige is looking at her. paige quickly swats her eyes back down, almost like she was committing a crime by looking at azzi. it’s cute, but azzi hates that she does that. she wishes she’d be more shameless. but, from the little she knows about the woman, that’s just not paige. paige speaks, and azzi almost can’t hear her. “here, there’s not really much on it.”

azzi looks at her account. it’s private, and the profile picture is a photo of the night sky. the account only has 13 followers, and there’s no display name. no wonder she couldn’t find her.

the username is “pbueckers5” and azzi swears she never saw this in kate’s following list. surely enough, none of her mutuals follow her. she lets her curiosity get the best of her, deciding to ask paige about it. “kate doesn’t follow you?”

paige’s eyes widen at the observation and she chews at her lip. azzi’s sure they’re bitten raw by now. “she does,” paige explains, “just on another account. don’t want people finding me.”

azzi really couldn’t figure this woman out. it was almost as if she wanted to be invisible. without thinking, azzi scoffs and says, “if i were you, i’d probably slept through half the campus by now.”

paige’s eyes widen, and azzi instantly wishes she could take back her statement. she quickly rushes to recover, stumbling out a “wait — not like that. it’s just. you’re way too pretty to be hiding.”

paige nods, but she doesn’t seem to buy the excuse. she stands up and mumbles a “gotta go, kate needs me.”

and it’s definitely a lie. paige’s phone hadn’t buzzed a single time throughout their conversation, and azzi was pretty sure she saw her with a girl on the way over to the dining hall. paige gives her no time to reply, walking away immediately.

azzi hits the follow button on paige’s instagram, hoping she’ll get accepted, and checks her notifications. liam left her a series of texts.

today 3:56 pm

liam: dinner tonight?

liam: cooking us some chicken alfredo

today 5:47 pm

liam: dropped some by your dorm

liam: figured you were busy

liam: love :)

today 6:47 pm

azzi: sorry, i was studying for an accounting quiz

azzi: thanks for the food! looks great baby

azzi: love you too :)

there’s flowers next to the food, and it really does look delicious. azzi’s already eaten, though, so she offers it to caroline.

she spends a few hours studying, exhausted by the time she’s finished.

when she gets to bed, she checks her phone again. paige accepted her follow request and followed her back. she sees that there’s three new messages from her.

pbueckers5: hey this is probably super inconvenient

pbueckers5: but do you have a finsta or something? like kate’s?

pbueckers5: if you do could you follow me on that instead lol

azzi quickly switches to her fake account that she uses for stalking, and she follows paige, unfollowing her on her main account. paige quickly accepts, and azzi finally goes through her page.

there’s not much except two photo dumps, which mostly consist of a couple (very cute) mirror selfies and pictures of, presumably, her little brother. there’s photos of the moon in each one. she has no solo pictures in her highlights, but she does have some pictures with kate.

cool, so azzi learned virtually nothing about paige except for the fact that she might have a little brother. whatever. azzi would take whatever she could get, so she sends paige a dm.

azjf35: is that your little brother?

within minutes, she sees paige’s reponse at the beginning of her screen and immediately clicks on it. she smiles when she reads the message.

pbueckers5: in my photo dumps? you stalking me?

just as she’s about to respond, two more pop up on the screen.

pbueckers5: but yeah, that’s my little brother

pbueckers5: drew

azjf35: he seems like a sweetheart

azjf35: just like his sister :)

message bubbles pop up from paige’s end, and then die down. it happens a few more times until another set of messages come through.

pbueckers5: he’s great

pbueckers5: and you’re the sweetest

azzi giggles like a middle school girl with her first crush. it’s really not like that, but there’s just something so special about paige.

she tries think back to when she last felt this way over a friend, and she remembers sophie.

eight years ago

azzi’s eating lunch under a tree when she hears it.

“she’s so weird, sitting alone like that,” emily says. azzi can’t see her, but she recognizes her voice. azzi moved here three months ago, and emily and her posse have made her life a living hell ever since.

all of azzi’s friends from dance went to school together, but since she chose to go to a studio an hour away from home, she didn’t know anyone. she was still too shy to make conversation with people, so to everyone else she seemed like a loser.

just as she’s about to stand up, she hears a voice she’s never heard before. “you’re a fucking loser, emily. picking on her for eating lunch? something that everyone on planet earth does?”

azzi hears emily scoff, and when she looks up, emily and her friends are walking away.

who was that? why was she defending azzi?

azzi doesn’t look around to hear where the voice was coming from, instead sprinting to the bathroom. she immediately starts hurling into the toilet, and when her stomach is empty she leans against the stall and cries.

she really hopes to god, if he exists, that one day it’ll get easier. just as she’s about to call her mom crying for, possibly, the sixth time that week, she feels a knock vibrate from her stall door. she wipes her tears away and tries to stand up, assuming it’s one of the staff members checking on her, yet again.

when she opens the stall door, though, it’s not a staff member. instead, a blonde girl meets her. she’s pretty, with piercing green eyes. probably one of emily’s other friends. azzi tries to shut the door again, but the girl stops her.

“wait,” she says. “i’m sophie.”

she looks sincere, friendly. azzi hesitates before finally stepping out of the stall. “azzi,” she responds quietly, voice shaking from her tears.

she almost offers her hand out, but decides that’s probably awkward. sophie notices, and she smiles. “cute,” she pauses, before asking, “wait — like jennifer azzi?”

nobody’s ever noticed that. azzi tilts her head in fascination at this woman, and nods. “um — yeah,” she replies. “how’d you know that?” she asks, dumbfounded.

sophie giggles at that. “i play basketball.”

azzi nods. she walks over to wash her hands, and sophie speaks again. “hey — i’m sorry about emily. she’s such a bitch.”

and thank fucking god. someone agreed with her. azzi quietly giggles at that, and when she looks in the mirror, sophie is smiling at her. she looks like she’s contemplating something, finally blurting out a question. “can i have your number?”

azzi’s eyes widen at that, surprised that someone was asking. she nods in the mirror as she shakes off her hands, going to towel them off before taking out her phone for sophie.

sophie quickly enters her number into azzi’s phone, sending herself a text. “there,” she says. “bye now, azzi,” she says, before walking out of the bathroom. azzi is left confused, but also hopeful, since she thinks she just made a friend.

…

azzi starts hanging out with sophie way more, who, by the way, is way better at basketball than she’d anticipated. she attends nearly every single one of her games to cheer her on, always making a poster for her.

sophie starts coming to her house, and she basically becomes a part of sophie’s family.

tonight, she has a home game, and azzi’s there thirty minutes early. she sits high in the stands, wearing a random red t-shirt the school gave out. she painted a 12 on her face, a recent habit she’s picked up since she started watching sophie. it’s the last game of the season, and azzi’s excited for sophie.

as sophie’s warming up, she smiles and waves at azzi when she spots her in the stands. azzi makes a little heart hand at her best friend, before blowing her a kiss.

azzi still sits alone when she spots emily. she’s walking in with her friends, and she looks around the gym until she spots azzi. azzi flits her eyes away once she feels emily look in her general direction, but it’s too late. she knows she’s in for it tonight.

emily starts walking towards the section the brunette is sitting in, and azzi tries to look for a way out, but she’s cornered. emily’s friends are walking up the other side, and azzi almost cries right there on the spot.

emily hasn’t been bothering her lately. ever since azzi started hanging out with sophie, they haven’t had an opportunity to do so. she’s with azzi 24/7, almost like a bodyguard.

but now, there’s nothing sophie can do. she’s about to play a game, for god’s sake. why couldn’t they just leave azzi alone?

emily slides in on azzi’s right, and amyah and chelsea settle on her left. azzi prepares herself for the worst, accepting that there’s no way out this time. emily starts immediately. “sophie, huh?”

azzi doesn’t respond. she just nods once, trying to keep her focus on the court. the team is still in the locker room since there’s still a couple of minutes left until tip off. emily snickers, snorting out a “she’s gay, you know.”

azzi’s ears perk up at the comment. she knew sophie was weird about boys, but she’d never heard her say anything like that. azzi mutters out a “no, she’s not.”

and emily laughs like it’s the most outrageous thing she’s ever heard. “yes, azzi, she is.”

how kind. emily finally learned her name. azzi speaks back, louder this time. she looks emily straight in the eye, and says, “no she isn’t.”

emily glares at her like she’s stupid. “she is. everyone knows it. and she’s probably, like, in love with you or something.”

azzi shakes her head and feels her face heat up at the thought. “she’s not in love with me. i don’t like girls,” she mutters, her tone not confident whatsoever.

emily’s eyes roll. “right,” she says, unbelieving of azzi. her tone softens. “you know, we were dating when you moved here. then she started talking all about you.”

azzi’s suddenly very interested. sophie has never told her any of this. she looks at emily sympathetically, suddenly feeling sorry for god knows what reason. she never understood why sophie had so much disdain towards emily, but it finally started to make sense. “really?” azzi asks. “well, i’m sure you’re wrong. we’re totally just friends,” she shrugs. “i don’t even like girls.”

emily smiles, seemingly very happy to hear that nothing would be happening between azzi and sophie. “cool. so you wouldn’t mind if we started dating again?”

azzi stares at her blankly. she wasn’t about to deny emily of dating sophie, but she also didn’t like the thought of the blonde girl having her time taken up with someone who used to make her life a living hell.

but surely sophie wasn’t like that. she was a great friend to azzi, so azzi had no reason to believe she’d ever do something to hurt her.

just as she’s about to answer emily, the team starts running out, with sophie leading. she spots azzi in the stands and glares when she sees who’s sitting beside her. emily leans over to whisper in azzi’s ear. “she definitely likes you.”

azzi mutters out a frustrated “i don’t like her, emily,” before standing up and excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

once she gets outside the gym she calls her mom to pick her up, the number 12 on her face destroyed by her tears.

…

present day

azzi winces at the memory. her and sophie still talked after that day, but she remembers things becoming awkward to them. life had become a blur after that.

she turns her phone back on, opening instagram to reply to paige. she types out her response, shutting her phone off without before going to sleep.