#physically exhausted

“I wanna do more lineart, but I think I’ll have better luck just letting myself veg and then taking the Alfocusyn.”

“The phrase “Have you tried turning your Alvin off and back on again?” won’t leave my head.”

“I think that’s a sign I need to silence my brain and then let everything slowly trickle back when the meds wear off.”

Sorry if I'm taking a while on my content production. I've had a flare that's lasted me 4 days without reprieve and I'm having a hard time finding a doctor without insurance.

Back to using my cane and writing a few sentences to a paragraph a day. Brain fog is killing me. Hope you guys are having a great summer and I mean that with love, not because I'm bitter. I know it'll get better eventually.

But as I examine myself closer, I realize that I can sometimes become emotionally flattened and unexpressive out of necessity and not because I enjoy that or because it’s me unmasking.

It’s because my voice is LOUD. I naturally talk far too loud for most people to tolerate. When I feel any emotion at all, I feel it STRONG. And I love to feel it strong. But they make me loud. Too much.

So in order to talk at an acceptable volume and not sound like an overexpressive cartoon character…I silenced my voice and with it my emotions. Because in order to quiet down, I needed to not allow myself to feel things like excitement or joy. SUCKS, DOESN’T IT!?

Now, I’m learning to express myself through my voice and through the chipmunk voices out loud more instead of just online again. AND GUESS WHAT! It’s been exhausting me too, because while it feels good, I still get scolded for being annoying and loud. And my body is not used to the frequency with which I talk. (I keep getting really dry mouth! Lol)

i'm exhausted

Hello, helloo!! Here is part one of my Faces of Whumpmas Past for @melpomenelamusa 's character Teklómenes. Enjoy!! "We cordially extend this invitation to attend our Ice Crystal Masked Ball," the Yeti's invitation had read, "to be held in honor of the great Reina Freya of the mighty Drakones." But no matter how much Tete, the young owl hybrid who had been taken in by the drakones queen Freyra. Tete had never seen anything so breathtaking. While the great halls of the Drakones needed great torches to light up the halls of stone, only one great candle illuminated the vast ballroom, its reflection flickering upon every dip in the surface of the icy walls, ceiling, and polished floor. When Tete imagined the Yetis, he thought of them as rugged, hairy bipeds. Hunched creatures with crooked teeth and pushed in faces. But these...they were beautiful. Fur combed to frame their heads, streaks of black, white, or colored fur through their usual tan curls. Lambchop beards seemed the fashionable style for the men while a stylish curl graced the chins of the women. The drakones only had scales upon their skin, but when Tete saw how the Yetis styled their fur--which was in greater abundance on their bodies than his feathers were on his--he felt awe through him. The Yeti Leader and her wife bowed before Freyra, welcoming the drakones among them. Then it was greetings, a flurry of servants to guide the drakones to their quarters, and then preparations for the ball that evening. Tete held his breath when he saw his dragon mother emerge from her guest chambers. Shimmering white clung to her body, setting off the darker scales along her thigh. His own dark attire cropped just below his chest, allowing his midriff to show, while his wide pants flowed down to the floor, covering his taloned feet. "Excellent choice," Freyra approved. Tete's feathers ruffled shyly.