This summer has been mostly amazing for my mental health. My own bedroom. Regulated, intentional social interaction. Unintentional, traumatized, unmasking and regression. Along with euphoric and intentional unmasking.
However, now when I go into public and talk to people I've completely forgotten to mask
Was checking out after shopping. The cashier told me my total was, "$46." And I was surprised, so my autistic ass blurted out, "46 DOLLARS?!" Just kind of immediate, loud, and too shocked right back at her face. It wasn't rude just surprised (and I was making intense eye contact) In my head, I was immediately like oh my god why did I do that.
It was probably slightly rude to her and only embarrassing to me (constrained within the background knowledge that I usually have more inhibition in public)
I'm kind of scared for next school year because my masking has seriously degraded. We talk about unmasking a lot for mental health. I wholeheartedly agree that a balance and unmasking is a necessity. However, in public, the embarrassment of continuously choppy social interaction and miscommunication isn't exactly great for insecurity either. Exhausting as masking is, my unmasking is unintentional, and I'm trying to get a handle on it. I don't want to fully mask (I don't think I could if I wanted to), but I still find myself desperately wishing I could regain some of my previous inhibitions.
