Viva La Vie Boheme!

✦ -ˋˏ 💿 Isaac 🎭 ˎˊ- ✦

✦ 𝑨𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕: Currently hyperfixated on Rent

| I love Rent so much and I'm currently

| writing some Rent fics for AO3

╰ ➤ Birthday: 8 July

✦ 𝑰𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚

| Pronouns: He/Him

| Orientation: Gay

| Gender: Transmasc

╰ ➤ MBTI: INFP-T

✦ 𝑩𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

| No: Will update when I think of any

| Ask: Will update when I think of any

| Yes: Asks, submissions, DMs, ect.

╰ ➤ "Perhaps it's because I'm the one of us to survive..."

✦ 𝑺𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒔

| Pinterest: @/isaac_stardrop

| AO3: hyperfixated_on_musicals

| Insta: @/indignant_isaac

| Vent Tumblr: @xxraz0r-sharp-tboyxx

| Fanfic Tumblr: @isaac-whumps

╰ ➤ 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈~

I heart instinctively putting on my dressing gown because I'm afraid someone is going to hit me and the dressing gown will soften the blow 🫩😀 /s

I'm genuinely afraid that someone in my house is gonna hit me again 😀

I also used to do this as a kid around my dad and mum when they got angry.

Holy shit the next time that bitch misgenders me-

I love being treated like shit and that being completely fine because it's my nanna who's doing this shit to me. /s

It's hard to breathe. She told me to go live with my abusive father and he'll let me breathe or some fucking bullshit.

My brother took the clothes when nanna told me to do it so that's another thing she can say that I never do. I'm so fucking frustrated. I just told her that if she's going to just have a go at me, she can shut up/be quiet. Apparently that was swearing at her. I did swear at her after because I'm so frustrated. I'm so done with her bullshit. I want to move out. She wants to kick me out.

She's threatened to kick me out about a hundred fucking times. At that moment, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted her to kill me. She should've taken a knife and taken her anger out on me right then and there.

I'm trying not to but this is the first time in almost two months that I've had the urge to cut myself.

I was shaking and I couldn't breathe and she told me "I've heard crying and that's not crying." I WASN'T TRYING TO FUCKING CRY. I WAS TRYING TO GET MY BREATH BACK.

Then she complains that I'm proud of myself for swearing because I didn't immediately apologise and beg for fucking forgiveness.

She makes me want to kill myself quite a lot.

The constant threats, the self-righteous bullshit, the way she acts like she's above me, the way she compares me to her failure of a son. She thinks I'm too hard and says she didn't sign up for this. Your daughter with mental health issues made the conscious fucking decision to have a kid knowing full-well that those problems could be passed down.

I'm fucking exhausted.

I wish she had a fucking mute button like genuinely her voice triggers something in my brain. She pisses me off so bad.

This bitch got me feeling like:

God, it pisses me the fuck off that I have to memorise my family's schedule so I can eat.

It's exhausting having to tiptoe around them because I know that even if only silently, they're judging my food choices.

It's part of the reason I stay up so late at night. They also judge me for that but at least then I have less of a chance of interacting with them. My nanna still wakes up throughout the night so I have to guess whether she'll wake up while I'm there.

I was fully ready to just switch off the oven and go back upstairs but I haven't eaten all day other than a few lollies and it's 5:30pm. I feel so disgusting every time someone sees me eating or making food but I'm lightheaded.

I'll probably be more active here now. Or at least I'll try to be...

My plan is basically to lock myself indoors and not answer my phone or look at my emails until I'm ready.

My deadname is so deeply fucking engrained into my life and it's pissing me off. My email is still my deadname because I haven't been bothered to change it so all my emails still refer to me as that. My voice is not masc enough so people assume I'm not a boy and that upsets me even more. I just got an email from my school account addressing me as my deadname and I started sobbing again holy fucking shit I'm so fragile.

If I see one more thing where someone addresses me as my deadname, I'm gonna destroy my body and myself.

Fuck, I just realised I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and the receptionist is gonna call me by my deadname fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I could miss it cos it's a walk in and not a proper appointment but it's so I can get accommodations/provisions for my HSC (year 12 exams).

I need to start on T asap because it's so damn frustrating and upsetting to hear people still misgendering me. I'm sobbing rn because it's so goddamn exhausting (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

It'd be cool to have a big birthday party especially since I'll be 18 on the 8th of July but then I remember I hardly have anyone to invite 😔

At least I'm getting a bridge piercing on the 12th :D

It's gonna look so cool on me

Thanks for checking up on me (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

I'm alright :) I've been busy with some stuff and other than feeling pretty lonely, I'm okay : D

Also I'm almost 18 (⁠´⁠；⁠ω⁠；⁠｀⁠) it's terrifying but also exciting hehe

I'm never going to be a 'functioning member of society' so I might as well drown myself in a vat of acid 🥀💔

Holy shit being here is exhausting.

My mum just had a go at me because I haven't been going to school and I haven't been doing my school work.

She constantly brings up my flaws and it's exhausting. Then she goes and compares me to my twin brother who's not mentally ill and is doing so much better at everything. I call her out for me but she says she's not comparing us.

I'm still trying to do my school work but it keeps piling up and it's weighing me down. Everyone is putting so much pressure on me about school and it's so stressful.

I hear nanna and mum criticising me from downstairs and it makes me feel like shit. They think that I don't care. They don't listen to me.

They're not listening to me.

They don't fucking listen.

And this isn't even going into how fucking lonely I am.

I'm so fucking anxious rn. I missed my bus stop, I'm late for my appointment, some fucking old asshole yelled at me on the bus cos I didn't wait for him to tap off which is what made me miss my stop.

I have a blood test soon so I'm also a little nervous about that. Okay, I'm here. I'll tell you how things go after.