#pharm

Korn died first, and so Dean most often dreams of Inn in moments where he let him down. A day at the beach when he swore he would always be there for Inn, being a dick about Inn's cooking skills, etc.

But Pharm largely sees the moments when they were happy, inevitably all interrupted by flashes of watching Korn die. He sees that night more than anything else, Pharm even carries Inn's PTSD at the sound of the gun firing. And in this life, he is the one who has changed the most significantly. Inn learned to cook- not only that, he mastered it like he said he would.

It's just such an interesting distinction to make.

The one who left first, who threw up his hands and gave up on the man he loved- at least that seems to be how he's looking at it.

And the one who was left behind- even if it was only for a few moments. The one who was traumatized and who seems to want to be worthy of staying for.

Part 1 Phukan vs Pharm

Similar:

-Sweet and caring when it comes to their loved ones

-fathers died of illness at 12 and 10 respectively

-both chose their school or major to respect said fathers

- both have mothers who live outside the country

-have very caring friends who protect them at all cost

-have very loving and protective boyfriends/literal soulmates who want to take away all their pain and suffering

-put extra care into their into their unique routine or hobby

-innocent but not naive virgin soft boys who face existential dread the day after their first times

-I’d die for both of them

- both get very vivid dreams of other worlds/past lives respectively

-both got car trouble 😂

-gave themselves space from their boyfriends to wrap their heads around the sh*t they’ve been through

-emotionally got back together with them in the end

Different:

Phu is more dismissive of affection because he’s used to being alone and isn’t used to many people only caring about him while Pharm is more timid and afraid of pursuing love due to past life trauma

Phu is used to not being the sought out for one in his friend group, which leaves him feeling insignificant. While Pharm is more noticed by others for his cooking, cuteness, and relationships, leaving him concerned and embarrassed to reveal things to his friends at the start.

Phu suffers from insecurities about life, abandonment issues and loneliness that he initially copes with by being very superstitious, people pleasing and self isolating. While Pharm suffers from PTSD and anxiety that he initially copes with by avoiding triggers and crying.

Phu is an only child, while Pharm has a younger brother who lives with his mother.

Phu’s mother unintentionally (emotionally) abandoned him by leaving him for Australia to be cared for by family in Thailand while he was still young because she grieved too much constantly being reminded of her late husband while her son wanted to be surrounded by his father’s memories. While Pharm’s mother kept raising both her kids and running a restaurant by herself in Thailand after her husbands death and only after Pharm grew up did she decide to move to the US to open up a restaurant in New York, making sure to constantly keep in touch with her son while he start’s university and also makes sure he’s cared for and they both visit each other whenever they can.

Phu keeps in touch with his cousins and his dad’s side of the family. While Pharm never actually met any of his father’s family until he was a freshman at university.

Phu is an humanities major while Pharm is economics

Phu encourages his boyfriend to live for himself and allow himself to be happy. While Pharm encourages his boyfriend to reconnect with his family be a part of their lives.