#personal realization

I stopped writing fanfic around the same time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and began treatment, and it makes total sense.

Prior to my diagnosis, I had spent almost all of my time thinking of fanfic ideas, writing outlines, and turning out chapters. The problem was that I was doing that instead of paying attention in class and prioritizing it over important things. My brain was constantly just thinking of new ideas and stories. I started tons of stories, with only a fraction of them ever ending up completed. Looking back on my writing, it really showed. Lots of my stories read half baked because I was too busy running off on another ideas that the story-building and world-building that was going on in my head wasn’t getting put down on paper.

I’m slowly becoming a dreamer of small to medium sized dreams. This is a direct contradiction to every fiber of my being for the last 30 years. I’ve always been a realist for every facet in my life. I’ve always taken the safe road to avoid any nefarious danger or unnecessary risk.

Now, I’ll need to abruptly change that strategy. I’ll need to dream of all the things I can, and need, to do. Then I’ll need to make most, if not all of them, a reality.

You might ask, ‘why dream now?’

Because everyone I’ve ever known to be a dreamer and take large risks, are currently eating a big reality shit sammich right now.

See now, I have a list of films that I consider to be perfect. 10/10. As flawless as it gets. Rarely do movies get added or subtracted from said list. I think I’ve removed two in 10+ years, mainly because I think my emotions drove me to offer them such praise. Still think they’re good movies, just not 10/10. I also have plenty of films that I enjoy, but I could never give them perfect 10s for various reasons. Originally, Prince of Egypt was in the latter category.

But as I watched it for the dozenth time, I asked myself, “What exactly is holding this back from a 10?” And, after several minutes debate (with myself I remind you - quarantine is a helluva thing, huh?), I had no answer. Let’s briefly review:

The animation - absolutely flawless, with a unique visual style Disney could never dream of. Also no whitewashing; every principle character is a believable PoC, with distinctly non-white features.

The voice acting - amazing. Everyone fits their role so well, with compelling and emotional performances. I’m especially fond of Val Kilmer as Moses and Ralph Fiennes as Ramses, though I’ll forever be confused and disappointed that Val didn’t do his own singing for the film even though he has before, and he has (had) not too bad of a singing voice. Good thing the guy they got to sing for Moses sounds almost exactly like Kilmer, lol.

The music - Stunning. Beautiful. Not a single dud in the bunch. When You Believe may have won the Oscar, but any other track would have been equally deserving.

The story - A famous one to be sure, and with many artistic liberties taken, but they acknowledge that immediately, and despite that, they still managed to get the approval of a lot of important religious figures across many faiths (specifically of the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim variety, seeing as how the story is shared through all three of their holy texts)

And, most significant of all, how preachy is it? This is a big trap that A LOT of religious films tend to fall into - they focus on giving you a sermon as opposed to a story. Prince of Egypt avoids that pitfall with style and grace - not once did I feel like the movie was trying to convert me or even convince me that its ideas about religion were best. They just tried to tell a cool story.

So when people say, "I have a type." It mostly comes as a horrible revelation of sorts. I started thinking about the people I've been with and have been attracted to lately and now have come to a startling realization about something that I can not ignore...

3 out of the 4 people that I had been with physically (yes, sex) and the 1 person I have a crush on currently are all non-binary.

THAT'S NEARLY ALL OF THEM.

That is a startling statistic in my brain that I can not really ignore. I have considered myself bi-romantic in the past, but I'm not 100% sure that counts anymore based on the shear probability of having the hots for that many non-binary people (regardless how each of them leans).