Searchin’ For Light In The Darkness Of Insanity

Has a biere de garde currently on tap. One that has been soaking in bourbon barrels. So naturally about 4 glasses says I’m bringing some home. Then our bartender ‘Jessica’ - long dark hair, sultry eyes with a cat eye eyeliner maneuver, and flared bottom yoga pants…hang on I might need a minute…

Decides that there are no 22oz bottles to go, and fills me a 32oz crowler to go.

———

We got home and the bunnies are not here. Therefore, El Jefe doesn’t have to go on a murderous rampage tonight. At least not yet. The duct tape and the Japanese chef knives are always ready to go.

We had a nice conversation on the 20 minute ride home. Things will never go back to the way they were. This applies to everything in my life. I’m still trying to decide if it’s worth staying. Kinda hard to do anything right now.

The reality is my life has been spinning out of control since before the pandemic. Might as well just enjoy the ride.

Trying to fix the future while simultaneously hanging on to the past. 2/10. Do not recommend this at all.

The Wife™️ left at 9:45 to go meet with our friend (massage therapist) for coffee and listen to her vent. She offered to let me nap and she’d be gone for a few hours. I don’t get to verbally vent, I can only write about it here.

Nope, no nap. I left at 10:00 for a walk to ‘clear my head’ and hopefully refocus today’s direction. 2-1/2 hours later, my head isn’t clear and my life is still shit.

Perhaps a shower might help. I’m too depressed to be holding my razor and shave right now.

Pro Tip Kids: the day-drinking hits a little harder when you haven’t slept much, haven’t had any coffee, or food, or even water.

Maybe this has been a tactical error on my part.

To say the theatrics last night were waaaaayyyyy over the top, is a criminal understatement.

Loverboy®️ and Starlet®️ were back at it as the bunnies that fuck upstairs.

9:40P - return home: she’s carrying nothing, he’s carrying takeout food, his backpack, his overnight bag, her overnight bag, and her purse…like the fucking donkey that he is

10:05P - round 1

11:40P til 12:45A - rounds 2, 3, 4, & 5

2:40A - round 6

3:30A - round 7

5:05A - round 8

Something woke me up a little after 7A and it’s been intermittent brief snoozes ever since.

Keep trying donkey, maybe you can make her cum in the first or second try, and we can all get some sleep.

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In other news, The Wife™️ reviewed her HRT journal and lab work records. Like looking back over the last 5 years. She’s figured out a plan to increase certain things without going back to injections. Times were at there best when she was doing the injections. We’ll see if this works, and/or how soon everything is derailed and triggers an unwanted response.

Sigh.

I constantly dance the razor’s edge, of being an understanding and warm hearted man; to going absolutely apeshit and burning everything and everyone in my path.

We were outside having beers when people left the building and we got to see more of them.

Turtle©️ looks like he could be a brother (or half brother) of Loverboy®️. This helps make sense as to why he’s been here for the last 5 nights, when Loverboy®️ comes and goes every once in a while.

Earlier today, Loverboy®️ showed up for about an hour, then left. He was driving Starlet’s®️ car. Someone I’ve seen before showed up this afternoon, and looks like she could be the mother (or possibly related Auntie) to F-No.2®️. Yes that means we have a F-No.3®️.

Somehow this is all connected, and has come up since, a certain neighbor pounded on their bedroom wall at 1:30am a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, Starlet®️ hasn’t spent the night here since.

With the addition of F-No.3®️ that left with Turtle©️ while we were outside. Now I’m confused about F-No.2®️ and whatever her relationship with Turlte©️ is and/or how she is connected to Loverboy®️. After all, she typically shows up just before 5:00pm daily.

All this to say I’m thoroughly confused.

However, I have brought in The Wife™️ on all this, and she’s equally confused.

Sure would be nice to go back to traveling every week for work. Or maybe possibly he won’t renew his lease?

A. Hours of sleep

B. Pints of ale

C. Miles on a ruck

D. Pounds lost

E. [Insert dirty minded thought here]

Multiple choice. Remember there are no points given unanswered questions.

The name of this game is ‘We’ll See’.

Loverboy®️ is currently home alone, for the last 2 hours. Plus he’s been quiet as in not clomping around.

Will it last? Will the silence be broken? Will Jeffy get some sleep tonight?

We were almost in the clear regarding my last post. Just before Turtle©️ typically gets here, both Loverboy®️ and Starlet®️ left in their respective vehicles. Hence leaving F-No.2®️ alone.

10:30, nothing. 11:00, nothing. At 11:30 The Wife™️ and I went to bed, still nothing.

Then it happened, at 12:35AM I could hear somebody getting a ride to Pound Town. Then again at 2:05. By 2:30, The Wife™️ went to the sofa. Then I proceeded to have some strange dreams.

Once more at 3:30, then again I fairly certain somewhere around 5:00…then F-No.2®️ left for work. The car that Turtle©️ drives is still here. Do you see a pattern with this? I do. I’m beginning to think that F-No.2®️ is a younger sister of Loverboy®️. Which begs the question, why would anyone want to have sex in the same bed as your sibling? Eewwww.

Loverboy®️ came home at 8:00 as we left for our nightly walk. The hallway wreaked of weed. He was gone when we got back about 25 minutes later.

We thought we were going to have night number four of F-No.2®️ and Turtle©️. Wrong.

Loverboy®️ just came home with, and in Starlet’s®️car, something we haven’t seen for a month or more. She was all running up the stairs, laughing and giggling, while he was carrying bags of takeout. Not exactly sure where his car is, or why F-No.2®️, who has been here since 4:45 gets to use it tonight? Maybe she’s going to test the waters at Turtle’s©️ place.

So my guess is this:

Pre-weed (in the car); food, fuck, weed, fuck, snack, weed, fuck, sleep, fuck, fuck, sleep, wake up, fuck, go to work. I hope I’m wrong.

I really need to get back to work. So I only have to hear absolute strangers fucking in the hotel room next to me. They at least bang it out twice before 11:30 and call it a night.

So much for a good nights sleep. Way too many things going on in my brain for that to happen. I think my next step should be a lobotomy.

In no particular order:

Dreams. Seriously fucked up dreams involving my dead parents, old friends wanting to borrow money, and one pissed off casino GM that was furious with the design team I used to work for.

Alternate bunnies upstairs. Yep. F-No.2®️ and Turtle©️ must be a thing. 3 nights in a row, of bang-bang time. At least F-No.2®️ is a soft moaner, whereas Starlet®️is looking to win an AVN award. Turtle©️just grunts a little bit, whereas Loverboy®️doesn’t make a sound. Between 10:30P and 5:05A they must’ve done it 5 times. Sadly, the bed still moves across the floor and sometimes hits the wall.

Funny thing about getting up to pee in the middle of the night, it makes you thirsty. Therefore the pattern is a viscous cycle.

I didn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a crack all night. That is until 7:07 when I finally shut off my alarm, and slept until 9:14.

The Wife™️ has shut off the AC, and opened the windows. It’s a bad air quality day today, and I’m having trouble breathing. We’ve only seen each other for 20 minutes, and she’s off to go meet up with the protesting group she volunteers with.

I’ve been thinking of surprising her with a clean shaven face. (Historically she’s always preferred that. Also, I’ve been able to grow a full beard in about 1.5 weeks. I’ve also dreaded shaving my entire life because of various facial hair reasons. I’ve been shaving somewhat regularly for the last 40 years). I’ve honestly only thought about it so maybe she might decide, on a whim, to take me to Bang-Bang Town, and I could then have that fatal heart attack. Yes, I am that morbid. However, the odds on all that happening are slim at best.

In a spot of good news, while writing this post on got the email notification that I’ll be getting paid tomorrow. Granted it is the smaller amount from the Texas project, that I was expecting this week. Nonetheless, 24.69% of the total amount I have floating out there will be in my account tomorrow. Maybe that fatal heart attack can wait until the remaining 75.31% is deposited. Go out on a high note, because my contract states they don’t have to pay me if I’m dead.

Hopefully there will be no bunnies upstairs, or no alternate bunnies doing similar actions. In fact the only things I’d like to wake me up tonight would be a) gotta pee, b) The Wife™️ playing with my junk, or c) actual fire.

Odds on favorite is always choice a.

The things I could do with that kind of money.