#personal inventory

Personal Inventory

“If the stolen beast is found alive in his possession, whether it is an ox or a donkey or a sheep, he shall pay double.” Ex 22:4ESV

The text is part of the Law of Restitution. Many believe that since Christ came to fulfill the whole Law, restitution was fulfilled through Christ. In our courts’ system, restitution often becomes a part of the sentence. What about restitution for destroyed memories? Being devalued? Innocence? Esteem? Shame? Name?

Back in 1994, one of the ladies in my Twelve Step Group wrote a letter to her father. She listed everything he had stolen from her in those formative years. Then she buried the letter under his headstone. He couldn’t make restitution for any of the years, innocence, self-respect, or love she’d lost. The letter was her way of letting go and releasing everything she had held against him during her lifetime. A “double pay” was owed to her. 

In the Twelve Step Program, another step follows— the step of personal inventory. Rubber meeting the road, time to own what you as an individual have done to others. 

The Psychiatrist, Dr. Shrink, was explaining the steps of dysfunction: How dysfunction is passed down from parent to child: No person is left unharmed in the cycle. I sat in group counseling session, listening to all being said.  Dr. Shrink looked into my eyes. “What are you thinking Debbie?” My reply was simple, “I wish I had a gun. I’d kill myself and end the cycle of pain I’ve brought upon my children.” “For that totally selfish act, the effects would go beyond a cycle of pain and dysfunction. You would devastate their lives,” he replied. “Now you have an opportunity to break the cycle with them. They can start over. So can you.”

What do we do with the bad things we’ve done to others? Jesus forgives every sin. He sets us free. We don’t feel worthy to receive forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves is difficult. Do we take our freedom and run with it? How do we allow others to work their ways through their private little hell created by us? 

Time has come to inventory our lives. Jesus taught in Matt 5:23-24NASB “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

As I worked my way through the Twelve Steps, I came across a particular member of the family who felt disrespected, undermined, and belittled by me. Several issues and hard feelings had to be confronted, forgiven and released. My choice had to be made. Was I going to go to this person and make amends? Taking personal inventory and making amendments had the stipulation— I  ***could lay absolutely no blame on the other person.   ***had to accept total responsibility for my actions; also, the ill-will stemming from my actions;  ***ask for forgiveness;  ***be willing to validate the offended’s feelings;  ***not make a big deal if forgiveness wasn’t extended;  ***accept any judgment leveled against me without any self-defense.

God is faithful in every thing. Even in repenting for my unloving actions, God helped me. I wasn’t charged double for my wrongs. God worked things out for good and relationship.

Twenty-four years have past since my Twelve Steps experiences. I still try to take the same inventory regularly. Have you taken a personal inventory of those you feel wronged you? Did you forgive? Was an inventory made of all those who feel you wronged them? Write down the names of anyone who has something against you. You and God can discuss from there the details. Or not. It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Papa God, You know the details of our lives. Help us to right wrongs, where it won’t harm others, in Jesus’ name I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux

personal toolset, not entirely to scale and not in any particular order:

rosemary, kitchen knife, nib pen, pencil, watercolor brush, other watercolor brush, sumi bamboo brush, wooden spoon, eraser

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