Thia: “You didn’t even hear what I was gonna say.”

Eli: “Yeah...”

Grey: “I told you she has a super power.”

Reyna: “Fine,what were you going to ask?”

Thia: “Can we poor chocolate syrup in the milk jug to make chocolate milk, can I give peanut butter to the fawns, is it possible for people to spontaneously combust, can I have a pet fish, are swords allowed inside, and can we have about two pounds of dynamite?”

Eli: “If I recall you said, no, no, yes, no, ask your mom, and definitely not...”

An Anon sent me this prompt from the list I posted!

Prompt: Please, just hold my hand.

— — —

There was no way to prepare for parenthood when you didn’t have months to plan for it. Percy and Annabeth? No worries, they had time to prep. Nico and Will? Time to prep. Thalia and Reyna? About five seconds to figure out what the hell was happening.

“I am literally going to drop kick my father in the balls,” Thalia’s hands sparked with barely controlled anger. “What was he thinking? Oh yeah, he doesn’t think!”

“I still don’t understand...” Reyna frowned examining the note over and over again. She’d flipped it over, turned it upside down, and even folded it before opening it again. There was no additional information.

“Read it to me again,” Thalia pressed her lips into a thin line as she paced back and forth.

“Thalia, it’s come to my attention that you’ve recently been looking to add a member to the family. I took it upon myself to sort out all of the necessary details for you. Prometheus has crafted a child in your likeness as well as Reyna’s. I hope this helps make up for the tough childhood you had. If you wish, I would happily recommend naming the little girl-“ Reyna didn’t bother finishing the note before she crumpled it up and chucked it across the counter.

“All of the necessities? What does he think you need to take care of a baby? Just two people and that’s it? That food spontaneously exists along with diapers and a bed and pajamas and more?!” Reyna was certain Thalia would spontaneously combust at any moment. It wasn’t that Thalia was upset at the child, it wasn’t the kid’s fault, but she was contemplating the many ways she’d beat the crap out of her father.

“Honestly, I don’t even know what to do.” Reyna groaned resting her forehead against the countertop. “I’m so far from the motherly type it’s ridiculous. When Maria was born she cried the first time she saw me!”

“That was a little funny-“ Thalia snorted before seeing the death glare on her wife’s face, “but I have a plan. It’s just temporary.”

“Thalia, love of my life, the best friend I’ve ever had, I hate to tell you that most of your plans are complete shit.” Reyna arched a brow as if she expected Thalia to deny the claim.

“You may be right, but I have some experience. It’s not the best, but I did handle Jason.” Reyna could practically see the gears turning in Thalia’s head. “I can run over to CHB in no time and see if there’s anything I can borrow from Percy. Last I heard Maria had outgrown pretty much everything and they probably have some of her old clothes.”

“Thalia I don’t want to be here alone! What if it cries?” Reyna frowned, she could feel her heart hammering in her chest.

“Then you hold her and rock her. If that doesn’t work maybe swipe some formula that’s left over from Eli. Make sure it’s not hot, test it on the back of your hand.” Thalia was beginning to remember the basics of how she’d take care of Jason all those years ago.

“And your knowledge is exactly why you should stay and I should go.” Reyna stood ready to pounce on the door and beat Thalia outside but the other girl was ready.

“Not a chance. I’m the fastest.” Thalia called over her shoulder already stepping outside. There was a slight crackle of lightning, a tit bit of thunder, and a gust of wind. Reyna groaned running a hand through her hair. Thalia has learned little less than a few months ago that she could run as fast as the wind itself.

“Why did I have to tell her to experiment with her powers?” A slight whine was the only response to Reyna’s words and her attention was drawn to the small baby still settled snugly in its blanket and box. “Oh Gods I’m so going to die.”

— — —

Explaining the situation was difficult but Thalia managed to rattle it off as quickly as possible. Percy had learned long ago to really stop asking questions when weird stuff happened.

Still, he was kind enough to scrounge up some bonus items from Leo and Calypso as well. Thalia had been smart enough to ‘borrow’ a backpack from a nearby store on her run over and it was now bursting at the zippers. “Thanks. Uh, gotta blast. Talk more later!”

And with that she was already jetting off back towards home. The trip took no more than a handful of hours which was quicker than if Reyna had taken a car or Pegasus. Bouncing up the front steps Thalia anxiously entered the house once more.

It seemed Reyna and the baby were having a staring contest. It was almost funny if it didn’t look like they were both going to throw tantrums. “Thank Gods you’re back.”

“What happened?” Thalia sighed taking the bag from her shoulders and digging through it.

“Nothing.” Reyna noted, “just...it’s weird.”

“Yeah, I’m with you on that.” Reyna watched as Thalia went on auto pilot. The daughter of Zeus seemed to know exactly what to do which was very different from Reyna’s ability at the moment.

The little baby seemed much more at ease the moment a bottle was in her mouth. Reyna watched curiously as Thalia kept one hand supporting the end while she also used the other to prop the baby upright. “So...how often do they do this?”

“A lot.” Thalia laughed. “It’s how they grow.”

“I see. Then what do we do after this?”

“You’ll see.” Thalia promised, “right now I’m just trying to make sure a baby doesn’t die in my house. We can decide the details later.”

— — —

Reyna made sure to stay out of the way through most of he evening. The only thing she really contributed to was putting back together the small crib Frank had dropped off which was Eli’s first one.

With the directions laid out Reyna did her best to follow the pictures. She hated small writing though, because it wasn’t just small-it was excessively small.

“Alright, you look old enough for this,” Thalia hummed. Reyna glanced up to see a soft towels sprawled on the counter with a very naked baby carefully settled on top. “Now, don’t you fuss. It’s actually pretty fun I promise.”

“She can’t understand you, you know that right?” Reyna laughed.

“Yes, but it makes things less awkward.” Thalia have Reyna an amused look.

“What’re you going to do?”

“Get her cleaned up. She was outside for a while which is bad. Immune systems in babies are horrible. That’s why everything has to be so sterile when they’re really young.” Reyna could tell Thalia was mentally cursing her father.

“Isn’t she too small for a bath tub?” Reyna questioned.

“Yes, which is why we’re going to use this.” Thalia picked up a small and soft little wash cloth and held it up for both Reyna and the little girl to see.

Reyna rolled her eyes on amusement and temporarily abandoned her work to curiously watch what was going to happen. “She seems excited.”

Thalia carefully took the end of the wash rag back from the little chubby hand that had grasped it. “I would be too, in all honesty.”

Reyna couldn’t help but be alarmed once more by how much the baby looked like her and Thalia. The same skin tone she had and the same colored hair. What small rift of hair the baby had literally wouldn’t lay flat and it was as wild as Thalia’s. Then there was the little smile that matched Thalia’s too.

The baby squirmed when the wet cloth first made contact with it’s skin but soon she seemed to be relaxed. Reyna noticed that Thalia’s touch was even more gentle once she reached the top of the baby’s head.

“Is something wrong there?” Reyna hummed in curiosity.

“Nah,” Thalia shook her head. “You just have to be careful. See, babies have a little soft spot on the tops of their heads where their skull hasn’t fused together all of the way. If they get hit or touched too hard their it’s bad.”

That bit of information absolutely terrified Reyna. “Oh.”

“There,” Thalia rested her hands on her hips for a moment, “done. You can dry her off if you want.”

“I’m perfectly fine with observing,” Reyna laughed nervously.

“Alright, if you insist.” Thalia bundled up the little girl with ease before tucking her snugly in the crook of her arms. “But she’s cute...look at her!”

“Believe me, I have.” Reyna replied. “For someone who was so ready to take on all of Olympus you seem to be rather...attached.”

“And you’re not?” Thalia quirked an eyebrow. “I mean look at those chubby cheeks. Though, they aren’t as chubby as Jason’s were when he was little. Boy did he have some baby fat.”

“Thalia, I’m gonna finish this up you can finish whatever you’re doing with her,” Reyna tucked her hands on her pockets, “then maybe it’s wise if he had a talk.”

— — —

Reyna had finished the crib and the baby was out like a light once it was set up in the edge of their room. Both Aurum and Argentum were curious as to what the heck was now in their house and sat outside the crib staring in expectantly.

“Are we really keeping her?” Reyna asked.

“Of course, what else do we do?” Thalia frowned. “It’s not like there’s a return policy.”

“I know,” Reyna rolled her eyes, “I’m just not-“

“Comfortable?” Thalia finished. “Rey, I wasn’t comfortable with Jason at first. You learn. That’s the whole freaking point. It’s not like we’re both at a complete loss. There’s an advantage in that.”

“Yeah well the whole idea of a kid being that small is-“

“Scary. Of all the things in the world you’re scared of a baby?” It wasn’t hard to read the mood of disbelief on Thalia’s face.

“It’s fragile.”

“Well duh.”

“I’m not good at ‘fragile’”

“Pffft, and I am?” Thalia laughed. Just the past week she’s accidentally punched a little kid too hard on the arm when trying to give him a pep talk. “You know what? Stay there.”

“What are you doing?” Reyna asked in alarm as Thalia scooped up the sleeping baby. “No, I am not holding her.”

“Come on! It’s not so bad.” Thalia sat on the edge of the bed giving Reyna a serious look.

“Don’t you dare.” But it was too late, Thalia had already thrust the sleeping child into Reyna’s arms. “Thalia Grace I will murder you!”

“I’ll take my chances.” Reyna was stiff, she sat with a straight spine, tense shoulders, and rigid hands gripping the sleeping little girl. “Loosen up, relax a little.”

“I am relaxed.”

“Then that’s horrible relaxation.” Thalia snorted. Reyna gave her wife a dirty glare and relaxed the slightest bit.

“Happy?”

“Very.”

— — —

Reyna still wasn’t sure about the situation. She watched the baby’s nose scrunch up like a little rabbit’s, saw a small fist squished up against its cheek, and she felt that it was all a ploy to get her to fall in love.

She couldn’t be tricked like that-but then there was the cute little sneeze, and then the yawn. Her defenses were absolutely destroyed, but she was still cautious.

“You doing alright?” Thalia asked after a couple of moments.

“Please, just hold my hand.” Reyna held out her hand expectantly and Thalia took it in her own. “I’m literally shaking.”

“Good lord you’re so dramatic!”

“In Latin you idiot what do you expect?” Reyna scoffed.

“Can we keep her?” Thalia asked seriously. There was a long pause and Thalia’s anxiety only grew.

“Yes...but I get to name her.” Reyna decided.

“What?! Why?!”

“Because this was your father’s stunt. Not mine!” Thalia wanted to slap the smug smirk off of Reyna’s face but she reluctantly agreed to the deal.

“Fine...but only because I love you.”

Maria: “Becuase girl deodorant sucks! It’s expensive and it’s useless and it gets everywhere!”

Thia: “I think girls should get cool old spice commercials. That’d be nice.”

Jaxon: “What? Like a female Russian body builder riding a bear through the forest while decapitating men?”

“Bum bum bum bum bum.” Thia hummed looking up at the big, tall trees. She was as light as a feather and very happily sitting atop Artemis’ shoulders. “Badabum bum bum by.”

“What in the world are you humming?” Artemis laughed. Despite her knowledge of the woods the goddess made certain she was taking care in where she stepped. There was precious cargo aboard, after all.

“I don’t know!” Thia said. She was young and had yet to learn what volume control actually was. “Oooooh birdies I love the birdies.”

Artemis rolled her eyes as Thia kept singing.

“Tweety tweeters! Sing the birdies!” Thia attempted to whistle which only consiste of spitting. “I like the lizards. Sloppy little lizards. Blem blem blem go the lizards!”

On each of the ‘blem’s Thia stuck her tongue out imitating a lizard. Artemis could tell the other hunters were trying extremely hard not to laugh. It was difficult because Thia was too cute for her own good.

“Are you sure lizards say blem?” Artemis questioned.

“What else do they say?” Thia asked squishing the goddess’ cheeks teasingly. “They say blem. Cause their tongues go blem.”

“Ah.” Artemis nodded in mock understanding. “I see.”

“Aaaaand the deer go sniff sniffle sniff!” The more Thia sang the more excited she got. The poor little girl was squirming like crazy and only singing louder by the second. Artemis was grateful they weren’t hunting anything or he’d have been dead.

At one point Thia wiggled so much she toppled backwards. Artemis, always quick, turned and grabbed the tumbling girl by her ankle. “And this is why we sit still.”

Thia only giggled. “Swing me!”

The others burst into laughter at the appalled expression on their patron’s face.

“You are too much like your mother for your own good.” Artemis shook her head and set Thia upright. — — — The little ankle biter was much calmer for the rest of the journey until camp was set up. Thia didn’t like sleeping by herself and thus was very happy to share a tent with her aunt.

Artemis, however, wasn’t as thrilled because Thia was quite literally a spider monkey. The little girl used her like a jungle gym.

“Thia, how are you not tired?” The goddess asked, her voice full of exasperation.

“Because I’m Batman!” Thia giggled before flopping down into the bed. “Batman is awake at night.”

“Right.” Artemis sighed unable to follow the kid’s logic. It took the goddess a moment to realize Thia had actually gone still.

“What’s that?” Thia gestured with her small hand to something settled carefully on a small table. It was pretty in her opinion, silver, definitely a giant bracelet or something.

“Oh.” Artemis followed the little girl’s gaze. “Well, your mother has one.”

“Yeah, but that’s not Mama’s.” Thia noted. The curious little girl got up and scampered over to the trinket. She picked it up and ran back to the bed with it. Her small legs went cross crossed and she examined the metal object with a funny looking scrutiny. “Nope. Not my Mama’s. This one has pictures on it.”

“They’re called constellations.” Artemis corrected gently.

“Constipations.” Thia said with finality. Artemis bit her lip to keep from laughing. “Is this one yours?”

“No.” Artemis shook her head.

“Well is it like a big bracelet?” Thia stuck her arm through the center.

“No, it goes on your head.” Artemis took it and set it upon Thia’s head. It was a little big but with the right angle the circlet stayed.

“Oh! Like a proper lady.” Thia-being the adorable ham she was- blew Artemis a little kiss.

“Yes.” The goddess laughed.

“I like it.” Thia decided. “So if my Mama has one, then does that mean the person who had this one quit?”

“No, she didn’t quit.” Artemis purses her lips wondering if the explanation was something you should tell a toddler before bed. “She died.”

“Oh.” Thia’s expression fell. “I bet she was really cool.”

“Yes.”

“Was she friends with my Mama?” Thia questioned finally nestling down into the bed.

“Well,” Artemis laughed, “that is a bit of a tricky subject. They argued a lot.”

“Oh.” Thia nodded, “Mama should have gone to time out for arguing.”

“Yes, she should have.”

The more the two talked the sleepier Thia was. At last the little knuckle head fell asleep and the camp was finally quiet.

“Dear lord you are a handful.” Artemis sighed after waiting anxiously to see if Thia was only half asleep. “How got parents do it I will never understand.”

End

Maria: "We'll cut them off here. It's a crucial choke point-"

Andy: "That's kinky... but okay."

Maria: "As I was saying...after that, we send Sol with Eli to make a left flank."

Jaxon: "Eli's not even listening."

Maria: "Eli! Stop flicking the plume of Grey's helmet with your bow!"

Thia: "Am I allowed to pee before we start?"

Grey: "Sometimes I question why they put all of us on the same team."

Sol: "I'm still not allowed to set anyone on fire am I?"

-- -- -- --

Annabeth: "Okay, as veterans we have to destroy our kids and make them cry."

Jason: "That sounds a little harsh."

Annabeth: "Don't tell me Piper married a pansy after all."

Percy: "What do we get if we win? If we win can I have two things of dessert instead of one? Chiron?! Can I have extra dessert if we win?!!!"

Frank: *Ultimate face palm*

Hazel: "We aren't actually going to destroy them right?"

Jason: "Of course not."

Piper: "Speak for yourself. I can finally pay Andy back for all those hours of sleep I missed. The little shit has no idea what's coming."

Will: "I do not endorse this plan."

Nico: "I'm hungry so let's make this fast."

Thalia: "Can I use electric arrows or is that too much?"

Jason: "No electric arrows!"

Thalia: "Fart arrows it is then!"

-- -- --

Chiron: "My Gods what have I done?"

Calypso: "You're lucky I told Leo he couldn't use the metal penguin he made."

Chiron: "Penguin?"

Calypso: "Long story."

Leo: *running by laughing evilly* "You never said I couldn't use the fire breathing skunk!!!!!"

Jaxon: “Okay, then what do you have?”

Thalia: *jokingly* “You know, my daily dose of lesbian juice.”

Reyna: “Thia, it’s grapej-“

Thia: *slams cup on table* “Give me some of the bean juice!”