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My ovary pain has turned into a searing burn pain. I turned at my waist a couple minutes ago and felt like my side was ripping apart. So. That’s probably not good either.
I’m going to have to suck it up and see when I can get into the doctor. I don’t even know what to say tho tbh. I want an ultrasound. But can I just ask for that?
I’m really hoping my boss will let me just take off around the appointment. I have no time off.
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I’m really anxious for my period. (Or not if I’m pregnant) but I’m like stupid anxious that I won’t get one and I won’t be pregnant and I’m gonna have a hard time conceiving again. So in a weird way I want a period to know that...I dunno. 🤷🏻‍♀️
"It's just your period, get over it"
I have an 8 hour training today where all we do it sit. Naturally, I've been up since about 3am with terrible cramps. When I was about 15, my mom took me to the doctor about my cramps. I was missing so many days of school. I was prescribed ponstell (I think) for the pain. It actually worked really well, but you had to remember to take it "2 hours before the cramping starts." I was running out of the prescription too fast because my cramps were constant. Also, if I took it and it wore off and my cramps came back, it wouldn't work if I took more. It literally only worked if I didn't already have the cramps. My doctor said the next step was birth control; I passed. Today I feel like I should have kept on with lo loesterin. But then I remember all I did was cry while on it. So I take alieve. It helps more than other otc pain meds, but it still doesn't help enough. I took two when I woke up at 3 because I knew I'd be popping them all day and it's not good. 2 didn't do ANYTHING. Now I regret not taking more cause at least I could have gotten some sleep. Thankfully my work is mostly all women and a handful of us have gone through some rough times with our bodies. So everyone mostly understands when I'm curled up in my chair crying at work. BUTTTT I can't do that at the training. I'm already crazy nauseous and can't stand up straight from the pain. Also I'm gonna have to keep getting up during the training to change. Which is embarrassing. Today is a day I'd usually call out or hide away at my moms since I make my own work schedule and am out in the community. No such luck today.
Me @ my body: pick a struggle!!!
I hate having prediabetes. Metformin seems to be making me feel SO much better! Especially with joint pain, which I don't even feel anymore (screw you, advanced glycation end products!), and waking up nauseous.
I just wish I had perfectly functioning hormones. The hirsutism has just gotten progressively worse since I noticed it at around age 13 (if I photographed the underside of my chin, I'd have an emotional breakdown). I really hope this drug at least stops more new hairs from growing on my goddamn chin, neck, jawline in an androgenic pattern. It makes me feel disgusting and not feminine. I love glycolic acid and Good Molecules products to deal with the hyperpigmentation. I just want to get my license so I can make better money and finish getting electrolysis, so the hair will be GONE PERMANENTLY. I don't like people getting too close to me, lest they notice it. It's taken a massive toll on my sense of beauty. I hate it.
Based on how I feel now on this medication, I am convinced I have always been insulin resistant. I had two severe cyst problems with my ovaries over the last decade. This is likely why. Amenorrhea (preceded by NORMAL, more regular periods from ages 11-16) from ages 17-20 ish...it all makes sense now. I just wish I had gotten on metformin sooner.
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Potentially TMI thoughts about undiagnosed body hair growth. Queer feelings.
I never expected that I'd get my first chest hair (chest hair! Not the weird nipple/aerola hairs I've had since I was a teen that make me wildly self-conscious) at 24 years old. Or that I'd have it pointed out to me by my gf while we showered together. It's in a place I can barely see, after all.
She rubbed her hand across my chest, and I just assumed she was checking me for acne (a consistent, irritating problem) or new freckles. When the rubbing continued longer than I expected, I asked, "did you find something?" She had the look on her face like she was trying to investigate something, "Trying to figure out if it's attached". We determined, yup it's attached to me. "Aww your first chest hair."
I didn't grow up as the boy you see in cartoons who's constantly checking himself for any plausible sign of a chest hair. The neck beard already gives me conflicted feelings, and so does the happy trail that I've learned to like even if my stomach isn't flat. The chest hairs are shorter than my beard hairs, not nearly as coarse, and I can hardly see them because my neck doesn't bend that way.
It's a strange feeling to be confronted with a pseudo-puberty when you're in your mid-20s and already have gray hair. I have a whole streak of grays!
Anyway, just some thoughts I'm having y'all.
