I had to skip my Ritalin yesterday because I forgot about Good Friday and needed it to last till Tuesday not Monday and man...that sucked. Just confirms that, yeah, my meds do something and I definitely do need them. I wish I’d had them as a kid. I just keep thinking about how my mom mistook my anxiety for excitement when I was really young. And...I don’t blame her, really, because I was so young. So how would I know how to articulate what I was feeling? I was like 5...I didn’t know. But there’s a part of me that wished she’d been better at interpreting my moods or emotions. That wishes her depression had been medicated and she’d been in therapy. That the stupid doctor wasn’t looking for a boy jumping off the walls when he evaluated a girl who couldn’t pay attention for ADHD. That I’d gotten help sooner. How much more stable would I be? How much better and easier would my life have been if not for the sexism that said girls couldn’t have ADHD? How much more would I have achieved? Who would I be without patriarchy? Who would I be if my mother had understood me better?
