#paniced

Im out if words. I dont know what to say.

Thank you. For everything. Dear god this is so scary, but weird also, yknow? Like , why? Why make if we will destroy? Is there a meaning, or just the thought of meaning? Am i okay right now, short answer, i dont know.

I feel like i just realised what it means to exist, no in not high. This is all just very very confusing, i cant describe this feeling exactly. Its like a Mix of Realisation, sadness, hopefullness, and scaredness mixed toghether in a way that leaves me in awe. I know nobody will see this, or if they do will not take it seriously, but i think i understand it now. I dont know what i know but i know it, some sort of paradox of thought in my head which wont let go, screaming at me to understand while reassuring me that everything will be okay and that there is nothing under my bed. Because we are alone, there cant be a monster, as its appearance is physically impossible, its science fiction mixed with horror, put toghether by a child who is scared of what he doesnt know, or cant.

I dont know what this all means, while i am still fully aware what this is about. Life is not going to end because of anyone, it ends because of time, limited yet semingly endless. Something we cant see but feel, but we made it up. Time is relative as you know, but its also just not real, everything is made up by us, these words im typing means nothing to anyone , and everything to me. Ive lost the plot but we are already filming.