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11-17-2020
Look at me
behind my glassy eyes
I’m drowning in
an ocean
of emotion.
Like Alice,
I’m choking
on my own tears,
tearing my skin,
being suffocated by
invisible hands.
I can’t win,
but I still fight
because underneath
it all
I want to live.
Just not like this.
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Did you bond with her over music too? Did you ask her where she’d been all your life? Did you stare into her eyes and then quickly look away as if you were afraid she’d cast some spell on you? Did you tell her you loved her first, like you did to me? Did she hesitate to say it back like I did? Or did she agree? Did you call her your wife? Promise her forever? Did you cover the lies you told her with honey? Does she know that taste will linger in her mouth long after you are gone? I can still taste the sugarcoated bullshit you kissed me with. Will you leave her like you left me? Will she keep you coming back like I did? Or will she break your heart, and leave you wondering how karma could work so goddamned fast.
“Karma”
Test
You say you love me
But am I just your pet project?
Oh, you test me
You test me to see what I’ll do
Children
Children
They know nothing of the cruel world they live in
They know nothing of the pain, the tears, the broken hearts
They don’t understand what it means to hurt, to truly hurt
They understand so little,
Still, they are the lucky ones
They have yet to be scarred by society
They have yet to hear the ugly words spat by hostile people
Oh, children
They know nothing of the cruel world they live in
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Sometimes I just have to wander for a while
And I know that scares you
That I may never come back
But if I keep any promise
It'll be to you
That as long as you leave a candle
Lit in that window
I'll always return home
.
07/26
One Year
.
What is a year supposed to do
I'm not where I'm supposed to be
But I'm definitely closer than
When I was then.
Yet I still hear your violence
Whenever I close my eyes.
What is a year supposed to do
Except remind us of when
I felt the most alive.
Fragile New Things
.
Tugged in every direction
As my shadow on the wall
Becomes obsolete.
Scraps no more than
Flesh and blood
Spilling until there's
Nothing left to give.
.
Back to square one
But the room feels different.
As sand slips through my fingers
The last bits no longer
Accessible as these memories
Become the hauntings I ran from.
.
How I long for your steady presence
And rocky ground
A place for my light to
Show the beauty within the cracks,
And a home for the flutters
That consume me.
.
To be free and unabashedly
The mess they left behind,
A dream I may never see
But only in your heart
Dear friend of mine.
.
I see it now - no streets are my home
No forests call MG name
But the beatings of a heart, or maybe more,
That ebbs and flows a melody
I know all too well,
A harmony I can provide.
.
It is not the chaos I fear,
But the inconsistent patters
Of shadows that chase me,
Berate me,
And call me what I fear.
.
A burden and a nuisance,
A pest to be pushed away,
Yet a comfort, a plaything
To be held onto.
.
Wait for me please,
Do not give up on these
Fragile new things
Before their time.
Let me grow stronger
So I can carry you
When you need me.
.
Please don't leave me.
.
June 26, 2025
