#orgnpst

As much as I totally support writing fic because the content you wanted isn’t out there, as personal advice it rings a bit hollow for me just because I’m often so familiar with the stories I write physically reading them isn’t as exciting. 

Which isn’t to say I don’t like them because I do. Just most of the time I don’t have to physically open the document and scan my eyes across text to enjoy them. They are already (mostly) in my head. (Sometimes there are details I forget and reading can jog my memory, but I’m not someone who often rereads books, so I don’t often read my writing for the same reason.)

I one time heard the creative process described as listening to a far off symphony and wanting to get closer. And that is almost what  I experience but not quite.

I am hearing an extremely loud symphony on the other side of a wall. Sure, it might be clearer to get to the other side of the wall, but there isn’t an obvious door, and so I’ll have to tear down the wall. This might be totally worth it if the symphony is good enough, and sometimes that’s all it takes. But, sometimes I’m content to just listen through the wall. 

Sometimes the symphony brings me so much joy that I want other people to be able to enjoy it as well. But, as long as the wall is up other people can’t even hear the muffled version of the symphony. Knowing that can be the straw that breaks the camels back that pushes me to tear the wall down. I get the added benefit of hearing a clearer version of the symphony myself, but knowing that others will be able to then hear it as well can give me a surge of motivation.

It’s a part of the reason I get frustrated when people talk about writing as if having any parasocial relation to your readers is a negative thing.

That isn’t to say that people can’t have unhealthy relations with their readership, because that does happen. People deserve techniques and advice for managing that relationship and for some people that will be avoiding certain aspects of it (such as not looking at stats). It is also true that investing your self worth or otherwise depending on your audience to react a certain way is at best precarious (the internet is fickle, and audience reaction depends on at least a bit of luck) and often self-destructive. Furthermore, some authors and content creators can be entitled, demanding audience participation, when audiences have no such obligation and are free to engage at the level they choose

If a social or parasocial relation to one’s audience can inspire motivation, there is a question of what do when that relation starts to wear thin. Does the motivation to tear down the wall disappear? Do you force yourself to continue or do you take a break and just listen to the symphony from here? What about all the other pressures that make writing difficult, from the fact that words are hard to limit free time and energy?

~*

And with that, the mosquito of an idea finally flew away to pester someone else for the time being. After all the self-denial and hoping that it had been justified, Isaac realized that he had been mainly waiting for an excuse. His lips curled up into a smile. “You’re an enabler.” He let out a laugh before reaching out to kiss Alex deeply on the lips, first cupping his partner’s cheek before laying his hand on Alex’s pecs.

“Only of fun,” Alex replied, once they broke away. “Don’t make me stage an intervention later.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Isaac gave Alex’s nose an appreciative bop before reaching to undo his own seat belt. “But, first how about I show you the game that made me the man I am today.”

The claim was an exaggeration but only slightly. A more truthful statement would be that the game hadn’t made him the man he was but rather had helped him realize that man, in all the meanings of the word.

~*

Previews of my work for the 2019 Pride Zine! A link to the Zine will be in a reblog (because of how tumblr can kill posts with links).

The Zine includes both fanworks and original works. I decided to make one of each, a piece of visual art staring Bruno from JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure with top surgery scars, and a piece of original writing featuring someone looking back on the role VR, in particular roleplaying and embodiment, had in his trans journey. 

The proceeds from the Zine will be donated to five charities:

The Trevor Project (USA)

Mermaids (UK)

Minus18 (Australia)

Queer Refugees (Germany)

Transgender Europe

We chose to donate to charities from different countries in order to reflect the global nature of the contributors.

This is a WIP that is going to have to go on the backburner for a while because my computer has to go off to be fixed. But, this is a good stopping point and I wanted to be able to post it while it was still close to Atem’s birthday.