I must keep going... this has been my dream... I can't give it up now...
As far as my operatic voice training has gone so far since I've been at college - I've had a lot of setbacks.
It all came to a boiling point Tuesday after my performance at Convocation. I thought I did extremely well - I messed up the part of the song that I always messed up, but I recovered from the mistake and kept going on, not losing character and maintaining the power of my voice. I had a lesson with Dr. Converse, my singing teacher, an hour later. She basically told me that I have great talent, enormous potential, a beautiful, unique voice, but I didn't have what it took to be a vocal performance major, just because that one little line of the song had still not been fixed for the two months that song was in my possession.
This was a stake through the heart to me. I explained to her that I had setbacks - a concussion, a cold, stress from my roommate moving out, anxiety when I walk anywhere alone - all of that made it so difficult for me to practice efficiently. She didn't care. That was no excuse to her.
Today, she brought me into her office and had a long talk with me. She was suddenly worried about my maladjustment here at college, the negative happenings. I told her that after what she told me on Tuesday that I was considering changing majors, since she basically told me I wasn't good enough to continue pursuing voice. She strongly discouraged me from the thought. She turned round and apologized for everything she said, telling me that to drop my vocal performance major would be incredibly unfortunate. When I questioned her about this, she told me something very encouraging. She said I was one of the most promising and talented students she's had in years, that my voice was among the most beautiful of the students in the voice program, and that the other voice instructors agreed with her.
I honestly don't know what to do now. I don't know if I should go ahead and change majors or continue on. I was told exactly how difficult it would be for someone of my voice type, range, and quality to actually get into the professional world of operatic performance. She told me different. I don't know what to believe anymore.
One thing I do know... I've wanted to be an opera singer from the moment I saw that opening scene in Amadeus as that opera singer descends the stairs of the stage, performing her art for all the world to see, when I was a young child. To give that up for the rest of my life would shatter my soul into a million tiny pieces that can never be put back together; it would break my heart and destroy the person I am beyond recognition.








