#omeliafic

The sky slowly evolved in its colours, the light becoming yellower, the clouds lost their pink. Amelia rest her head back, and consciously relaxed her jaw, inhaling deeply through her nose. She had one hand wrapped around her mug of fruit tea, absorbing the heat, and her other moving in soothing circles against her taut stomach.  She was about a month from her due date, and the babies had limited room now, so their movement was restricted, more like sharp nudges and shoves, as if they were sharing a tent that was much too small for the both of them.

 Amelia took a sip of her tea and rest the mug atop her stomach, looking down at herself. In disbelief for a moment, she though, if someone had given her the ability to see into this moment a year ago, she wouldn’t have believed it. 

Before her mind wandered too far, and anxiety gripped too hard, she paused, and breathed deep, uttering “five things I can see.” She glanced up at the sky. “The sky… the clouds, the sun… The tree tops… snow” she breathed deep, and closed her eyes. Listening now to the sounds of her friends breathing heavily in their sleep behind her. 

One sound prompted her to snap her eyes open. She sat forward, eyes wide up to the sky. She put her tea down and stood slowly, pressing one hand against her lower back as it ached under her load. Her eyes were wide, filled with light. Among the clouds; A bird swayed across the sky mutely, Amelia’s eyes followed it. One of the babies nudged her and she held herself, ears twitching again at the sound of the bird wailing softly. She smiled up, at the first bird she’d seen since before this all began. He soured across the treetops, dancing in circles, as if he knew he had an audience. 

Suddenly another appeared and Amelia gasped, watching them circle around each other. Amelia quickly eyed Owen, looking undecidedly between him and the window. She moved to him slowly, keeping her eyes out of the window. Nudging him with her foot, she called his name in a whisper. His eyes sprang open and he sat up in a panic. She smiled, shaking her head and he immediately calmed. 

“Look…” is all she said, gesturing that he should follow her back to the window. She only knew he had followed by his presence behind her, his arms around her. He rest his chin on her shoulder, as if trying to see through her eyes. “Look up there” she whispered, pointing. His eyes captured the birds in their dance.

Amelia’s eyes glistened and she held Owen’s arms against her, smiling slightly, biting her bottom lip. The two birds swam in soft zig zags across the treeline and then soured upwards, up and up until they were up above the house, and out of sight. 

Amelia turned within the circle of Owen’s arms and smiled wider, tears dropping fast from her eyes. Owen smiled too, and they didn’t need to say anything. More tears fell and they kissed, sinking down onto the armchair, curled against one another, with arms entangled and embracing. Amelia looked up at Owen, at the sky reflected then in his shining eyes.

 He looked down, meeting her gaze, smiling contently. “I love you” he told her, and she nodded, uttering “I love you too…” whispering “so much” as she rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. She moved both of her hands to his chest, so that he had access to her whole stomach. He pushed his hand up under her white shirt and moved it in firm, shushing, circles, enticing a sigh from his wife's lips.

`The birds could still be heard, the first sound of life that had poured from the sky. Owen remained awake, eyes cast down at Amelia, draped across his lap. Her features were illuminated by the yellow of the sun. Her breathing deepened as sleep took her and her whole body slackened. Owen brushed the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear, before pushing her shirt up over her bump. He rest his hand gently against it, running his eyes around her, taking in the sight. 

It was an odd feeling; feeling so incredibly lucky and unlucky at the same time, it was like a hand was wrapped around his heart, intermittently clenching and then unclenching its grip. He had to remind himself to not think about all that was wrong and all that could go wrong all at once. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, pressing his lips to Amelia’s forehead, breathing in her smell. He remained in that position, lips against her, hand against large swell of her stomach. One of the babies shifted minutely, a twitch of movement under his hand, and Owen smiled, kissing Amelia again. 

“Owen…” Owen looked around, Arizona was sat up on the couch. Her eyes were wide and immensely blue in the light. Owen smiled tearily. “Is… that birds? That sound?” Arizona asked, dragging her index finger across her cheek to move her hair from her face. Owen chuckled breathlessly and nodded, looking back to the sky. The birds were in sight again. Arizona moved to the window and peered up, mouth agape. They both watched. Arizona curled her arms around herself, feeling the chill of the winter creep through the glass. Her mind was up with the birds though. “They’re beautiful…” she said, “I thought we’d never see anything again…” She beamed suddenly, and chuckled, shaking her head. “This… they are a sign I think” 

Owen nodded, smiling tightly, uttering “I think so too.” 

Arizona looked down at Owen, and at Amelia. Her smile softened, “She’s beautiful…” she said, pressing her lips, letting her eyes drift across the pair. She held herself tighter and wandered across to the mattress that Owen and Amelia shared, scooping up the blanket. She brought it back and draped it across them, gently lowering it onto Amelia so not to wake her. “Thank you” Owen spoke quietly. Arizona just nodded and made her way over the the fire, she leant down beside it and nudged the embers, placing some paper and then some wood on it. The fire fluttered at the edges of the paper and then regained, engulfing the debris. Arizona swiftly dropped another log onto it and then watched, hands in her lap, as the flames wrapped around it. Warmth built against her skin and she relaxed into her seat, smiling slightly.

 Owen closed his eyes. Though he could feel anxiety and worry at the very edges of his mind, he focused in on the feeling of utter contentedness and it swelled, one of the babies nudged against his hand.

TBC

Thank you for reading xxxx ALSO please reblog, I know I had many people reading this way back when, who didn’t/don’t follow me, more reblogs means it’ll find its way back to them. 

Beth gently furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the twins standing next to them and then back at Owen.

“The first thing I got when I arrived at school was a list with all my students,” she looked at the man standing in front of her with a dumbstruck expression, as if what he was saying made no sense. “Hunt is not a rare name but it isn’t all that common either. And really, Owen? Just look at them,” Beth added, slightly shaking her head from side to side as if she couldn’t believe he was doubting that, “did you really think I wouldn’t recognize your sons the minute I first laid eyes on them?”

Owen opened up his mouth to refute her, but after realizing Beth was right, he decided not to say anything. Of all his children, Danny and Robbie were by far the ones who resembled him the most, not only in facial features but also in physical structure and maybe even in the way they spoke.

“Yeah, I guess you have a point.”

“Ms. Whitman, do you know my Dad?” Robbie interrupted their conversation, just as curious as his twin brother about the interaction between both adults.

“As a matter of fact, I do, Robbie,” Beth turned her head to face the child and her expression softened immediately, going from neutral to warm and receptive. “We met a long time ago, before you were even born.”

“Really?” Danny’s eyes widened with curiosity as he entered the conversation.

“Yes, but today your Dad is here for our meeting and he wants to hear about the two of you,” the teacher sneakily changed the focus of the conversation, knowing that as the normal six-year-olds Danny and Robbie were, they would definitely want to talk about themselves if offered a chance. “Is their mother joining us or can we start?” she asked with her best professional tone as she turned her head from the boys to their father.

“Uh, she can’t make it,” Owen replied, still disconcerted by the way Beth’s expressions would quickly change depending on whether she was talking to the kids or facing him. “She is stuck at work, so...”

“It’s alright,” Beth assured him with practicality. “I just want to update you on Danny’s and Robbie’s progress over the last trimester. We’ve had a remarkable...”

As his ex-fiancé and current sons’ teacher went on to give him a full report on how the twins were adapting to the transition from kindergarten to first grade, a much more impartial topic, Owen slowly made himself more at ease. Since he’d been caught so off guard, it had been hard at first to process anything out of that surprising encounter.

It was true that in the past he and Beth hadn’t had the easiest breakup. In fact, now he thought about it, the trauma surgeon became well aware that he’d probably been a real jerk to her at the time they had parted ways.

Not only had he taken too long to let Beth know he didn’t reciprocate her feelings and wishes, Owen had also failed to inform her he’d been back from a war zone once he made it to Seattle, even though deep down he knew she was deeply worried about him, to the point of praying for his well-being every night. Owen knew that the reason why he’d done it was because back then, he’d been caught up with a lot more than he could handle, including a serious mental condition. It had been easier to simply sweep his dirt under the rug and pretend he could start over with a clean slate rather than having to deal with what had actually happened to him.

Life had put Cristina Yang on his way and coincidence or not, she was exactly what he wanted but didn’t need in a woman at the time. Unlike Beth, Cristina was very comfortable with not knowing details and not asking any questions. And his unwillingness to face what happened to him in Iraq had been one of the reasons Owen had avoided Beth upon his return.

Even though he knew he wasn’t in love with her anymore, after their breakup Owen was pretty sure that she would have done everything within her power to try and help him if she so much as thought he was that damaged from the war. She would probably want to salvage their relationship too. The only problem at the time was that Owen wasn’t open to receiving that kind of help.

Or perhaps deep down he had a feeling that Beth was never meant to be the one with whom he could share his pain and trust his heart. Owen supposed that was true because now that he was older, had lived through things and knew better, he was sure that back then he couldn’t have connected to anyone else in the way he connected to his wife now, regardless of what he’d lived or been through at the time. It wasn’t so much about the experiences but rather how comfortable he felt to share with a particular person or not.

As Owen’s mind drifted back and forth in thoughts about the past and present, Beth’s voice broke the silence.

“So... we are done here, I guess,” she wrapped the conversation with a smile, playfully giving Danny an affectionate squeeze on his belly that made the boy chuckle and look at her with adoration in his eyes. “Can you boys please go pick up your backpacks and get the crayons you used back in the proper box? We want to keep the room tidy for tomorrow.”

“Yes, Ms. Whitman,” Robbie and Danny replied in unison.

Owen waited until the kids were out of their hearing range after noticing how Beth remained still, watching from a distance as his sons strictly followed her instructions.

“So...” Owen put both his hands in his pant pockets, drawing her attention with his voice. “You’re still excellent with kids, I see,” he commented awkwardly, unsure of how she would react at his attempt at small talk. Even though it had been years, Owen still felt awful about the way he had treated her, mostly because he had never really apologized for it. “Not that it surprises me, of course,” Owen added. “How many do you have now? Five, six?” he asked with a lighthearted tone, knowing that just like him, Beth had always wanted a big family.

Owen could swear he identified a trace of sadness in her gaze as she turned her head at him to reply.

“Eighteen,” she shrugged, apparently trying to look like she was okay with the joke but Owen knew her well enough to see that the question – and mostly the answer – bothered her.

The trauma surgeon quickly understood that eighteen was the number of children in his sons’ first grade class. And if Beth had given that as a reply, apparently regarding her beloved students as her children, it could only mean she didn’t have any kids of her own.

The realization took Owen by surprise but he didn’t have the courage to ask why she had changed her plans – or maybe why they had failed to happen? It was probably not his place to ask, anyway.

“Danny and Robbie talk about their siblings all the time,” Beth commented as she crouched down to pick up a pencil from the floor, making Owen wonder how she’d even spotted the object underneath a student’s desk in the first place. “Just yesterday they were talking about how you were flying kites with them over the weekend… They are obviously happy kids,” Beth gazed at the boys from a distance with a lingering smile. Owen saw the contrast between that and the shadow of sadness he could swear she was trying hard to conceal. “You got the whole package, didn’t you?” the teacher asked as she got up with the pencil in hand at the same time a gloomy shadow darkened her usually lively eyes. “Not that I am surprised, it is what you always wanted, I guess… What we both did.”

“Beth...”

“No, Owen, don’t,” Beth interrupted him before the surgeon could even start. She could precisely predict what he was about to do, and after taking years to recover from their unilateral decision to end their engagement, she wasn’t interested in hearing what he had to say anymore.

“I know we have both moved on and it probably doesn’t matter anymore… What’s in the past is in the past,” Owen repeated the sentence he seemed to be telling himself quite a lot lately. “But I’d just like to apologize for the way things ended between us,” he added the most considerately and kindly he could.

A daunting silence followed and Owen noticed as the face of the woman standing in front of him went through many transformations.

First she seemed surprised. Then confused. And finally, really angry.

“That’s it?” Beth scoffed, suddenly neglecting every progress she’d made in her journey to be resolved about her past. For a long time, she had tried every method possible for moving on: therapy, sports, yoga. Many years before she had finally convinced herself that she was over the heartbreak and if faced with Owen once again in her life, she would be able to simply ignore him because he couldn’t affect her anymore. Well, how wrong had she been, apparently. “You break up with me through an email, come back from the war and don’t say anything, then you get a job, start a relationship with someone else… And as if that’s not enough, you tell me to my face that my dad has cancer and walk away…” Beth summoned up the events from her perspective. “Years later that’s what I get?” for the first time that day, Owen could see a reaction on her face that seemed spontaneous instead of rehearsed whenever she looked at him. “A simple, generic apology? Are you actually serious?”

“Beth...” Owen took a long breath, suddenly regretting having gone there. He should have kept his mouth shut but something about his uncontrollable urge to come to terms with the people he’d let down had prompted him to say it.

“No,” she backed out raising her voice, for a moment forgetting they were inside a classroom and that she was at her workplace, in the company of two of her students. “Do you have any idea the pain you put me through that day?” the trauma surgeon didn’t have to ask her to know she was talking about the last time they’d seen each other. “You made me lose my ground, Owen,” her voice broke down a little as Beth struggled to contain her tears. “My ground!” she insisted, thinking back about how at the same time she had lost the man she had considered to be the love of her life and her father, the only parent she had. “I didn’t get a chance to take care of my dad because he didn’t tell me about it and I couldn’t take care of you either because you walked away. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to lose the two of you in the same month?”

“I...” Owen struggled with his words. It was the first time he was being confronted with that part of his past and when she put it like that, he couldn’t help feeling guiltier. “I was going through some stuff at the time and I didn’t realize what I was doing. I am sorry,” Owen replied in a lower tone, trying to keep their voices down not to draw attention from the boys who were already frowning as they collected crayons across the room and noticed how worked up their teacher seemed to be. “I get it if you can’t understand it and I respect it,” Owen said with honesty, feeling even worse for how he’d failed her. “I know it must be really painful for you to come here and have to teach my children after everything I put you through, so I also want you to know that I really appreciate how good you are with them...” the surgeon said, once again taking a peek at the boys. “And how much of a bigger person you are not to let our past interfere in the way you treat them.”

The teacher took a deep breath and closed her eyes, taking her time to open them again. It became obvious she was struggling to keep herself together and Owen censored himself for bringing up the subject.

“Owen...” Beth’s voice sounded hoarse as she tilted her head and looked at him, looking almost offended. “Danny and Robbie are wonderful kids and they have nothing to do with what happened between us,” she enforced, looking at them as she swallowed hard. Those boys and their stunning resemblance with the man she had built her dreams with once were a daily reminder of her failed past and everything Beth had set to accomplish but never did. “As you said, what’s in the past is in the past. Let’s just leave it there.”

“I really didn’t mean to make your life such a nightmare...” Owen said with a guilty conscience. At the time, it hadn’t been so obvious because he had been too caught up with his own traumas. But now, it made him feel extremely remorseful to realize that not only he’d broken Beth’s heart by leaving her, but he’d also done it around the same time he’d given her the worst news of her life after bluntly letting her know her father had cancer. At the time, Owen had grown sick of everyone hiding everything from her and he’d thought that she would be better off with the truth, no matter how hard it was.

So he’d disclosed to his ex-fiancé in the hospital waiting area that unbeknownst to her, her father had been battling cancer for a while now. And then Owen had walked out to never see Beth again until today.

By the time the older man had died, Beth had lost not one, but the two most important people in her life: her father and her fiancé.

The teacher was just about to once again suggest they dropped the subject when the twins finally came from across the room carrying their backpacks, silencing the adults’ apologies and once for all putting an end to that unexpectedly raw conversation.  

.

On the short drive home, even though they had stopped to pick up the other kids, Owen was worried he might have to deal with a series of questions from the twins as to how he knew their teacher, but to his luck, they were too distracted with their siblings to bring up the subject.

But hours later though, by the time his wife got home, Danny didn’t waste any time sharing with his mother the news he’d learned earlier that day.

“How was everything with the school meeting?” Amelia asked at the same time she dropped her handbag on the counter, took off her jacket and approached the kids, giving them each a kiss on the head. “Did you meet the popular Ms. Whitman?” she asked with good mood as she looked up to meet her husband’s eyes.

Before Owen could reply, Danny intervened.

“She and Dad already knew each other, Mom,” the boy repeated what he’d learned earlier that day with a proud smile to be breaking the news, succeeding in getting his mother’s attention. “Ms. Whitman said she knew my dad from before I was even born!” he added with widened eyes, as if his father having a life prior to his birth was already shocking enough.

Amelia took in the information and looked back at her husband, using a confused expression rather than words to ask him to elaborate Danny’s revelation.

“I was going to tell you but Dan obviously beat me to it,” Owen said with a playful eye roll, knowing he really meant it. “I was surprised to find out like this, but it turns out the twins’ substitute teacher is Beth,” he unconsciously raised his eyebrows, expecting her response apprehensively as he whispered in addition, “as in, Beth Whitman. The woman I was engaged to before moving back here for good.”

As anticipated, Amelia was also taken by surprise with the information.

“Your ex-fiancé is their teacher?” she asked, thinking about the woman she’d heard about only a few times but never really met. Amelia looked at her husband almost apologetically, thinking about the couple of occasions in which she’d joked about the teacher’s manners and she talked like one of her students. “Is it the one you were going to marry when you were serving in Iraq?” she asked whispering back, unwilling to be heard from the kids considering she had no idea how much they had indeed been told.

“That one,” Owen replied tensely as he watched the twins go back to the toys they had been playing with prior to their mother’s arrival.

Over the years, Owen had shared so many of the most intimate things about his life and his past with his wife that he liked to think there wasn’t anything they couldn’t talk about. Surely some things were more difficult to discuss than others, and some topics Owen would much rather avoid if it could be helped, for various reasons.

It so happened that he wasn’t the least bit proud of the way he’d treated Beth in the past and talking about her only made Owen feel exposed in the worst way possible to perhaps the only person whose good opinion of him really mattered. So it was probably for the best not to dwell on that subject.  

“Are you okay?” Amelia asked, mistaking his reservation for discomfort. Owen had been acting a little quieter than usual lately and she was starting to wonder if something was indeed off with him.  “Did something happen?”

“No, it was just weird, that’s all,” Owen shook his head in denial, unwilling to stay trapped in his thoughts. “It’s past eight thirty already, I’ll get the kids upstairs to start their bedtime,” he proposed, crossing the distance between himself and his wife and giving her a kiss on the forehead. He’d already had dinner with the kids but had been waiting with them so that they could see Amelia for a while before going to sleep since she was working late that day. “There is a plate for you in the oven if you’re hungry.”

“I am starved,” Amelia confessed, already making her way to the kitchen. “I will catch up with you guys soon.”

The neurosurgeon had dinner and a shower at the same time Owen got the kids ready to bed. She then tucked Megan in, which didn’t take five minutes, and later spent nearly half an hour with Thomas lying on his bed as they read together until he finally fell asleep.

After giving the boy a kiss goodnight, Amelia proceeded to Lucas’ room. She made him promise he would turn off the TV after the anime he was watching was over and also got a hug and a kiss before finally turning off the lights in that bedroom.

That only left the twins’ room to go check and Amelia expected to find both boys already asleep. Nonetheless, she would go in to give them the kiss goodnight she always gave all her children.

To her surprise, she found out the bedside lamp was on and Owen was sitting between the children’s beds on a tiny stool that made him look even bigger than he already was. Even though he had his back turned to her, Amelia could tell he was reading the boys a bedtime story and she couldn’t help but stand against the doorframe and watch the scene from a distance with a smile on her face.

“Dad,” Danny’s voice echoed in the room as he contained a yawn right when his father finished reading a chapter of the story. “Did you misbehave?” he asked very seriously, but at the same time Owen noticed his son was looking at him with an empathetic, forgiving glance.

“Did I what?” Owen tilted his head to the side as he gently spoke back, confused by what Danny really meant.

“He meant when Ms. Whitman was your teacher,” Robbie offered some explanation to what was going on in the twins’ minds. “Were you in timeout a lot?”

Amelia had to contain a chuckle from where she was standing.

“No, buddy, that’s not what happened,” Owen calmly explained, smiling at the boys’ logic. “She is not old enough to have been my teacher. I knew her from before because she used to be my friend.”

Since Danny had asked if he’d misbehaved, it didn’t go unnoticed to Owen that the boys had assumed their teacher for some reason disapproved of their father. The additional question about him being sent to timeout corroborated that. They had probably picked up the animosity in the air, despite the adults’ effort to tone it down as much as they could. It made sense that the six year olds had related Beth’s attitude with misbehavior, the likely most common cause for the kids in their class to get frowned upon by their teacher.

Well, they weren’t totally in the wrong, Owen had to admit. Except that his past with Beth was more complicated than talking during class or forgetting to hand in his homework. It was true that he was going through the worst moment of his life at the time everything had happened but it didn’t make Owen feel any less awful for realizing now the pain she’d had to endure, something that at the time he couldn’t see very clearly exactly because of his own traumas.

“She’s not your friend anymore?” Danny asked with confusion and a glimpse of disappointment.

“I haven’t seen her in a long time,” Owen replied evasively. The details were too difficult to try to explain to two kids. “But what makes you think Dad might have misbehaved?” he asked Danny with a patient smile, leaning over to pull the covers on his son.

Owen noticed how the twins looked at each other, as if communicating in their own secret language before Robbie opened his mouth to answer the question that had been directed at his brother.

“Ms. Whitman seemed upset,” Robbie confessed, confirming Owen’s theory. “It was like…” the six-year-old hesitated, unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to say. “It was like Amanda when I told her that I can take care of Casper much better than she can,” the boy explained, referring to their class’s goldfish. “She can’t even reach the bottom of his tank, Dad,” he added, as if the argument absolutely proved his point.

“And Amanda was upset about what you said?” Owen raised his eyebrows with amusement, correctly supposing their sons were talking about a fellow first grader.

“She was! She didn’t want the strawberries mom put in my lunch box even though I said I would share them with her!” Robbie confided with outrage at what he apparently considered a big offense.

“I see,” Owen smiled at the dynamics of two six-year-olds innocently trying to socialize. “Maybe she just doesn’t like strawberries. How about you offer her some other kind of fruit next time?” he proposed with a playful smile. “Or even better, when grandma bakes a batch of chocolate brownies, maybe you can pack a big slice and take it to school for Amanda?”

“That’s a perfect idea, dad,” Robbie cheerfully agreed. “I bet she is going to love it!” he said with confidence. Everyone loved his grandma’s brownies.

“Maybe you can take some to Ms. Whitman too, Dad!” Danny promptly intervened, sharing his brother’s impression. “Maybe then she will like you again!”

Owen frowned, pensively. Apparently, he had reached the perfect conclusion by assuming the boys had picked up on some animosity in the air and figured that their teacher wasn’t all too pleased with their father.

“Ms. Whitman and I didn’t have a fight, Dan,” Owen said assuredly even though it wasn’t entirely true. “The only thing is that I hadn’t seen Ms. Whitman in many, many years,” he explained as he closed the book and placed it on the nightstand next to the lamp. “But it doesn’t change the fact she was a wonderful friend, and I know she is a wonderful teacher so I am glad you guys have her this year,” the surgeon added with a smile, knowing that his approval would mean a lot to the boys. Danny and Robbie liked the teacher very much and to have them so much as think their father might see her differently could conflict their heads. Owen was determined not to let that happen because his kids had nothing to do with his past and shouldn’t pay the price for his mistakes. “It’s late now, close your eyes, buddy,” he said, ruffling Robbie’s hair affectionately before pulling the covers to tighten them around his body.

Amelia chose that moment to make her presence noted and it was with smiles that she was welcomed in the room. After staying with the twins until they fell asleep, she was escorted by her husband back to the hallway.

“I am so tired I had to give my everything to resist calling it a night and just crashing on Danny’s bed with him,” Amelia confessed with a playful grin, putting both arms around herself and rubbing them to fight off the cold and exhaustion.

“Was your shift that bad? I thought you would come home after the surgery you paged me to,” Owen confessed with an understanding glance, pulling the covers on her side of the bed first so she could crawl in. After he got a positive nod in response and realized Amelia was too exhausted to elaborate an answer, he added, “I was kind of hoping we could start that show about the hostages trapped on an island on Netflix tonight,” he joined her in bed. Unlike his wife, Owen didn’t feel the least inclined to fall asleep. It had been happening quite often lately.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Amelia agreed with a yawn. “I actually should start drafting the paper for my new research but, nope, not gonna happen.”

“If I put on the show, you’re going to fall asleep five minutes into it,” Owen shook his head with playful disapproval as he turned on the TV with the remote anyway. After returning the object to his nightstand, he used his arm to capture his wife by the waist and pull her closer.

Amelia didn’t protest but rather sought the warmth of his embrace. She’d had a really long day with back-to-back surgeries and a lot of unexpected bureaucracy to deal within her department. The following days promised to be just as busy as she once again planned a new and complicated research within her department but at least for now she could enjoy the comfort of her husband’s familiar embrace and relax while he gently stroked her hair as she lay against him with her eyes closed hearing the sound of the TV on the background.

The neurosurgeon was nearly asleep when something her husband had said earlier that night came to her memory and she suddenly couldn’t put her mind at ease again.

“What was weird?”

Owen seemed very confused by her blunt question and Amelia instantly figured out that she hadn’t explained herself very well.

“When I arrived from work today… You said that running into your ex and finding out she is teaching Robbie and Danny was weird,” Amelia reminded him, slightly rolling her head to the side and opening her eyes to meet his gaze. “Why would you think that? It’s not a word you use very often.”

Owen seemed to think for a while before he opened his mouth to reply.

“I meant to say I didn’t see it coming, I guess,” he said with a low, patient tone of voice while looking straight into his wife’s eyes. Amelia still felt his fingers gently caressing her hair and that combined with the sincerity in his gaze as he maintained eye contact with her made her sure that Owen was being honest. “It just took me by surprise… I hadn’t seen her or heard from her in years.”

Amelia took her time processing his answer. It made absolute sense that Owen would be surprised with the news. But somehow, there seemed to be more to it. As if he wasn’t only surprised, but also shocked and intrigued.

“You don’t talk much about her,” Amelia mentioned the most casually she could. Robbie and Danny had obviously gotten the impression that their teacher was upset with their father, even though he’d denied it. Amelia could only wonder what that meant.  “I mean, you never really told me what happened between the two of you.”

“There isn’t much to tell,” Owen said, hoping it wasn’t too obvious he was avoiding going deeper into that conversation or else it would only raise a flag for Amelia to ask further questions. He didn’t want to go into the subject because deep down, it ashamed him to admit to his wife how he’d treated his ex-fiancé in the past. Even though Owen supposed he had to cut himself some slack considering how unwell he’d been at the time, he still couldn’t come to terms with his realizations from that day. “We met when we really young and as we grew older, I got wiser and eventually I realized that she wasn’t the right woman for me, so we broke up,” he summed up, hoping Amelia’s tiredness would prevent her from asking further details.

Owen should suspect he wasn’t going to get away so easily, though.

“Why?” Amelia moved in his arms and gently turned her head up to maintain their eye contact. “I mean, how did you come to the conclusion she wasn’t the right one for you?”

Even though she was very serious about her question, Owen was determined to skip all those painful, unnecessary parts of his past that would probably only serve to disappoint Amelia nearly as much as he felt disappointed in himself for his past behavior.

“Because she wasn’t you,” Owen said with flattery as he possessively chucked her under the chin and stared into her eyes with a trace of playfulness before stealing a kiss from her lips.

Amelia saw right through him and his plot.

“Oh yeah?” she pretended to be on board with his game. “And are you so smart that you’ve reached that conclusion and broke up with her before you even met me?” she asked with a challenging smile.

“Exactly. I am glad you’re able to acknowledge how smart I am,” Owen brought his other hand to her face and caressed her, mesmerized by the way she looked at him and everything he saw in her eyes. “I was just killing time while waiting for you,” he added with a teasing voice.

Amelia laughed right through his exaggerated sentimentality and before she could grill him, her husband decided to share a little more.

“Okay, so… When I started dating Beth, I was this idealistic, fresh off college guy who saw the world much the same way she did,” he explained. Back then Owen hadn’t known many of the hard truths he later on had learned about life. “But then I went to war and it changed me. Beth stayed and she remained the same person. As you can see, it was only a matter of time before our perspectives collided,” he added, being as evasive as he could without being dishonest. “Especially when our relationship was already on the rocks because of the distance and everything... So that’s why it never had much of a future.”

When Owen took a deep breath and slowly let it out, Amelia wondered if she really should be pushing him to talk about that subject. She knew that even after all those years, talking about his deployments and what had happened during the time he’d been at war was still hard on her husband. If he had to relive all of those things to talk about his ex-fiancé, it was no wonder why he was avoiding the subject.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up some hard memories. I know you don’t like talking about the war,” she considerately said.

Owen gave her a doubtful sideways glance, suspicious about the intention of her last statement considering how much in the past Amelia had used her power of persuasion to get him to talk about his time in service.

“Alright, I know I grill you about it, but only when it is for your own good!” she justified her manners, getting a playful glance in response.

“It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t,” Owen commented lightheartedly, although deep down he hoped the conversation about Beth was over.

Owen didn’t have to think about it for much longer because sooner after, Amelia finally gave in to exhaustion, quickly falling asleep next to him.

Knowing he wouldn’t be as lucky as his wife to successful rest and put his mind at ease, Owen was once again confronted by memories of his past and his misdoings.

From everything he’d learned that day, he had to admit that finding out Beth apparently hadn’t gotten married or had kids was by far what had blown his mind. Her vague answer about her life at present time and indirect admission that she didn’t have any kids was still conflicting Owen. He hadn’t seen a ring on her finger either and didn’t fully understand why that got to him.

He and Beth had spent apart the majority of the time they were a couple, mostly because Owen had been deployed. But that didn’t mean Owen hadn’t gotten to truly know Beth and what moved her.

During his life, he’d met all kinds of women. Some dreamed of being doctors, some wanted to be business owners, a few had no idea what they really wanted. And Owen knew that people’s dreams and goals changed overtime. But ever since he’d known Beth, the only thing she had ever truly wanted was to be a mom. So to find out she had made it this far in life without fulfilling that dream made Owen feel strangely sad, and to some degree, even accountable.

During the time they had been together, all Beth ever talked about was getting married, having kids and being a stay at home mom. And Owen knew that dream wasn’t just something she considered for herself but rather something she felt like defined her. Kind of like an ideal she based her entire life on, according to the teacher’s own admissions. And even though Owen knew it could very well have changed over the years, based on what he’d seen earlier that day, he had a bad feeling Beth’s life aspirations hadn’t really changed at all.

But soon enough, the surgeon wondered if that perhaps he was being too arrogant and giving himself too much importance.

What did he know, really? Maybe Beth had indeed tried. For all he knew, she could have met half a dozen guys after him and moved on with her life as he honestly wished she had. Beth could have even gotten married. Just because apparently it hadn’t worked out, it didn’t mean she hadn’t tried, he told himself.

But before Owen could control it, his gut feeling told him that it probably had not been like that. Beth was very selective. She wouldn’t be jumping from guy to guy looking for a Prince Charming. And she definitely wouldn’t marry the first guy that came along considering how much of a romantic, idealistic girl she had always been.

Up until now, Owen had never really given any thought about how much he’d affected Beth’s life by breaking up with her and leaving her alone to deal with her dying father. Maybe he was overestimating the importance of the role he had in her life but judging by how dependent Beth had been on him at the time and the spoiled, naïve and sheltered way with which she had been raised, it was only fair to assume that he’d put her through so much heartbreak that perhaps he’d played a bigger role into turning the woman into a cynical than he’d initially assumed.

You made me lose my ground, Beth had said. That wasn’t something a person who’d experienced a common heartbreak confessed. Her suffering had probably gone beyond that. And Owen knew he had a big load of responsibility for putting her through it.

It was absolutely true that he couldn’t have forced himself to love Beth in the way she wanted him to love her. Owen was in peace with that. But there were a lot of things he could have done differently.

He could have broken up with her earlier on when he’d first realized they didn’t want the same things instead of postponing it and unknowingly doing it in the worst possible moment… Just before her father got sick.

He could have called to check in on her after she’d learned the truth.

Hell, he could have at least asked about her father and offered help if she needed any kind of medical assistance…

It stung to realize this only now, but maybe for Beth, being engaged to him and getting married to him meant more than it did for the surgeon. Owen had failed to realize just how important their relationship was to her at the time. Perhaps he might have ruined her life more than he imagined, more than he’d ever considered himself capable to.

While drowning in his own guilt, Owen failed to realize that he hadn’t really been herself back then.

If he shared some of the thoughts that were torturing him with his wife, she would have rightfully pointed out that he had just been through something huge by the time everything unfolded. After going through perhaps his worst army deployment, Owen had not been in a condition to make any good decisions. In addition to that, he had already accepted that by the time he’d put an end to his relationship with Beth, he didn’t love her in the way she deserved. And frankly, even back then her presence in his life and constant badgering had already started to annoy him. He knew Beth did it with the best of intentions, but Owen just wouldn’t have put up with being questioned constantly and forced to confront his experiences in the Army, much less talking about them.

If Owen had stayed with Beth, he would never have given her the opportunity to help him, no matter how much she would have wanted to. Her attempts would increasingly irritate him, perhaps to the point where everything would backfire, causing more pain and heartbreak. Owen could be quite difficult when he was pushing people away and it was likely he could have hurt Beth even more if he’d forced himself to be around her.

Years later, it was easy to look at his past and judge himself after assuming he could have done better or tried harder. But truth was, Owen couldn’t have seen any of that at the time because he was struggling with his own demons and focusing too much on the outcome of his decisions to really see the bigger picture.

Exactly in the same way he was functioning right now.

Owen took another deep breath, trying to process everything. He couldn’t change his past and the way he’d hurt other people, no matter how much he wanted to. The burden weighing on his chest felt especially heavy after the truths he’d learned recently. Sometimes it was just too hard for him to forgive himself.

One look at the woman sleeping peacefully by his side made Owen want to try and see the silver lining. All his misdoings and mistakes, even the worst ones, had led him exactly to the life he was living right now. That was something he couldn’t take for granted. As he lay awake in bed, forcing himself to clear his mind of all those thoughts, Owen realized that he was sorry for many things. Some of his choices had been absolutely dreadful and if he could go back on them, he would.

But if there was something he wasn’t sorry about it was definitely the person lying next to him and everything they had built together. His family was by far the most important thing he had and it was his responsibility to take care of them and make sure they were okay.

Owen had hurt a lot of people on the course of his life but he would never forgive himself if he did the same to Amelia and the kids. Just the thought of it made him cringe, and the surgeon immediately closed his eyes rejecting the idea, more determined than ever to protect them from anyone and anything.  

Even if that included himself.

“I didn’t. But she probably still hoped they’d come. It’s her thirty day sober ceremony, I know I used to hope my mom would show up”. She’d never went, of course, but Amelia couldn’t blame her. She’d never actually invited her, either.

“Yeah”. Owen watched as she grabbed a waffle from the plate he was still holding. “She’s doing great though. With her sobriety, and with Leo. She’s growing. We should take her to dinner or something, to celebrate. We’ve both got tomorrow night off”. Balancing the plate on the back of the couch, he reached down to undo the strap of her heels across her ankle.

“Yeah, I bet she’d like that”. She lifted her gaze to meet Owen’s, smiling at him. She felt oddly proud of them, together. How they were managing caring for both Leo and Betty. “He,” she moved to sit up straight, putting the half-eaten waffle on the coffee table, and slipping her now un-heeled feet to the floor. “We didn’t dance”.

“What?” Owen chuckled, tilting his head with a confused look in his eyes.

“At the wedding,” Amelia clarified, almost giddy now. “With all the chaos and wrong directions and medical emergencies, we never got to dance. You know you’re supposed to dance at weddings”.

“Oh, I know you’re supposed to dance at weddings”. Owen grunted, “if I remember correctly, we danced a lot at ours”.

Amelia sighed blissfully, her eyes closing at the memory. “Those were good times”, she whispers, smiling. “You’re a good dancer”.

Owen let out a snort, “you may be the first person to ever tell me that. We both … improvised. But,” he leaned forward and spiritedly waggled his eyebrows, “we definitely had fun”. He regarded the woman in front of him for a moment. She’d sat up at the thought of dancing, but was now leaning back against the armrest of the couch. Remembering times when they hadn’t yet gone through the debacle that had been their short-lived marriage. Their honeymoon bliss had not lasted long.

He stood up and walked over to where he kept his record collection (yes, record collection, just because Spotify has been invented –and CDs, etc., but who’s counting- didn’t mean he couldn’t still enjoy the nostalgic sound of needle scratching record), and drew out one of his favorite’s. Gently lowering the needle of the player, he stepped back and returned to the couch.    

As the tones of a trumpet began to play, and Ella Fitzgerald’s smooth voice floated into the living room, Owen grabbed Amelia’s hand and pulled her off the couch, walking backwards as he gently pulled her with him until she was close enough so he could slide his hand around her back. Their height difference emphasized now that she was no longer wearing her heels.  

Stars shining bright above you. He met her gaze as they started swaying together, slowly twirling around. Night breezes seem to whisper I love you. Her eyes twinkled with pleasant surprise, and shone a brighter blue than he’d seen in a while. “Please don’t step on my toes,” she giggled. “I’m not wearing shoes while you are”.

They kept dancing and turning and twirling until the voices of Ella and Louis sang out the last notes. Dream a little dream of me. Neither of them noticed when the next song started playing. Standing still, in the middle of the living room, still holding each other. Amelia couldn’t tell who started moving first, but whoever initiated, they slowly leaned towards each other until their lips were mere inches apart. She could feel his shallow breathing matching hers. They really shouldn’t be doing this. This though, however, was soon forgotten when Owen moved in and caught her lips with his.

What started out as a soft kiss, his lips grazing against hers, testing the waters, quickly turned more demanding. It wasn’t a kiss that conveyed every unspoken word and story between them, it was one that reflected the amount of time they’d gone without doing this. They kissed until Amelia realized she could never have enough, clinging to him as if he was the only solid object in her dizzy-turned world. 

But still they broke apart, keeping their foreheads together, their breathing deep and panting. “Owen,” her voice comes out in a soft whisper, and as Owen opened his eyes to look at her, he could see her softly biting her lower lip. “What are we doing?”

“I know what I was doing,” he declared in a breathy chuckle. “And I hope you know what we were doing as well”.

Amelia snorts. “No you dumb ass,” softly punching his shoulder. “I mean in general. What are we doing?”. She leaned away from his embrace, reluctantly, and took a step backwards. “Meredith said something to me today, about us playing house. And it just…” she sighed, not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to know. “What are we doing?”

Owen, already missing her warmth, took a few seconds to collect his bearings. “We’ve been living together for over a month now, raising these two kids. For all intents and purposes, we are a married couple, Amelia. Only without the … you know, more carnal stuff married couples usually do”.

Amelia smirked, and she swore she could see a slight brush rising to Owen’s cheeks. “The fun stuff”.

He definitely agreed with her, but figured it would be the better choice not to actually voice that agreeance. Instead, he chose to confess his more serious thoughts. “I don’t know what the future holds, obviously, so I can’t tell you where we’re going”. He laughed quietly, “but I do know that, right in this moment, I’m falling for you. Again. And that …” he exhaled slowly, “scares me, but I don’t want it to. I want to be able to dance with you, whenever. And kiss you, and do all the carnal stuff,” he smirked. “Whenever. And I want to continue taking care of Betty and Leo with you, for as long as we can”. He took a step forwards, towards her, and pulled her to him again. “I want this, Amelia. I want you, and all that comes with you. I want to be married to you, again”.

“We’ve got to talk about … stuff”. Amelia worried, unconsciously leaning back into his touch. “We can’t make the same mistakes again”.

“I know. And we will, talk I mean. Tomorrow. I promise. For now, let’s just …” he grinned, tracing the small of her back with his hand. “Dance”.

And so, dance they did. Song after song. Until the record finished and the living room returned to silence once more. And even then, they remained swaying, together. The cold waffles forgotten. With one arm around her back and the other resting in hers, Owen couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Amelia was right, they needed to talk. Dancing wouldn’t magically solve all of their problems, and there were so many things that needed to be out in the open. But right now, he had the woman of his dreams in his arms, and he wasn’t planning on ever letting go again. They could work this out. They could be married again, and make it last this time, really make it last. And if that was all he would realize for the rest of his life, he would be happy. Amelia, and Leo and Betty, they were enough. More than enough. They were everything. They were his dream, she was. A dream he hoped he would never wake up from.

‘ Hello. I’m Dr. Hunt. May I know your name?’ he asked the patient, who seemed fine at a glance, except for the laceration wound on her forehead.

‘ Michelle.’ she answered. ‘ My head hurts.’

‘ I was driving when another car switched lanes right in front of us without signalling . I couldn’t manage to brake and we collided with the car. I’m fine, but she hit her head.’  a red haired man sitting next to her explained. ‘ I’m Michael, by the way. I’m her brother. We were on the way to our parents’ place for dinner.’

‘ Do your parents know that you’re here?’ Owen asked.

‘ Yes, they’re coming over in a short while.’ Michael answered.

‘ Alright, Michelle, can you look right at me? I need to check your pupils .’ said Owen as she obeyed.

‘ Do you have any dizziness, vomitting or blurring of vision?’ Owen asked once he ascertained that her pupils were equal and reactive.

‘ No.’ Michelle shook her head.

‘ She’ll be ok right?’ Michael asked, concerned. ‘ She’s my only sister- I don’t want anything to happen to her.’

She’s my only sister. I don’t want anything to happen to her.

Owen found his mind drifting again to his only sister, Megan.

He shook the thought of Megan off his mind as he answered, ‘ Yes, she seems fine at the moment. But I want to page Neuro to do a full examination on you just to be sure. And I’m gonna stitch this wound on your forehead ok?’

He began working on Michelle’s wound as he ordered a nurse to page Amelia.

 _____________________________________________________________

‘ You ok?’ Amelia asked as she approached Owen at the nurses’ station half an hour later. She had done a thorough examination on Michelle and reviewed Michelle’s Brain CT which turned out normal. Being cleared by Neuro, Michelle would be discharged after another 6 hours of observation in the ER.

Owen had a distant look on his face, and she knew that something was preoccupying his mind.

‘ Huh? Yeah I’m fine.’ Owen answered distractedly.

‘ Owen….’

‘ I said I’m fine!’ he repeated, louder than he intended to.

However Amelia didn’t flinch this time. No- Owen had always supported her all this while,   she wanted to be the one to offer him support this time.

‘ You can always talk to me you know.’ Amelia said softly as she rubbed his arm soothingly. ‘ You have always supported me, and now I’m here to support you as well.’

Owen nodded as he looked at Amelia. He appreciated her support, he really did. But this wasn’t the time to be talking to her about it.

‘ Thank you, Amelia, I really appreciate it.’ he said earnestly. ‘ But I’m rather busy now. I’ll talk to you about it later ok?’

‘ Ok.’ she nodded. ‘ Just know that you can tell me anything.’ she offered, as she patted his shoulder before she left.

________________________________________________________________

It was quiet in the house as Owen sat on the couch of their living room that night. He could hear the sound of crickets and the occasional car driving by.  Amelia was on call- so he sat alone on the couch, just like he always did during the 3 months before her return.

He was exhausted after an entire day of attending to motor vehicle accident victims. Now all he wanted was to sit back and relax with a drink.

He poured himself a glass of Scotch as he leaned back on the couch. He savored the feel of the drink going down his throat.

The truth be told, he had been drinking every night since Amelia left with a simple note. Without Amelia around , there was no reason for him to stop drinking. If before, he always tried not to drink in front of her, now he binge drank. He drank to drown all the sorrows he felt deep down inside. He drank to fill the hole in his heart and the loneliness and emptiness he felt. He missed her laughter, her dimpled smile, the vanilla scent of her hair. He even missed their petty squabbles over the remote and the dishes.

Now that Amelia was back home, he had another reason to drown his sorrows with a drink today.

Although he didn’t want to admit it, he really missed his sister Megan.

Today was supposed to be Megan’s 35th birthday had she still been around. He stood up from the couch and walked over to the collection of old photo albums he and Amelia kept in one of the drawers below the TV.

He took out one of the photo albums and sat back down on the couch, flipping through the album. It contained photos of him and Megan from birth to adulthood. There were many photos of them both as babies, then as children, and subsequently as teenagers and young adults. He stared at a photo of him and Megan building sandcastles together at the beach. Their parents would make it a point to bring them to the beach every summer for vacation, and it was something they looked forward to the entire year. Then there were photos of him and Megan smiling widely during her 2nd birthday party, cakes smeared all over their faces. Another page of the album contained photos of them during their teenage years- him dressed smartly in a suit, going to prom with a girl whose name he had forgotten, and her looking so beautiful in a red dress during her prom day, being escorted by a boy who Owen disliked. Owen had always shown an interest in Megan’s love life, much to her dismay. But the actual fact was, and they both knew it- he had her best interest in mind and just wanted to protect his little sister from getting hurt. As he turned to the last page of the album, a photo caught his eye. It was the last photo they had taken together, right before they were both posted to Iraq. They were both wearing similar army uniforms and smiling widely at the camera. Both Hunt siblings shared a similar passion for serving in the army.

He let his mind drift off again to Megan. He missed her so much. He missed her cheeky smile, her cheerful laughter, he missed the way she loved to tease and provoke him to make him mad. But he could never stay mad at her for long. He missed their happy childhood memories, cycling to the park and chasing around the neighbourhood with the neighbours’ kids. He missed her interrogating him on every girl he brought home during his teenage years. Later as she grew older, he would do the same to her, scaring away every boy she brought home. He missed her provoking him by calling him sausage fingers while he operated on a patient in the battlefield.

He could recall the last conversation he had with her. She had been upset about Riggs cheating on her, but still managed to squeeze in a word of wisdom for him.

‘ Owen, I hope you find someone who would be your soulmate and companion for life. I hope you can build a happy family and future with her. Because you deserve it.’ she had said as she hugged him tight before getting on the helicopter.

‘ Oh Megan - if only you got to meet Amelia.’ he thought to himself. He was sure they would both get along great.

He took another sip of his Scotch as he wondered where she was now. Was she in hiding somewhere? Was she kidnapped and being held captive by the enemies all these years? If so, were they torturing her? Or…was she….he couldn’t bring himself to think of the word ‘dead.’

But if she was dead, wouldn’t they have found her body? He didn’t know. No one knew.

There was a knock at his front door.

Owen frowned, puzzled. Who could be visiting him and Amelia at this hour? Was it Meredith, Maggie or one of their colleagues?

He opened the door to come face to face with a buff man dressed in an army uniform.

‘ Hello, is this Dr. Owen Hunt?’ he asked.

‘ Yes, it’s me.’ Owen answered, feeling a sense of trepidation. Surely this isn’t good news, he could feel it.

‘ I’m Major William Allen.’ the man introduced himself in a booming voice as he stiffly shook hands with Owen.

‘ Are you the elder brother of Dr. Megan Hunt?’ he asked.

‘ Yes.’ Owen answered in a small voice as he could feel his heart sinking. He had a very bad feeling about this- and he didn’t want to hear what was coming next.

‘ I’m so sorry to inform you that we have found your sister’s body today. The helicopter she was on was shot down in Iraq several years ago, but due to it being hostile territory, we could only manage to recover it now.’

At the Major’s words- Owen’s entire world collapsed. Even though he had tried to prepare himself for this possibility, now that her death was confirmed, he wasn’t prepared for this moment. He had always clung on to the small possibility that she might be still alive and might return to him someday. And now- that hope was crushed just like that.

Owen remained silent as he stood there in a daze, a shocked and devastated expression on his face. He could barely register the Major’s subsequent words.

‘ Her body was badly decomposed and beyond identification- we had to perform DNA testing.’ Major William added. ‘ We guess the body had been there for a long time- probably many years. It was found near the helicopter wreckage, which leads us to believe that she might have died from the crash itself - if that’s any consolation.’

‘ If that’s any consolation.’

He wondered how could anything give him consolation upon receiving this devastating news about the confirmation of his sister’s death. Maybe, the Major meant well. He understood, it would have been better for Megan to die from the crash itself than to die from being kept a Prisoner of War after all these years. He could never bring himself to imagine Megan having to go through all the torture had she still been alive. But still, the Major’s words pierced through his heart like a double edged sword. His little sister, his only sister was gone. She was never coming back. He would never see her smile, hear her laughter or be provoked by her anymore.

‘ We’ll help you to make her funeral arrangements.’ the Major added in a serious tone.

Owen thanked the Major solemnly as he shook hands with him and closed the door behind him.

_____________________________________________________________

As soon as the front door was closed and locked, Owen sat on the couch with his head in his hands, silently mourning for his sister.

He wondered how the last minutes of her life were, and whether she died a slow, painless death. Did she think of him? Or of Riggs?

He lifted his head up from his hands and stared at the photo album full of photos and him and Megan, still placed on the couch. Now all that’s left of her were just memories.

He knew that the first stage of grief was denial. Which was exactly what he felt at the moment. Maybe, just maybe he was dreaming and it was all just a nightmare. Maybe if he pinched himself, he would wake up from this nightmare, and Megan would appear to him alive and well the next day. Maybe he was just hallucinating, the Major was just a visual hallucination and the Major’s words were just an auditory hallucination.

He progressed on quickly to the next stage of grief - anger. As if on reflex- his wrist slammed against the coffee table, knocking down his half empty glass of Scotch. Scotch spilled on the coffee table, but he didn’t care. He was angry at the universe, angry at the God above for taking away his beloved sister from him. He was angry he didn’t get a chance to say a final goodbye to her, angry at himself for letting her go on the helicopter in the first place. If only he had stopped her from getting on the helicopter- she would still be alive.

He threw the photo album across the living room and plunked back down on the couch, burying his head in his hands again, wrecked in silent sobs.

________________________________________________________________

He didn’t know how long he sat in that position. It might have been just minutes, or hours. Time seemed to stand still for him.

He jumped as he felt a warm comforting hand on his shoulder.

He looked up to see Amelia looking sympathetically at him.

‘ I heard.’ she whispered, as she rubbed his arm soothingly. ‘ I rushed back right after April told me. ‘I’m so sorry, Owen.’ she added in a soft voice.

She had just finished reviewing a patient in the ER when she overhead April and a few residents talking about an army helicopter wreckage being discovered after so many years and several bodies being found. As she approached the group to learn more details, one name stood out for her, Megan Hunt. Upon hearing the name, she immediately rushed back home, asking April to page her if there were any incoming patients that needed Neuro consults. She knew that Owen needed her at that moment.

Owen looked up at her as their eyes met. His eyes were forlorn and filled with sadness, while hers were filled with sympathy and love.

He shook his head wordlessly, at loss of words to say to her. How could he tell her how receiving the news of a sibling’s death felt like?

She pulled his body closer to her chest and hugged him tight as he finally broke down in her arms. The warmth of her touch and the feel of her heart beating broke down his defenses. He sobbed and sobbed, mourning for his sister. She rubbed his back soothingly in circular motions, knowing that the gesture would calm him down. She knew because he always performed the same gesture on her to calm her down, and now it was time for her to reciprocate.

‘ It’s ok Owen.’ she whispered as she continued rubbing his back in soothing circles. ‘ Just cry, let it all out. I know you miss her. I’m here for you.’

Amelia’s comforting voice only made him sob harder in her arms. He sobbed, letting out all the emotions he had kept buried inside for so long. He had never told anyone else besides Amelia about Megan. He couldn’t possibly talk to Riggs about her- it would be too awkward. He never told anyone this, but he would often dream of her being shot in the battlefield and would wake up screaming and sweaty. Only Amelia and Cristina knew about his condition. He had been to the psychiatrist and was diagnosed with PTSD. However, there was little that the psychiatrist could do to treat it. When Amelia left for a few months- those few months when he would wake up alone, screaming after having a nightmare were the loneliest months of his life.

‘ I know- you didn’t manage to say goodbye to her.’ she said softly, as she rubbed his arm. ‘ I didn’t manage to say goodbye to Derek as well. I miss him so much too.’

Owen finally looked up at Amelia, as the realization dawned upon him that they both had something in common, they had both lost a sibling.

‘ How do you get over the loss of a sibling?’ Owen asked, as he looked up at her with teary eyes.

‘ You don’t get over it, the pain will remain with you for the rest of your life.’ she answered sadly. ‘ It would dull over time, but there is this ache that remains. I miss Derek too and think of him all the time.’

‘ For years I was clinging on to the tiny bit of hope that she might still be alive.’ Owen admitted, a downcast and crestfallen look on his face. ‘ And tonight that tiny glimpse of hope I had was crushed. I miss her so much. We had so many wonderful memories together. She’s my only sister, my only sibling.’ he shook his head sadly.

‘ I know.’ Amelia whispered softly, nodding her head in an understanding manner.

‘ I shouldn’t have let her get on the helicopter.’ he said angrily. ‘ Had I prevented her from doing so, she would still be alive right now. It’s my fault.’

‘ It’s not your fault, Owen.’ said Amelia earnestly as she held his hands in hers.

‘ It IS my fault.’ Owen insisted, frowning.

‘ Owen, look here.’ said Amelia as she cupped his face in her hands, tilting his head upwards so their eyes met.

‘ It’s not your fault, Owen. You wouldn’t have known that the helicopter would crash.  I’m sure if you knew, you wouldn’t have let her get on it.’ said Amelia as she continued looking into his eyes.

‘ They said that they found her body near the wreckage site. I really hope that she didn’t suffer too much before she…died..’ said Owen sadly, a distant look in his eyes.

‘ I hope so too.’ said Amelia softly, taking his hands in hers and using her thumb to rub soothing motions on the palm of his hands. ‘ I’m not religious, but I would like to think that she’s in a better place. That’s what I do to cheer myself up- I tell myself that my dad, Ryan, my first baby and Derek are all up in heaven, watching and smiling down at us.’

Owen closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to imagine Megan smiling down at him from heaven with her beautiful smile. He wasn’t by any means religious, but he had to admit, it was a comforting thought indeed. And maybe, his and Cristina’s aborted child was also with her, smiling down at him. Maybe Megan was taking care of his child in heaven.

They both sat in silence on the couch, thinking about their loved ones in heaven. Amelia’s head was leaned against Owen’s chest as she cuddled up close to him.

Amelia’s hand covered Owen’s as she slowly guided his hand until it rested on her growing baby bump. Over the past two weeks, the bump had grown significantly, and now more than half the hospital knew her secret.

She placed her hand over his, as both of them savored the feel of their baby under their touch.

It was then that Owen realized he had to let go of his sister, she was never coming back. It saddened him deeply, but he knew that Megan would always be with him- in his heart, and smiling down at him and his family. He loved her so much, she was his only sister and she occupied a special place in his heart. However, he knew that she was never returning to him and he had to move on. At least this was the sense of closure he needed, as sad as it was. Megan was his past, but Amelia and their baby are his future.

It was Amelia whom he would lean to for support during Megan’s funeral, and throughout the subsequent years when he would think of her. Life went on though, and he knew that Megan was smiling down at him, watching him build his family as Charlotte, Noah and Olivia arrived. Megan would live through his youngest daughter, Olivia, whose middle name was Megan after her aunt Megan. As she grew, he would notice more and more of her aunt Megan’s characteristics in her, not only in terms of appearance, but also personality. He knew that It was Megan’s way of telling him that she was never truly gone.

I quickly turn my attention to my laughing eldest and give him a look, waiting for him to explain, although I’m not entirely sure there is an explanation for this. Once Ricky got his breathing under control he quickly stated, “Woah hold on, that is not exactly what happened, I dared him to, he could have said no.” Ricky says it like he is absolutely innocent in this situation.

“You should know better, you are the oldest, why would you even dare him to do such a stupid thing?” I ask exasperated by the whole situation. ‘Thank god Owen is home with the girls and he can help deal with these boys of his.’ I think as I see his truck pull in the driveway.

“It’s not my fault mom!” Ricky whines, just as Owen walks through the door, causing him to ask, “What’s not your fault bud?” as he helps the girls take off their jackets. But his question is answered when he looks up and sees a pumpkin where his son’s head should be.

Now focusing my attention back on Connor who is starting to freak out as he can’t get his head out of the pumpkin. I’m freaking out a little bit but not Owen, he comes over and calms Conner down some. Thankfully I married a trauma surgeon, so Owen quickly gets the situation under control and after a few minutes Connor easily escapes his pumpkin trap.

He comes running over to me nearly in tears saying, “sorry mommy”, and I can’t be mad at him as he looks up at me with his innocent baby blue eyes. I tell him “It’s okay Con.” He gives me a hug before whirling around to look at his big brother and demanding, “Pay up!”

I stare at him, because I can’t believe my baby boy just innocently charmed me, into forgiving him for doing such a stupid thing. Only to turn around a second later and claim his reward from his brother. While Ricky argues that he doesn’t actually have to pay Connor, I lean on Owen and say, “Your boys are little trouble makers.”

Owen chuckles and wraps his arm around me and says, “They are your boys too, Amelia.” To which I can only smile, as I continue to watch my boys debate whether Ricky has to pay Connor for the dare.

But my smile quickly fades when I hear Ricky tell Connor “If you can fit your head in my pumpkin, I’ll give you double the money.” Before Connor can respond both me and Owen firmly yell “NO!”

“What are we going to do with them.” I say to Owen as I collapse onto our bed. “Boys are nothing but trouble.”