#omeliafics

Sitting in one of the spooky rooms of the Special Services Branch, Rosie’s words and questions see popping up like a nagging litany in my mind. Back in the United States, not without difficulty with my cover identity, Rosie was the first person I visited. The reunion was intense in emotion and tears… it was only after two hours that she managed to calm down realizing that I was alive and understanding what I was awkwardly trying to explain to her about the real situation.

My death: smokescreen.

My role of spy.

My identity was abandoned in favor of my homeland so that I endorse the characters necessary for my missions.

I spent a total of 4 days with Rosie, in this little locality of Canada that I love so much and which soothes me more. After a certain distance and reserve, she had ended after two days by returning to her usual behavior with me and fully integrating my presence at her side. And it is on these last two days that her questions and her words have completely come to light: no matter how hard I tried to justify my choice, she didn’t understand it. I tried for my part to collect some elements on Amelia… as if to prepare myself for this.

Rosie had thus revealed to me that Amelia visited my parent’s house at least once a year, probably using the key I had given her. She usually stayed there for a week, preferably in the spring, and enjoyed the moments she shared with Rosie, away from the hustle and bustle of the city and her occupation, because obviously, her status was unchanged: an essential artist of the American scene.

I realized, however, that Rosie was sticking to basic information and not telling me anything about what had become Amelia’s life: all the more specific and personal questions that I was trying to ask her, Rosie refused to answer, giving me for all feedback: "You must ask these questions to Amelia. It is up to her to answer you." The mystery was still there for me, as I was back in Seattle:

Is Amelia okay?

How had she lived these almost two years which have passed?

Has she found that hint of happiness that I wished for her when I decided to leave?

--

The cracking of the door takes me out of my memories… and the silhouette of my most loyal supporter appears and walks confidently into the room. A thin smile spreads over my face, like a relief to recognize a familiar face after these two years living in the lie, where I have known only threats and enemies. I get up and shyly take a step forward then take him in my arms for a long second.

- It makes me happy to see you, Nathan…

- Me too Owen… glad to see you got out of this mission…

We stay silent for a few moments, then I go back and take a little distance. I feel his benevolent gaze on me as if he was studying every detail to detect the differences left by time and by my cover identity.

- I see you adopted the three-day beard look… it changes you… he resumes smiling.

- Yes, the budding beard was part of the look of my blanket and I decided to keep it in… it seems fashionable, considering the number of men that I see in the streets of Seattle, I conclude with a smile.

Nathan nods then I can see his face take on a more serious and almost darker appearance.

- How are you, Owen?

The question seems the simplest possible… and yet the tone he uses lets me guess all the meaning he associates with it. I lower my eyes a few seconds before trying my hand at an answer.

- I’m glad to be back home… but the situation is much more difficult than I thought…coming back from the dead is not really a scenario that I have already had the opportunity to prepare…

- Logically, you shouldn’t go through this, given the choice you made almost 2 years ago…

- Yes, I know… and I remember very well that you warned me. But at that moment, 2 years ago, I was convinced I was making the right decision for everyone. And above all, I was convinced that I was the strongest… that the reason would be the strongest.

- I’m not here to lecture you, Owen… I’m here to help you if I can…

He slips a hand into his suit jacket pocket and takes out two items: an envelope and a bunch of keys.

- Here is the key to your apartment: I asked to keep it and not to sell it as you asked me before… I suspected you might change your mind.

I collect the keys, a look grateful for the lucidity of Nathan who knew me better than anyone… even myself.

- And in the envelope?

- In the envelope… that’s what I fought for a week and your call announcing your return. I managed to give you back your Owen Hunt identity, to have your death canceled after long discussions with the management…but you lose your agent status… they don’t want to hear from you anymore.

I was speechless for a few seconds.

What I was doing was completely outside the rules. When you sign up as a spy, it’s a lifelong commitment… the identity that you lose, you abandon it forever. I never imagined that I could have found my life before, back to my true identity…coming back I had prepared to consider an entire life under a new name. Nathan gave me an unexpected and invaluable gift.

- Ho…how did you manage to…

- Don’t worry, he interrupts me, pushing the envelope on the table in my direction. In there you will find all your papers: passport, identity card, license… for the administration, your death never took place and you are an American taxpayer like all.

- I don’t know what you say… I hope you haven’t risk for your situation.

- You know, my career is more behind me than in front of me… I have no more to lose, he says with a smile.

- Thank you, Nathan…

These are the only words that come to me. Words that I express in a breath, won by the unfailing commitment that he shows to me.

- On the other hand, you imagine the compensation…you have no interest in being noticed in any way that it is regarding the authorities and do no imagine having to ask for any support if you were considering becoming a bodyguard again.

- Of course, I understand… but anyway, I don’t intend to completely resume my previous life.

- What are you going to do then?

- I don’t know yet…I have enough money aside to be able to take the time to give another meaning to my professional life…but I know I won’t be able to be anyone’s bodyguard after this experience…

A silence of a minute or more suddenly sets in.

My gaze remains on the bunch of keys and the envelope that materializes this life that I thought was lost forever…I rediscovered my identity, my apartment, and my memories, and yet I knew that some things were different. Things that would be much more difficult to find.

- Do you plan to see her again? Is that why you came back?

Nathan’s question pierces the silence and targets precisely the biggest unknown of my return as Owen Hunt.

- Yes…I did not manage to forget her…I realized that I am more unhappy far from her, that I suffer more than in any other situation. Even if I don’t live up to her expectations…I need to know…to try to be who she expects.

- I won’t tell you anything about Amelia, you have to confront her alone…but know that two years is short and long at the same time…and your "death" was a terrible ordeal for her…I don’t know how she will react when she sees you again…but prepare yourself psychologically… she went through very difficult times.

Everything Nathan expresses to me, I was already anticipating. But hearing my fears and thoughts thus confirmed by a third party, one of those I trusted the most, only increased my nervousness.

- She…is she fine?

- Yes, she’s fine Owen… I haven’t stopped keeping an eye on her since you left as you asked me. Your return will however be a real shock. She’s been healing her pain for the past two years… she loved you really, you know…

The past that Nathan uses makes me tense despite myself, but I try not to pay too much attention to it. In two years, many things could have changed: for her, maybe I was just a memory…

- Just tell me, what do you hope by seeing her again? Why are you planning to see her again and come back to her life?

- I…I just hope to explain to her that I regret my decision…that this is the only outcome that I imagined, two years ago, I was not ready for anything else, unfortunately…that I blame myself for all this pain that I inflicted on her…

- And now are you ready for something else?

- Yes…beyond all that, I have this somewhat crazy hope, that she hasn’t forgotten me… that the feelings that you evoked are not completely extinguished…

I realize by expressing aloud my previously inner hopes that they may seem completely utopian…and at the same time, I’m in a state of mind to tell myself that I have nothing to lose.

I have already lost so much in the last two years.

I don’t want to have any more regrets, unanswered questions.

Even if I come out with a broken heart, I will know…I will have tried everything…to no longer live with these regrets and these doubts that consume me a little more every day.

- I hope the outcome will be happy for you Owen… but prepare yourself… the journey may still be difficult… and you risk suffering even more…

I nod, but my conviction is stronger than anything…a question burns me despite everything…

- Do you think it’s lost in advance… that I don’t stand a chance?

Nathan looks down as if to think, then quickly finds my pupils.

- I do not predict what may happen… I have never been good at guessing women's reactions, especially when it comes to love… he retorts, a smile in his voice.

I smile back, which relaxes me a bit, after these exchanges marked by a certain tension for me.

- How am I going to find her?

- She lives at an address that you know well…

He lets the mystery hover for a few seconds, before revealing the information I miss.

- Amelia returned to Madison Park… she had the house that was so dear to her rebuilt, as to foil the fate and misfortune that may have taken place there a few years ago.

The revelation made just now by Nathan leaves me wondering and admiring… she found the strength to start over in this place, which corresponded the most to a « home » which she missed so much during her childhood and adolescence. Her strength of character will always impress me… some things had not changed, and my hope is rekindled a little more.

- Good luck, Owen…

Nathan warmly shakes my hand, while placing his other hand on my shoulder.

- I hope happiness awaits you at the end of the road for both of you, you deserve it.

- Thanks for everything Nathan… sincerely…

--

Later in the night

--

The images from the talk with Nathan fulfill my expectations, shifting me from hope to despair.

Here I am again in Madison Park, a few steps from a house that crystallizes all my anguish but also my wishes. This evening in May is particularly sweet and brings back memories of times spent in the same neighborhood, a certain summer. I realize that in 3 months, it will be precisely 2 years since I left her life….that I officially died for her…

I get off my motorbike, the waiting motionless, sitting on my motorbike becoming unbearable. A glance at my watch reveals to me that it is 9 pm: I have already been waiting for an hour…the house remains desperately dark, with no sign of life.

Does Amelia have any commitments outside of Seattle?

Maybe I’m stupidly waiting for nothing and she won’t make an appearance tonight?

I doubt.

I hesitate.

The wait allowed me to observe the details of the house…it seems to have been rebuilt as faithfully as possible to the original building: the same porch with staircase and columns, same large windows to let in light. The only noticeable difference that I notice is the terrace which was built a little more in the corner and the back as if to be better protected from view and the outside.

--

The roar of an engine suddenly gets closer and I make out a taxi driving down the quiet street of this district of Madison Park until it stops in front of this house that I could have drawn with my eyes closed.

The beating of my heart activates immediately in a thousandth of a second.

Without thinking, like on autopilot, my legs start to move and slowly approach the house. I soon see a silhouette getting out of the car.

A female silhouette, dressed in a leather jacket, revealing a guitar bag on the back.

The detail confirms the identity of this young woman for good.

It’s her…she is there, a few meters from me.

My pace quickens as she climbs the steps to her front door. She looks for her keys in her bag for a few seconds, a reprieve that allows me to make up my delay and to place myself silently on the penultimate step of her porch.

I hear the clinking of her set of keys in her hand.

I take a deep breath, my heart seems ready to explode in my chest.

My lips finally let this name escape, which I have whispered every night for so long months while climbing the last two steps to find myself at her height.

- Good evening Amelia…

A metallic and muffled sound then rises.

My gaze catches the silver reflection of the keys on the ground, fallen a few centimeters behind her. The shock of my voice visibly made her escape from her hands.

Her back is still facing me. She stays motionless.

I recognize her silhouette much more precisely. The first detail that strikes me is her hair, which only reaches her shoulders…and this feeling that she is even more fragile and thin than before as if she had lost weight…

I perceive her hands to take place along her body.

Her left hand then starts to shake mechanically.

I speak again as gently as possible to dispel her anguish and shock.

- Amelia…calm down…I know it’s unbelievable at this moment…but it’s me…Owen…

I can see her breathing becoming more jerky and difficult as her shoulders and back jump slightly, and her strong, forced breath echoes up to my ears.

A little helpless in front of her paralysis, I immediately reveal the truth of the situation, the deception that I imagined.

- The truth is… it’s that I did not die at the Music Awards Evening…

Following these words, her body moves slowly in profile and she turns completely.

I discovered her for the first time of these long months, a few centimeters from me.

I recognize the details of her face, then discover this new haircut that looks great on her…but her eyes escape me as she keeps her gaze down. As if she refused to discover my image.

- What you saw almost two years ago… was a smokescreen…

An unexpected reaction then takes place before my eyes: she lifts her face in a sudden movement. But I hardly have time to discover her as a sharp and loud snap hits my right cheek. A slap where she seems to have put all her strength and anger. I close my eyes for a few moments in shock.

I hear her breathing still strong, but the rhythm is slightly different marked more by anger than fear.

I end up looking up and opening my eyes again.

She is there, in front of me, her eyes red and misted with tears. Her wide eyes reveal a vibrant intensity which studies me…observe me…almost rediscover me.

Her features are hard, her expressionless face. The reflection of hurt and shocked woman.

- I can’t go back, but…

- What are you doing here? She interrupts me, with a hint of aggression in her voice. Does your little smokescreen life no longer suit you? She continues with a touch of sarcasm, behind which however I perceive a sharp pain.

In the worst-case scenario I had imagined, I had not considered her first words to be so harsh and scathing…filled with blame and anger. Despite myself, I am destabilized by the turn of events. I was not prepared for this confrontation…for a meeting so fraught with tension.

A few seconds pass in an electric atmosphere.

I study her face, noticing a new emotion take place…anger gives way to pain.

And it is in a less assured and almost trembling voice that she takes the floor again.

- I can’t believe you staged your own death…after all that may have happened… all that I have been able to experience…

- I know it sounds completely illogical… and unforgivable, but just let me explain…

- It doesn’t matter, leave me alone…you are no longer part of my life… she whispers tiredly.

- Amelia, I understand the show this is for you, but…

Footsteps rise behind my back and a voice rings out, interrupting me in my explanations as a silhouette settles alongside Amelia.

- Amelia, everything is fine?

I recognize Andrew with surprise… and my eyes widen even more when I discover a baby, asleep in his arms.

Amelia silently nods to her question and stretches out her hands to take the baby.

She focuses on the arrival of Andrew and this toddler, behaving like I am no longer there.

I remain paralyzed in front of the scene and these exchanges, taken aback by the flow of information that accumulates and collides in my mind.

Andrew watches Amelia pick up the toddler, kiss his forehead, then finally turns his attention to me. I notice his feature wrinkle for a few seconds, then tighten as he recognizes me.

He observes me a little more intense but remains silent.

Amelia, the baby still in her arm, retrieves her keys from the ground and slips them into the lock.

The door creaks open and she steps into the house.

- Andrew…

A touch of exasperation and annoyance awakens in Amelia’s call, while Andrew remains as if fascinated by my presence.

- Yes, honey, I am coming, he finally responds by breaking the connection with my face and coming back in his turn.

The term of affection concludes to answer my questions and to tighten my heart a little more.

A heavy ebony door closes quickly and gradually in front of me while the gaze of the one, who has haunted my days and my nights so much, refuses me…ignoring me completely, as if to show me that I am only a memory for her… a forgotten past and that she does not want to relive.

Before the door closes completely, a few words reach me as the last connection with this woman whom I have betrayed and hurt deep inside.

- Goodbye, Owen…leave us alone.

–––––––––––––––––––––––

Thank you for reading this chapter and this story. It was a great journey with you guys! Hope you will like it.

I wrote a new story about omelia and I don't know if you are interested and if you want to read it. I can post the first chapter and you will tell me if you want to read it or not!

Beth gently furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at the twins standing next to them and then back at Owen.

“The first thing I got when I arrived at school was a list with all my students,” she looked at the man standing in front of her with a dumbstruck expression, as if what he was saying made no sense. “Hunt is not a rare name but it isn’t all that common either. And really, Owen? Just look at them,” Beth added, slightly shaking her head from side to side as if she couldn’t believe he was doubting that, “did you really think I wouldn’t recognize your sons the minute I first laid eyes on them?”

Owen opened up his mouth to refute her, but after realizing Beth was right, he decided not to say anything. Of all his children, Danny and Robbie were by far the ones who resembled him the most, not only in facial features but also in physical structure and maybe even in the way they spoke.

“Yeah, I guess you have a point.”

“Ms. Whitman, do you know my Dad?” Robbie interrupted their conversation, just as curious as his twin brother about the interaction between both adults.

“As a matter of fact, I do, Robbie,” Beth turned her head to face the child and her expression softened immediately, going from neutral to warm and receptive. “We met a long time ago, before you were even born.”

“Really?” Danny’s eyes widened with curiosity as he entered the conversation.

“Yes, but today your Dad is here for our meeting and he wants to hear about the two of you,” the teacher sneakily changed the focus of the conversation, knowing that as the normal six-year-olds Danny and Robbie were, they would definitely want to talk about themselves if offered a chance. “Is their mother joining us or can we start?” she asked with her best professional tone as she turned her head from the boys to their father.

“Uh, she can’t make it,” Owen replied, still disconcerted by the way Beth’s expressions would quickly change depending on whether she was talking to the kids or facing him. “She is stuck at work, so...”

“It’s alright,” Beth assured him with practicality. “I just want to update you on Danny’s and Robbie’s progress over the last trimester. We’ve had a remarkable...”

As his ex-fiancé and current sons’ teacher went on to give him a full report on how the twins were adapting to the transition from kindergarten to first grade, a much more impartial topic, Owen slowly made himself more at ease. Since he’d been caught so off guard, it had been hard at first to process anything out of that surprising encounter.

It was true that in the past he and Beth hadn’t had the easiest breakup. In fact, now he thought about it, the trauma surgeon became well aware that he’d probably been a real jerk to her at the time they had parted ways.

Not only had he taken too long to let Beth know he didn’t reciprocate her feelings and wishes, Owen had also failed to inform her he’d been back from a war zone once he made it to Seattle, even though deep down he knew she was deeply worried about him, to the point of praying for his well-being every night. Owen knew that the reason why he’d done it was because back then, he’d been caught up with a lot more than he could handle, including a serious mental condition. It had been easier to simply sweep his dirt under the rug and pretend he could start over with a clean slate rather than having to deal with what had actually happened to him.

Life had put Cristina Yang on his way and coincidence or not, she was exactly what he wanted but didn’t need in a woman at the time. Unlike Beth, Cristina was very comfortable with not knowing details and not asking any questions. And his unwillingness to face what happened to him in Iraq had been one of the reasons Owen had avoided Beth upon his return.

Even though he knew he wasn’t in love with her anymore, after their breakup Owen was pretty sure that she would have done everything within her power to try and help him if she so much as thought he was that damaged from the war. She would probably want to salvage their relationship too. The only problem at the time was that Owen wasn’t open to receiving that kind of help.

Or perhaps deep down he had a feeling that Beth was never meant to be the one with whom he could share his pain and trust his heart. Owen supposed that was true because now that he was older, had lived through things and knew better, he was sure that back then he couldn’t have connected to anyone else in the way he connected to his wife now, regardless of what he’d lived or been through at the time. It wasn’t so much about the experiences but rather how comfortable he felt to share with a particular person or not.

As Owen’s mind drifted back and forth in thoughts about the past and present, Beth’s voice broke the silence.

“So... we are done here, I guess,” she wrapped the conversation with a smile, playfully giving Danny an affectionate squeeze on his belly that made the boy chuckle and look at her with adoration in his eyes. “Can you boys please go pick up your backpacks and get the crayons you used back in the proper box? We want to keep the room tidy for tomorrow.”

“Yes, Ms. Whitman,” Robbie and Danny replied in unison.

Owen waited until the kids were out of their hearing range after noticing how Beth remained still, watching from a distance as his sons strictly followed her instructions.

“So...” Owen put both his hands in his pant pockets, drawing her attention with his voice. “You’re still excellent with kids, I see,” he commented awkwardly, unsure of how she would react at his attempt at small talk. Even though it had been years, Owen still felt awful about the way he had treated her, mostly because he had never really apologized for it. “Not that it surprises me, of course,” Owen added. “How many do you have now? Five, six?” he asked with a lighthearted tone, knowing that just like him, Beth had always wanted a big family.

Owen could swear he identified a trace of sadness in her gaze as she turned her head at him to reply.

“Eighteen,” she shrugged, apparently trying to look like she was okay with the joke but Owen knew her well enough to see that the question – and mostly the answer – bothered her.

The trauma surgeon quickly understood that eighteen was the number of children in his sons’ first grade class. And if Beth had given that as a reply, apparently regarding her beloved students as her children, it could only mean she didn’t have any kids of her own.

The realization took Owen by surprise but he didn’t have the courage to ask why she had changed her plans – or maybe why they had failed to happen? It was probably not his place to ask, anyway.

“Danny and Robbie talk about their siblings all the time,” Beth commented as she crouched down to pick up a pencil from the floor, making Owen wonder how she’d even spotted the object underneath a student’s desk in the first place. “Just yesterday they were talking about how you were flying kites with them over the weekend… They are obviously happy kids,” Beth gazed at the boys from a distance with a lingering smile. Owen saw the contrast between that and the shadow of sadness he could swear she was trying hard to conceal. “You got the whole package, didn’t you?” the teacher asked as she got up with the pencil in hand at the same time a gloomy shadow darkened her usually lively eyes. “Not that I am surprised, it is what you always wanted, I guess… What we both did.”

“Beth...”

“No, Owen, don’t,” Beth interrupted him before the surgeon could even start. She could precisely predict what he was about to do, and after taking years to recover from their unilateral decision to end their engagement, she wasn’t interested in hearing what he had to say anymore.

“I know we have both moved on and it probably doesn’t matter anymore… What’s in the past is in the past,” Owen repeated the sentence he seemed to be telling himself quite a lot lately. “But I’d just like to apologize for the way things ended between us,” he added the most considerately and kindly he could.

A daunting silence followed and Owen noticed as the face of the woman standing in front of him went through many transformations.

First she seemed surprised. Then confused. And finally, really angry.

“That’s it?” Beth scoffed, suddenly neglecting every progress she’d made in her journey to be resolved about her past. For a long time, she had tried every method possible for moving on: therapy, sports, yoga. Many years before she had finally convinced herself that she was over the heartbreak and if faced with Owen once again in her life, she would be able to simply ignore him because he couldn’t affect her anymore. Well, how wrong had she been, apparently. “You break up with me through an email, come back from the war and don’t say anything, then you get a job, start a relationship with someone else… And as if that’s not enough, you tell me to my face that my dad has cancer and walk away…” Beth summoned up the events from her perspective. “Years later that’s what I get?” for the first time that day, Owen could see a reaction on her face that seemed spontaneous instead of rehearsed whenever she looked at him. “A simple, generic apology? Are you actually serious?”

“Beth...” Owen took a long breath, suddenly regretting having gone there. He should have kept his mouth shut but something about his uncontrollable urge to come to terms with the people he’d let down had prompted him to say it.

“No,” she backed out raising her voice, for a moment forgetting they were inside a classroom and that she was at her workplace, in the company of two of her students. “Do you have any idea the pain you put me through that day?” the trauma surgeon didn’t have to ask her to know she was talking about the last time they’d seen each other. “You made me lose my ground, Owen,” her voice broke down a little as Beth struggled to contain her tears. “My ground!” she insisted, thinking back about how at the same time she had lost the man she had considered to be the love of her life and her father, the only parent she had. “I didn’t get a chance to take care of my dad because he didn’t tell me about it and I couldn’t take care of you either because you walked away. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to lose the two of you in the same month?”

“I...” Owen struggled with his words. It was the first time he was being confronted with that part of his past and when she put it like that, he couldn’t help feeling guiltier. “I was going through some stuff at the time and I didn’t realize what I was doing. I am sorry,” Owen replied in a lower tone, trying to keep their voices down not to draw attention from the boys who were already frowning as they collected crayons across the room and noticed how worked up their teacher seemed to be. “I get it if you can’t understand it and I respect it,” Owen said with honesty, feeling even worse for how he’d failed her. “I know it must be really painful for you to come here and have to teach my children after everything I put you through, so I also want you to know that I really appreciate how good you are with them...” the surgeon said, once again taking a peek at the boys. “And how much of a bigger person you are not to let our past interfere in the way you treat them.”

The teacher took a deep breath and closed her eyes, taking her time to open them again. It became obvious she was struggling to keep herself together and Owen censored himself for bringing up the subject.

“Owen...” Beth’s voice sounded hoarse as she tilted her head and looked at him, looking almost offended. “Danny and Robbie are wonderful kids and they have nothing to do with what happened between us,” she enforced, looking at them as she swallowed hard. Those boys and their stunning resemblance with the man she had built her dreams with once were a daily reminder of her failed past and everything Beth had set to accomplish but never did. “As you said, what’s in the past is in the past. Let’s just leave it there.”

“I really didn’t mean to make your life such a nightmare...” Owen said with a guilty conscience. At the time, it hadn’t been so obvious because he had been too caught up with his own traumas. But now, it made him feel extremely remorseful to realize that not only he’d broken Beth’s heart by leaving her, but he’d also done it around the same time he’d given her the worst news of her life after bluntly letting her know her father had cancer. At the time, Owen had grown sick of everyone hiding everything from her and he’d thought that she would be better off with the truth, no matter how hard it was.

So he’d disclosed to his ex-fiancé in the hospital waiting area that unbeknownst to her, her father had been battling cancer for a while now. And then Owen had walked out to never see Beth again until today.

By the time the older man had died, Beth had lost not one, but the two most important people in her life: her father and her fiancé.

The teacher was just about to once again suggest they dropped the subject when the twins finally came from across the room carrying their backpacks, silencing the adults’ apologies and once for all putting an end to that unexpectedly raw conversation.  

.

On the short drive home, even though they had stopped to pick up the other kids, Owen was worried he might have to deal with a series of questions from the twins as to how he knew their teacher, but to his luck, they were too distracted with their siblings to bring up the subject.

But hours later though, by the time his wife got home, Danny didn’t waste any time sharing with his mother the news he’d learned earlier that day.

“How was everything with the school meeting?” Amelia asked at the same time she dropped her handbag on the counter, took off her jacket and approached the kids, giving them each a kiss on the head. “Did you meet the popular Ms. Whitman?” she asked with good mood as she looked up to meet her husband’s eyes.

Before Owen could reply, Danny intervened.

“She and Dad already knew each other, Mom,” the boy repeated what he’d learned earlier that day with a proud smile to be breaking the news, succeeding in getting his mother’s attention. “Ms. Whitman said she knew my dad from before I was even born!” he added with widened eyes, as if his father having a life prior to his birth was already shocking enough.

Amelia took in the information and looked back at her husband, using a confused expression rather than words to ask him to elaborate Danny’s revelation.

“I was going to tell you but Dan obviously beat me to it,” Owen said with a playful eye roll, knowing he really meant it. “I was surprised to find out like this, but it turns out the twins’ substitute teacher is Beth,” he unconsciously raised his eyebrows, expecting her response apprehensively as he whispered in addition, “as in, Beth Whitman. The woman I was engaged to before moving back here for good.”

As anticipated, Amelia was also taken by surprise with the information.

“Your ex-fiancé is their teacher?” she asked, thinking about the woman she’d heard about only a few times but never really met. Amelia looked at her husband almost apologetically, thinking about the couple of occasions in which she’d joked about the teacher’s manners and she talked like one of her students. “Is it the one you were going to marry when you were serving in Iraq?” she asked whispering back, unwilling to be heard from the kids considering she had no idea how much they had indeed been told.

“That one,” Owen replied tensely as he watched the twins go back to the toys they had been playing with prior to their mother’s arrival.

Over the years, Owen had shared so many of the most intimate things about his life and his past with his wife that he liked to think there wasn’t anything they couldn’t talk about. Surely some things were more difficult to discuss than others, and some topics Owen would much rather avoid if it could be helped, for various reasons.

It so happened that he wasn’t the least bit proud of the way he’d treated Beth in the past and talking about her only made Owen feel exposed in the worst way possible to perhaps the only person whose good opinion of him really mattered. So it was probably for the best not to dwell on that subject.  

“Are you okay?” Amelia asked, mistaking his reservation for discomfort. Owen had been acting a little quieter than usual lately and she was starting to wonder if something was indeed off with him.  “Did something happen?”

“No, it was just weird, that’s all,” Owen shook his head in denial, unwilling to stay trapped in his thoughts. “It’s past eight thirty already, I’ll get the kids upstairs to start their bedtime,” he proposed, crossing the distance between himself and his wife and giving her a kiss on the forehead. He’d already had dinner with the kids but had been waiting with them so that they could see Amelia for a while before going to sleep since she was working late that day. “There is a plate for you in the oven if you’re hungry.”

“I am starved,” Amelia confessed, already making her way to the kitchen. “I will catch up with you guys soon.”

The neurosurgeon had dinner and a shower at the same time Owen got the kids ready to bed. She then tucked Megan in, which didn’t take five minutes, and later spent nearly half an hour with Thomas lying on his bed as they read together until he finally fell asleep.

After giving the boy a kiss goodnight, Amelia proceeded to Lucas’ room. She made him promise he would turn off the TV after the anime he was watching was over and also got a hug and a kiss before finally turning off the lights in that bedroom.

That only left the twins’ room to go check and Amelia expected to find both boys already asleep. Nonetheless, she would go in to give them the kiss goodnight she always gave all her children.

To her surprise, she found out the bedside lamp was on and Owen was sitting between the children’s beds on a tiny stool that made him look even bigger than he already was. Even though he had his back turned to her, Amelia could tell he was reading the boys a bedtime story and she couldn’t help but stand against the doorframe and watch the scene from a distance with a smile on her face.

“Dad,” Danny’s voice echoed in the room as he contained a yawn right when his father finished reading a chapter of the story. “Did you misbehave?” he asked very seriously, but at the same time Owen noticed his son was looking at him with an empathetic, forgiving glance.

“Did I what?” Owen tilted his head to the side as he gently spoke back, confused by what Danny really meant.

“He meant when Ms. Whitman was your teacher,” Robbie offered some explanation to what was going on in the twins’ minds. “Were you in timeout a lot?”

Amelia had to contain a chuckle from where she was standing.

“No, buddy, that’s not what happened,” Owen calmly explained, smiling at the boys’ logic. “She is not old enough to have been my teacher. I knew her from before because she used to be my friend.”

Since Danny had asked if he’d misbehaved, it didn’t go unnoticed to Owen that the boys had assumed their teacher for some reason disapproved of their father. The additional question about him being sent to timeout corroborated that. They had probably picked up the animosity in the air, despite the adults’ effort to tone it down as much as they could. It made sense that the six year olds had related Beth’s attitude with misbehavior, the likely most common cause for the kids in their class to get frowned upon by their teacher.

Well, they weren’t totally in the wrong, Owen had to admit. Except that his past with Beth was more complicated than talking during class or forgetting to hand in his homework. It was true that he was going through the worst moment of his life at the time everything had happened but it didn’t make Owen feel any less awful for realizing now the pain she’d had to endure, something that at the time he couldn’t see very clearly exactly because of his own traumas.

“She’s not your friend anymore?” Danny asked with confusion and a glimpse of disappointment.

“I haven’t seen her in a long time,” Owen replied evasively. The details were too difficult to try to explain to two kids. “But what makes you think Dad might have misbehaved?” he asked Danny with a patient smile, leaning over to pull the covers on his son.

Owen noticed how the twins looked at each other, as if communicating in their own secret language before Robbie opened his mouth to answer the question that had been directed at his brother.

“Ms. Whitman seemed upset,” Robbie confessed, confirming Owen’s theory. “It was like…” the six-year-old hesitated, unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to say. “It was like Amanda when I told her that I can take care of Casper much better than she can,” the boy explained, referring to their class’s goldfish. “She can’t even reach the bottom of his tank, Dad,” he added, as if the argument absolutely proved his point.

“And Amanda was upset about what you said?” Owen raised his eyebrows with amusement, correctly supposing their sons were talking about a fellow first grader.

“She was! She didn’t want the strawberries mom put in my lunch box even though I said I would share them with her!” Robbie confided with outrage at what he apparently considered a big offense.

“I see,” Owen smiled at the dynamics of two six-year-olds innocently trying to socialize. “Maybe she just doesn’t like strawberries. How about you offer her some other kind of fruit next time?” he proposed with a playful smile. “Or even better, when grandma bakes a batch of chocolate brownies, maybe you can pack a big slice and take it to school for Amanda?”

“That’s a perfect idea, dad,” Robbie cheerfully agreed. “I bet she is going to love it!” he said with confidence. Everyone loved his grandma’s brownies.

“Maybe you can take some to Ms. Whitman too, Dad!” Danny promptly intervened, sharing his brother’s impression. “Maybe then she will like you again!”

Owen frowned, pensively. Apparently, he had reached the perfect conclusion by assuming the boys had picked up on some animosity in the air and figured that their teacher wasn’t all too pleased with their father.

“Ms. Whitman and I didn’t have a fight, Dan,” Owen said assuredly even though it wasn’t entirely true. “The only thing is that I hadn’t seen Ms. Whitman in many, many years,” he explained as he closed the book and placed it on the nightstand next to the lamp. “But it doesn’t change the fact she was a wonderful friend, and I know she is a wonderful teacher so I am glad you guys have her this year,” the surgeon added with a smile, knowing that his approval would mean a lot to the boys. Danny and Robbie liked the teacher very much and to have them so much as think their father might see her differently could conflict their heads. Owen was determined not to let that happen because his kids had nothing to do with his past and shouldn’t pay the price for his mistakes. “It’s late now, close your eyes, buddy,” he said, ruffling Robbie’s hair affectionately before pulling the covers to tighten them around his body.

Amelia chose that moment to make her presence noted and it was with smiles that she was welcomed in the room. After staying with the twins until they fell asleep, she was escorted by her husband back to the hallway.

“I am so tired I had to give my everything to resist calling it a night and just crashing on Danny’s bed with him,” Amelia confessed with a playful grin, putting both arms around herself and rubbing them to fight off the cold and exhaustion.

“Was your shift that bad? I thought you would come home after the surgery you paged me to,” Owen confessed with an understanding glance, pulling the covers on her side of the bed first so she could crawl in. After he got a positive nod in response and realized Amelia was too exhausted to elaborate an answer, he added, “I was kind of hoping we could start that show about the hostages trapped on an island on Netflix tonight,” he joined her in bed. Unlike his wife, Owen didn’t feel the least inclined to fall asleep. It had been happening quite often lately.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Amelia agreed with a yawn. “I actually should start drafting the paper for my new research but, nope, not gonna happen.”

“If I put on the show, you’re going to fall asleep five minutes into it,” Owen shook his head with playful disapproval as he turned on the TV with the remote anyway. After returning the object to his nightstand, he used his arm to capture his wife by the waist and pull her closer.

Amelia didn’t protest but rather sought the warmth of his embrace. She’d had a really long day with back-to-back surgeries and a lot of unexpected bureaucracy to deal within her department. The following days promised to be just as busy as she once again planned a new and complicated research within her department but at least for now she could enjoy the comfort of her husband’s familiar embrace and relax while he gently stroked her hair as she lay against him with her eyes closed hearing the sound of the TV on the background.

The neurosurgeon was nearly asleep when something her husband had said earlier that night came to her memory and she suddenly couldn’t put her mind at ease again.

“What was weird?”

Owen seemed very confused by her blunt question and Amelia instantly figured out that she hadn’t explained herself very well.

“When I arrived from work today… You said that running into your ex and finding out she is teaching Robbie and Danny was weird,” Amelia reminded him, slightly rolling her head to the side and opening her eyes to meet his gaze. “Why would you think that? It’s not a word you use very often.”

Owen seemed to think for a while before he opened his mouth to reply.

“I meant to say I didn’t see it coming, I guess,” he said with a low, patient tone of voice while looking straight into his wife’s eyes. Amelia still felt his fingers gently caressing her hair and that combined with the sincerity in his gaze as he maintained eye contact with her made her sure that Owen was being honest. “It just took me by surprise… I hadn’t seen her or heard from her in years.”

Amelia took her time processing his answer. It made absolute sense that Owen would be surprised with the news. But somehow, there seemed to be more to it. As if he wasn’t only surprised, but also shocked and intrigued.

“You don’t talk much about her,” Amelia mentioned the most casually she could. Robbie and Danny had obviously gotten the impression that their teacher was upset with their father, even though he’d denied it. Amelia could only wonder what that meant.  “I mean, you never really told me what happened between the two of you.”

“There isn’t much to tell,” Owen said, hoping it wasn’t too obvious he was avoiding going deeper into that conversation or else it would only raise a flag for Amelia to ask further questions. He didn’t want to go into the subject because deep down, it ashamed him to admit to his wife how he’d treated his ex-fiancé in the past. Even though Owen supposed he had to cut himself some slack considering how unwell he’d been at the time, he still couldn’t come to terms with his realizations from that day. “We met when we really young and as we grew older, I got wiser and eventually I realized that she wasn’t the right woman for me, so we broke up,” he summed up, hoping Amelia’s tiredness would prevent her from asking further details.

Owen should suspect he wasn’t going to get away so easily, though.

“Why?” Amelia moved in his arms and gently turned her head up to maintain their eye contact. “I mean, how did you come to the conclusion she wasn’t the right one for you?”

Even though she was very serious about her question, Owen was determined to skip all those painful, unnecessary parts of his past that would probably only serve to disappoint Amelia nearly as much as he felt disappointed in himself for his past behavior.

“Because she wasn’t you,” Owen said with flattery as he possessively chucked her under the chin and stared into her eyes with a trace of playfulness before stealing a kiss from her lips.

Amelia saw right through him and his plot.

“Oh yeah?” she pretended to be on board with his game. “And are you so smart that you’ve reached that conclusion and broke up with her before you even met me?” she asked with a challenging smile.

“Exactly. I am glad you’re able to acknowledge how smart I am,” Owen brought his other hand to her face and caressed her, mesmerized by the way she looked at him and everything he saw in her eyes. “I was just killing time while waiting for you,” he added with a teasing voice.

Amelia laughed right through his exaggerated sentimentality and before she could grill him, her husband decided to share a little more.

“Okay, so… When I started dating Beth, I was this idealistic, fresh off college guy who saw the world much the same way she did,” he explained. Back then Owen hadn’t known many of the hard truths he later on had learned about life. “But then I went to war and it changed me. Beth stayed and she remained the same person. As you can see, it was only a matter of time before our perspectives collided,” he added, being as evasive as he could without being dishonest. “Especially when our relationship was already on the rocks because of the distance and everything... So that’s why it never had much of a future.”

When Owen took a deep breath and slowly let it out, Amelia wondered if she really should be pushing him to talk about that subject. She knew that even after all those years, talking about his deployments and what had happened during the time he’d been at war was still hard on her husband. If he had to relive all of those things to talk about his ex-fiancé, it was no wonder why he was avoiding the subject.

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up some hard memories. I know you don’t like talking about the war,” she considerately said.

Owen gave her a doubtful sideways glance, suspicious about the intention of her last statement considering how much in the past Amelia had used her power of persuasion to get him to talk about his time in service.

“Alright, I know I grill you about it, but only when it is for your own good!” she justified her manners, getting a playful glance in response.

“It wouldn’t be you if you didn’t,” Owen commented lightheartedly, although deep down he hoped the conversation about Beth was over.

Owen didn’t have to think about it for much longer because sooner after, Amelia finally gave in to exhaustion, quickly falling asleep next to him.

Knowing he wouldn’t be as lucky as his wife to successful rest and put his mind at ease, Owen was once again confronted by memories of his past and his misdoings.

From everything he’d learned that day, he had to admit that finding out Beth apparently hadn’t gotten married or had kids was by far what had blown his mind. Her vague answer about her life at present time and indirect admission that she didn’t have any kids was still conflicting Owen. He hadn’t seen a ring on her finger either and didn’t fully understand why that got to him.

He and Beth had spent apart the majority of the time they were a couple, mostly because Owen had been deployed. But that didn’t mean Owen hadn’t gotten to truly know Beth and what moved her.

During his life, he’d met all kinds of women. Some dreamed of being doctors, some wanted to be business owners, a few had no idea what they really wanted. And Owen knew that people’s dreams and goals changed overtime. But ever since he’d known Beth, the only thing she had ever truly wanted was to be a mom. So to find out she had made it this far in life without fulfilling that dream made Owen feel strangely sad, and to some degree, even accountable.

During the time they had been together, all Beth ever talked about was getting married, having kids and being a stay at home mom. And Owen knew that dream wasn’t just something she considered for herself but rather something she felt like defined her. Kind of like an ideal she based her entire life on, according to the teacher’s own admissions. And even though Owen knew it could very well have changed over the years, based on what he’d seen earlier that day, he had a bad feeling Beth’s life aspirations hadn’t really changed at all.

But soon enough, the surgeon wondered if that perhaps he was being too arrogant and giving himself too much importance.

What did he know, really? Maybe Beth had indeed tried. For all he knew, she could have met half a dozen guys after him and moved on with her life as he honestly wished she had. Beth could have even gotten married. Just because apparently it hadn’t worked out, it didn’t mean she hadn’t tried, he told himself.

But before Owen could control it, his gut feeling told him that it probably had not been like that. Beth was very selective. She wouldn’t be jumping from guy to guy looking for a Prince Charming. And she definitely wouldn’t marry the first guy that came along considering how much of a romantic, idealistic girl she had always been.

Up until now, Owen had never really given any thought about how much he’d affected Beth’s life by breaking up with her and leaving her alone to deal with her dying father. Maybe he was overestimating the importance of the role he had in her life but judging by how dependent Beth had been on him at the time and the spoiled, naïve and sheltered way with which she had been raised, it was only fair to assume that he’d put her through so much heartbreak that perhaps he’d played a bigger role into turning the woman into a cynical than he’d initially assumed.

You made me lose my ground, Beth had said. That wasn’t something a person who’d experienced a common heartbreak confessed. Her suffering had probably gone beyond that. And Owen knew he had a big load of responsibility for putting her through it.

It was absolutely true that he couldn’t have forced himself to love Beth in the way she wanted him to love her. Owen was in peace with that. But there were a lot of things he could have done differently.

He could have broken up with her earlier on when he’d first realized they didn’t want the same things instead of postponing it and unknowingly doing it in the worst possible moment… Just before her father got sick.

He could have called to check in on her after she’d learned the truth.

Hell, he could have at least asked about her father and offered help if she needed any kind of medical assistance…

It stung to realize this only now, but maybe for Beth, being engaged to him and getting married to him meant more than it did for the surgeon. Owen had failed to realize just how important their relationship was to her at the time. Perhaps he might have ruined her life more than he imagined, more than he’d ever considered himself capable to.

While drowning in his own guilt, Owen failed to realize that he hadn’t really been herself back then.

If he shared some of the thoughts that were torturing him with his wife, she would have rightfully pointed out that he had just been through something huge by the time everything unfolded. After going through perhaps his worst army deployment, Owen had not been in a condition to make any good decisions. In addition to that, he had already accepted that by the time he’d put an end to his relationship with Beth, he didn’t love her in the way she deserved. And frankly, even back then her presence in his life and constant badgering had already started to annoy him. He knew Beth did it with the best of intentions, but Owen just wouldn’t have put up with being questioned constantly and forced to confront his experiences in the Army, much less talking about them.

If Owen had stayed with Beth, he would never have given her the opportunity to help him, no matter how much she would have wanted to. Her attempts would increasingly irritate him, perhaps to the point where everything would backfire, causing more pain and heartbreak. Owen could be quite difficult when he was pushing people away and it was likely he could have hurt Beth even more if he’d forced himself to be around her.

Years later, it was easy to look at his past and judge himself after assuming he could have done better or tried harder. But truth was, Owen couldn’t have seen any of that at the time because he was struggling with his own demons and focusing too much on the outcome of his decisions to really see the bigger picture.

Exactly in the same way he was functioning right now.

Owen took another deep breath, trying to process everything. He couldn’t change his past and the way he’d hurt other people, no matter how much he wanted to. The burden weighing on his chest felt especially heavy after the truths he’d learned recently. Sometimes it was just too hard for him to forgive himself.

One look at the woman sleeping peacefully by his side made Owen want to try and see the silver lining. All his misdoings and mistakes, even the worst ones, had led him exactly to the life he was living right now. That was something he couldn’t take for granted. As he lay awake in bed, forcing himself to clear his mind of all those thoughts, Owen realized that he was sorry for many things. Some of his choices had been absolutely dreadful and if he could go back on them, he would.

But if there was something he wasn’t sorry about it was definitely the person lying next to him and everything they had built together. His family was by far the most important thing he had and it was his responsibility to take care of them and make sure they were okay.

Owen had hurt a lot of people on the course of his life but he would never forgive himself if he did the same to Amelia and the kids. Just the thought of it made him cringe, and the surgeon immediately closed his eyes rejecting the idea, more determined than ever to protect them from anyone and anything.  

Even if that included himself.

“I didn’t. But she probably still hoped they’d come. It’s her thirty day sober ceremony, I know I used to hope my mom would show up”. She’d never went, of course, but Amelia couldn’t blame her. She’d never actually invited her, either.

“Yeah”. Owen watched as she grabbed a waffle from the plate he was still holding. “She’s doing great though. With her sobriety, and with Leo. She’s growing. We should take her to dinner or something, to celebrate. We’ve both got tomorrow night off”. Balancing the plate on the back of the couch, he reached down to undo the strap of her heels across her ankle.

“Yeah, I bet she’d like that”. She lifted her gaze to meet Owen’s, smiling at him. She felt oddly proud of them, together. How they were managing caring for both Leo and Betty. “He,” she moved to sit up straight, putting the half-eaten waffle on the coffee table, and slipping her now un-heeled feet to the floor. “We didn’t dance”.

“What?” Owen chuckled, tilting his head with a confused look in his eyes.

“At the wedding,” Amelia clarified, almost giddy now. “With all the chaos and wrong directions and medical emergencies, we never got to dance. You know you’re supposed to dance at weddings”.

“Oh, I know you’re supposed to dance at weddings”. Owen grunted, “if I remember correctly, we danced a lot at ours”.

Amelia sighed blissfully, her eyes closing at the memory. “Those were good times”, she whispers, smiling. “You’re a good dancer”.

Owen let out a snort, “you may be the first person to ever tell me that. We both … improvised. But,” he leaned forward and spiritedly waggled his eyebrows, “we definitely had fun”. He regarded the woman in front of him for a moment. She’d sat up at the thought of dancing, but was now leaning back against the armrest of the couch. Remembering times when they hadn’t yet gone through the debacle that had been their short-lived marriage. Their honeymoon bliss had not lasted long.

He stood up and walked over to where he kept his record collection (yes, record collection, just because Spotify has been invented –and CDs, etc., but who’s counting- didn’t mean he couldn’t still enjoy the nostalgic sound of needle scratching record), and drew out one of his favorite’s. Gently lowering the needle of the player, he stepped back and returned to the couch.    

As the tones of a trumpet began to play, and Ella Fitzgerald’s smooth voice floated into the living room, Owen grabbed Amelia’s hand and pulled her off the couch, walking backwards as he gently pulled her with him until she was close enough so he could slide his hand around her back. Their height difference emphasized now that she was no longer wearing her heels.  

Stars shining bright above you. He met her gaze as they started swaying together, slowly twirling around. Night breezes seem to whisper I love you. Her eyes twinkled with pleasant surprise, and shone a brighter blue than he’d seen in a while. “Please don’t step on my toes,” she giggled. “I’m not wearing shoes while you are”.

They kept dancing and turning and twirling until the voices of Ella and Louis sang out the last notes. Dream a little dream of me. Neither of them noticed when the next song started playing. Standing still, in the middle of the living room, still holding each other. Amelia couldn’t tell who started moving first, but whoever initiated, they slowly leaned towards each other until their lips were mere inches apart. She could feel his shallow breathing matching hers. They really shouldn’t be doing this. This though, however, was soon forgotten when Owen moved in and caught her lips with his.

What started out as a soft kiss, his lips grazing against hers, testing the waters, quickly turned more demanding. It wasn’t a kiss that conveyed every unspoken word and story between them, it was one that reflected the amount of time they’d gone without doing this. They kissed until Amelia realized she could never have enough, clinging to him as if he was the only solid object in her dizzy-turned world. 

But still they broke apart, keeping their foreheads together, their breathing deep and panting. “Owen,” her voice comes out in a soft whisper, and as Owen opened his eyes to look at her, he could see her softly biting her lower lip. “What are we doing?”

“I know what I was doing,” he declared in a breathy chuckle. “And I hope you know what we were doing as well”.

Amelia snorts. “No you dumb ass,” softly punching his shoulder. “I mean in general. What are we doing?”. She leaned away from his embrace, reluctantly, and took a step backwards. “Meredith said something to me today, about us playing house. And it just…” she sighed, not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to know. “What are we doing?”

Owen, already missing her warmth, took a few seconds to collect his bearings. “We’ve been living together for over a month now, raising these two kids. For all intents and purposes, we are a married couple, Amelia. Only without the … you know, more carnal stuff married couples usually do”.

Amelia smirked, and she swore she could see a slight brush rising to Owen’s cheeks. “The fun stuff”.

He definitely agreed with her, but figured it would be the better choice not to actually voice that agreeance. Instead, he chose to confess his more serious thoughts. “I don’t know what the future holds, obviously, so I can’t tell you where we’re going”. He laughed quietly, “but I do know that, right in this moment, I’m falling for you. Again. And that …” he exhaled slowly, “scares me, but I don’t want it to. I want to be able to dance with you, whenever. And kiss you, and do all the carnal stuff,” he smirked. “Whenever. And I want to continue taking care of Betty and Leo with you, for as long as we can”. He took a step forwards, towards her, and pulled her to him again. “I want this, Amelia. I want you, and all that comes with you. I want to be married to you, again”.

“We’ve got to talk about … stuff”. Amelia worried, unconsciously leaning back into his touch. “We can’t make the same mistakes again”.

“I know. And we will, talk I mean. Tomorrow. I promise. For now, let’s just …” he grinned, tracing the small of her back with his hand. “Dance”.

And so, dance they did. Song after song. Until the record finished and the living room returned to silence once more. And even then, they remained swaying, together. The cold waffles forgotten. With one arm around her back and the other resting in hers, Owen couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Amelia was right, they needed to talk. Dancing wouldn’t magically solve all of their problems, and there were so many things that needed to be out in the open. But right now, he had the woman of his dreams in his arms, and he wasn’t planning on ever letting go again. They could work this out. They could be married again, and make it last this time, really make it last. And if that was all he would realize for the rest of his life, he would be happy. Amelia, and Leo and Betty, they were enough. More than enough. They were everything. They were his dream, she was. A dream he hoped he would never wake up from.