Ryan dealing with separation anxiety & having terrible fits whenever Amelia leaves in his toddler years? Or wanting to be picked up by her all the time.
The rain had settled over Seattle, casting a cool gray blanket over the city, and now, standing on the threshold of her new life, Amelia felt its weight. She pushed her damp hair behind her ears, her mind a dizzying blend of sterile operating rooms and crumpled day planners. Today was the day she was slated to begin her new role as one of the leading neurosurgeons at Grey Sloan. But all she could focus on was the tiny hand clutching her leg.
“Mommy, no,” Ryan’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it sliced through her resolve like a knife. His large, doe-like blue eyes bore into hers, pleading and filled with an earnestness that tugged at her heart. He was barely two, and this city might as well have been a foreign land to him.
“Oh, buddy,” Amelia knelt to his level, smoothing his tousled blond hair. “I’ll be back before you know it.” She wrapped her arms around his small frame, feeling the warmth of his little body. It broke her heart to feel him shiver under the looming fear of abandonment. It was only a few hours at a time, but to Ryan, it felt monumental.
Ever since they’d arrived from Los Angeles, Ryan had struggled with this separation anxiety, and the moment she stepped out the door, his confidence faltered like a candle flickering against the wind. First came the quiet pleas, followed by the louder protests, and eventually, the full-on tantrums, leaving Amelia feeling like a monster each time her work called her away.
“Play?” he asked, his voice cracking like thunder, as if he could turn her heart into play dough.
“Just for a few minutes,” Amelia promised, knowing she had to leave. Bills were stacking, and her brother’s old job was a lifeline for the two of them. For her fragile independence, and for Ryan’s stability. She pushed those worries aside, desperately focusing on the small joys they could have before she slipped away into the world of scalpel and stitches.
For the next twenty minutes, Amelia transformed into a whirlwind of pretend games and laughter. They played doctor and patient, building towers with blocks, with Ryan laughing in a way that illuminated the dream house. Just for a while, they were wrapped in a bubble of love and warmth, a transient world where the specter of work didn’t exist.
But then, as shadows grew longer in the room, the moment came. With a final squeeze of his hand, she kissed the top of his head, promising once more she would be back soon.
The front door clicked shut behind her, but the sounds of Ryan’s wails pierced through the silence of the stairwell, followed by Meredith attempting to soothe them. Her chest tightened. Walking away never got easier.
At the hospital, though she was engulfed by the relentless chaos of life and death, part of her remained tethered to him. The fidgeting interns, the brisk nurses, and the patter of doctors' shoes all faded into a dull thrum as her mind turned back to her son. Each time she scrubbed in for a surgery, she envisioned Ryan’s face, the innocence and need in his eyes.
The surgeries went well, her hands steady as always. Yet when she returned home, the darkness had already encroached. Ryan’s whimpering echoed through the house, and as she stepped inside, he was perched on the couch, tears staining his cheeks.
“Mommy!” he cried, launching himself into her arms like a small missile.
“Oh, sweet boy,” she murmured, pulling him close, breathing in his familiar scent. “I’m here. I’m right here.”
For the next hour, he clung to her, evading every attempt she made to set him down. When Owen rang the doorbell, she frowned but welcomed him in, hoping he would help Ryan ease his anxiety. He had always known how to bring laughter into their lives.
“Hey there, little dude!” Owen bent down, an easy charm lighting up his face. “Wanna see something cool?”
Ryan peered from behind Amelia, silent but curious.
“How about my magic card trick?” Owen offered, pulling a deck from his back pocket.
Amelia watched, torn between gratefulness and the small flicker of resentment. Why did it seem easier for everyone to engage with her son but her? Sometimes she felt like an island adrift in a sea of overwhelming emotion—tides of love, fear, and loss crashing against her.
The trick captivated Ryan, attention shifted from his mother to Owen, who performed one sleight of hand after another. Laughter filled the room, but Amelia remained partially distracted.
After the trick, Ryan approached Amelia again, apprehension showing on his young face. “Can you stay?” he asked, but his quiet words trembled.
“I’m right here, sweetheart,” she said softly. “Owen's just going to help me cook dinner, okay?”
Owen, sensing the shifting undercurrents, smiled reassuringly and participated fully, fixing a simple meal that absorbed Ryan's attention while Amelia darted to the kitchen, attempting to breathe through the sense of dread niggling at her heart.
As dinner consumed her fears, they laughed and told stories, Ryan gradually warming up to the easy camaraderie. Yet when it came time for bed, the familiar dread sank in again. Ryan clung to her once more, eyes wide with worry.
“Read?” he pleaded, curling into her side as she settled into bed with him, cradling him like an infant in her arms.
“Of course, buddy.” She opened a well-worn book, her fingers brushing over the pages. The words danced between them, a lullaby of narrative that worked like a bandage over both their souls, mending the fragility of their separation.
Each night, it became their ritual. A nightly escape, weaving together a world where shadows held no power, where love conquered all.
Yet as the moon cast a silver glow on their little haven, doubts loomed large. She knew the struggle wouldn’t magically fade. She could only hope he learned to find strength in her absence, that he would feel secure in her love.
As Amelia softly closed the book, she whispered a promise into Ryan’s ear, “Tomorrow, we’ll conquer the world together, just you and me.”
And Ryan, heavy-lidded with sleep, murmured back softly, “Together, forever.”
In that moment, their hearts beat in unison, tied in an everlasting bond, as vast and nurturing as the great Seattle skies above.
