Jul 22
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Bite the bone
γPoemγ
γPoemγ
Teacher's pet.
Teacher's pet, favorite tool.
Teacher's pet, favorite doll.
Yet I never remember your face.
White robes, candles lit.
Time to pray.
" Come child, come, trust in me.
Come child, come, don't let the darkness take you just yet.
Don't cry now, we haven't started yet. "
Staring at the ceiling, hoping the light will take me.
I wonder.
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That stupid fucking green couch and the fabric scratching my shoulders and back. The ache of the first time my ribs bruised from crying, screaming, begging.
The sound of a five pound dog yelping as she hits the dashboard of the car after you floor the brakes to scare me, somehow louder than your scream of anger at having a sick kid. We weren't even one hundred feet from the house yet.
Hiding my phone, my laptop, any source of light in my room at night well into adulthood when I heard you creep up the stairs. I knew your steps better than the rest of the houses.
Being unable to wear headphones until I was twenty three because I hallucinated your voice shouting my deadname and those very same steps and the rattle of my door that didn't stay locked.
The look of sick satisfaction every time you came to visit in the psych ward.
Watching you "mourn your daughter" instead of loving your son. Pushing me into the walls of a neglectful father just to be able to breathe for a few months.
There are things carved into the wrinkles of my brain that you have told me you don't even begin to remember. You ask me if we can ever rebuild, if I can ever tell you what others did to me. How can I tell you that when I can't even tell you what you did? What happened in your house, doors wide open?
i hate humans . Yes i am a misanthrope . I have a burning hatred for what they did to me . Humans disgust me .
why must the trauma make me so confused, i dont wanna remember them putting shit in my head
i need to sleep