RodolfoなTumblr　

それは、父祖たちと同じようには行動しないこと

同じわだちの中で模倣しないこと

卑しい人間たちの羊のような歩みを。

純粋な火に燃える独立不羈の心は

与えられたいましめを投げ捨てる

行け、人類から汚辱を洗い去り、

天空が拒絶するたまものを奪いとり、

その暗冥から光を放ってとびあがり

みずから、不滅の中に再生しろ。

Pedro discovered last night that he can look up pay rates. So he did. Here they are:

Mr Front Half Nights (2 yrs private air ambulance dispatch experience in the distant past, honestly not very good at his job): $5/hr more than me

Tough Girl (back half lead dispatcher): $4.50/hr more than me

Ms Partner (8 years dispatch experience?including at least 3 years for our competitor who uses the same computer system and does the exact same thing): $3/hr more than me

Chief (20+ years in EMS but no dispatch experience): $3/hr more than me

Me (15 years total dispatch experience, including 8 years EMS dispatch) 😭

THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Why am I not making enough? Why is a man with very little dispatch experience who isn’t very good at his job making $10k/yr more than me? Why is Ms Partner not making more? Why are our leads not making significantly more? (They bust their asses, they need to be making at least $10/hr more than I’m making now)

I think I’m actually madder about my partner and Tough Girl’s pay than I am about my own. They should be making money hand over fist. And I’m about to shoot blood out of my eyeballs about Mr Front Half Nights’ pay! I mean, it’s not the number that pisses me off. He needs to make enough to make ends meet in a high cost of living area, too. But his pay should be the MINIMUM. Those of us with more experience (everyone except Chief, especially me), better performance (everyone), and more responsibilities (the leads) should make MORE.

分かりやすい　意味での　成功……

世間的な　成功……！

金や　地位や　名声……

権力 賞賛……

そういうものに　憧れる……

けどよ……

ちょっと　顧みれば　分かる……！

それは　「人生そのもの」じゃない……！

そういう　ものは　全部……

飾り………！人生の飾りに　過ぎない……！

ただ…やる事……その熱……行為そのものが…

生きるってこと……！実ってヤツだ……！

分かるか……？成功を　目指すな…って　言ってるんじゃない……！

その成否に　囚われ… 思い煩い…

止まってしまうこと…熱を失ってしまうこと…これが　まずい……！

こっちの方が　問題だ……！

いいじゃ　ないか……！三流で……！

熱い　三流なら…上等よ……！

まるで　構わない…構わない話だ……

だから…恐れるなっ……！

繰り返す……！失敗を　恐れるなっ……！

I’ve already taken out the trash and recycling, started laundry, and ground up some of the delicious coffee that @unic0rnthe0ry sent me out of the blue (💕). Also broke the coffee grinder, but it still works well enough for now.

LOOK AT THAT SKY

I get to see this when I get home now!!

This week I started the 1700-0500 shift (again), because I finally have a partner on overnights. So stoked! She’s good, too. She came from another private ambulance company, one that uses the same computer system as us, so she knows more than we do in some ways. (The Mini Boss, our “subject matter expert” on the program, really isn’t one)

On top of that, she knows private ambulance. While all the less experienced people are rightfully freaking out because fucked up things are happening, her and I are like “Yep. This is fucked up, and it has happened at other companies before, and it is outside my sphere of influence, so I’m just gonna kick back and dispatch.”

I need to ask her how much she makes, btw, note to self. I’m planning on bringing up my pay in a “based on my experience and performance, and the salaries of other people in comparable positions*, I should be making $xx/hr.”

*I just won’t mention that the comparable positions are in the same company until my exit interview—at that point, all bets are off

First evening in London.