#notfic

When Kamina launches himself across the battlefield to go un-distract Simon, instead of punching him in the face he grabs Simon by his jacket and yanks him into a kiss.

Simon's taken completely by surprise, but as he melts into it, Lagann's spiral indicator glows brighter and brighter until it whites out everything else. When Kamina finally pulls away, Simon chases him for a second before falling back into his chair, a dazed grin on his face.

Kamina chuckles and ruffles his hair to get his attention back, "Don't go spacing out on me now, we've still got a fight to win. You ready to do this?"

Simon looks down at the positively blinding glow from Lagann, then back up at Kamina. "Not yet."

This time Kamina's the one surprised, but he kisses Simon back without hesitation. They're both blushing when Simon finally pulls back. "Okay, now I'm ready!"

The Princess and the Outlaw, Part 1 apparently, because this really got out of hand

Preskip-ish ages Medieval au, Princess Nia's carriage has been hijacked by bandits. Apparently unaware of whose carriage they had stopped, the bandits changed their plans and decided to take the princess hostage instead of simply looting the party and fleeing. With her entourage left behind, Nia is alone in the carriage with the leader of the bandits while the rest of the group either drive the carriage or flank it on foot. Nia is bound and gagged, but that won't stop her from glaring sheer death at her captor.

Then the carriage jerks to a stop. The bandit leader bangs on the front panel and yells at the driver to keep going, but there's no response. Grumbling about useless lackeys, the boss kicks open the carriage door and jumps out to see what's going on. He's met with an arrow through his throat.

Huckabee is sworn in in March 2009 and the amendment isn't ratified until November, but we don't know when it was proposed or have any sort of timeline for states ratifying it. Maybe the amendment is proposed before the planned album release, maybe not, probably doesn't matter: we've seen enough cowardice here in 2026 to believe the label would cancel the album and drop the band in advance.

It's the Underground. CLUMSY is younger and violent but also organizes; the Cedar Army is punk. It's unclear when the groups are founded. Most of the Underground is small, local groups unaware of the rest. No coordination. I am sitting here in 2026 screaming internally.

So if we're pre-ratification, it's definitely the early days of any Underground. Groups need money. That's where the band comes in.

It wasn't the plan. The plan was just okay, the album's de facto banned, let's go out and share our music the way we used to, it'll be fun. But it turns out people who want to hear an album that was canceled for blasphemy are people inclined to organize against Christofacism. (Mostly. There are... exceptions.) Whenever the band shows up, the local Underground uses it as a recruitment opportunity. When the band figures that out, they make it a fundraising opportunity, too. They're basically paying for art supplies and snacks; it's not a big decision or whatever. Billie even calls up Aaron to see if the should be rolling into town with, like, copiers or whatever zine people do.

And then Prometheus explodes the day they leave New Orleans, and suddenly, they're wanted for funding terrorism. Their assets are frozen. This is no longer a fun little roadtrip-slash-premature-midlife-crisis for three millionaires pretending to be broke kids again.

So. This is probably the point where I'm going to have to figure out what substance Billie uses to cope. Alcohol, but what else? I was going to say heroin, but maybe just opioids more broadly. Those would be period appropriate.

Maybe not yet, though. Maybe they keep playing, and something happens at a show. Maybe it's one of those exceptions. Or a group of them. Or maybe it's the feds. Maybe the feds get Mike. Then Billie can cope.

So Billie and Tre go to the last place Tre wants to go to: Aaron's, where Billie adds sex to his collection of unhealthy coping mechanisms. But the thing about Aaron is he's doing the printing for the Cedar Army, and that money is coming from Anderson Cooper. (Yeah. That part of Anderson's pre-execution confession was true.) And if anyone has the connections to get Mike out of this jam, it's Anderson.

Getting the terrorism charges dropped in exchange for Mike pleading guilty to blasphemy is relatively easy. The blasphemy just gets him sent to a low-security reeducation place. Maybe it's a little bootcampy, unlike the place they send women. Still, it's not hard to get him out.

Except.

Well.

When Mike is delivered to them, and they have their first meal, Mike is like, oh, thank God for normal food. Which isn't weird. Except then he is like, no, I mean we should thank God, and he says grace. And he doesn't think it's all that funny when Tre says may the Force be with you instead of amen. (Look, my Star Wars knowledge is shit, humor me.)

When they go to bed that night, Tre gets out his porn-filled phone and announces his intent to commit onanism (thank you for sharing, Tre) and offers to set it up so Mike can watch too, and Mike says something judgy, and Tre is like, yeah, well, gotta release the tension somehow, and Billie's got Aaron, so it's the porn unless you wanna...? Mike just turns over and goes to sleep.

Grace, again, at breakfast. It's a fucking McMuffin, Mike, Tre says,(it's an egg and cheese, Aaron says, indignant, and that's not not why Tre called it a McMuffin.), and Billie sort of half mumbles through grace with Mike because they're BillieAndMike and if this is how Mike is now, well, at least Mike's out.

They pack up and leave Aaron's after breakfast because someone's going to come there looking for Mike. It's an obvious place for them to be, known associates at all that. They're heading for the border with forged documents. It'll be fine.

At lunch -- actually McDonald's -- Billie sort of looks to Mike before he touches his food, waiting. And Mike's like, "What?" as he crams some fries into his mouth. And this grin is spreading across his face. That fucking grin. And he says, "Come on, I was there for four days. You two have gotten gullible. Tre, can I get your phone later?" (Billie gives him a big gross kiss; Tre tells him he's not sharing his porn until Mike has sufficiently made it up to him by sucking his dick.)

They get to the border, just about, and the thing is... it doesn't feel good. What if they recognize Mike, or find Billie's drugs, or Tre's porn, or. (This is such a weird part to contemplate. Why do they stay? They should have a good reason for staying, story logic says. 2026 experience says sometimes, you just stay.) Billie drums his fingers on the wheel. "Aaron told me, uh, there's this pirate radio station in Chicago -- or, like, there's gonna be, probably."

Warning for Jiha chief being awful both on screen and implied, and also possibly none of this making sense lol

And for the uninitiated, Garlock is the fandom name for prologue!Simon, imagined here as a bad future where he loses everyone he loves and refuses to give up his spiral power

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Garlock on his search across the multiverse for a living Kamina comes across a very strange timeline. There are no beastmen, no underground villages, no antispirals. He's not quite sure what he's expecting to find as he follows his Kamina tracker deep into a jungle, but it certainly isn't a hidden kingdom ruled over by Shaq Jiha. He lounges on an ostentatious throne, surrounded by wealth and luxury, and at his feet kneels a teenager with a familiar blue head of hair. Garlock's eyes are drawn immediately to Kamina, but Kamina doesn't look up at Garlock's approaching footsteps. He keeps his back straight and his head down and his arms behind his back. He doesn't even react as Shaq roughly pets his hair. 

Like, he’s generally fab with kids anyway but he has a near lifetime of knowledge figuring out what makes Shane tick (and twitch) and this is just a child who isn’t able to control their environment or modulate their responses to things in the way that Shane can.

So when they’re having dinner with the Pikes and Jackie is tiredly recounting the ongoing process of getting Amber tested and how lost they’re feeling, Ilya is like, oh, I have been training my whole life for this. And when 3yr old Amber inevitably starts having a meltdown, Ilya jumps up and says, “Here. I will fix. You stay.”

And they’re like, you know what, sure, have at it.

Within a few minutes of Ilya disappearing with Amber, the crying stops. When they track the two down a half hour later, they’re in the basement on the rug with all the lights off. Amber is wearing a pair of Christmas Pjs (notably a bamboo/cotton mix) despite the fact that it’s February, and she’s laying on Ilya’s chest, ear to his sternum, alternating tapping along as he hums, spinning his ring on his finger, and rubbing his shirt (also a Nice Fabric since obviously Ilya’s whole wardrobe is Shane-approved).

And when Amber sees the family + Shane trooping down the stairs and starts to get riled up again, Ilya is immediately like, “Turn off hall light. It is Dark Floor Time. Only quiet people allowed to join, okie?” And Amber lets out this relieved, shuddery little breath because she has someone who understands and can advocate for her which nearly ends Ilya’s life but also Shane is like, oh shit, yeah, I’m the the best at floor time, I love being quiet and grounded and aimlessly touching my husband, lets fucking go.

So even when the other Pike children get antsy after a few minutes, and their parents take them upstairs, Shane and Ilya stay, letting Amber crawl all over them and get chill before they get her ready for bed.

Afterward, Ilya gives Hayden and Jackie an exhaustive rundown of all the various things they might want to consider for clothing and food and overstimulation and regulation and they’re very grateful but Shane is listening to this going, okay some of this I obviously knew about myself but some of these things I didn’t even notice? Holy shit? He pays such close attention to me?? Hold on, some of these things I haven’t done since middle school. Ilya, did you talk to my mom about my childhood behavior?? And yes, Ilya gives Jackie Yuna’s phone number for additional consult until they get Amber’s official diagnosis and are provided with more resources.

(And maybe at first Shane wants to be annoyed about the fact that Ilya has been, what, researching and compiling some sort of manual on how to handle him? Right up until Ilya reminds Shane that Shane has an Ilya Spreadsheet that now contains over a dozen tabs of Ilya’s likes and dislikes, injuries and recovery protocols, training and diet and supplements, depression treatment with behavioral red-flags and mitigation techniques, and even sexual preferences. And Shane is like, oh yeah, okay, that’s fair)

But anyway. As the Pike kids grow up, Ilya tries not to be obvious about it, but it’s just Known that Amber is Uncle Ilya’s favorite. And everyone is mostly okay with that.

His doting is so quietly impactful for Shane, though, because here is a child who reminds Shane of his own younger self: a little odd, who struggles to articulate what she feels and needs, who gets overstimulated easily and has obsessive interests, but even so, Amber is a favorite and so loved and accommodated by his husband. That’s gotta be healing.

Also, as much as they try to get Amber to hyperfixate on hockey, I think it’d be hilarious if she became a horse girl and Ilya literally buys her a pony.

(Hayden: Oh my god, Ilya. Do you know how expensive horses are?? Ilya: Yes, yes, maybe for 15th best player on the Metros with one hundred other children, horse is big cost, but not for best player in the league married to second best player in the league with Yuna Hollander in charge of sponsorship deals. I set up fund for board and train. Is couch money.)