#notcoolenough

I felt that I needed to express myself in an honest way. I have a journal that I’ve been writing in a couple times a week but it doesn't cut it. I need to relate with people through thoughts and feelings that I don’t typically express to people I know. Dramatic right? How emotional of me. I might be your stereotypical man, afraid to express how I really feel in order to preserve my masculine appearance, afraid to appear as if I struggle emotionally. But I do. I’m in my mid 20s. That’s the most I will tell about myself. I want to remain somewhat anonymous. My friends and family would judge me.

 Back to why I’m here though... to put it as simply as possible: I haven’t connected with anyone new in years. It feels like I forgot how to make friends or have meaningful conversations with people. Most the conversations I have are in my head, or with friends that I’ve had since elementary. And we’re a silly bunch. When it comes to love, oh boy, I’m a wreck. I’m lost. I get dates with girls that I’m really attracted to, but it never works out. If I think I can be really into them, they end up not being that into me. And if I’m not really into them, they end up wanting me. The last two dates I had were first dates, and they never reached the second date. For the first girl, I was too agressive, I tried to have sex with her which is a big no no for a first date. For the other, we had a nice dinner, a simple kiss, planned to hangout the next weekend, but after the next day, I was ghosted. I just can’t figure it out. I’m convinced there’s something about how I act, or look (that im unaware of) that is unattractive enough to not be given a second chance by these women that I want to pursue. I’ve been searching for love for almost 4 years now, since my last relationship. 

I was never cool enough. Not even for some people on this stupid fucking forum where everyone is supposed to be accepted. I even got gently nudged away by the hands of certain bloggers here who gently told me I suck at writing. I asked for advice, not criticism.

Human beings are bullshit. I really do hate people. 90% of the population on this Earth are made up of people who are so full of themselves that they think they’re cooler than everyone else. Even thinking they’re cool because they have a large group of friends they hang out with all the fucking time.

You’re not. You’re a goddamn clique and you’ve got your head up your own ass. Instagram followers doesn’t make you cool. Snapchat stories doesn’t make you cool. Having fans on tumblr doesn’t make you cool. 200+ friends on Facebook doesn’t make you cool. Being a YouTube celebrity doesn’t make you cool.

Odds are, you’re just as stuck up and stupid as the rest of that 90% I mentioned. You’re despised. No. Not by a “hater”, by someone who sees how self absorbed you actually are. You duck-lipped, filter-obsessed fucking twat. You’re a twat. You are a fucking twat.

You don’t know how you make people feel when you post a gentle insult and the 😂😂😂 bullshit emoji... you make them feel like they’re being REJECTED AGAIN JUST LIKE THEY WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

THIS IS A POST MADE BY A POTENTIAL SCHOOL SHOOTER. I WANTED TO KILL PEOPLE. I WANTED TO SHOOT THEM. HANG THEM. TORTURE THEM UNTIL THEY DIED.