#overlydramatic

I felt that I needed to express myself in an honest way. I have a journal that I’ve been writing in a couple times a week but it doesn't cut it. I need to relate with people through thoughts and feelings that I don’t typically express to people I know. Dramatic right? How emotional of me. I might be your stereotypical man, afraid to express how I really feel in order to preserve my masculine appearance, afraid to appear as if I struggle emotionally. But I do. I’m in my mid 20s. That’s the most I will tell about myself. I want to remain somewhat anonymous. My friends and family would judge me.

 Back to why I’m here though... to put it as simply as possible: I haven’t connected with anyone new in years. It feels like I forgot how to make friends or have meaningful conversations with people. Most the conversations I have are in my head, or with friends that I’ve had since elementary. And we’re a silly bunch. When it comes to love, oh boy, I’m a wreck. I’m lost. I get dates with girls that I’m really attracted to, but it never works out. If I think I can be really into them, they end up not being that into me. And if I’m not really into them, they end up wanting me. The last two dates I had were first dates, and they never reached the second date. For the first girl, I was too agressive, I tried to have sex with her which is a big no no for a first date. For the other, we had a nice dinner, a simple kiss, planned to hangout the next weekend, but after the next day, I was ghosted. I just can’t figure it out. I’m convinced there’s something about how I act, or look (that im unaware of) that is unattractive enough to not be given a second chance by these women that I want to pursue. I’ve been searching for love for almost 4 years now, since my last relationship.