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talking to people, even through text messages, is sometimes so stressful. sometimes I don't understand what they mean, or how to respond to something and I'm so afraid of what they might be thinking of me or if I'm doing something wrong or acting strange...
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And I'm so angry about amatonormativity. Everyone around me is getting engaged and moving in with their significant others and having kids and getting married and every one keeps asking me when my future is going to start. I don't know how to tell them I crawled my way back to living. I don't know how to tell them every time they ask all I hear is 'you aren't enough on your own.' I don't know how to do anything other than scream so I just stay silent. Because I am living, because this is my future, because I'm going to get a dog soon, and I'm alive. So damn beautifully, wonderfully alive and I hate that you'll all made me hate romance and become so jaded to love because now all I see when I look at it is everything I'm falling short of. All I see when I look at it is the one thing everyone is going to leave me behind for. And I want to come back to writing stories but I also want to burn the world to the ground and break something and run away and be enough. God, I just want to be enough for you. For me. For everyone. How is living not enough?
My friend: this guy I was hooking up with asked me what what my ideal man looks like
Me: ok
My friend: So I was like: tall, athletic-
Me: wears black socks
My friend: what?
Me: what?
My friend: why would my ideal man wear black socks?
Me: think about your ideal man
My friend: yeah
Me: is he wearing white sport socks?
My friend:
My friend: ok, so that's another thing to add to the list I guess
Me: that's what I thought
Not to bring up Texas again but it's even worse than I thought. The death tolls when considering this freeze are way higher than what's being said. I know this because 3 people from my church died this week due to the storm.
One was an older man who lived in an RV and died in his sleep due to the cold.
And Two were children who died in a fire because they were trying to keep their house warm.
These deaths came from ONE church, yet if you look it up the official death toll is only 47 people.
News needs to spread that Texas failed on all levels during this crisis, and hundreds of people probably died. If we sweep this under the rug as something that only bursted a few pipes and causes some property damage then we will have no drive to prevent something like this happening again.
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Hmmm
[March 2018 vs March 2019]
