#non-heinous

The two froze, Grimhilda’s teeth barred, a finger jabbing into a looming Fishlegs’s chest who looked just as angry. They looked to see Rosethorn tightening her robe.

“… Good morning, honey! how did you sleep?” Fishlegs began only to be pushed to the side by Grimhilda.

“Good morning, sweetie! I came over to surprise you! Well it was a surprise, tell your beast to calm down.” Grimhilda said sweetly, adjusting Rosethorn’s robe and hair, before her cosmetic eye’s began to wander.

“Oh Rosie, you’re absolutely glowing, you should be pregnant more often!” Grimhilda smiled, inspecting the girls face.

“It hasn’t been good for my back” Rosethorn replied with a smile.

“Well, if he’s actually the father-”

“Hey!”

“Then good luck, honestly, is it his? Just kidding! oh honey, you know how i love messing with you.” Grimhilda said, pinching Fishlegs’s cheek with a certain malice. Fishlegs simply glared and rubbed his red cheek.

“I made breakfast” Fishlegs said, not so gently pushing Grimhilda out of the way to see his wife.

“Oh, there’s no need for that! I was going to bring her to brunch!” Grimhilda exclaimed, not doing a very good job moving Fishlegs.

“This is a lot” Rosethorn said, putting a hand on her stomach.

“Are you ok? are you nausous? hungry? does anything hurt? do you need something?” Fishlegs swooped in, slouching the way he did when he was concerned.

“Geezus! you’re smothering her! if she ever dies it’s going to be because of you! C’mooooon, i haven’t seen you in forever! I have the whole day planned out” Grimhilda whined, looked genuinely upset. It was true, they hadn’t seen each other very often.

“I am fine, and thank you very much for breakfast but… I really really really wanna go” Rosethorn said, motioning to Grimhilda, who squealed and her many bracelets jingled as she clasped her hands excitedly.

“But-” Fishlegs began.

“Go out with Hiccup! You’ve seen too much of me, and it’s so hard taking care of a pregnant lady, you need a break!” Rosethorn exclaimed, holding his arm.

“But-”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to take the day off?”

“No!”

“I’m glad you agree! I’ll make it up to you!” Rosethorn gave him a quick kiss before Grimhilda pulled her away.

“You need to get ready! I reserved a table for two at this really swanky restuarant- it’s like the kind the girls in the movies go to for brunch, and they have amazing mimosas-” Grimhilda said all at once, pulling her out of the kitchen.

“Grimhilda-” Fishlegs began.

“Her’s will be virgin, i’m not stupid!” She spat back, followed by a sound that could only be a growl. Her smile was back in a second, as she continued into the bedroom, already opening the closet.

“First thing we’re doing is getting you better maternity clothes!“

Rosethorn was never prepared for the places Grimhilda brought her. Grimhilda’s 6 inch heels clicked as they walked through the restaurant, a beautiful view of the city to the left, and flowers and fountains wherever you turned.

“Wow.” Rosethorn breathed as Grimhilda helped her into her chair.

“I know right! I tried to bring Tuffnut here, he just didn’t get it” Grimhilda shrugged, reminiscing on the fight he got into with the waiter.

“This is so nice, i would have done something with my-” Rosethorn began.

“You are fine! I dressed you after all! i did my best, and my best is the best- besides, i can usually get free stuff and you’re pregnant, no one can be rude to a pregnant lady.” Grimhilda replied, unfolding her menu and pointing her favorites out to her friend. She only paused to flirt with the waiter, who brought out mimosas that didn’t appear on the check.

“Sorry for waking you up like that, darling, but you know… men.” Grimhilda said with a shake of her head.

“I thought you liked him, i wouldn’t have married him otherwise.” Rosethorn replied with a smile.

“Oh, you would’ve done it anyway. I’ll let his ‘tude slip for now, you’re stressing him out, besides, he needs to learn he can’t hog you! I called dibs, duh.”

“Hmm… how’s Tuffnut doing?” Rosethorn asked, watching Grimhilda drink her mimosa. Somehow it was like her makeup never smudged, whatever devil she had made a deal with always kept her makeup, even in the rain.

“You wouldn’t believe this, he’s still embarrassed! He wanted me to tell you he was sorry, honestly, he is such a cutie and so sincere, at least he always says what he’s thinking, even if… well he’s happy Fishlegs didn’t find out, so moody” Grimhilda replied excitedly, thinking back to the last time Tuffnut saw Rosethorn, apparently he hadn’t gotten the message she was pregnant and vocalized that she was bigger.

“I thought it was pretty funny, i’m glad you’re happy, but if he does anything, you tell me, I’ll haul all of this down there and set him straight.” Rosethorn said with a nod.

“I miss talking to you like this, when was the last time we had girl time? I can’t even remember the last time, oh, i haven’t even showed you this!” Grimhilda said, putting her hand in front of Rosethorn. “Promise rings are so lame, and Tuffy doesn’t have the money for an engagement ring or any bling that’s not from a thrift store, so look how cute! He has a matching one, he let me pick and maybe he forgot an anniversary but it’s just so… so…”

“Permanent?” Rosethorn said, looking at the small heart on the side of her finger.

“Well yeah, but we match!”

“Does this mean you’re…?”

“Engaged? no, not yet, i’m still working on that but trust me, i’m halfway through my 3 year program.” Grimhilda said, happily rubbing her tattoo.

“You’ve been dating longer than-”

“Ok, this is my 3 year program knowing i’m going to marry him, like before it was just cause of the cute butt and you know…”

Rosethorn nodded as if she knew what that meant, and smiled, truly happy for her friend.

“You look so good, god i hope when i have kids I’ll pull it off like that.” Grimhilda shook her head, looking over her friend.

“It ain’t that fun, you would not believe what I’ve been craving lately, and my feet hurt all the time.”

“Aw, but you’re gonna have a baby! I’ve been doing research and you’ll be glad to know i am fully prepared.”

“For what?”

“For the baby, obviously! I’m going to be the best auntie, I have already started putting together a hospital bag-” Grimhilda said, making the motion of holding a bag.

“Aw, you shouldn’t have, I’m not due for another month, besides, Fishlegs-”

“Like he’s going to know everything to bring! I have makeup so you’ll look so good in all the pictures, a really fluffy robe, uhm oh, scissors, just in case-”

“Everything is going to be fine!”

“I know! I just want to be there as soon as that sucker pops out, Tuff said to bring a baseball glove but they’re so gross.” Grimhilda made a face of disgust.

“But you’re bringing scissors? That’s gross.”

“Just in case, if its not that and if the baby comes out with wonky hair, auntie Grim will just even it out!”

Rosethorn sighed, trying to figure out what to say. At this point, Grimhilda seemed to think the baby was hers.

“You’re going to be the first person notified.”

“Before Fishlegs?”

“Uhm-”

“That’s ok, now I’m thinking I’ll come stay with you-”

“And you were saying he was smothering me!”

“I’m sorry! I’m just so excited, ugh you two are going to be such good parents.”

The waiter interrupted, asking what they wanted.

“Oh, I don’t know, everythings so expensive- i didn’t really look at the menu yet.” Rosethorn said sheepishly.

“Whatever you want, my treat.” Grimhilda smiled.

“You can’t-”

“What? You know I’m your sugar momma, please, as if the biologist is making that much dough- ok we’re gonna have this, this, this- oh bring two, she’s pregnant so she’ll eat a LOT- no offense, Rosie, but you gotta make that baby strong enough to hold it’s head up because i can tell it’ll look so good in a hat.” The waiter looked confused before shuffling off with their order.

“Ugh, you shouldn’t have done that!” Rosethorn groaned.

“Whaaat? oooh cmon, I can’t bring Tuffnut to nice places, i gotta spoil you, besides you feed me plenty.”

Rosethorn rolled her eyes only to see a determined look sweep across Grimhilda’s face.

“Oh! so i have the whole day planned, so first maternity clothes, then baby clothes, back when Fishlegs was still cool, he was showing me the baby clothes you guys got, and its cute and cozy but this baby has to be fierce, ok? like make all the other babies feel ugly-”

“Grim, don’t call babies ugly-”

“what? it’s true? you’re is gonna be cute though, like big and chubby with good cheeks, obviously not a sharp jaw- ugh i wish i knew what kind of baby it was.”

“… what… what kind of baby… it’s a baby, there’s one kind??”

“No! Like if it’s a boy or girl, i’ve been dying to know! Usually I’m pretty good at sensing what it is, but i’ve been so off lately! I’m not sure what it is. It’s not that it matters, but the suspense is killing meeeee.” Grimhilda groaned.

“… well i’ve been meaning to tell you, you can’t tell anyone else, we wanted to keep it a secret, it’s a boy!”

“nuh uh” Grimhilda said in shock.

“Yep! you’re gonna have a nephew.” Rosethorn smiled.