#neuronarration

Our first ever signs of plurality as a child were through daydreams.

For as long as we can possibly remember, we've been traveling. Even as a very young child we lived a constant life of daydreams, of worlds we could disappear into in our head - and, more importantly, the people we met in them. Some of them were fictional; the fairies of the Pixie Hollow movies and the cures from the existing Pretty Cure seasons, both things we grew up with and deeply loved. These were perhaps our first experiences of walk-ins, as they would appear in and leave our daydream worlds as they pleased. Others were self-made, and would continue to appear with us until we had our first syscovery - a grey kitsune and an angel, who would protect and care for us on our journeys.

Our daydreams have always had a spiritual component, one that we would never really understand until we became an adult and learned about astral travel. We continually had spiritual beings appear to us in our daydreams, such as yokai like the kitsune and fae-like beings - and, most concerningly to others, dead relatives of ours and friends. We once told a schoolmate in elementary school that we had seen her grandma who passed away a few years prior. Her deeply superstitious mother proceeded to tell our poor aunt that she believed we were cursed.

We used to journal to each other as a child, writing to each other by name and creating journal entries in the form of letters. People, including us, dismissed it as an overactive imagination. However, it felt so fulfilling to us to write about our day and know that somehow, the people in our daydreams would see it, and sometimes even write back.

As we got into our teenage years, we began to be aware of these daydream characters as more than just daydreams - they were alive, they existed separately and had their own thoughts and feelings. We confessed to an online friend at the time that we had "people in my head" that lived in "my own world", which would eventually lead to our first syscovery. This initial group is who we sometimes call "the original 12" - a series of 12 system members who have been around since we were very young, appearing as daydreams until we realized who we really were.

We were very confused about our origins at first. We hung out in tulpamancy groups for a brief time, wondering if this was maybe how we had come about. However, we soon realized it just didn't resonate, so we moved on to some general endogenic groups and forums. We really appreciate the people we met during this time, who were kind to us in a period where we really had no idea what was happening with us.

Having a headspace always came very naturally to us. We never really understood how to describe creating and interacting with one, because to us we had always been daydreaming about ours. It was an incredibly in depth other world with its own rules, its own people, its own life. Even before we knew the extent of it, daydreaming had a huge impact on how we interacted with each other and how we navigated our own plurality.

After some very stressful life events, the coming awareness of our amnesia, and a while with a good therapist, we were diagnosed with HC-DID.

This led to a long period of self hatred and fear, where we were less sure than before about our life and each other. Thankfully, with the help of therapy and finally having a good support system, we were able to recover from this part of our journey. However, even after this we still had a strong sense that there was more to our origins.

This was when we discovered the term dreamway and the origin paragenic, which hadn't yet been coined when we had our first syscovery. Suddenly, everything made sense! There were people like us! Our daydreams, paracosms, and paras were an essential part of our system, and this was a known experience.

We're extremely grateful for that discovery. Our paracosms are an inherent part of our headspace - many of our introjects used to be para versions of fictional characters. We are able to travel freely between them, continually encountering new people, new worlds, new lives. There is a strange spiritual component to them; we've often heard people say that "paras usually know they're in a daydream," and this isn't true for us. They exist autonomously of our daydreams about them, almost as if they really are in another world, unless they get pulled into the main system and gain awareness of it. Similarly, we can use our headspace for spiritual means, using daydreams and astral travel to encounter entities of all kinds.

We feel greatly at peace with ourselves having discovered daydreams and connected spirituality as an essential part of our system and its origins. There is a lot of joy to us in being mixed origin - in knowing that even there our initial splits were due to programming, there is so much more to us, so much that has in fact helped us cope and stick together since that initial split.