#daemian

what exactly are daemons? the definition of daemon is "A personified other half of one’s internal dialogue, which usually has a name, gender and personality that often differs from that of said person. Daemons are usually imagined (or projected) in animal forms." so, imaginary animals that represent your internal voice.

are they alive and have a consciousness? yes... and no. it depends on the daemian honestly; some daemons are fully autonomous, while others are completely controlled by their human. my Atticus is somewhere in between: while most of the time hes me and says things that i would say, hes begun showing his own personality, sometimes even saying things that surprise me!

is it like talking to yourself or can they speak? both! its basically talking to yourself yeah, but "the other you" talks back. so for example, a non-daemians internal monologue could be something like this:

oh, i gotta to go to the shop soon, im running out of milk and eggs. oh, and i should grab some coffee while im at it, ive been meaning to try that new fancy brand. ill write it down so i dont forget.

while a daemian would separate this monologue in a dialogue, like this:

daemon: oh, were running out of milk and eggs.

daemian: yeah, we gotta go to the shop soon.

daemon: we should grab some coffee while were at it! that new brand weve been meaning to try.

daemian: ooh yeah the fancy one! ill write that down so we dont forget.

is there a pretend aspect to it? absolutely. in a nutshell, all you have to do to find your daemon is listen to yourself think and play pretend.

do you decide what animal they are? so, talking to your daemon is only half of what daemonism is. the other half is something called "form finding". a form is just the shape your daemon takes; in most cases this will be an earthly animal, but not necessarily. in daemonism form finding consists in analysing your personality and finding an animal that fits you based on it. from the Daemon Page:

"Currently, there are two common form finding methods, analytic and Pullman (symbolic), but the goal in both of them is to find a form that describes us best. The first system systematically analises animals' behaviours and interprets them into personality characteristics - for example, analytically, a nocturnal animal would fit a person who avoids attention. The other method focuses on cultural associations with a species, which means that a person with an owl form will be in some way connected to knowledge and wisdom. To be clear, a well-fitting form will describe not just one aspect, but most or, ideally, all of your personality or identity. Form finding is essentially a personality typing system along the same lines as Enneagram or MBTI, except the possible outcomes are almost as numerous as the number of animals on Earth."

how do i go about creating one? good news! you already have one! everyone does. you just have to find it! look into yourself: how do you naturally think? is it a fully fleshed monologue? is it a dialogue? is it a collection of images and concepts? is it flashes too fast and scattered for you to catch?

in the first two cases, finding your daemon will be easy: you just have to give your thoughts a name, imagine an animal saying them, and boom! there you have it, your daemon.

but if youre like me, it will be a little more tricky. you will have to pay very close attention to your thoughts, get used to repeat them more slowly, even if it feels pointless or forced at first. with time, hopefully it will feel more natural for you. but if that truly doesnt work for you, you can always try to find alternative ways of communication: writing, texting, drawing...

my first (and second, and third, etc.) encounters with alterhumanity

i grew up on youtube. i became a furry after watching a dance competition in 6th grade, and i hid my first fursona from everyone. i've always been a bit private.

so, it isn't surprising when i found myself watching anthony padilla's "i spent a day with" episodes on otherkin and therianthropy. my thoughts didn't go much beyond "people like that exist, that's cool" because surely if i was one of them i would know that by now.

i did some more research, if you can call it that, by watching more youtube videos by therians and otherkin. i had the thought that if i was one, i'd be a cat. i've always wanted to be a cat. but of course, i thought i would know already if i was.

the order of events gets a little blurry from here on. i bought a choker and pretended it was a collar. i got my hands on a half-mask and wore it secretly, in my room. i listened to "grow wings" and "change forms" subliminals. i made ears and tails and paws out of foam and fur and pretended it was for halloween. i watched and posted tiktoks, and cleared my search history. i read tumblr blogs, and cleared my search history. i briefly tried tulpamancy-- or that's what it was called at the time. i found daemonism. i tired quadrobics. i jumped on the trampoline to pretend i was flying. i remembered, and forgot, and remembered, and forgot.

alterhumanity was there in the bad parts too. gender dysphoria? i'm a tree. feeling invisible? well, i have wings and they don't. can't talk? try growling. try curling up like a cat and wait for the feeling to pass. the character of sophie foster got me through covid, because my experiences were hers. my pain was easier to handle when i could become something, or someone, else.

and so it went. i kept dipping my toes into alterhumanity, only to pull them right back out. my first venture into actually labeling myself didn't happen until 2024, at least 5 years after i first was introduced to the community. i tried out voidpunk, because it fit a little bit with the "coping" part of my alterhumanity. but it still didn't feel quite right.

months after that, finally, i accepted myself. i used the term otherflicker to describe my varied feeling of connection (which i later discovered is quite normal among otherkin. they just don't label it, instead saying things like "main" or "strongest" 'types). i now use the term cambikin to describe the same experience. but i'm not going to get caught up on taking you through all the labels i've ever prescribed myself here. this is about origin. i'll take it one 'type at a time.

i am a cat, and i think i always have been.

a domestic cat, probably with a tortoiseshell coat, if i had to be specific. i remember pretending to be one growing up, licking my arms because that's what cats do, crawling around on the floor and rubbing my face on furniture. even now, i still act like one around my parents-- laying in my mom's lap and waiting for head scratches, or making weird noises when i don't want to talk. i think this identity is very behavior-based, and it mostly comes from fascination and mimicry. i've never had a pet cat, but i would watch documentaries about their behavior. i wanted to come back as one in my next life. they were me, and i was them, though i didn't use those words. in this way, i guess it is a psychological identity, except for that bit about lives. i don't think i've ever fully believed in reincarnation. i believe in the universe, i guess. i believe my atoms were once stardust and then a million other things before i got here. and i do think some of my atoms are going to be a cat (i guess that's a bit physical, too).

"i am a tree" <- the name of my playlist before i knew i was a tree

the cat is probably the simplest of my identities to explain. it follows the very common story of "i've been like this since forever". my coastal redwood identity is not like that. i practically worshiped a specific redwood tree in elementary school. on tumblr i would curiously search for plantkin and feel a deep ache in my chest. i called myself a tree when i realized i was nonbinary because trees don't have human genders. they're neutral, solid, reliable. my brief period of tulpamancy included an oddly introspective moment where i reached into the back of my head and asked what's your name? my brain whispered one word, the only word i don't think i willed it to say during that time: tree. ...at this moment, it's hard to imagine i ever wasn't a coastal redwood. they're such an integral part of me. a hearthome and a hearttype and a phytantype all in one. a mix of psychological and spiritual, voluntary and involuntary, a coping strategy and something integral to myself. something like, i chose to be the tree i always was.

i'm an odd dragon.

and well, that's the beauty in draconity. there is no dragon that isn't odd. but what i mean is that i'm more wild. i'm more dragon therian than dragonkin. which is odd, because my only explanation for this identity is through the wings of fire series i obsessed over growing up, in which the dragons are definitely more intelligent. so i hesitate to call this 'type fully psychological because i cannot explain it. unique to most of my other identities, i've learned the most about being a dragon through shifts and meditation. i have fur instead of scales, four legs, two wings, and deer-like patterns and antlers. i live in the forest-- alone, most likely-- and sleep in caves and trees and by the rivers. my behavior is a little catlike, but fully dragon: i snap my teeth and growl and fly high high over the forests. if i had to give it a spiritual explanation, it would be something like... a parallel life. or a life from long, long ago before earth as we know it. but i can't say it was entirely involuntary-- i just wanted to have something, when i first accepted my alterhumanity. and a dragon seemed to fit.

i have been through many changes as a winged person.

i think this identity started when i gave my characters wings, right when it was all getting bad. 2021-2022 might've been the worst my mental health has ever been. towards the beginning, i was spiraling. towards the end, recovering (although one could question my methods of doing so). somewhere in there, i became all-too aware of being ignored. i felt invisible. like nobody could really see me. so as any normal human person would do (joke), i started to imagine that i had wings on my back. big, beautiful black wings. and nobody else could see them because nobody else can see me. but that didn't matter because i had wings. i was more than what they thought of me. i got really into poetry and the universe and being part of all of it. the wings were a symbol of spite, persistence, acceptance. ...then i started reading wingfics, after the worst of all that angst. i read about "avians" and preening and perching and all their customs. and it felt like me. so, i may have started with just the black wings, but it soon morphed into being an avianthrope-- a humanoid bird-like person. my wings change pattern from parrot to starling to fairywren because sometimes identity is a little voluntary and there's no one bird you have to be and that's okay. i have feathers on my arms and in my hair. i perch on things, i give people things, i would preen if i had the opportunity. i'm a male in that i like looking pretty. this identity was pretty much entirely a way to cope but it has become so much more than that.

i chose to be a fictionflickerer since before i knew what that was

i get too into stories sometimes. not in the obsessive way but in that i forget myself. i become the character. but that's an oversimplification. take my first memory of a fictionflicker, before i knew what that meant: sophie foster from keeper of the lost cities. a middle grade series that is still not finished as i am writing this. i read it in lockdown and had to remind myself that i was real every time i left my room-- experiencing shifts every time i sat down to read another chapter. but it was more than that, it was a conscious connection as much as parts were unconscious. i would think, how would sophie approach this? if sophie can do it, so can i. sophie went through the same thing. we are so similar that i am her. so yes, there was a voluntary reach. and there has been with my two flickers since then as well. a mix of oh god i am them and i choose to lean into this.

birds and birds and birds

i'm bird ambihearted. some but not all species. and it is due to being an avianthrope but it also isn't. it's also because i associate certain penguin species with my cultures, because i had three precious budgies for years, because parrots fly over my home and crows hang out on the sidewalks and birds are all around me. and i am so very attached.

in the eyes of a non-traditional daemian

when i first got into daemonism i didn't know it was considered alterhumanity, but it makes so much sense. my daemon is not very thought-out, one could say. i've never done any form finding, she's always a binturong, even her name is just dae. but she helps me move when i can't get myself to, she keeps me a little company. she brings me a little comfort. and through her, i am a binturong as well: subtle shifts, phantom limbs, the usual experience i have as a therian. but i'm not a binturong therian. dae is simply a binturong, and dae is simply me. as i am her. so i am a binturong. and as far as i know, daemonism is usually a thought exercise or a self-care practice but to me it is a lot messier. and that is fine.